He broke off as a cute blonde entered and put stacks of reports before both Andy and Bettijean. The girl hesitated, fidgeting, fingers to her teeth. Then, without speaking, she hurried out.
Andy stared at the top sheet and groaned. "This may be something. Half the adult population of Aspen, Colorado, is down."
"What?" Bettijean frowned over the report in her hands. "It"s the same thing--only not quite as severe--in Taos and Santa Fe, New Mexico."
"Writers?"
"Mostly. Some artists, too, and musicians. And poets are among the hard hit."
"This is insane," Andy muttered. "Doctors and dentists are fine--writers and poets are sick. Make sense out of that."
Bettijean held up a paper and managed a confused smile. "Here"s a country doctor in Tennessee. He doesn"t even know what it"s all about. n.o.body"s sick in his valley."
"Somebody in our outer office is organized," Andy said, pulling at his cigarette. "Here"re reports from a dozen military installations all lumped together."
"What does it show?"
"Black-out. By order of somebody higher up--no medical releases. Must mean they"ve got it." He scratched the growing stubble on his chin. "If this were a fifth column setup, wouldn"t the armed forces be the first hit?"
"Sure," Bettijean brightened, then sobered. "Maybe not. The bra.s.s could keep it secret if an epidemic hit an army camp. And they could slap a control condition on any military area. But the panic will come from the general public."
"Here"s another batch," Andy said. "Small college towns under twenty-five thousand population. All hard hit."
"Well, it"s not split intellectually. Small colleges and small offices and writers get it. Doctors don"t and dentists don"t. But we can"t tell who"s got it on the military bases."
"And it"s not geographical. Look, remember those two reports from Tennessee? That place where they voted on water bonds or something, everybody had it. But the country doctor in another section hadn"t even heard of it." Andy could only shake his head.
Bettijean heaved herself up from the chair and trudged back to the outer office. She returned momentarily with a tray of food. Putting a paper cup of coffee and a sandwich in front of Andy, she sat down and nibbled at her snack like an exhausted chipmunk.
Andy banged a fist at his desk again. Coffee splashed over the rim of his cup onto the clutter of papers. "It"s here," he said angrily. "It"s here somewhere, but we can"t find it."
"The answer?"
"Of course. What is it that girls in small offices do or eat or drink or wear that girls in large offices don"t do or eat or drink or wear? What do writers and doctors do differently? Or poets and dentists? What are we missing? What--"
In the outer office a girl cried out. A body thumped against a desk, then a chair, then to the floor. Two girls screamed.
Andy bolted up from his chair. Racing to the door, he shouted back to Bettijean, "Get a staff doctor and a chemist from the lab."
It was the girl who had been so nervous in his office earlier. Now she lay in a pathetic little heap between her desk and chair, whimpering, shivering, eyes wide with horror. The other girls cl.u.s.tered at the hall door, plainly ready to stampede.
"It"s not contagious," Andy growled. "Find some blankets or coats to cover her. And get a gla.s.s of water."
The other girls, glad for the excuse, dashed away. Andy scooped up the fallen girl and put her down gently on the close-jammed desks. He used a chair cushion for a pillow. By then the other girls were back with a blanket and the gla.s.s of water. He covered the girl, gave her a sip of water and heard somebody murmur, "Poor Janis."
"Now," Andy said brightly, "how"s that, Janis?"
She mustered a smile, and breathed, "Better. I ... I was so scared. Fever and dizzy ... symptoms like the epidemic."
"Now you know there"s nothing to be afraid of," Andy said, feeling suddenly and ridiculously like a pill roller with a practiced bedside manner. "You know you may feel pretty miserable, but n.o.body"s conked out with this stuff yet."
Janis breathed out and her taut body relaxed.
"Don"t hurry," Andy said, "but I want you to tell me everything that you did--everything you ate or drank--in the last ... oh, twelve hours." He felt a pressure behind him and swiveled his head to see Bettijean standing there. He tried to smile.
"What time is it?" Janis asked weakly.
Andy glanced to a wall clock, then gave it a double take.
One of the girls said, "It"s three o"clock in the morning." She edged nearer Andy, obviously eager to replace Janis as the center of attention. Andy ignored her.
"I ... I"ve been here since ... golly, yesterday morning at nine," Janis said. "I came to work as usual and...."
Slowly, haltingly, she recited the routine of a routine work day, then told about the quick snack that sufficed for supper and about staying on her phone and typewriter for another five hours. "It was about eleven when the relief crew came in."
"What did you do then?" Andy asked.
"I ... I took a break and...." Her ivory skin reddened, the color spreading into the roots of her fluffy curls, and she turned her face away from Andy. "And I had a sandwich and some coffee and got a little nap in the ladies" lounge and ... and that"s all."
"And that"s not all," Andy prompted. "What else?"
"Nothing," Janis said too quickly.
Andy shook his head. "Tell it all and maybe it"ll help."
"But ... but...."
"Was it something against regulations?"
"I ... I don"t know. I think...."
"I"ll vouch for your job in this office."
"Well...." She seemed on the verge of tears and her pleading glance sought out Andy, then Bettijean, then her co-workers. Finally, resigned, she said, "I ... I wrote a letter to my mother."
Andy swallowed against his groan of disappointment. "And you told her about what we were doing here."
Janis nodded, and tears welled into her wide eyes.
"Did you mail it?"
"Y ... yes."
"You didn"t use a government envelope to save a stamp?"
"Oh, no. I always carry a few stamps with me." She choked down a sob. "Did I do wrong?"
"No, I don"t think so," Andy said, patting her shoulder. "There"s certainly nothing secret about this epidemic. Now you just take it easy and--. Oh, here"s a doctor now."
The doctor, a white-headed Air Force major, bustled into the room. A lab technician in a white smock was close behind. Andy could only shrug and indicate the girl.
Turning away, lighting a cigarette, he tried to focus on the tangle of thoughts that spun through his head. Doctors, writers, society matrons, office workers--Aspen, Taos and college towns--thousands of people sick--but none in that valley in Tennessee--and few government workers--just one girl in his office--and she was sicker and more frightened about a letter--and....
"Hey, wait!" Andy yelled.
Everyone in the room froze as Andy spun around, dashed to Bettijean"s desk and yanked out the wide, top drawer. He pawed through it, straightened, then leaped across to the desk Janis had used. He s.n.a.t.c.hed open drawer after drawer. In a bottom one he found her purse. Ripping it open, he dumped the contents on the desk and clawed through the pile until he found what he wanted. Handing it to the lab technician, he said, "Get me a report. Fast."
The technician darted out.
Andy wheeled to Bettijean. "Get the bra.s.s in here. And call the general first." To the doctor, he said, "Give that girl the best of everything."
Then he ducked back to his own office and to the pile of reports. He was still poring over them when the general arrived. Half a dozen other bra.s.s hats, none of whom had been to bed, were close behind. The lab technician arrived a minute later. He shook his head as he handed his hastily scribbled report to Andy.
It was Bettijean who squeezed into the office and broke the brittle silence. "Andy, for heaven"s sake, what is it?" Then she moved around the desk to stand behind him as he faced the officers.
"Have you got something?" the brigadier asked. "Some girl outside was babbling about writers and doctors, and dentists and college students, and little secretaries and big secretaries. Have you established a trend?"
Andy glanced at the lab report and his smile was as relieved as it was weary. "Our problem," he said, "was in figuring out what a writer does that a doctor doesn"t--why girls from small offices were sick--and why senators and postal workers weren"t--why college students caught the bug and people in a Tennessee community didn"t.
"The lab report isn"t complete. They haven"t had time to isolate the poison and prescribe medication. But"--he held up a four-cent stamp--"here"s the villain, gentlemen."
The big bra.s.s stood stunned and shocked. Mouths flapped open and eyes bugged at Andy, at the stamp.
Bettijean said, "Sure. College kids and engaged girls and new parents and especially writers and artists and poets--they"d all lick lots of stamps. Professional men have secretaries. Big offices have postage-meter machines. And government offices have free franking. And"--she threw her arms around the sergeant"s neck--"Andy, you"re wonderful."
"The old American ingenuity," the colonel said, reaching for Andy"s phone. "I knew we could lick it. Now all we have to do--"
"At ease, colonel," the brigadier said sharply. He waited until the colonel had retreated, then addressed Andy. "It"s your show. What do you suggest?"
"Get somebody--maybe even the President--on all radio and TV networks. Explain frankly about the four-centers and warn against licking any stamps. Then--"
He broke off as his phone rang. Answering, he listened for a moment, then hung up and said, "But before the big announcement, get somebody checking on the security clearances at whatever plant it is where they print stamps. This"s a big deal. Somebody may"ve been planted years ago for this operation. It shouldn"t be too hard.
"But there"s no evidence it was a plot yet. Could be pure accident--some chemical in the stick.u.m spoiled. Do they keep the stick.u.m in barrels? Find out who had access. And ... oh, the phone call. That was the lab. The antidote"s simple and the cure should be quick. They can phone or broadcast the medical information to doctors. The man on the phone said they could start emptying hospitals in six hours. And maybe we should release some propaganda. "United States whips mystery virus," or something like that. And we could send the Kremlin a stamp collection and.... Aw, you take it, sir. I"m p.o.o.ped."
The general wheeled to fire a salvo of commands. Officers poured into the corridor. Only the brigadier remained, a puzzled frown crinkling his granite brow.
"But you said that postal workers weren"t getting sick."
Andy chucked. "That"s right. Did you ever see a post office clerk lick a stamp? They always use a sponge."
The general looked to Bettijean, to Andy, to the stamp. He grinned and the grin became a rumbling laugh. "How would you two like a thirty-day furlough to rest up--or to get better acquainted?"
Bettijean squealed. Andy reached for her hand.
"And while you"re gone," the general continued, "I"ll see what strings I can pull. If I can"t w.a.n.gle you a couple of battlefield commissions, I"ll zip you both through O.C.S. so fast you won"t even have time to pin on the bars."
But neither Andy nor Bettijean had heard a word after the mention of furlough. Like a pair of puppy-lovers, they were sinking into the depths of each other"s eyes.
And the general was still chuckling as he picked up the lone four-cent stamp in his left hand, made a gun of his right hand, and marched the stamp out of the office under guard.
THE END.
Contents
THE ADVENTURER.
By C. M. Kornbluth
For every evil under the sun, there"s an answer. It may be a simple, direct answer; it may be one that takes years, and seems unrelated to the problem. But there"s an answer--of a kind....
President Folsom XXIV said petulantly to his Secretary of the Treasury: "Blow me to h.e.l.l, Bannister, if I understood a single word of that. Why can"t I buy the Nicolaides Collection? And don"t start with the rediscount and the Series W business again. Just tell me why."
The Secretary of the Treasury said with an air of apprehension and a thread-like feeling across his throat: "It boils down to--no money, Mr. President."
The President was too engrossed in thoughts of the marvelous collection to fly into a rage. "It"s such a bargain," he said mournfully. "An archaic Henry Moore figure--really too big to finger, but I"m no culture-sn.o.b, thank G.o.d--and fifteen early Morrisons and I can"t begin to tell you what else." He looked hopefully at the Secretary of Public Opinion: "Mightn"t I seize it for the public good or something?"
The Secretary of Public Opinion shook his head. His pose was gruffly professional. "Not a chance, Mr. President. We"d never get away with it. The art-lovers would scream to high Heaven."
"I suppose so.... Why isn"t there any money?" He had swiveled dangerously on the Secretary of the Treasury again.
"Sir, purchases of the new Series W bond issue have lagged badly because potential buyers have been attracted to--"
"Stop it, stop it, stop it! You know I can"t make head or tail of that stuff. Where"s the money going?"
The Director of the Budget said cautiously: "Mr. President, during the biennium just ending, the Department of Defense accounted for 78 per cent of expenditures--"