These were the most peaceful dead. Almost, you could envy them.
A prudent man, Jacob Schwart did not inquire into the fate of his predecessor nor did anyone volunteer information about "Liam McEnnis." (An Irish name? Miscellaneous pieces of mail had continued to arrive for McEnnis months after the Schwarts had moved in. Worthless items like advertising flyers but Jacob took care to print NOT HERE on each and place them in the mailbox by the road for the mailman to take away again.) He was not an inquisitive man, not one to pry into another"s business. He would do his work, he would earn the respect and the wages paid to him by the Milburn officials who"d hired him and persisted in calling him, in their awkward, genial, American way, "Jay-cob."
Like a dog they"d hired. Or one of their Negro ex-slaves.
In turn, Jacob Schwart was careful to address them with the utmost respect. He"d been a schoolteacher and knew how important it was to a.s.suage the pettiness of such officials. "Sirs""gentlemen"he called them always. Speaking his slow, awkward English, very polite, at that time clean-shaven, in reasonably clean clothes. He had gripped his cloth cap in both hands and took care in lifting his eyes, that were not timid but fierce, br.i.m.m.i.n.g with resentment, hesitantly to theirs.
Thanking them for their kindness. Hiring him, and providing him with a "cottage" in which to live on the cemetery grounds.
So grateful. Thank you sirs!
(Cottage! A strange word for that dank stone hovel. Four cramped rooms with plank floorboards, crude stone walls and a single coal-burning stove whose fumes pervaded the s.p.a.ce drying their nostrils so they bled. There was his baby girl, his daughter Rebecca, it tore at his heart to see her coughing and spitting up her food, wiping blood from her nose.) This time of madness in Europe. I thank you in the name of my wife and my children also.
He was a broken man. He was a man whose guts had been eaten out by rats. Yet he was a stubborn man, too. Devious.
Seeing how these others smiled at him in pity, some slight revulsion. They would not wish to shake his hand of course. Yet he believed they were sympathetic with him. He would insist to Anna, these people are sympathetic with us, they are not scornful. They can see that we are good decent hardworking people not what is called "traz""tra.s.s"in this country.
For once they determined you were tra.s.s, they would not hesitate to fire you.
Out on your a.s.sa colorful American expression.
His papers were in order. The visa issued to him, after much delay, anguish, and the payment of bribes to key individuals, by the American consul in Ma.r.s.eilles. The doc.u.ments stamped by U.S. Immigration at Ellis Island.
What he would not tell those others: how in Munich he"d been a math instructor in a boys" school as well as a popular soccer coach and when he"d been dismissed from the faculty he had been an a.s.sistant pressman for a printer specializing in scientific texts. His proofreading skills were extolled. His patience, his exact.i.tude. He had not been paid so much as he might have been paid in other circ.u.mstances but it had been a decent wage and he and his family had owned their house, with their own furniture, including a piano for his wife, at a good address close by her parents and relatives. He did not tell those others whom he perceived to be his adversaries as early as 1936 that he was an educated man, for he understood that none of them was educated beyond what was called high school; he understood that his university degree, like his intelligence, would make of him even more of a freak in their eyes, and in addition make them suspicious.
In any case Jacob Schwart wasn"t so educated as he wished and it became his plan that his sons would be better educated than he had been. It was not his plan for them to remain the sons of the Milburn gravedigger for long, his sojourn here would be temporary.
A year, possibly two. He would humble himself, he would save money. His boys would learn English and speak it like true Americansquickly, even carelessly, not needing to be precise. There was public education in this country, they would study to beengineers? doctors? businessmen? Maybe, one day Schwart & Sons Printers. Very fine printers. The most difficult scientific and mathematical texts. Not in Milburn of course but in a large, prosperous American city: Chicago? San Francisco?
He smiled, it was rare that Jacob Schwart allowed himself the luxury of a smile, thinking such thoughts. Of Rebecca Esther, the little one, he wished to think less clearly. She would grow up, she would marry one of those others. In time, he would lose her. But not Herschel and August, his sons.
In the night, in their lumpy bed. Amid the smells. Saying to Anna, "It is a matter of one day to follow another, yes? Do your duty. Never weaken. Never before the children, weaken. We must all. I will save pennies, dollars. I will move us from this terrible place within the year, I vow."
Beside him, turned toward the wall in whose stony crevices spiders nested, the woman who was Jacob Schwart"s wife made no reply.
10.
Not Ma either. You lived in dread of setting Ma off.
As Herschel said it was worsen Pa, somehow. With Pa, he"d haul off and hit you if you said the wrong d.a.m.n thing but poor Ma, she"d quiver and quake like she was wettin her pants, and start to cry. So you felt like s.h.i.t. So you wanted to run out of there, and keep on runnin.
"Why"d you want to know that? Who is asking you such things? Somebody been askin you? Like at that school? Somebody spyin" on us?"
Like a match tossed into kerosene it was, how Ma would flare up excited and stammering if you asked the most innocent question. If you said some words Ma could not comprehend or had not even heard clearly (Ma was always humming and talking and laughing to herself in the kitchen, she"d pretend not to notice you when you came inside, not even glancing around, like a deaf woman) or asked some question she could not answer. Her mouth went ugly. Her soft sliding-down body began to tremble. Her eyes, that seemed to Rebecca beautiful eyes, immediately flooded with tears. Her voice was hoa.r.s.e and cracked-sounding like dried cornstalks when the wind blows through them. Through her life she would speak her new language with the confidence of a crippled woman making her way across a patch of treacherous, cracking ice. She could not seem to mimic the sounds her children learned so readily, and even her husband could mimic in his own brusque way: "Anna, you must try. Not "da""the." Not "ta""to." Say it!"
Poor Anna Schwart spoke in a whisper, cringing in shame.
(And Rebecca was ashamed, too. In secret. She would never laugh openly at Ma like her brothers.) There were stores in Milburn, the grocer"s for instance, and the pharmacy, even Woolworth"s, where Anna Schwart dared not speak but mutely handed over lists hand-printed by Jacob Schwart (initially, though in time Rebecca would make up these lists) so there could be no misunderstandings. (Still, there were misunderstandings.) Everybody laughed at her, she said. Not even waiting till her back was turned or she was out of earshot. Calling her "Mrs. Schwarz""Mrs. Schwartz""Mrs. Schwazz""Mrs. Warts." She heard them!
The boys, Herschel in particular, were embarra.s.sed of their mother. Bad enough they were the gravedigger"s sons, they were the sons of the gravedigger"s wife. G.o.d d.a.m.n!
(Ma can"t help it, her nerves, Gus told Herschel, and Herschel said he knew it, f.u.c.k he knew it but that didn"t make it easier did it? Two of em not right in the f.u.c.kin head, but at least Pa could take care of himself, Pa could speak English so you could make sense of him at least and also Pa had, what"s it called, had to hand it to the old man, Pa had dignity.) Once, when Rebecca was a little girl too young yet for school, she was in the kitchen with Ma when a visitor knocked at the front door of the caretaker"s cottage.
A visitor! She was a middle-aged woman with fattish hips and thighs, a wide, ruddy face like something rubbed with a rag, and a cotton scarf tied around her head.
She was a farmer"s wife who lived about six miles away. She had heard of the Schwarts, that they were from Munich? She, too, was from Munich: she"d been born there, in 1902! Today she was visiting the cemetery to tend to her father"s grave, and she was bringing Anna Schwart an apple kuchen she"d baked that morning...
And there was Ma trembling in the doorway like a woman woken from a nightmare sleep. Her face was going sick, sallow as if blood were draining out of it. Her eyes were blinking rapidly, flooded with tears. Stammering she was busy, she was so busy. Rebecca heard the visitor address Ma in a strange harsh speech, yet warmly, as if they were sisters, uttering words too quickly for Rebecca to graspSie? she heardhaben?Nachbarschaft? But Ma shut the door in the woman"s face. Ma stumbled away into the back bedroom and shut that door, too.
The rest of that afternoon, Ma hid in the bedroom. Rebecca, frightened, shut outside, heard the bedsprings creak. She heard her mother talking, quarreling with someone in that forbidden language.
"Ma?"Rebecca jammed her fingers into her mouth, to keep from being heard.
She was desperate to be with her mother, wanted to cuddle with Ma, for sometimes Ma did allow that, sometimes Ma hummed and sang by the side of Rebecca"s little bed, sometimes plaiting Rebecca"s hair Ma blew into her ears, blew the tiny hair-wisps at the back of Rebecca"s neck to tickle her just a little; not like Herschel who tickled so rough. Even Ma"s sweat-smell that was mixed with cooking fats and the stink of kerosene, she was desperate to breathe.
Only toward dusk did Ma reappear, her face washed and her hair tightly plaited and coiled around her head in that way that made Rebecca think of baby snakes, you saw coiled together sometimes, in the gra.s.s in cold weather stunned and slow-moving. Ma had fastened the neck to her dress, that had been unb.u.t.toned. Her vague reddened eyes blinked at Rebecca. In her hoa.r.s.e whispery voice she told Rebecca not to tell Pa. Not to tell Pa that anybody had come to their door that day.
"He would murder me if he knew. But I didn"t let her in. I would not let her in. Did I say a word to her?I did not. Oh, I did not. I would not. Never!"
Through a window they could see movement in a far corner of the cemetery. A funeral, a large funeral with many mourners, and Pa would be busy well after the last mourner departed.
"Hey! Somebody left us some cake, looks like."
It was Herschel, home from school. Lurching into the kitchen carrying a baking tin, covered in wax paper. It was the apple kuchen, that had been left by the farmer"s wife on the front step of the house.
Ma, guilt-stricken, folded her arms over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and could not speak. A fierce blush like a hemorrhage rose into her face.
Rebecca jammed her fingers into her mouth and said nothing.
"Pa"s gonna say it"s some bastids wantin to pizzin us," Herschel laughed, breaking off a large piece of the coffee cake and chewing it, noisily. "But the old man ain"t here yet, huh?"
11.
"We will have to live with it, for now."
So he"d said. Many times. Months and now years had pa.s.sed.
Yet: they were so often sick. August, who was small for his age, edgy, rat-like, blinking as if his eyes were weak. (And were the boy"s eyes weak? It was too far to drive him to an eye doctor, in the nearest city which was Chautauqua Falls.) And Rebecca was so often sick with respiratory ailments. And Anna.
The Schwart family, in the gravedigger"s hovel.
More and more he was noticing the steeply slanting earth of the cemetery. Of course he"d noticed from the start, but had not wished to see.
The cemetery slanted upward, gradually. For the river was at their back, and this was a valley. At the road, at the front entrance where the house was built, the earth was more level. Death leaks downward.
When he"d applied for the job he had asked about the well water hesitantly, for he had not wanted to offend the township officials. It was clear that they were doing him a favor, yes? Just to speak with him, to suffer through his slow excruciating broken English, yes?
With their genial smiles they"d a.s.sured him that the well was a "pure" underground spring in no way affected by leakage from the graves.
Yes, certainly. The water had been tested by the county.
"At regular intervals" all the wells in Chautauqua County were tested. Certainly!
Jacob Schwart had listened, and had nodded.
Yes sirs. Thank you. I am only concerned...
He hadn"t pursued the issue. He"d been dazed with exhaustion at the time. And so much to think about: housing his family, feeding his family. Oh, he"d been desperate! That ravaging will of which Schopenhauer wrote so eloquently, to exist, to survive, to persevere. The baby daughter who lacerated his heart with her astonishing miniature beauty yet maddened him, fretting through the night, crying loud as a bellows, vomiting her mother"s milk as if it were poison. Crying until in a dream dense as glue he saw himself clamping his hand over her tiny wet mouth.
Anna spoke worriedly of the "grave water"she was sure there was danger. Jacob tried to convince her there was no danger, she must not be ridiculous. He told her what the township officials had told him: the water in their well had been tested recently, it was pure spring water.
"And we won"t be living here long."
Though later, he would tell her bluntly, "We will have to live with it, for now."
Was there an odor in the cemetery? A smell after rain of something sickly-sweet, moldering? A rancid-meat smell, a maggoty-meat smell, a putrescence-smell?
Not when the wind blew from the north. And the wind was always blowing from the north, it seemed. In these foothills of the Chautauqua Mountains south of Lake Ontario.
What you smelled in the Milburn cemetery was earth, gra.s.s. Mown gra.s.s rotting in compost piles. In summer, a pungent odor of sunshine, heat. Decomposing organic matter that was half-pleasurable to the nostrils, Jacob Schwart thought.
It would come to be Jacob Schwart"s unmistakable smell. Permeating his weathered skin and what remained of his straggly hair. All his clothing, that, within a short period of time, not even 20 Mule Team Borax could fully clean.
Of course he knew: his children had to endure ignorant taunts at school. Herschel was big enough now to fend for himself but August was a timorous child, another disappointment to his father, tongue-tied and vulnerable. And there was little Rebecca, so vulnerable.
It sickened him to think of his daughter whom he could not protect laughed at by her cla.s.smates, even by ignorant teachers at her school.
Gravedigger"s daughter!
He told her, solemnly as if she were of an age to understand such words, "Humankind is fearful of death, you see. So they make jokes about it. In me, they see a servant of death. In you, the daughter of such a one. But they do not know us, Rebecca. Not you, and not me. Hide your weakness from them and one day we will repay them! Our enemies who mock us."
All human actions aim at the good.
So Hegel, following Aristotle, had argued. In Hegel"s time (he died in 1831) it had been possible to believe that there is "progress" in the history of humankind; history itself progresses from the abstract to the concrete, in this way realized in time. Hegel had believed, too, that nature is of necessity, and determined; while humankind knows freedom.
Jacob had read Schopenhauer, too. Of course. They had all read Schopenhauer, in Jacob"s circle. But he hadn"t succ.u.mbed to the philosopher"s pessimism. The world is my idea. The individual is confusion. Life is ceaseless struggle, strife. All is will: the blind frenzy of insects to copulate before the first frost kills them. He"d read Ludwig Feuerbach for whom he had a special predilection: it thrilled him to discover the philosopher"s savage critique of religion, which Feuerbach exposed as no more than a creation of the human mind, the projection of mankind"s highest values in the form of G.o.d. Of course! It had to be so! The pagan G.o.ds of antiquity, thunderous Yehovah of the Jews, Jesus Christ on His cross so mournful and martyredand triumphant, in resurrection. "It was all a ruse. A dream." So Jacob told himself, at the age of twenty. Such blindness, superst.i.tion, the old rites of sacrifice given a "civilized" cast: all were the way of the past, dying or extinct in the twentieth century.
He read Karl Marx, and became an ardent socialist.
To his friends he defined himself as an agnostic, a freethinker, and a German.
...a German! What a bitter joke, in retrospect.
Hegel, that fantasist, had been right about one thing: the owl of Minerva flying only at dusk. For philosophy comes too late, invariably. Understanding comes too late. By the time human intelligence grasps what is happening, it is in the hands of the brutes, and becomes history.
Broken-off pieces, like vertebrae.
Oh! I could listen to you talk forever, you have such wisdom.
Early in their love the young Anna had told Jacob this. Her eyes br.i.m.m.i.n.g with adoration of him. He"d spoken pa.s.sionately to her of his socialist beliefs and she"d been dazzled, if slightly scandalized, by his certainty. No religion? No G.o.d? None? Anna"s religious background had been similar to his, her people were very like his, proud of their "a.s.similation" into German middle-cla.s.s culture. In his presence she believed as he believed, she learned to mimic certain of his words. The future. Mankind. Shapers of our own destiny.
Now they rarely spoke. Between them was a heavy, palpable silence. Clumsy rocks and boulders of silence. Like eyeless undersea creatures they moved in intimate proximity to each other and were keenly aware of each other and sometimes they spoke, and sometimes they touched, but there was only deadness between them now. Anna knew him as no one living knew him: he was a broken man, a coward. He had been unmanned. The rats had devoured his conscience, too. He"d had to fight to save himself and his young family, he"d betrayed a number of his relatives who had trusted him, and Anna"s as well; he might have done worse if he"d had the opportunity. Anna would not accuse him for she had been his accomplice, as she"d been the mother of his sons. How he had acquired the exorbitant sums of money needed for their escape from Munich, their flight through France and their booking on the ship in Ma.r.s.eilles, Anna had not asked. She"d been pregnant with their third child then. She had their sons Herschel and August. She had come to see that nothing mattered to her except her children, that they not die.
"We will live for them, yes? We will not look back."
He made such vows, as a man might make, though he"d been unmanned, he had no s.e.x. The rats had devoured his s.e.x, too. Where his genitals had been was something useless now, soft-rotted fruit. Pathetic, comical. Through such a flesh-k.n.o.b he managed to urinate, sometimes with difficulty. Oh, that was enough!
"I said. We will have to live with it, for now."
As she would not speak of her fear of contaminated water, even after heavy rains when the well water was so cloudy, and the children gagged and spat it out, so Anna would not speak of their future. She would not ask him any questions. How much money he"d saved, for instance. When they might be leaving Milburn.
And what was his salary, as caretaker of the cemetery?
If Anna had dared to ask, Jacob would have told her it was no business of hers. She was wife, mother. She was a woman. He would give her money each week: one-, five-, ten-dollar bills with which to shop. Counting out coins on the kitchen table, frowning and sweating in the halo of the bare-bulb light overhead.
Yes: Jacob Schwart had a savings account. Behind the stately neo-Grecian facade of the First Bank of Chautauqua on Main Street. It would not be an exaggeration to say that Jacob thought of this bank account, its exact sum, almost constantly; even when he was not consciously thinking of it, it hovered at the back of his mind.
My money. Mine.
The small black bankbook in the name of Jacob Schwart was so cleverly hidden away, wrapped in waterproof canvas on a shelf in the lawnmower shed, no one but Jacob Schwart could ever hope to find it.
Each week since his first salary check he had triedoh, he had tried!to save something, if only pennies. For a man must save something. Yet by October 1940 he had saved only just two hundred sixteen dollars and seventy-five cents. After four years! Still, the sum drew interest at 3 percent, a few pennies, dollars.
You didn"t need to be a mathematical genius to know: pennies add up!
Soon, he would ask the Milburn township officials for a raise.
Very courteously in his second year as caretaker of the cemetery he"d asked. Very humbly he"d asked. Their replies had been stiff, guarded.
Well, Jay-cob! Maybe next year.
Depends upon the budget. County taxes, see?