"I thought maybe you"d left us to our own devices," she said., "You were right," he replied, not looking at her. "It shines on everyone, good and bad. But it doesn"t make me warm. I"ve forgotten what it was like to feel warm or cold. Or hungry. Or full. I miss that so much."
The sour self-confidence he"d evidenced in the caves had entirely drained from him. He was almost cowed.
"Maybe you"ll get that back," she said. "The human stuff, I mean. Undo what the Nuncio did."
"I"d like that," he said. "I"d like to be Randolph Jaffe of Omaha, Nebraska. Turn the clock back and not go into that room."
"What room?"
"The Dead Letters Room at the Post Office," he said, "where all this began. I should tell you about that."
"I"d like to hear. But first-"
"I know. I know. The house. The schism."
Now he did look at her; or rather, beyond her, at the Hill.
"We have to go up there sooner or later," she reminded him. "I"d prefer we do it now, while it"s light, and I"ve got some energy left."
"And when we get there?"
"We hope for inspiration."
"That has to come from somewhere," he said. "And we"ve neither of us got G.o.ds, have we? That"s what I"ve traded on all these years, people being G.o.dless. That"s us now."
She remembered what D"Amour had said when she"d told him she didn"t pray. Something about praying making sense once you knew how much there was out there.
"I"m coming round to being a believer," she said. "Slowly."
"A believer in what?"
"In higher forces," she said, with a faintly embarra.s.sed shrug. "The Shoal had their aspirations, why shouldn"t I?"
"Did they?" he said. "Were they guarding the Art because Quiddity had to be preserved? I don"t think so. They were just afraid of what might break out. They were watch dogs."
"Maybe their duties elevated them."
"Into what? Saints? Didn"t do much for Kissoon, did it? All he worshipped was himself. And the Iad."
That was a grim thought. What more perfect counterpoint to D"Amour"s talk of faith in mysteries than Kissoon"s revelation that all religions were masks for the Shoal; ways to keep the hoi-polloi distracted from the secret of secrets.
"I keep getting glimpses," Jaffe said, "of where Tommy-Ray is."
"What"s it like?"
"Darker and darker," Jaffe replied. "He was moving for a long while, but now he"s stopped. Maybe the tide"s changed. There"s something coming, I think, out of the darkness. Or maybe it is the darkness, I don"t know. But it"s getting closer."
"The moment he sees anything," Tesla said, "let me know. I want details."
"I don"t want to look, with his eyes or mine."
"You may not have any choice. He"s your son."
"He"s failed me over and over. I don"t owe him anything. He"s got his phantoms."
"Perfect family unit," Tesla said. "Father, Son and-"
"-Holy Ghost," Jaffe said.
"That"s right," she replied, another echo coming back to her from the past. "Trinity. "
"What about it?"
"That was what Kissoon was so afraid of."
"The Trinity?"
"Yeah. When he brought me into the Loop the first time, he dropped the name. It was an error, I think. When I challenged him on it he was so d.a.m.n fl.u.s.tered he let me go."
"I never took Kissoon for a Christian," Jaffe remarked.
"Me neither. Maybe he meant some other G.o.d. Or G.o.ds. Some force the Shoal could invoke. Where"s the medallion?"
"In my pocket. You"ll have to get it for yourself. My hands are very weak."
He took them from his pockets. In the guttering light of the cave their mutilation had been sickening, but here in bright sunlight they were more disgusting still, the flesh blackened and dewy, the bone beneath crumbling.
"I"m coming apart," he said. "Fletcher used fire. I used my teeth. Both of us suicides. It"s just that his was faster."
She reached into his pocket and took the medallion out.
"You don"t seem to mind," she said.
"What about?"
"Falling apart."
"No, I don"t," he admitted. "I"d like to die, the way I would have done if I"d stayed in Omaha and just got old. I don"t want to live forever. What"s the use of going on and on if you can"t make sense of anything?"
The rush of pleasure she"d experienced solving the medallion"s enigmas came back to her as she studied it. But there was nothing in the design, even when examined in daylight, which could be interpreted as a Trinity. There were quartets, certainly. Four arms, four circles. But no trios.
"This is no use," she said. "We could waste days trying to work it out."
"Work what out?" said Grillo, emerging into the sunlight.
"The Trinity," she said. "Have you any idea what that means?"
"Father, Son and-"
"Besides the obvious."
"Then no, I don"t. Why?"
"Just a little hope I had."
"How many Trinities can there be?" he said. "It shouldn"t be that hard to find out."
"Where from? Abernethy?"
"I could start with him," Grillo said. "He"s a G.o.dfearing man. Or at least he claims to be. Is it that important?"
"At this stage everything"s important," she said.
"I"ll get on to it," he replied, "if the phone lines are still working. You just want to know-"
"Anything about the Trinity. Anything. "
"Hard facts, that"s what I like," he said. "Hard facts."
He headed off down the stairs. As he did so Tesla heard Jaffe mutter: "Look away, Tommy. Just look away-"
He"d closed his eyes. Now he began to shake.
"Can you see them?" she said to him.
"It"s so dark."
"Can you see them?"
"I can see something moving. Something huge. So huge. Why don"t you move, boy? Get away before they see you. Move!"
His eyes suddenly sprang open.
"Enough!" he said.
"Have you lost him?" Tesla said.
"I told you: enough!"
"He"s not dead?"
"No, he"s...he"s riding the waves."
"Surfing on Quiddity?" she said.
"Doing his d.a.m.nedest."
"And the Iad?"
"Are behind him. I was right, the tide has changed. They"re coming."
"Describe what you saw," she said.
"I told you. They"re vast."
"That"s all?"
"Like mountains, moving. Mountains covered in locusts, or fleas. Big and small. I don"t know. None of it makes much sense."
"Well we just have to close the schism as quickly as we can. Mountains I can take. But let"s keep the fleas out, huh?"
Hotchkiss was at the front door when they got down there. Grillo had already spoken to him about the Trinity, and he had a better idea than asking Abernethy.
"There"s a book store in the Mall," he said. "Do you want me to go look up Trinities there?"
"It can"t hurt," Tesla said. "If the Trinity scared Kissoon, maybe it"ll scare his paymasters. Where"s Grillo?"
"Out looking for a car. He"ll take you up the Hill. That"s where you"re both going?" He glanced in Jaffe"s direction, repugnance on his face.
"That"s where we"re going," Tesla said. "And that"s where we"ll stay. So you know where to find us."
"Right to the end?" Hotchkiss said, not taking his eyes off Jaffe.
"Right to the end."
Grillo had found and hot-wired a car that had been left in the motel lot.
"Where"d you learn to do that?" she asked him as they drove up towards the Hill. The Jaff sat slumped on the back seat, his eyes closed.
"I did a piece, way back in my investigative phase-"
"On car thieves?"
"That"s right. I picked up a few tricks of the trade, and I"ve never forgotten them. I"m a mine of useless information. Always something new out of Grillo."
"But nothing about Trinity?"
"You keep coming back to that."
"Desperation," she said. "We haven"t got much else to hold on to."
"Maybe it"s something to do with what D"Amour said, about the Savior."
"A last-minute intervention from on high?" Tesla said. "I"m not going to hold my breath waiting."
"s.h.i.t."
"Problem?"