After Rob had left the game room, she lingered for a while longer, wondering what else she could have said. Finally she went upstairs to her own room, but the conversation continued to dominate her thoughts. She stood at the window, leaning a shoulder against the heavy wood frame, and stared into the black night. She and Rob had always been so close. Now there was this distance between them.
The divorce was partly to blame for his att.i.tude, Luz realized. She had always known that Rob felt Drew had abandoned him, too. But it had never occurred to Luz that he would regard her relationship with another man as a kind of abandonment as well. In his thinking, Drew had left him for Claudia, and maybe now she was leaving him for Raul. She hadn"t thought he"d look at it that way. Somewhere she"d gotten it into her head that only young children went through the trauma of their parents" divorce. Rob was supposedly old enough to understand that it wasn"t a rejection of him. But age had nothing to do with some feelings, she realized.
The light rap on her door failed to penetrate her thoughts. She wasn"t conscious of any sound until she heard the click of the latch turning. She glanced toward the door, her start fading when she saw Raul step inside. A frown flickered across his expression as he paused, his gaze taking note of her fully dressed state.
"Is it that late?" She straightened from the window and turned into the room, attempting a welcoming smile.
"It does not matter." Raul crossed to her side and lightly took her shoulders, bending to kiss her upturned face. Her response to the warm pressure of his mouth was not what it could be, she knew. So did Raul. He lifted his head to study her expression. "What is it?"
"Rob knows about us." Luz felt Raul should be aware of it. But this was her problem, not his.
"It upsets you that he knows?"
"Yes ... no." It was difficult to explain. "I"m not ashamed of being with you. But Rob sees it as some sort of defection. He"s angry and hurt. And I am upset that he feels that way. I expected problems with Trisha, but not Rob. I knew he liked you, but I never suspected he would become jealous."
"He will get over it."
"In time, I suppose." She stared at the rough terry cloth of his robe, then put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. His hands moved onto her back, his arms crossing to hold her. He bent his head, rubbing his cheek and jaw against her hair while she absently listened to the steady beat of his heart. Luz closed her eyes, satisfied just to be held. "I"m afraid Rob has gotten the idea that you"ll take me away from him. He thinks you"re deliberately trying to keep us apart, and my staying away from practice is proof, as far as he"s concerned." She tilted her head back to look at him. "Raul, I have to watch the sessions again."
"Even though it will not help him?"
"My not being there has turned into more of a distraction, I"m afraid. It"s made him wonder why, and he"s come up with the wrong reason. Under the circ.u.mstances, I"ll never convince him differently. I"ll have to be on the sidelines to prove he"s wrong."
"And if I say no?"
"Don"t, Raul. Don"t make me choose," Luz warned. "Because I"ll have to choose my son."
"This is your decision, then. My opinion is of no importance even though I am his instructor," he challenged.
"Of course it"s important. But don"t you see, Rob already resents you. How long do you think it will be before that manifests itself in the workouts? I"m doing this as much for you as for me. Even though Rob is jealous of you, he still respects you. I don"t want that to change." She absently studied the narrow line of his lips, so firm and unyielding. A rueful smile slanted her own. "I"m selfish, I guess. I want you both."
"And you always get what you want, no?"
"Yes." Luz smiled before she realized he wasn"t making a small joke. She felt his arms loosen their hold. "Raul, is it wrong to try to keep what I have? Isn"t there some compromise we can reach? I"ve already told Rob that he has no say in whom I see. He didn"t like it, but he accepted it. Why won"t you agree to let me attend practice?"
"It is a compromise you seek. Very well. Then you can watch occasionally, but not every day. Does that suit you?"
"Yes." Raising on her toes, she pressed her lips against his mouth to seal the bargain. She wasn"t prepared for the angry way he kissed her back, driving her lips into her teeth.
When she tried to pull away, his hand gripped the back of her head and she was caught between the vise of his mouth and his hand. It was a long moment before the fierce pressure eased and the touch of his lips became almost apologetic in its gentleness. Their lips moistly clung an instant as he slowly broke the contact, then pressed her head against his shoulder.
"I think neither of us is in the proper mood tonight." His voice rumbled huskily from his chest. "It is best if I go, Luz."
"Yes," she agreed, relieved that he saw she wasn"t in the mood for lovemaking, although she believed he could change that if he tried. Luz was also aware that he didn"t understand her problem and made no pretense that he did. "I"m afraid my mind is elsewhere."
"I noticed." When he released her, she walked with him to the door. He paused there, studying her. "Rob sees tomorrow better than you do, Luz. The day will come when you will leave him, or he will leave you. It always happens."
"I don"t believe that." She shook her head in a definite rejection.
"As you wish." Raul shrugged, not arguing the point. Yet the certainty in his expression vaguely frightened her. She held the door open as he stepped into the hallway.
"Good night." Impulsively she moved to kiss him, seeking some kind of rea.s.surance that nothing had really changed.
Before the contact was made, someone coughed delicately to warn them of his presence. Luz jerked her gaze toward the sound, instantly locating the source as Duke Sovine sauntered down the hallway.
"I left my cigarettes downstairs." He held out the pack to show them, then stopped outside a room two doors away from hers. His knowing glance shifted to Raul. "You know, you"re slowly wearin" a path on this carpet," he drawled, then disappeared inside his room.
Luz realized that Rob was right. The others knew about Raul"s late-night visits to her room.
"Did you think we were fooling them?" Raul asked, and she saw it was no surprise to him.
"Not really," she supposed. "In the beginning, I guess I wanted to keep it private. Now ... maybe it"s better that it"s in the open."
CHAPTER XXIV.
As the buildings of the estancia came into sight, Luz slowed her horse and waited for the slower-traveling Hector to catch up with her. The shoulder-high stalks of the pampas gra.s.s swished noisily as his palomino moved up alongside her liver-colored mount. The accompanying outrider, one of the modern gauchos who tended the estancia"s cattle and horse herds, rode with them, maintaining a discreet distance.
"It"s so beautiful out here I almost hate to go back." Luz gazed at the sea of green gra.s.s that surrounded them, rippling in the wind like ocean waves. In the last two weeks, spring had exploded across the pampas as September had given way to October. Everything was a vibrant green, bursting with new life.
The palomino whickered, nodding its head. Hector laughed. "Rubio agrees with you."
"Rubio, is that his name?" She glanced at the well-trained gelding, so palely golden in color with a flaxen mane and tail.
"His full name is El Rubio Rey, the blond king. You see how proudly he walks, never paying any attention to the fluttering of wings or the crash of a cow through the gra.s.s. He expects them to move out of his way, no?"
"He does." Smiling widely, she agreed with the description. It was also this unblinking steadiness that made the palomino a reliable mount for the crippled man.
The outrider spurred his horse to ride ahead and open the pasture gate for them. After they pa.s.sed through the opening in the fence, they crossed the dirt road and trotted their horses into the stableyard.
The area was astir with activity. The morning session on the polo field was over, and the yard was crowded with ponies and grooms while the riders drifted toward the house. Luz looked first for Rob, finding him, as expected, with Tony. Lately it seemed that he spent almost all of his free time with the young Argentine. Rob had always been such a loner that it was good to see him making friends. Still, she sensed that part of it was a means of getting back at her, showing her that he preferred someone else"s company to hers as he believed she had done with Raul. Rob nursed his hurts for a long time, and was very slow to forgive an injury. He was deliberately going to make it tough on her.
It was a spoiled and selfish att.i.tude. Luz could see that, but she didn"t know what to do about it, other than to play his game. She had resumed watching his practices on an irregular basis, catching a morning or afternoon session almost every other day, sometimes staying for all of it.
Now that her affair with Raul was common knowledge, she no longer watched how she acted around him in front of everyone. She wasn"t openly demonstrative with her affection, but neither was she shy about touching him or taking his arm, smiling at him warmly or simply gazing at him while he talked to someone else. Gradually, Raul had become less circ.u.mspect in his actions, too, sometimes putting his arm around her as they sat together in the evenings. Several times she had looked at him and seen the smile in his eyes. Two nights he had even walked upstairs with her.
Rob"s reaction had thus far been a determined effort to ignore them, sometimes to the point of leaving the room. Luz was certain he"d get used to seeing them together in time. She liked this new dimension in her relationship with Raul. It was no longer a strictly s.e.xual companionship, although the pa.s.sion between them remained as strong as before. It was talking and having him listen to her, whether they were discussing the weather, horses, or training methods-and vice versa. Sometimes she believed she was falling in love with him, but she always backtracked from that thought. It was too soon. She couldn"t open herself to that potential hurt yet.
Still her heart gave a very definite leap when she saw him walking to meet them. A small part of her, still sensitive from Drew"s rejection, doubted that a man as handsome as Raul could be seriously interested in her. He caught at the reins of her dark red chestnut and halted it beside him.
"Did you enjoy your ride?" His hand was at her waist, steadying her when she jumped to the ground. It stayed, maintaining the contact, while he gazed at her.
"It was wonderful." But it was equally wonderful having him waiting here. She knew her expression indicated as much.
"It must have been to put such a sparkle in your eyes," Raul observed.
"Are you on your way to the house for lunch?" Luz asked as Hector unbuckled the leg straps that held him in the saddle. Two stablehands waited to help him down.
"No. El Gato injured a tendon this morning. I will be there after I have looked at him," he said, referring to one of the ponies on his playing string.
"Good. That will give me time to freshen up."
"Leave the sparkle." Raul smiled.
Filled with a warm, heady feeling, Luz watched him walk toward the near stable, then turned to check Hector"s progress. As the two men lifted him from the saddle, she fetched the crutches lying nearby and gave them to him one at a time. It was difficult to remember how conscious of his handicap she had been less than two months ago. She rarely thought about it anymore.
"Ready?" she asked after he had adjusted his leg braces.
"S." With a swing of his crutches and a drag of his legs, he started for the house, moving briskly and forcing Luz to do the same. "You are good for Raul," he stated. "Many times I have wished he would take himself a woman."
"You"ll never convince me, Hector, that he hasn"t had a woman before," she said dryly.
"He has had many women in his bed, Luz, but none in his home," he informed her, his expression very serious. "He has not known this warmth a woman can give to his life."
"It can"t be for the lack of willing females," she mused, then glanced curiously at Hector. "Surely there"s been some he loved. You have been his friend for years. You must know."
"Once or twice. But the leopard cannot change its spots and a man cannot change what he is. I think they did not like being alone so much while he was away playing polo. But that is what he is. So, he goes alone. With you, it is different. You do not begrudge him the time he spends on the polo field, no?"
"No."
"Then you are good for him."
But was she? Luz found herself wondering. She had not considered before what she could give him. There wasn"t much more she could offer him, but herself. Money, of course, but its importance to him was linked to polo rather than a desire for a personal acc.u.mulation of wealth. A home, yes, but a family-children of his own-at her age? It was doubtful that she would be able to conceive, and if she could, did she want to raise another family as Drew was about to do? She didn"t think so. The realization sobered her. Raul was younger. He deserved those things.
When they reached the house, she automatically waited for Hector to open the front door for her as he always did. "I have said something wrong, no?" He leaned on his crutches and tipped his grizzled head to the side, to study her.
"No. I was thinking of something else," she lied. Eyeing her skeptically, Hector turned the doork.n.o.b, then pushed the heavy door open with the end of his crutch. Luz walked past him into the house, then paused a moment while he followed her inside and pushed the door shut with his crutch. "I"m going up to my room and get cleaned up. I enjoyed the ride, Hector. Thanks for coming with me."
"It is I who thank you. I do not often have the pleasure of a beautiful lady"s company."
"You are dangerous, Hector." She laughed in her throat. "You make a woman want to believe your lies."
But he had succeeded in pushing aside her pensive mood. A faint smile curved her mouth as she ran lightly up the stairs in her riding boots. Nearing the top of the steps, Luz heard a loud commotion in the upper hallway, a pair of voices raised in anger. One of them sounded like Rob"s. She hurried the last few steps and rounded the newel post on the second-floor landing as a door banged open and the m.u.f.fled voices became distinct.
"Get out of here! Get out, you gruesome old hag!" Rob emerged from his room, shouting at a confused and shrinking Anna: "If I ever catch you in here again, I"ll-" He advanced on her threateningly, his face livid with rage.
"Rob!" Luz ran forward to intervene, stunned by his fury. Instinctively she put her arms around the stout woman, both to comfort her and to shield her from Rob"s wrath. "What"s going on here?"
"I walked in and caught her stealing!"
"No, seora, no. For favor." Anna shook her head wildly in denial, and a spate of Spanish followed. Luz had picked up a little of the language since they"d been here, but not enough to understand the maid"s frantic, rapid flow. Yet it was obviously a protestation of innocence and it sounded very genuine to Luz.
"Momento. Momento, por favor." She interrupted the incomprehensible flood of Spanish from Anna and turned to Rob. "Are you sure, Rob? What did she take?"
"Nothing, but only because I caught her in the act! That fat old b.i.t.c.h was going through my drawers when I came in! My watch, my billfold, my money, my credit cards-everything"s in there. She was going to make a d.a.m.ned good haul," he accused viciously.
"No. No, seora." Again, a torrent of Spanish began.
"Anna, ms des.p.a.cio, por favor." Luz asked her to say it again more slowly. The maid tried speaking more slowly, all the while throwing Rob wild-eyed glances. A great deal Luz couldn"t follow, but she caught the word lavado. "El lavado? Laundry?" she asked to make sure she had understood.
"Si, s." Between the Spanish that followed and the pantomime from the maid, Luz finally understood.
"Rob, I think you jumped to the wrong conclusion. Anna was only putting your clean laundry away." She glanced through the open door to his room. "Look. Some of it is still sitting on top of your dresser."
"She just used that as an excuse to protect her a.s.s," he jeered.
"Rob, I don"t appreciate your language." She could overlook the things he"d said in the heat of anger, but this continued vulgar abuse she found offensive.
A second later, she heard the rapid clump of Hector"s crutches on the carpet runner in the hall. She turned to meet him, as did Anna, who immediately launched into vociferous Spanish. When she was finished, Luz explained Rob"s side of the incident.
"Seor Rob, I am sorry, but Anna was only putting your laundry away as she always does," Hector a.s.sured him. "She would take nothing. She is an honest woman."
Displeased with the verdict, Rob pressed his lips tightly together, thinning out their line. "I know what I saw," he muttered.
"Rob," Luz murmured in exasperation, wishing he would simply admit he was wrong.
"I don"t want her going through my drawers anymore-ever! From now on, she can leave the laundry on the bed and I"ll put my own clothes away."
Hector exchanged glances with Luz, then acceded to the demand. "If that is what you wish, I will tell her. I would be most happy to lock your valuables in our-"
"No. I"ll keep them where I know they"re safe." Rob angrily waved a hand in Anna"s direction. "Just make sure she stays out of my things. I don"t want her snooping around."
"S.
But Rob never gave him a chance to finish as he swung around and stormed into his room, slamming the door. He went straight to the open dresser drawer and pulled out the pair of socks at the bottom of the pile, the pair he"d caught Anna transferring to the top. His stash of cocaine was still inside. He closed his eyes, relief sagging through him.
There was a knock on his door, and his hand tightened instinctively on the sock. When he heard the door open, he turned, quickly thrusting his hand behind his back to hide it from his mother. "I think you"re supposed to wait until you"re invited in," he said curtly.
"If there is going to be any lecture on manners, you are the one who needs it. You were worse than rude out there, Rob. Even when your suspicions were proved wrong, you didn"t have the grace to apologize. What has gotten into you, Rob?" she demanded.
"All right, so maybe I made a mistake. You"d be upset too if it happened to you," he retorted. "If it will make you feel any better, I"ll apologize the next time I see her. Will that satisfy you?"
"It"s better than nothing." Luz moved her head in a confused shake, sensing the chip on his shoulder. He"d always been a little withdrawn, but never this distant. "Rob, what"s wrong? It isn"t like you to be so churlish."
"I found somebody going through my drawers and I"m upset. That"s what"s wrong. Why don"t you go back to your Latin lover"s arms and leave me alone? n.o.body asked you to interfere."
She stiffened at his sarcastic rejoinder. "Are you still upset about Raul?" She had hoped he"d gotten over his initial resentment of their relationship, but it seemed he still intended to punish her for deserting him. "Rob, you are of my flesh and blood. No man on earth can change that."
But he refused to listen to her. "Forget it. Look, I"ve said I was sorry. What more do you want? A guy can be wrong once in a while, can"t he?"
"Yes. And you were wrong about Anna-just as you"re wrong about Raul." Nothing she said seemed to reach him. This wasn"t the Rob she knew, and she wondered at the change in him, telling herself he"d been under considerable stress lately, weighted by his driven determination to excel at polo. Maybe that was why he was reacting so strongly against Raul. A little more time and a little more patience on her part seemed to be in order. She opened the door, then paused, finally saying, "I"ll see you downstairs."