"But--"
"But he is a tomfool. And that is not the kind of a man we women love, not even when we are still half children, as you have always thought me and perhaps still do, in spite of my progress. Tomfoolery is not what we want. Men must be men."
"It"s well you say so. My, a man surely has to mind his p"s and q"s.
Fortunately I can say I have just had an experience that looks as though I had minded my p"s and q"s, or at least I shall be expected to in the future--Tell me, what is your idea of a ministry?"
"A ministry? Well, it may be one of two things. It may be people, wise men of high rank, who rule the state; and it may be merely a house, a palace, a Palazzo Strozzi or Pitti, or, if these are not fitting, any other. You see I have not taken my Italian journey in vain."
"And could you make up your mind to live in such a palace? I mean in such a ministry?"
"For heaven"s sake, Geert, they have not made you a minister, have they? Gieshubler said something of the sort. And the Prince is all-powerful. Heavens, he has accomplished it at last and I am only eighteen."
Innstetten laughed. "No, Effi, not a minister; we have not risen to that yet. But perhaps I may yet develop a variety of gifts that would make such a thing not impossible."
"So not just yet, not yet a minister?"
"No. And, to tell the truth, we are not even to live in the ministry, but I shall go daily to the ministry, as I now go to our district council office, and I shall make reports to the minister and travel with him, when he inspects the provincial offices. And you will be the wife of a head clerk of a ministerial department and live in Berlin, and in six months you will hardly remember that you have been here in Kessin, where you have had nothing but Gieshubler and the dunes and the "Plantation.""
Effi did not say a word, but her eyes kept getting larger and larger.
About the corners of her mouth there was a nervous twitching and her whole slender body trembled. Suddenly she slid from her seat down to Innstetten"s feet, clasped her arms around his knees and said in a tone, as though she were praying: "Thank G.o.d!"
Innstetten turned pale. What was that? Something that had come over him weeks before, but had swiftly pa.s.sed away, only to come back from time to time, returned again now and spoke so plainly out of his eyes that it startled Effi. She had allowed herself to be carried away by a beautiful feeling, differing but little from a confession of her guilt, and had told more than she dared. She must offset it, must find some way of escape, at whatever cost.
"Get up, Effi. What is the matter with you?"
Effi arose quickly. However, she did not sit down on the sofa again, but drew up a high-backed chair, apparently because she did not feel strong enough to hold herself up without support.
"What is the matter with you?" repeated Innstetten. "I thought you had spent happy days here. And now you cry out, "Thank G.o.d!" as though your whole life here had been one prolonged horror. Have I been a horror to you? Or is it something else? Speak!"
"To think that you can ask such a question!" said Effi, seeking by a supreme effort to suppress the trembling of her voice. "Happy days!
Yes, certainly, happy days, but others, too. Never have I been entirely free from fear here, never. Never yet a fortnight that it did not look over my shoulder again, that same face, the same sallow complexion. And these last nights while you were away, it came back again, not the face, but there was shuffling of feet again, and Rollo set up his barking again, and Roswitha, who also heard it, came to my bed and sat down by me and we did not go to sleep till day began to dawn. This is a haunted house and I was expected to believe in the ghost, for you are a pedagogue. Yes, Geert, that you are. But be that as it may, thus much I know, I have been afraid in this house for a whole year and longer, and when I go away from here the fear will leave me, I think, and I shall be free again."
Innstetten had not taken his eyes off her and had followed every word.
What could be the meaning of "You are a pedagogue," and the other statement that preceded, "And I was expected to believe in the ghost?"
What was all that about? Where did it come from? And he felt a slight suspicion arising and becoming more firmly fixed. But he had lived long enough to know that all signs deceive, and that in our jealousy, in spite of its hundred eyes, we often go farther astray than in the blindness of our trust. Possibly it was as she said, and, if it was, why should she not cry out: "Thank G.o.d!"
And so, quickly looking at the matter from all possible sides, he overcame his suspicion and held out his hand to her across the table: "Pardon me, Effi, but I was so much surprised by it all. I suppose, of course, it is my fault. I have always been too much occupied with myself. We men are all egoists. But it shall be different from now on.
There is one good thing about Berlin, that is certain: there are no haunted houses there. How could there be! Now let us go into the other room and see Annie; otherwise Roswitha will accuse me of being an unaffectionate father."
During these words Effi had gradually become more composed, and the consciousness of having made a felicitous escape from a danger of her own creation restored her countenance and buoyancy.
CHAPTER XXII
The next morning the two took their rather late breakfast together.
Innstetten had overcome his ill-humor and something worse, and Effi was so completely taken up with her feeling of liberation that not only had her power of feigning a certain amount of good humor returned, but she had almost regained her former artlessness. She was still in Kessin, and yet she already felt as though it lay far behind her.
"I have been thinking it over, Effi," said Innstetten, "you are not entirely wrong in all you have said against our house here. For Captain Thomsen it was quite good enough, but not for a spoiled young wife. Everything old-fashioned and no room. You shall have a better house in Berlin, with a dining hall, but different from the one here, and in the hall and on the stairway colored-gla.s.s windows, Emperor William with sceptre and crown, or some religious picture, a St.
Elizabeth or a Virgin Mary. Let us say a Virgin Mary; we owe that to Roswitha."
Effi laughed. "So shall it be. But who will select an apartment for us? I couldn"t think of sending Cousin von Briest to look for one, to say nothing of my aunts. They would consider anything good enough."
"When it comes to selecting an apartment, n.o.body can do that to the satisfaction of any one else. I think you will have to go yourself."
"And when do you think?"
"The middle of March."
"Oh, that is much too late, Geert; everything will be gone then. The good apartments will hardly wait for us."
"All right. But it was only yesterday that I came home and I can"t well say: "go tomorrow." That would not look right and it would not suit me very well either. I am happy to have you with me once more."
"No," she said, as she gathered together the breakfast dishes rather noisily to hide a rising embarra.s.sment, "no, and it shall not be either, neither today nor tomorrow, but before very long, however. And if I find anything I shall soon be back again. But one thing more, Roswitha and Annie must go with me. It would please me most if you went too. But, I see, that is out of the question. And I think the separation will not last long. I already know, too, where I shall rent."
"Where?"
"That must remain my secret. I want to have a secret myself. I want to surprise you later."
At this point Frederick entered to bring the mail. The most of the pieces were official and newspapers. "Ah, there is also a letter for you," said Innstetten. "And, if I am not mistaken, mama"s handwriting."
Effi took the letter. "Yes, from mama. But that is not the Friesack postmark. Just see, why, it is plainly Berlin."
"Certainly," laughed Innstetten. "You act as though it were a miracle.
Mama is doubtless in Berlin and has written her darling a letter from her hotel."
"Yes," said Effi, "that is probably it. But I almost have fears, and can find no real consolation in what Hulda Niemeyer always said: that when one has fears it is better than when one has hopes. What do you think about it?"
"For a pastor"s daughter not quite up to the standard. But now read the letter. Here is a paper knife."
Effi cut open the envelope and read: "My dear Effi: For the last twenty-four hours I have been here in Berlin--Consultations with Schweigger. As soon as he saw me he congratulated me, and when I asked him, astonished, what occasion there was, I learned that a director of a ministerial department by the name of Wullersdorf had just been at his office and told him that Innstetten had been called to a position with the ministry. I am a little vexed to have to learn a thing like that from a third person. But in my pride and joy I forgive you.
Moreover, I always knew, even when I was at Rathenow, that he would make something of himself. Now you are to profit by it. Of course you must have an apartment and new furniture. If, my dear Effi, you think you can make use of my advice, come as soon as your time will permit.
I shall remain here a week for treatment, and if it is not effective, perhaps somewhat longer. Schweigger is rather indefinite on the subject. I have taken a private room on Schadow St. Adjoining my room there are others vacant. What the matter is with my eye I will tell you when I see you. The thing that occupies me at present is your future. Briest will be unspeakably happy. He always pretends to be so indifferent about such things, but in reality he thinks more of them than I do. My regards to Innstetten, and a kiss for Annie, whom you will perhaps bring along. As ever your tenderly loving mother, Louise von B."
Effi laid the letter on the table and said nothing. Her mind was firmly made up as to what she should do, but she did not want to say it herself. She wanted Innstetten to speak the first word and then she would hesitatingly say, "yes."
Innstetten actually fell into the trap. "Well, Effi, you remain so calm."
"Ah, Geert, everything has its two sides. On the one hand I shall be happy to see mother again, and maybe even in a few days. But there are so many reasons for delaying."
"What are they?"
"Mama, as you know, is very determined and recognizes only her own will. With papa she has been able to have her way in everything. But I should like to have an apartment to suit _my_ taste, and new furniture that _I_ like."
Innstetten laughed. "Is that all?"