He grew troubled. "I bought it--but for another. We--he--has dispensed with my services."
"Oh, how shameful!"
The latent sympathy of her indignation cheered him again.
"I am not sorry," he said. "I"m afraid I really was outgrowing its original platform."
"What?" she asked, with a note of mockery in her voice. "You have left off being orthodox?"
"I don"t say that. It seems to me, rather, that I have come to understand I never was orthodox in the sense that the orthodox understand the word. I had never come into contact with them before. I never realised how unfair orthodox writers are to Judaism. But I do not abate one word of what I have ever said or written, except, of course, on questions of scholarship, which are always open to revision."
"But what is to become of me--of my conversion?" she said, with mock piteousness.
"You need no conversion!" he answered pa.s.sionately, abandoning without a twinge all those criteria of Judaism for which he had fought with Strelitski. "You are a Jewess not only in blood, but in spirit. Deny it as you may, you have all the Jewish ideals--they are implied in your attack on our society."
She shook her head obstinately.
"You read all that into me, as you read your modern thought into the old nave books."
"I read what is in you. Your soul is in the right, whatever your brain says." He went on, almost to echo Strelitski"s words, "Selfishness is the only real atheism; aspiration, unselfishness, the only real religion. In the language of our Hillel, this is the text of the Law; the rest is commentary. You and I are at one in believing that, despite all and after all, the world turns on righteousness, on justice"--his voice became a whisper--"on love."
The old thrill went through her, as when first they met. Once again the universe seemed bathed in holy joy. But she shook off the spell almost angrily. Her face was definitely set towards the life of the New World. Why should he disturb her anew?
"Ah, well, I"m glad you allow me a little goodness," she said sarcastically. "It is quite evident how you have drifted from orthodoxy. Strange result of the _Flag of Judah_! Started to convert me, it has ended by alienating you--its editor--from the true faith.
Oh, the irony of circ.u.mstances! But don"t look so glum. It has fulfilled its mission all the same: it _has_ converted me--I will confess it to you." Her face grew grave, her tones earnest. "So I haven"t an atom of sympathy with your broader att.i.tude. I am full of longing for the old impossible Judaism."
His face took on a look of anxious solicitude. He was uncertain whether she spoke ironically or seriously. Only one thing was certain--that she was slipping from him again. She seemed so complex, paradoxical, elusive--and yet growing every moment more dear and desirable.
"Where are you living?" he asked abruptly.
"It doesn"t matter where," she answered. "I sail for America in three weeks."
The world seemed suddenly empty. It was hopeless, then--she was almost in his grasp, yet he could not hold her. Some greater force was sweeping her into strange alien solitudes. A storm of protest raged in his heart--all he had meant to say to her rose to his lips, but he only said, "Must you go?"
"I must. My little sister marries. I have timed my visit so as to arrive just for the wedding--like a fairy G.o.dmother." She smiled wistfully.
"Then you will live with your people, I suppose?"
"I suppose so. I dare say I shall become quite good again. Ah, your new Judaisms will never appeal like the old, with all its imperfections. They will never keep the race together through shine and shade as that did. They do but stave off the inevitable dissolution. It is beautiful--that old childlike faith in the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night, that patient waiting through the centuries for the Messiah who even to you, I dare say, is a mere symbol." Again the wistful look lit up her eyes. "That"s what you rich people will never understand--it doesn"t seem to go with dinner in seven courses, somehow."
"Oh, but I do understand," he protested. "It"s what I told Strelitski, who is all for intellect in religion. He is going to America, too," he said, with a sudden pang of jealous apprehension.
"On a holiday?"
"No; he is going to resign his ministry here."
"What! Has he got a better offer from America?"
"Still so cruel to him," he said reprovingly. "He is resigning for conscience" sake."
"After all these years?" she queried sarcastically.
"Miss Ansell, you wrong him! He was not happy in his position. You were right so far. But he cannot endure his shackles any longer. And it is you who have inspired him to break them."
"I?" she exclaimed, startled.
"Yes, I told him why you had left Mrs. Henry Goldsmith"s--it seemed to act like an electrical stimulus. Then and there he made me write a paragraph announcing his resignation. It will appear to-morrow."
Esther"s eyes filled with soft light. She walked on in silence; then, noticing she had automatically walked too much in the direction of her place of concealment, she came to an abrupt stop.
"We must part here," she said. "If I ever come across my old shepherd in America, I will be nicer to him. It is really quite heroic of him--you must have exaggerated my own petty sacrifice alarmingly if it really supplied him with inspiration. What is he going to do in America?"
"To preach a universal Judaism. He is a born idealist; his ideas have always such a magnificent sweep. Years ago he wanted all the Jews to return to Palestine."
Esther smiled faintly, not at Strelitski, but at Raphael"s calling another man an idealist. She had never yet done justice to the strain of common-sense that saved him from being a great man; he and the new Strelitski were of one breed to her.
"He will make Jews no happier, and Christians no wiser," she said sceptically. "The great populations will sweep on, as affected by the Jews as this crowd by you and me. The world will not go back on itself--rather will Christianity transform itself and take the credit.
We are such a handful of outsiders. Judaism--old or new--is a forlorn hope."
"The forlorn hope will yet save the world," he answered quietly, "but it has first to be saved to the world."
"Be happy in your hope," she said gently. "Good-bye." She held out her little hand. He had no option but to take it.
"But we are not going to part like this," he said desperately. "I shall see you again before you go to America?"
"No, why should you?"
"Because I love you," rose to his lips. But the avowal seemed too plump. He prevaricated by retorting, "Why should I not?"
"Because I fear you," was in her heart, but nothing rose to her lips.
He looked into her eyes to read an answer there, but she dropped them.
He saw his opportunity.
"Why should I not?" he repeated.
"Your time is valuable," she said faintly.
"I could not spend it better than with you," he answered boldly.
"Please don"t insist," she said in distress.
"But I shall; I am your friend. So far as I know, you are lonely. If you are bent upon going away, why deny me the pleasure of the society I am about to lose for ever?"
"Oh, how can you call it a pleasure--such poor melancholy company as I am!"
"Such poor melancholy company that I came expressly to seek it, for some one told me you were at the Museum. Such poor melancholy company that if I am robbed of it life will be a blank."
He had not let go her hand; his tones were low and pa.s.sionate; the heedless traffic of the sultry London street was all about them.