"Not yet. Not quite yet. The time hasn"t come. But it will before long.
Then you must remember."
"I"ll remember always." She stood up and held out her hand. He took it in his, and shook it heartily. His manner was so quiet, so commonplace, his face and voice so calm, that she could hardly believe that he really cared, that he really "minded much," as she put it to herself. Can a man shake hands like that with a woman, she wondered, if he is broken-hearted because she has refused him?
"Now we must go," she said. "I--shouldn"t like to be late for my appointment."
"You shan"t be late," he a.s.sured her, cheerfully. Then, just as they were moving away from the table, he stopped. "Will you give me one of those roses," he asked, "to keep for a souvenir?"
Their waiter had adorned the little feast with a gla.s.s containing a few short-stemmed roses. Mary selected the prettiest, a white one just unfolding from the bud, and gave it to Captain Hannaford. So quickly that no one saw, he laid it against her faintly smiling lips, then hid it inside his coat.
When the taxi had rushed up the upper Corniche and had taken the carriage road to Roquebrune, Mary said goodbye to Hannaford in the _Place_ under the great wall of the old castle. She guessed that, perhaps, he would have liked an invitation to go with her to the cure"s garden, which he had never seen. But she did not give the invitation.
She even lingered, so that he must have seen she wished him to drive away; and he took the hint, if it were a hint, at once.
"Goodbye," he said, pleasantly. "Thank you a thousand times, for everything."
"But it"s I who have to thank you!" she protested.
"If I could think you would ever feel like thanking me for anything, I should be glad."
He released her hand, after pressing it once very hard; got into the taxi, gave the chauffeur the name of his hotel in the Condamine, and was whirled away. The last that Mary saw of him he was looking back, waving his hat as if he were saying goodbye for a long, long time.
XXIV
The big clock had just finished striking three when Mary entered the church of the old rock-town on the hill. She could feel the vibration of the last stroke, as if the heart of the church were beating heavily, in sympathy with her own.
Coming into the dimness after the golden bath of sunlight outside was like being plunged into night. For an instant all was dark before Mary"s eyes, as if she had been pushed forward with her face against a black curtain. The once familiar perfume of incense came pungently to her nostrils, sweet yet melancholy, like a gentle reproach for neglect. She seemed to be again in the convent chapel of St. Ursula-of-the-Lake.
Every well-known feature of the place was sharply visible; she saw the carved screen of black oak; the faces of Reverend Mother and the sisters, white and ardent in the starlike light of tall wax candles; she heard the voices of women singing, crystal clear, sweet and s.e.xless as the song of angels. The old oppression under which she had panted in the last days of her novitiate fell upon her again, like a weight. She felt that her soul was in a strait-jacket. Then, as she had often felt--and prayed not to feel--while the pure voices soared, the sensation of being shut up in a coffin came back to her. She was nailed into a coffin, lying straight and still under cool, faintly scented flowers; dead, yet not dead enough to rest. The terrible longing to burst the coffin lid and live--live--made her draw a deep, quick breath as of one choking, just as she had often struggled gaspingly back to realities after this obsession, while the singing went on in the dim chapel of the convent.
It began, and was all over in a few seconds. By the time her eyes had grown used to the twilight the impression of old, past things was gone; and relieved, as if she had waked from a dream of prison, Mary took note of everything round her: the largeness of the church, the effect of bareness, the simple decorations of the altar. She dipped her finger in the holy water, and knelt to pray for a moment, wondering if she had the right: and when she rose from her knees, the cure stood before her.
"Welcome, my daughter," he said. "I thought you were of the old faith.
Now I am sure. Thank you for coming. I should like to give you my blessing before you go into the garden."
Presently he pointed to the open door which framed a bright picture of sky, and flowers growing against a low green and gold background of orange and lemon trees.
"Go out alone," he told her. "I have to stay here in church a while.
Walk down the path to the wall, and look at the beautiful view. Then to the left you will see an arbour at the end of the garden. Wait there for me. I shall follow before you have time to grow impatient."
He said nothing of Vanno, whom she had been brought there to meet, and to "save." Perhaps the Prince had not cared to come. This seemed very probable to Mary; yet the thought that he might be avoiding her did not stab the girl"s heart with any sharp pang of shame or pain. A radiant peace had taken possession of her spirit, stealing into it unaware, as the perfume of lilies may take possession of the senses, before the lilies are seen. Though she felt grat.i.tude and something almost like love for the cure, she was glad that he had sent her into his garden alone. The flowery knot pinned on the bare breast of mountain seemed even more to her than the "fairyland" Rose Winter had described.
"Angel-land," she thought, as she saw how secret and hidden the bright spot was on its high jutting point of rock, with its guardian wall of towering, ivied ruin on one side, and the tall pale church on another.
She felt that here was a place in which she might find herself again, the self that had got lost in the dark, somewhere far, far below this height.
She stood by the low wall which kept the garden from the precipice; and when she had looked eastward to Italy, and westward where the prostrate giant of the Tete de Chien mourns over Monaco, she turned toward the arbour in which the cure had told her to wait. Most of the big gold and copper grape-leaves had fallen now, but some were left, crisped by frost until they seemed to have been cut from thin sheets of metal; and over the ma.s.s of knotted branches rained a torrent of freshly opened roses. They and their foliage made a thick screen, and Mary could not see the inside of the arbour; but as she reached the entrance Vanno stood just within, waiting for her, very pale, but with a light on his face other than the sunlight which streamed over him. Then Mary knew that something, more intimately herself than was her reasoning mind, had expected him, and had never believed that he would refuse to come.
He held out both hands, without a word; and without a word she gave him hers. He lifted them to his lips, and kissed first one, then the other.
Still keeping her hands fast, he drew them down so that her arms were held straight at her sides. Standing thus, they looked into each other"s eyes, and the glory of the sun reflected back from Vanno"s almost dazzled Mary. Never in her life had she known happiness like this. She felt that such a moment was worth being born for, even if there were no after joy in a long gray existence; and the truth of what she had many times read without believing, pierced to her heart, like a bright beam from heaven: the truth that love is the one thing on earth which G.o.d meant to last forever.
"Will you forgive me?" Vanno asked, his eyes holding hers.
"Yes," she said. "And will you forgive me, for not forgiving you?"
"How could you forgive me, when you thought of me as you did? But you know now that you thought wrong."
"Yes. I know. Though I don"t know how I know."
"And I know you to be _yourself_. That means everything. I can"t say it in any other way. Because it was your real self I knew at Ma.r.s.eilles--the self I"ve known always, and waited for, and am unworthy of at last."
"Don"t call yourself unworthy."
"I won"t talk about that part at all--not yet. I love you--love you!
and--G.o.d! how I need you."
"And I----"
"You love me?"
He loosed her hands, and catching her up, lifted her off her feet, her slight body crushed against his, her head pressed back; and so he kissed her on the mouth, a long, long kiss that did away with any need of explanation or forgiveness. There was no returning afterward to the old selves again, they both knew before their lips had parted. It was as if they two had climbed to the top of a high tower together, and a door had been shut and locked behind them.
By and by he made her sit on the wooden seat under the rose canopy; and going down on one knee, he took up a fold of her dress and kissed it. No man but one of Latin blood could have done this and kept his dignity; but as he did the thing it was beautiful, even sacred to Mary, as if he knelt to pour balm on the wound that once he had given her. Though his lips touched only her dress, the very hem of it, she felt the thrill of the touch, as she had felt his kiss on her mouth. This was her lover, and her knight. She half feared, half adored the thought that from this moment she had granted him rights; that a man loved her, and had kissed her, and that she had confessed to loving him. It was so different from anything which she had dreamed could come to her that she could hardly believe it was happening: for when she had left the convent she was still a nun in her outlook upon life.
Yet now this bowed dark head, and the rim of brown throat between the short, thick hair and the stiff white collar, looked somehow familiar, as if the man who knelt there had always been hers. So dear was the head, so boyish in its humility, that ridiculous tears rushed smarting to her eyes. She wanted to laugh and to cry. Where his lips had touched her dress, she almost expected to see a spark of light clinging, like a fallen star.
When he looked up and saw the tears, still kneeling he put his arms around her, and slowly drew her to him. Then her hands stole out to clasp his neck, her fingers interlacing, and she let her cheek lie softly against his. His face was hot as if the sun had scorched it, and she could feel a little pulse beating in his temple. There was a faint suggestion rather than a fragrance of tobacco smoke about his hair and his clothes, which made her want to laugh with a delightful, childish sense of amus.e.m.e.nt that mingled with the thrill of her love for him.
"You always belonged to me, you know," he said. "What time I have wasted, not finding you before! But I knew you existed. I knew always that I should meet you some day. And then I nearly lost you--but we won"t talk of that, because you have forgiven me: and forgiving means forgetting, doesn"t it?"
She answered only by pressing her face more closely against his.
"But there are other things for you to forgive," he went on. "I used to think I was very strong, not only in my body but in my will. Now I see that I can be weak. Can you love a man who does things he knows to be beneath him? I have made a fool of myself in the Casino--a fool like the rest. I began because I was miserable, but----"
"Was it I who made you miserable?"
"Yes. But that is no excuse for me. I deserved it all and more: I"d hurt you. And afterward, I went on being a fool, because--it gave me a kind of pleasure, when I"d lost pleasure in other things. It"s the weakness of it that I hate in myself, not so much the thing I did. A woman should have a man"s strength to lean on, if she is to love him. Weakness is unpardonable in a man. Yet I"m asking you to forgive it, and let me begin over again."
"I love you as you are," Mary said. "What am I, to judge? What have I myself been doing?"
"You are a girl; and you are so young. You knew no better. I knew. You were led on. I walked into the trap with my eyes open."
"I was warned. My father just before he died wrote me a letter saying there was "gambler"s blood" in my veins. Those words always run in my head now. And a friend who loves me begged me not to come to Monte Carlo."
"It was Fate brought you--to give you to me. Do you regret it?"
"I don"t regret anything--if you don"t; because what is past--for both of us--doesn"t feel real. This is the only real part. We were brought to Monte Carlo for this, it seems now."