His dark gaze flashed gold and his dark, deep voice was dangerously quiet. "And how would you suggest I put it?"
"As it was...rather than how it is now-"
"That"s not relevant-"
"It is. I made that decision in the past-"
"What"s at stake here is trust," Nik delineated.
"Yes, but the circ.u.mstances-"
"Don"t count." His lean, bronzed face was unyielding. "You should have told me you were using birth control. That was a matter for us both to discuss. But then that isn"t what this is about, is it? You preferred to go behind my back and deceive me."
Prudence could feel the outrage he was containing. It was there in the rigidity with which he was holding his lithe, powerful body, in the burnished gold in his eyes and the prominence of his hard, cla.s.sic cheekbones. She wanted to scream with frustration and regret. Everything had been so wonderful, so perfect, and the future so promising. He need never have known that she was taking those wretched pills. Why on earth hadn"t she immediately disposed of the evidence?
In the midst of that train of thought, she was shocked by other, sneaky ideas travelling through her head. Hadn"t she always believed in complete honesty? What had happened to that? Nik had come back into her life and Nik was more important to her than anything else. That was why she had fallen off the straight and narrow path so fast her head was still spinning. She had wanted to preserve their relationship, not tear it apart.
"In spite of all the time we were together in Italy, you said not a word about the fact that you were using contraception," Nik ground out in the rushing silence.
"I didn"t think about it, not properly," Prudence said defensively. "I"ve just been so busy being happy with you-"
"Really...happy?" Nik framed in his slick, dark drawl that could be so incredibly sardonic in tone. "It was a great act. You wanted a baby, but there was no d.a.m.ned way you were about to risk that baby being mine!"
"That"s not true and I wasn"t acting-"
"A couple of months ago, you were willing to go to a sperm bank and choose a stranger to father your child...but I wasn"t good enough-"
"That"s ridiculous," she gasped. "I just wasn"t ready to talk about this with you-"
"You weren"t going to tell me at all. Do you think I don"t realise that?"
Prudence was so tense that her spine was hurting. "You"re not being fair, Nik-"
"How fair were you?" Nik countered in a wrathful undertone, his impa.s.sive facade starting to crack to reveal his cold, seething anger. "How fair were you being when you let me believe that we were trying to start a family? I wanted that child for your sake. I could have waited. I didn"t want a child until I realised that that was your biggest dream. Is this how you repay me for trying to give you what I thought you wanted? With lies and deception?"
And that was the precise moment that Prudence truly grasped how much damage she had done to their marriage and she was horrified. The halter she had had on her own emotions snapped beneath that pressure. "What choice did you give me at the beginning? I had no idea what to expect from you," she protested. "You forced me to make our marriage real and I had to protect myself as best I could. I had to think ahead-"
"Theos mou...was everything we shared a complete con?" Nik launched at her rawly. "Were you just pretending to be happy as well?"
Her sense of panic increased, for she felt as though she was being boxed into an ever tighter corner. "No, of course not. But I didn"t know how things were going to turn out between us before we went to Italy and that"s why I started taking birth-control pills. I couldn"t take the risk of falling pregnant. If I"d had a baby with you, it would have given you even more of a hold over me."
"You could have told me that upfront-"
"I didn"t think about it at the beginning and, by the time I did, it seemed too awkward and controversial-"
His lean, powerful face had hardened. "Maybe it gave you a kick to put one over on me."
Prudence was too worked up to pick and choose her words. "Yes, once or twice it did..."
Beneath his bronzed skin, Nik lost colour at that unexpected admission. He rested raw dark eyes on her, aggression leaping from every taut inch of his magnificent body. "You are not the woman I thought you were-"
Prudence felt her tummy flip as if she was teetering on the edge of a dangerous chasm. "Perhaps I shouldn"t have admitted that and I"m certainly not proud of it but I have feelings, too. I was very angry with you at the start, but I was scared as well-"
"Scared?" Nik interrupted wrathfully. "You have never in your entire life had cause to be scared of me!"
"How about when you told me my animals could go hang if I didn"t agree to give our marriage a trial?"
Nik shrugged an elegant shoulder and spread expressive lean brown hands in denial of that reminder. "It was just an empty threat, part of the negotiations. I knew right from the start that you would give in. Believe me, I would never have allowed any harm whatsoever to come to your animals."
"I"d like to say that I believe you, but I can"t. You"re not the world"s most compa.s.sionate person, Nik. Once I wouldn"t accept that side of you. I idealised you and it was very foolish of me," Prudence confided unhappily. "After all, your reputation always said you were a b.a.s.t.a.r.d...and when I crossed you, I discovered that you were much more callous than I had ever wanted to appreciate."
In receipt of that ringing indictment of his character, Nik had gone very still. He was shocked; he had enjoyed her romantic view of him as almost perfect. A very faint darkening of colour demarcated the slashing line of his fabulous cheekbones and then it faded, leaving him unusually pale. "That"s not how I am-"
"It"s the only way you know how to be. You"re tough and incredibly domineering, Nik. You just lay down the law, you demand, you expect-"
Nik rested brilliant dark eyes of reproach on her. "That is not how I behaved in Italy. That is not how I treat you, thespinis mou."
The hostility in the air and the taste of her own fear for the future scared Prudence but she refused to back down. "I agree...but that still doesn"t change how this marriage started out last month. Why are you trying to ignore the facts? You coerced me into doing what I didn"t want to do...just as my grandfather once did...and there was no way I was going to sit back and take that again!"
"That"s not an excuse for taking contraceptive pills to ensure that you didn"t have my baby," Nik condemned roughly, his Greek accent raking round every syllable of that abrasive comeback.
"Everything"s changed since I took that decision."
"But my sins have come back to haunt me. Some would say that is very appropriate and deserved," Nik said quietly.
"I wouldn"t..."
But Nik was no longer focusing on her. His striking gaze seemed to be looking inward and the sombre cast of his features struck a chill into her bones.
"Don"t be like this-"
Nik rested brooding dark eyes on her. "How else do you expect me to be?"
Prudence moved towards him and made a tiny placatory gesture with one hand, before hurriedly squeezing her fingers together and letting her hand drop back to her side. In such a mood he would reject her and all bravery deserted her in the face of that prospect. "Don"t think that I don"t appreciate that you" ve had to be tough to survive," she told him awkwardly. "Your whole family depend on you and I know that you had to be a hard-hitter to break away from my grandfather and still stay in business."
Nik bit out a harsh laugh, for she had not the slightest idea that once again he was fighting to stand firm against the might of Demakis International. But that was how it should be in his opinion: it was his duty to protect her from such worries. He cherished the memory of her happiness in Tuscany. "Is this my wife making excuses for me for being a b.a.s.t.a.r.d? Don"t waste your time. I"m not ashamed of what I am."
Prudence could feel the hostile distance in him and that was when she realised how much damage had been done to their marriage. He was Greek and he was very proud. At the end of the day, family meant everything. She knew that the belief that she did not want his child must have cut deep. "I didn"t want to tell you about the pills, because I knew they would create a stupid misunderstanding."
Nik shrugged a broad shoulder with magnificent cool. "What"s to misunderstand? As I said, I didn "t want a child until I made the error of a.s.suming that you were desperate for one. Keep taking the pills with my blessing," he urged. "Look, I have to go into the office. A lot has been happening on the business front while we were sunning ourselves in Italy."
Dismay and disappointment a.s.sailed Prudence. Just when she had given him her trust, just when she was ready to openly admit to him how very much she wanted to have a child with him, Nik had withdrawn the possibility and shut the door in her face. Even worse, his use of that word "desperate" in relation to her feelings about babies sealed her lips on any protest. She did not want to figure as desperate in Nik"s eyes, not when he made it so plain that he had only ever been willing to consider fatherhood for her benefit.
"Is that really how you feel?" Prudence prompted tightly, with tears burning the backs of her eyes and her throat aching.
Nik opened the door. "How else would I feel?"
In considerably less demand than a sperm bank, he thought to himself in answer to that question when he was safely on the other side of the door. He wanted to punch a hole in the wall. He needed to vent the explosive emotions attacking his usually clear thinking processes. That violent urge shook his view of himself, but Prudence had deceived him and he had fallen for it hook, line and sinker. His destructive thoughts raged on: how did he know that she had ever planned to use a sperm bank to have a child? Had he given her the divorce she had so badly wanted, would he then have discovered that Leo Burleigh was destined to become the father of her children? A sperm bank? Prudence, who was so conventional? Had that ever been a credible tale?
Once again, it seemed, he had underestimated his wife. She had seen through the facade and realised that he was a callous b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Nik raked long brown fingers viciously through his black hair and then studied his hand with a frown, for it had developed a slight tremor. What was the matter with him? At a time when he was fighting for survival in business he needed all his wits and his strength. Never had he been unequal to a challenge, he reminded himself fiercely. At best he had been on trial during their honeymoon. At worst Prudence was planning to walk out on him for another man. Why else would a woman who had been so keen to have a baby now guard so carefully against the possibility?
By the time Prudence got dressed and went off in pursuit of Nik, it was too late: he had gone. Panic threatened to take her over. She lifted the phone to call him and then hesitated. Wouldn"t it be wiser to wait until he came home? She could then talk to him with calm and sense. At present, she acknowledged, she felt neither calm nor sensible. In fact, she felt frantic and tearful and furious and hurt and terrified. Nik had been honest: he didn"t want a baby. She thought it was wonderful that he could admit that while censuring her for practising birth control. But the reflection was of little consolation to her. What really mattered to her was that she had hurt his pride and disappointed him and she blamed herself bitterly for not being more honest with him in Italy.
The evening pa.s.sed slowly, enlivened only by a call from Leo, who asked her to view a couple of properties with him later in the week. It was after midnight when Nik finally phoned to say that he would be working right into the early hours and staying at the apartment. Listening to the low voices and the bustle she could hear in the background, Prudence swallowed her disappointment and tried to act as if nothing was wrong. Maybe it was a good idea to let the dust settle, she told herself unhappily.
Nik was away for two days, and on the third evening, when he did return to Oakmere, it was Prudence who was absent from home and hearth. Nik went all over the habitable rooms, looking for a note. Then he went down to the stable yard and checked the sheds and the fields but there was no sign of his wife anywhere. When there was no other choice he rang her on her mobile phone.
"Where are you?" Nik enquired a shade tersely when she answered.
"I"m viewing an apartment in London with Leo..."
Nik breathed in very deep and slow.
"Are you still working?"
"No. I came home to spend time with you."
"And I"m out...what a shame," Prudence lamented with all the seeming regret that any man could wish to hear. "I didn"t think you"d be back tonight."
Nik found that confession far from comforting. What if handsome, attentive Leo wasn"t just a friend? How could he know for sure? Leo did nothing without consulting Prudence first. He rang Prudence continually and Prudence was attached to him. In comparison, Nik was conscious that he himself was at a severe disadvantage. He had coerced Prudence into living with him. She didn"t love him. Taking into account what she had said about his character, his wife didn"t like him very much either, he reflected heavily. But she still couldn"t keep her hands off him. s.e.xually he was very much in demand. Or had that been an act, too? A matter of good, clean fun? Prudence was a deeply sensual woman. And a deeply sensual woman, who had waited so long to explore that side of her nature, might well want to experiment...
"Nik?" Prudence pressed in the humming silence. "Look, I have to go. I"ll see you later."
It was very much later by the time that Prudence finally walked wearily through the ancient front door of the abbey. All she wanted to do was lie down and sleep for a month. Her desire to hurry home had been frustrated at every turn. Nik greeted her at the foot of the stairs. The minute she saw him b.u.t.terflies flew loose in her tummy. He looked so achingly handsome that she couldn"t drag her eyes from his lean, dark face.
"Where have you been?" Nik demanded. "I tried to ring you again. You didn"t answer your phone."
"It"s dead. I forgot to charge it," she sighed. "You wouldn"t believe the trouble I"ve had getting home-"
"Try me," Nik invited.
"Leo spent ages talking to the vendor at the property we viewed. When I got back to my car it had a flat tyre...Leo changed it but he had a dreadful time with the wheel nuts." Prudence threaded her hair off her damp brow with limp fingers and wished she could just sit down and slump.
"Wheel nuts," Nik repeated with glittering dark golden eyes. "Is that the best you can do for an excuse?"
Blinking in bewilderment, she paused on her pa.s.sage up the ma.s.sive staircase. "I beg your pardon?"
"It"s after midnight-"
"I"m not Cinderella-"
"And I"m not stupid. You"ve been with another man for hours on end."
"Another man?" Prudence frowned, not immediately able to identify Leo as falling within that category.
"You don"t answer your phone...you"ve been gone all evening. Naturally I"m suspicious."
When Prudence realised what Nik was driving at she could not hide her astonishment. "Suspicious of Leo and me? But he"s madly in love with Stella and has been for years-"
"Isn"t it strange that you never mentioned a Stella before?"
His persistence disconcerted her. The charged tension etched in his bronzed features was very real. Only then did she recall her silence when he had questioned her friendship with Leo after that misleading photo had appeared in the newspaper. She felt horribly guilty because she had made no attempt to settle his suspicions then and there. In fact she had actually quite enjoyed the idea that he was no longer so sure that her affections were firmly centred on him.
"Leo and I are mates and that"s all. I should have made that clear from the start. The trouble is...I quite liked you being a bit jealous," Prudence confided shamefacedly, wincing at an odd little shooting pain low in her tummy.
"I don"t do jealous," Nik a.s.serted between gritted white teeth.
Fighting off a sick wave of dizziness, Prudence acknowledged that she really wasn"t feeling very well and she gripped the bal.u.s.trade hard. Her complexion was paper white.
"Theos mou...What"s wrong?" Nik exclaimed.
Prudence swayed as her knees began to buckle and the darkness folded in. Nik threw himself forward and caught her in his arms as she fainted.
Prudence swam back to consciousness. She was lying on a sofa in the drawing room. "What happened?"
Nik was bending over her. His brilliant, beautiful dark eyes were full of concern. "You pa.s.sed out and almost fell down the stairs. I think you need to see a doctor-"
"Don"t be daft. There"s nothing the matter with me. I just think I overdid things today. I haven"t had anything to eat and I"m tired," she muttered ruefully.
"Leo really looks after you, pethi mou," Nik derided.
"A woman doesn"t need a man to look after her."
"It"s a pleasure for me to look after you...to see that you eat and rest and have no worries," Nik responded without hesitation. "I like doing it."
It was true and he did it so well. She remembered his solicitous behaviour in Tuscany. It had encompa.s.sed everything from ensuring she didn"t sit too long in the sun to letting her lie in bed longer than he did in the morning. They had dined at her favourite restaurants, visited the places she most wanted to see. He had spoilt her rotten and made her feel as precious as solid gold. Without thinking about it, she reached for his hand and pushed her cheek into his palm in a helpless gesture of affection.
The tension etched in his lean, hard features eased. Long brown fingers stroked her face. "I still want a doctor to check you out tomorrow. You look too fragile."
With his help she got into bed. He brought her an omelette which he swore he had cooked himself and while she ate he invited her to tell him about Leo and Stella. He laughed a couple of times. He said Leo was mucking about and acting like a wimp. Arguing with that macho judgement, Prudence began to relax and feel happy again. She had missed Nik so much. The giant hole in her life had felt unendurable. So what if he didn"t want children? she asked herself wryly. She could learn to live with that. Nothing was perfect. At some time in the future he might change his mind. If she had him, if she had the guy she loved, shouldn"t that be enough for her?
"I should"ve told you about the pills," she whispered in drowsy apology.
"No...you were right. I let myself forget how our marriage started out." Dark golden eyes sombre, Nik watched her slide into sleep. Earlier that day he had put Oakmere Abbey in her name so that whatever happened she and the sanctuary would be secure. The estate would be self-sufficient. If he wasn"t careful he would lose her as well as everything else. Somehow, some way, he had to address the image problem, he reflected grimly, fighting off his exhaustion. Subscribing to charity and pioneering business-enterprise awards for the young weren"t enough to impress Prudence. He had to do something compa.s.sionate in the animal line.
In the early hours, Prudence woke up and smiled sleepily at the familiar feel of Nik"s lean, hot, powerful body against hers. She lifted her lashes to study him. He was wide awake and watching her, too, golden eyes steady. He looked so serious and she wondered why, but only briefly, for the blue-black stubble shadowing his cla.s.sic chiselled features only added to his smouldering s.e.x appeal. Shifting closer, she gave an encouraging little wriggle. Surprised by his failure to take immediate advantage, she smoothed a provocative hand down over his hard, bronzed torso. He caught her fingers in his. "You were ill last night...we shouldn"t-"
"Refusal will offend. You said it was your pleasure to look after me," Prudence reminded him with dancing eyes.
An appreciative grin slashed his handsome mouth. "It is...a very great pleasure, thespinis mou," he a.s.serted, tugging her up against him with easy strength and taking her mouth with pa.s.sionate fervour.
A couple of hours later she hurried downstairs to join Nik for breakfast. She was crossing the hall when without the slightest warning a spasm of sharp pain gripped her pelvis and doubled her up. "Nik!" she gasped in shock and fear.
He took her to the nearest hospital. They were both totally stunned when a pregnancy test was carried out and came up with a positive result. Before Prudence could even deal with the knowledge that she was almost two months pregnant, she learned that she was losing her baby. Ashen below his bronzed skin, Nik listened with hollow, dark eyes when the gynaecologist opined that the very lack of symptoms that might have initially warned Prudence of her condition might well have indicated an unstable pregnancy. No, he a.s.sured her kindly, he did not think that she could have done anything to change what was happening. After that there was nothing to do but let nature take its course.
When it was all over she lay in her private room, staring sightlessly at the wall. She must have fallen pregnant the very first time she slept with Nik. Her most cherished dream had come true with the man she loved, but she had not had the chance to enjoy the fact even briefly.
"I wish we"d known," Nik breathed thickly, gripping her hand in his. "It feels so wrong that we didn"t know until it was too late."