Book 2: Chapter 550
All existences harbor emotions.
From the religious who practice self-restraint, to beasts whose nature precedes reason, and even the dead, who have only their souls remaining.
The Absolute Beings.
Even those who became absolutes couldn"t completely discard their emotions. Some mistakenly believe they are free from the Five Aggregates, but they have only learned a different way to view the world.
As far as Lukas knew, the beings furthest from the concept of emotion were the Rulers.
They acted as if they felt emotions from time to time to endure their tedious lives, but in reality, no matter what happened, they were merely unshaken.
Emotions definitely existed, but the world containing them was too small and insignificant to stir them.
Lightning G.o.d,
No. After knowing Residue, that fact became clear.
…In other words, as far as Lukas knew, existence and emotion were inseparable concepts.
However, right now, there clearly was an existence in front of him that had lost its emotions, not a religious person, not a beast, not a dead one, and certainly not an absolute, just a single human.
…A former disciple.
“……”
Min Ha-rin sat with a blank face in front of the collapsed cave.
“Why did you do it?”
Lukas"s voice was slightly submerged.
“Why did you discard your emotions?”
Min Ha-rin didn"t readily answer.
It seemed as though she was trying to grasp his intentions, or perhaps she was organizing her thoughts as she bowed her head in contemplation.
“Back then, I.”
Eventually, a dry reply fell like autumn leaves.
“I was suffering from a sense of powerlessness.”
“……”
“I thought I had to inherit the position and role of my master. It seemed like that"s what you wanted.”
“That"s─”
“I know. You never said anything like that. It was just what I thought.”
Min Ha-rin shifted the blame to herself, but was that really the case?
…No. That was wrong.
Lukas too had somewhat expected her to take on such a role. At that time, Lukas was suffering from severe self-contradiction and was acutely aware of his own deficiencies.
And he believed that Min Ha-rin, this child, could become something greater than himself.
“To lead those left behind, various elements were needed. Overwhelming power or charisma, a naturally high status, or achievements recognized by everyone……”
As Min Ha-rin listed these things, she shook her head.
“I had none of those.”
“…So, you went to the ‘bottom universe"?”
“That universe was the first to approach me. I saw it as an opportunity. The battles at the ‘outposts" greatly enhanced my talents, but that alone was far from enough. As a mortal, I had innate limits that I couldn"t overcome unless I could adapt to the rapidly changing situations.”
The ‘rapidly changing situations" referred to the Great Fusion that happened in the Three Thousand Worlds.
“It was your choice what to sacrifice, wasn"t it?”
“……”
“It"s regrettable, all the sacrifices you made, but among them, I am especially saddened that you discarded your emotions.”
“I don"t think it was the wrong choice.”
Contrary to Lukas, who was becoming increasingly emotional, Min Ha-rin"s voice did not waver.
“The power I gained by giving them up was formidable, and looking at it long-term, having no emotions was a tremendous advantage.”
That makes sense.
How efficient could an existence without a single emotion be? It applies to everything. The same goes for training. I understand.
…I understand, but.
“…You call it an advantage. Even though you know what you"ve become as a result.”
“What?”
“Do you have no regrets?”
“……”
Lukas bit his lip.
Min Ha-rin no longer had emotions. What was I expecting by talking to such a child?
“Master.”
Min Ha-rin said in a calm voice.
“I only discarded my emotions. The responsibilities and duties are still upon my shoulders.”
My words were abruptly cut off.
The current Min Ha-rin doesn"t know. It"s become impossible to know.
How futile a responsibility and duty without emotions are.
Because all living beings change. They continually evolve. At the core of such changes are emotions. People see the world and every time they feel something new, they change endlessly, until the moment of death, or perhaps even in death.
But without emotions… there are no changes.
They merely persist.
Until right before death, no. Until ‘just before breaking."
Even if there is a faint twist in the initial mission or responsibility, it cannot be corrected. They will firmly adhere to Min Ha-rin without wavering and go “to the end”.
Can that still be called a mission?
Isn"t it just a curse?
“Why exactly…”
Already, Min Ha-rin was speaking of the ‘Min Ha-rin" of that time and the ‘Min Ha-rin" of now as separate ent.i.ties. It felt continually alien, like she was talking about someone else.
A heaviness settled in the chest amidst the complexity.
…Was the sense of responsibility Min Ha-rin had, the pressure, that intense?
Was it so painful that she couldn"t endure it without discarding her emotions?
“Don"t you know?”
Lukas looked at Min Ha-rin again.
He saw her eyes, shining transparently like gla.s.s, chilling to the bone.
“What the master of that time meant to me, what kind of existence he approached as.”
“…What.”
“I imagined him as the perfect savior, a hero. Such a person entrusted me with ‘what comes next." There was no option to refuse. It was too glorious an opportunity.”
“──.”
Suddenly, he realized.
It wasn’t the sense of responsibility or pressure that led Min Ha-rin to such an extreme choice.
─And most of those you saved probably felt as if they had encountered a G.o.d. See? To them, you are a guide towards the absolute good.
The words of The Beginning Wizard came to mind.
His imperfect, contradictory self seemed like the ultimate goal Min Ha-rin had to achieve from her perspective at that time.
Lukas, having become an absolute, minimized his emotions. He acted indifferently in most moments, responding without emotion.
An incorrect form, certainly not something that can be deemed right.
But Min Ha-rin didn"t realize that it was wrong. Instead, she took it as a hint towards becoming stronger.
…An intensely pure and strong admiration.
“I just wanted to follow in the footsteps of my master.”
Hearing Min Ha-rin"s voice, Lukas recalled the words of The Beginning Wizard once more.
The influence he possessed,
And the reasons why ‘Lukas Trowman" needed to die.
* * *
The collapsing world, and the liquid of apocalypse falling like a waterfall.
It"s clear.
The black liquid he just saw was of the same nature as the darkness that surrounded the apocalypse he saw through the ‘Spring of Wisdom."
“Is it happening? The apocalypse.”
It was as sudden as he had always antic.i.p.ated, and in a form he could not have imagined.
Lukas looked up at the broken sky and thought.
Had this event happened even before the regressions started?
If so, why hadn’t I realized it? Because Magic Planet was the most secluded among the territories?
No. More importantly.
“What is The Beginning Wizard doing?”
Lukas thought about the owner of the Magic Tower.
It"s unlikely that man is unaware of this situation, so is he already responding? But still failing to completely contain it, hence the leakage?
Did he foresee this situation? If so, what was the real intention behind bringing Lukas to the Magic Tower?
…Something is off.
Lukas recalled the incident that took place in Demonsio, the territory of the 0th Demon, where Sedi resided.
There, Lukas met The Beginning Wizard. Even though it was like meeting an avatar, they exchanged words.
‘Despite the state of the Magic Tower, did The Beginning Wizard have the leisure to send an avatar?’
No. It"s hard to think that way.
Lukas suddenly had two thoughts at once.
…If such an event hadn"t occurred in ‘that world" at the time,
Perhaps the time of the apocalypse had been accelerated because of me.
[Do you feel guilty?]
“…….”
[The apocalypse is certainly important. Your current thoughts are the same. However, you are overly fixated on contemplating it as if obsessing over it. Shouldn"t that be the case? Even now, your attention and concern are focused on that woman.]
“That is.”
[Don"t try to deny it. You know better than anyone what relationship you and I have.]
Lukas remained silent.
No more wind blew across the snowfield.
[Do you remember what I told The Beginning Wizard?]
“…The only thing one should take responsibility for is the consequences of their own choices.”
Lukas sighed.
“That"s what I said.”
[Do you think otherwise?]
“No.”
Residue"s thoughts were arrogant and authoritative, but they couldn"t be said to be completely wrong.
However.
“Harin was my disciple.”
[So what?]
“I should have noticed the distortions she had. That"s the role of a teacher.”
[Ha. The purpose of a teacher is to point out mistakes and correct them. There is a limit to just warning. Until they get burned by the fire, it is only warm and generous. Do you understand? It all starts when a foolish disciple experiences it firsthand, and feels what went wrong.]
Residue"s voice grew quieter.
[But what is this regret you are currently harboring? What kind of existence do you want to become? Do you intend to hold onto your disciples so tightly in your grasp that they don’t even make a single minor mistake? Is that your idea of ideal teaching, to just restrain them and preserve them as flawless, perfect jade?]
“Are you trying to teach me with that? You think I don"t know such basic issues? There are irreversible mistakes in this world.”
[Irreversible mistakes? Do they really exist in this world? I want to ask. What do you think an ‘irreversible mistake" is? Is killing your parents such a thing? Or leading an entire world to apocalypse?]
Lukas felt a surge of irritation at Residue"s biting tone.
“The irreversible mistake would be you implanting lingering thoughts in me.”
[…….]
Residue fell silent.
Lukas chewed on his self-loathing after speaking.
This was a mean personal attack. Knowing how much despair Residue had from that, he still couldn"t suppress his momentary anger and blurted it out. Lukas felt nauseous from self-hatred.
Residue remained silent for a long time.
Had Lukas’s words wounded him? Was he feeling bitter?
Eventually, Residue murmured too.
[…That could have been reversed too. No. Maybe it wasn"t even a mistake to begin with. Lukas. You were the one who taught me that.]
“…….”
[You"re not a dreamer. No one knows better than you what a contradiction is. That"s why you also had the capacity to accept and embrace everything. What I want to ask is, why can"t ‘the Lukas who claims to be a teacher" do the same?]
Residue’s words were sharply piercing.
Lukas found no words to counter and remained silent.
[A perfect teacher is an impossible existence. If you feel sorry for that woman"s situation, just do what you can.]
What I can do.
I don"t know.
At this point, what can I do for Min Ha-rin?
Crackle…
The crack in the sky grew larger.
[…This world is wrong now, Lukas. Recall the original purpose.]
“Are you saying to go back up? When nothing has been resolved?”
[Ha. Have you become such a whiner now? Was your life ever so kindly ch.o.r.eographed with problems kindly popping up one at a time? If it"s a problem that can"t be solved right away, you have no choice but to put it aside, don"t you?]
“…….”
Residue declared coldly.
[Go up, Lukas. Towards the top floor, towards the source of that liquid of apocalypse. That is what you need to do now.]
*****