"I"ll have to see her at the office. I can"t very well avoid that. As for the other thing"-he deftly hedged naming it-"I promise you, it"s over. It was a mistake to become involved with her from the beginning, and it would be an even bigger mistake to continue that relationship. We"ve had a successful marriage, Luz. I don"t want to lose that any more than you do."
She had carefully avoided asking whether Drew had continued to meet Claudia after they had returned from New York or if it had been a one-time fling. But he had just indicated the former. It made his perfidy more difficult to tolerate.
"Then you aren"t going to discharge her," she said.
"I can"t do that. It wouldn"t be fair to Claudia," Drew protested.
"Do you think it"s fair to me to go on working with her?" she countered blandly. "I am your wife. Why should I have to endure knowing that you"re with her every day and wondering what you"re doing together? If you feel you owe her some sort of loyalty, then surely you can find her a position in another law firm. I"ve heard you say countless times what a brilliant lawyer she"s going to be. You have attorney friends all over the country. Get one of them to offer her a better position with more pay."
"I"ll see what I can do." But he gave in grudgingly.
"Please do," she said.
He sighed heavily. "Is that your condition?"
She hadn"t thought in terms of laying the ground rules under which their marriage could survive, but she supposed that was what she was doing. Divorce had never crossed her mind until now. She shied away from the word that represented ultimate failure to her.
"Yes."
"We"ll put all this behind us," Drew said as he came over to stand in front of her. "We"ll work it out together."
When he raised his arms to draw her into his embrace, Luz hunched away from them. "No, I-" She needed time to rid herself of the mental image of him making love to Claudia before she"d be able to respond to his touch. "Not yet." Keeping her head down, she backed away. "I"ll check on our dinner." Food was the farthest thing from her mind, but she had to pick up the threads of their life somewhere.
The following two weeks were difficult for Luz. She attended all the meetings and luncheons on her calendar, but she always made her excuses and left as soon as she possibly could. Most of her free time she spent exercising Rob"s polo string. She claimed that she was doing it so that when Rob came home during spring break, the horses would be in top condition. But riding soothed her troubled spirits. Sometimes she had the childish wish never to stop riding, but she always did.
Drew was very attentive in the beginning. The first few days he came home shortly after the official closing hours. Then it became later and later every day. Luz never asked what arrangements he had made regarding Claudia, and Drew never volunteered. The black lace teddy had disappeared that first night. Neither of them mentioned it, nor anything else that had subsequently happened.
During the second weekend, Luz had let him make love to her. "Let" was the correct word, because she hadn"t partic.i.p.ated, merely let him use her body to obtain his satisfaction. She was stunned by how much had been lost, how totally indifferent she had become to his caress. She had never believed love could die so quickly. There wasn"t even "liking" in its place-or hate. Nothing was there. She felt nothing for him or about him. She didn"t understand how that could happen. It made her wonder if there wasn"t something wrong with her.
She couldn"t fault Drew for not trying to make everything work out. Every weekend, he"d taken her some place, almost courting her with dates. And he inquired about her activities, attempted conversations in the evenings. She made the effort, too. The difference was her heart wasn"t in it.
The Easter holidays signaled the beginning of spring break. With Rob and Trisha home to enliven the atmosphere, Luz wasn"t so conscious of brittlley cheerful conversations and forced interest in daily happenings. Still, a certain amount of tension was always there, just below the surface.
Sighing for no reason, she leaned back in the thickly cushioned poolside chaise and closed her eyes to savor the early-evening quiet. A lingering April sun remained in the sky, low on the horizon. Its long, golden rays were pleasantly warm, but they did little to ease the dull, throbbing pain in her forehead. She lifted the squatty c.o.c.ktail gla.s.s and rubbed its cold, wet sides over her brow. Ice cubes rattled against the sides, sloshing the diluted whiskey in the bottom.
A revving motor broke the quiet as it rumbled and roared up the driveway. Unwillingly, Luz opened her eyes and glanced in the direction of the garage, where Trisha"s sports car was coming to a stop with a squeal from the brakes. Trisha climbed out of the driver"s side, dressed in bright orange jogging shorts and a matching tank top trimmed in hot pink. Rob was only a step behind her, in his riding boots and jeans. They headed toward the back entrance to the house, then spied her and changed their course.
"Hi!" Trisha plopped down on a chair next to her chaise, a wide smile splitting her face.
"Hi yourself." It was fairly easy to smile back. She glanced at Rob standing hip-locked by Trisha"s chair. "How was the game?" He"d been playing morning and afternoon ever since he"d been home-friendly games made up of teams of polo-loving amateurs. Players were always needed to fill out a team roster when a regular player couldn"t keep the date. So Rob was getting in a lot of practice.
"Good. We won twelve to three."
"Good, he says. Such false modesty," Trisha mocked. "They creamed them."
"Congratulations." Luz lifted her gla.s.s in a salute to his victory, then took a long sip.
"Aren"t you starting kind of early, Luz?" Trisha frowned with vague disapproval. "You"re drinking more lately, aren"t you?"
"No, I"m not." But she knew that her predinner c.o.c.ktail had increased to two to fill the time she spent waiting for Drew to come home. "And it isn"t that early. In case you haven"t looked at your watch, it"s seven o"clock."
"I guess it is." She shrugged her indifference toward the time. "When"s dinner?"
"Nine o"clock."
"Why so late?" Trisha protested.
"Your father said he wouldn"t be home until eight-thirty, and you know he doesn"t like to sit down at the dinner table the minute he walks in the door." Luz stirred the ice cubes in her gla.s.s, watching the changing oily shimmer of the liquor.
"How come he always has to work so late?" she grumbled.
Something snapped inside. "Why don"t you ask your father?" she flared.
Trisha pulled back in surprise, a mixed frown of confusion and injured innocence on her face. "Well, you don"t have to bite my head off."
"I ... I have a headache." It was a lame excuse even if it was true. "I"m sure your father will try to make it home sooner if he can." Luz forced herself to smile and made a determined attempt to lighten the heavy atmosphere. "I haven"t told you my good news."
"Brace yourself, Rob." Trisha was quick to pick up the change, a wicked gleam lighting her eyes. Luz"s previous stinging response seemed to have rolled off her back like so much water. "She"s going to tell us she"s pregnant."
"Hardly." But the outrageous guess surprised Luz into laughing. It was the first unguarded response in weeks. "You two are almost more than I can handle now. Besides, I don"t think either your father or I would be interested in starting a second family at our age."
"It was a thought." Trisha shrugged while Rob just shook his head at her. "If it isn"t that, what is your good news?"
"I received a letter today from Fiona Sherbourne. She has invited us to stay at their estate while we"re in England this June." Luz glanced at Rob. "She said it was only proper, since you are going to be playing on Henry"s Seven Oak team for the Windsor Park Tournament. She also said he had been bragging that you were going to be his "ringer."" In polo terms, it meant a low-rated player who played above his handicap.
"I hope I can live up to his bragging." His eyebrows lifted in a high arch while the corners of his mouth came grimly down. "It isn"t going to be easy when I"ll be riding strange horses and playing under a different set of rules."
"There are only minor differences between the Hurlingham Rules and the U.S. Polo a.s.sociation"s. In the study there"s a copy of Lord Mountbatten"s polo book, which contains both sets. You should study it before we go," Luz advised.
"I will." So serious and intense in his promise, Rob was very positive in his nod. The rare times she saw the light of exhilaration in his eyes always came during fast polo games. His love of the sport was beyond question, equaled only by his determination to excel at it. Luz was glad she was able to give him this opportunity to gain some international experience.
"As for the horses, Fiona wrote that Henry had recently purchased a string of eight Argentine ponies. So I don"t think you have anything to worry about when it comes to riding strange horses. It sounds as though you"re going to be well mounted."
"Better find out what the Spanish word for "whoa" is." Trisha poked him in the leg, and hit a bruised spot where a ball had hit him.
"Knock it off, Trish." Rob rubbed at the soreness, never very patient with her irreverent humor.
"One thing I should warn you about, Rob," Luz interrupted, hoping to stop the bickering that would have continued between them. "Henry is very particular about riding in proper attire. Jake played with him a few times, and I remember once how put out Henry was when Jake didn"t wear a regulation shirt. So be sure to take plenty of changes with you. Even in practice, he"ll expect you to be dressed correctly." Her glance made a pointed sweep of the faded jeans and T-shirt hugging his lank frame.
"How do you suppose Henry will feel about Rob"s long sandy locks?" Trisha continued to taunt just to irritate her brother. "If he"s such a stickler, maybe he won"t let Rob play for him unless he cuts his hair. In polo, they roach the pony"s mane. Why not his?"
"You"re a pain, Trisha." He pushed the sun visor down across her face, stretching the wide elastic band that secured it around her head. She ducked out of his reach and removed the visor to fluff her s.h.a.ggy cinnamon curls back into order. "Why don"t you pick on somebody else for a change?"
"What are older brothers for?" she mocked.
"Luz, make her lay off," Rob appealed to her as he always had when his sister"s needling became too much for him.
Trisha became impatient with him. "Lighten up, Rob. I"m only teasing."
"That"s enough, both of you," Luz intervened for the sake of her own peace, and settled her glance on Trisha, who had instigated it all. "Not all of this England trip is for Rob"s benefit. Early summer is the Season in Britain, or what"s left of it. Which means there will be rounds of parties. I admit there isn"t much of a debutante season on either side of the Atlantic any more, at least not on the scale there once was. Since you refused to take part in any of the coming-out affairs here-"
"I think they"re cra.s.s," she stated contemptuously. "It"s all pointless anyway. Supposedly the idea is to meet all the eligible young men, but I already know everybody who is anybody. It"s just an opportunity to show off-for the parents as well as their daughters. I much prefer my trip to Paris, especially since it includes my first shopping trip on the Rue du Faubourg St. Honore."
"That"s rea.s.suring," Rob said dryly. "For a minute there, she was sounding so superior to the rest of us, it"s a relief to know she"s as acquisitive as everyone else is."
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth when Rob scored one off Trisha, but Luz tried to keep a straight face and continue with the discussion. "I know your feelings on the subject, Trish, but this will acquaint you with the international scene and give you an opportunity to meet new people. Fiona is planning a huge party while we"re there, and I"m sure we"ll receive invitations to others."
"It probably will be fun." But Trisha knew there was only one person she was interested in meeting again-Raul Buchanan. She supposed it was human nature to want something that was out of reach, greener gra.s.s and all that. Maybe if she ever got to know him, she wouldn"t like him. But not many men had made such a strong impression on her. "Is Drew still coming with us?" she wondered.
"Our plans have changed somewhat. Now we"re going to be gone longer-roughly three weeks. I don"t know if your father can arrange to be away from his office for that length of time. He may simply join us in Paris." With that said, she swung her legs over one side of the chaise and pushed out of the chair. "I think it"s time for all of us to think about cleaning up for dinner."
"Be there in a minute," Trisha promised and watched her mother cross the patio to the gla.s.s-paned doors and enter the house. Beside her, Rob shifted as if to follow. Trisha tipped her head back to glance at him. "Does she seem weird to you?"
He paused. "What do you mean?"
"I don"t know. Just sometimes she acts a little depressed."
"She said she had a headache," Rob reminded her.
"Yeah." But Trisha wasn"t convinced that was it. On the surface, everything seemed normal, but sometimes she felt bad vibrations and couldn"t place the source.
"At the polo office today, I heard you asking around about that Argentine player, Raul Buchanan. How come?"
Trisha feigned a shrug of indifference. "I just wondered where he was playing now."
"What"d you find out?"
"At Retama in San Antonio. They have their fiesta somewhere around this time of year. I wouldn"t mind going to it. I"ve heard it"s more fun than Mardi Gras in New Orleans."
"Nice dream." Rob smiled. "But Luz would never forgive you if you missed the Easter gathering of the Kincaids. I bet you"d blow your trip to Paris."
"Easter. It"s fitting, isn"t it?" She grinned with the humor of her own thought. "The original Kincaids have multiplied like rabbits. It"s kinda fun, though, hiding all the Easter eggs for the little ones and seeing everyone again."
It was an ironclad rule that every member of the family gather at the Kincaid estate on Easter Sunday. No exceptions were allowed unless a member was serving in a branch of the military-the Kincaid influence was not always strong enough to obtain a leave. Audra wanted her sons, daughters, and grandchildren home on all holidays, but usually she let it be their decision. On Easter, it was an absolute command.
So they came-children, grandchildren, and now great-grandchildren as well. Events for the entire day were scheduled, starting with sunrise services, the traditional family Easter-egg hunt, a huge brunch, volleyball games on the beach in which all ages partic.i.p.ated with each team having its requisite number of youngsters, swimming, and an outdoor barbecue late in the afternoon. By then, everyone was too tired and too full to do anything more strenuous than talk.
Luz often thought the choice of Easter was a symbolic one, representing the resurrection of the family as a unit-laughing, playing, eating, all as one. They were a rolicsome, boisterous group-too loud, sometimes. Which was why Luz had slipped away to the wide sun deck overlooking the beach and ocean, where a volleyball game raged, supervised toddlers played with their sandbuckets, swimmers braved the rolling waves, and others sunned themselves or sat under large umbrellas. Here the shouts, shrieks, giggles, and talk were at a distance, giving her a break from all the noise and confusion and the unaccustomed crush of people.
"Aha, I"ve caught you sneaking off," a voice accused in jest, and Luz turned, relaxing when she saw it was Mary. "Shame on you for stealing off like this. Anyone would think you didn"t like our company."
"I just had too much of it." A quiet smile curved her mouth. "What"s your reason for slipping away, or am I supposed to believe you were looking for me?"
"That"s what I"ll tell everyone," her sister countered as she leaned her hands on the deck rail. "But I"d lie about anything for this little bit of peace and quiet. Isn"t it wonderful to get away from that"-indicating the crowd of family on the beach-"for a little while."
"It is," Luz agreed.
"There goes Julie"s little monster heading for the water." A toddler waddled as fast as he could toward the oncoming waves, but a teenage boy, one of several watching the younger ones, scooped him up before his feet got wet. "Remember what that was like, Luz? I swear you needed ten pairs of eyes to keep my brood out of trouble."
"I remember. It"s a good thing we were young then or we would have died of heart failure many a time." A breeze curved a strand of hair across her mouth, and Luz turned into its salty current, shaking her head and letting it blow aside her hair.
"Where"s Drew? I don"t see him."
"He"s out swimming." Even at this distance, it was easy to pick him out from the other heads bobbing in the surf. The twin streaks of white hair made him easy to distinguish.
"You seem unusually quiet, Luz."
Sisters could be too perceptive. "Why do you think I"m here?"
"I don"t mean now. All day, even in the middle of that, you"ve seemed just a little bit reserved. Is something wrong?" She looked askance at her, a thought suddenly occurring. "You aren"t still bothered by that remark Trisha made?".
"Isn"t that odd?" Luz mused aloud. "I had completely forgotten about that."
"Then what is it?"
She had always trusted Mary with her secrets. Although she wouldn"t have searched her out to confide in her, now that the opportunity presented itself, she accepted it. "Drew had an affair with that woman Claudia Baines. It happened while they were in New York. I found out about it by accident. It doesn"t matter how. He a.s.sures me it"s over."
"Don"t you believe him?"
"I don"t know." A long sigh broke from her, before her mood turned wryly bitter. "Claudia. Remember that word-a.s.sociation game? Every time I hear her name, I think of the word "cloying." Claudia is cloying. It isn"t true, of course. The times that I"ve seen her-you"ve met her-she seems warm and friendly. But cloying still comes to my mind. Maybe because it"s all so sickening."
"I"ve never understood why a woman becomes a man"s mistress. It"s true that she has no responsibilities and no commitments and she doesn"t have to go through the day-to-day drudgery of living with him. But there are so many more minuses to an affair. She rarely sees him on weekends, and never on holidays. He may go to bed with her, but it"s guaranteed he"ll go home to sleep. His wife, children, and job all have priority over her. She"s at the bottom of his list, and she sees him only whenever he"s so inclined. Women who put up with that must have a streak of masochism in them."
"He"s infatuated with her."
"I"d think you would find that rea.s.suring," Mary said. "Infatuations don"t last."
"But look at the damage that"s been done in the meantime." It saddened her to know how very far apart they were now. She turned to Mary, uncertain why she felt she had to say, "No one else knows this. I couldn"t stand it if Rob and Trisha found out."
"I won"t tell anyone, not even Ross. I don"t want to give the man any ideas," she joked lightly.
"Thanks." Luz smiled faintly, then looked toward the beach, her attention drawn back to the spot where she"d last seen Drew. He was wading ash.o.r.e. She watched him shake out a beach towel and rub himself dry, then drape it around his neck and jog toward the bathhouse cabana on the beach close by the house.
When he noticed her standing on the sun deck, he waved and cupped a hand to his mouth to shout. "I"m going to shower and change! Afterward, let"s have a sundowner!" She waved in acknowledgment, then he disappeared inside the cabana.
It seemed time that she attempt some sort of conciliatory gesture. "I think I"ll fix those drinks and take them down."
"I"ll just stay here and enjoy the quiet," Mary replied.
After fixing the drinks at the wet bar located in the game room, Luz used the covered, outside stairs that connected the cabana with the main house. Her rubber-soled deck shoes made almost no sound on the board steps as she walked slowly down the two flights of stairs to avoid spilling the drinks in her hands.
It took her a minute to juggle the drinks and open the rear door. As she stepped inside and paused to close it, she heard Drew talking to someone. That"s the way it sounded at first, but no one ever answered him. Puzzled, Luz left the door standing ajar and went down two of the carpeted steps leading to the sunken rec room.
When he came into view, his back was to her. He was wearing a thick terry-cloth robe, and a towel was slung over his shoulder. The instant she spied the telephone receiver in his hand, Luz understood why she had been hearing only one side of his conversation. She began paying attention to what he was saying.
"Sure," he said and waited, then, "I will. Bye." The intimate tone, the warmth in his voice, told her more than the meaningless answers. When he hung up the phone, Luz was raging with hurt.
"Who were you talking to just now?" The harshness of her demand rang through the stillness, and Drew swung around in surprise, a stunned and guilty look on his face.