He nodded.
"But what does it matter? You"re all right. It - it leaves some people out."
She looked at him somberly, mournfully.
"You are all right," he repeated.
"I don"t know," she almost whispered it. "I don"t know. I told you - about my dreams. And when I play - when I"m at the piano - those others come and take hold of my hands."
He was staring at her - paralyzed. For one instant, as she spoke, something looked out from her eyes. It was gone in a flash - but he knew it. It was the Thing that had looked out from the House.
She caught his momentary recoil.
"You see," she whispered. "You see - But I wish Maisie hadn"t told you. It takes everything from you."
"Everything?"
"Yes. There won"t even be the dreams left. For now - you"ll never dare to dream of the House again."
The West African sun poured down, and the heat was intense.
John Segrave continued to moan.
"I can"t find it. I can"t find it."
The little English doctor with the red head and the tremendous jaw scowled down upon his patient in that bullying manner which he had made his own.
"He"s always saying that. What does he mean?"
"He speaks, I think, of a house, monsieur." The soft-voiced Sister of Charity from the Roman Catholic Mission spoke with her gentle detachment, as she too looked down on the stricken man.
"A house, eh? Well, he"s got to get it out of his head, or we shan"t pull him through. It"s on his mind. Segrave! Segrave!"
The wandering attention was fixed. The eyes rested with recognition on the doctor"s face.
"Look here, you"re going to pull through. I"m going to pull you through. But you"ve got to stop worrying about this house. It can"t run away, you know. So don"t bother about looking for it now."
"All right." He seemed obedient. "I suppose it can"t very well run away if it"s never been there at all."
"Of course not!" The doctor laughed his cheery laugh. "Now you"ll be all right in no time." And with a boisterous bluntness of manner he took his departure.
Segrave lay thinking. The fever had abated for the moment, and he could think clearly and lucidly. He must find that House.
For ten years he had dreaded finding it - the thought that he might come upon it unawares had been his greatest terror. And then, he remembered, when his fears were quite lulled to rest, one day it had found him. He recalled clearly his first haunting terror, and then his sudden, his exquisite, relief. For, after all, the House was empty!
Quite empty and exquisitely peaceful. It was as he remembered it ten years before. He had not forgotten. There was a huge black furniture van moving slowly away from the House. The last tenant, of course, moving out with his goods. He went up to the men in charge of the van and spoke to them. There was something rather sinister about that van, it was so very black. The horses were black, too, with freely flowing manes and tails, and the men all wore black clothes and gloves. It all reminded him of something else, something that he couldn"t remember.
Yes, he had been quite right. The last tenant was moving out, as his lease was up. The House was to stand empty for the present, until the owner came back from abroad.
And waking, he had been full of the peaceful beauty of the empty House.
A month after that, he had received a letter from Maisie (she wrote to him perseveringly, once a month). In it she told him that Allegra Kerr had died in the same home as her mother, and wasn"t it dreadfully sad? Though of course a merciful release.
It had really been very odd indeed. Coming after his dream like that. He didn"t quite understand it all. But it was odd.
And the worst of it was that he"d never been able to find the House since. Somehow, he"d forgotten the way.
The fever began to take hold of him once more. He tossed restlessly. Of course, he"d forgotten, the House was on high ground! He must climb to get there. But it was hot work climbing cliffs - dreadfully hot. Up, up, up - Oh! he had slipped! He must start again from the bottom. Up, up, up - days pa.s.sed, weeks - he wasn"t sure that years didn"t go by! And he was still climbing.
Once he heard the doctor"s voice. But he couldn"t stop climbing to listen. Besides the doctor would tell him to leave off looking for the House. He thought it was an ordinary house. He didn"t know.
He remembered suddenly that he must be calm, very calm. You couldn"t find the House unless you were very calm. It was no use looking for the House in a hurry, or being excited.
If he could only keep calm! But it was so hot! Hot? It was cold - yes, cold. These weren"t cliffs, they were icebergs - jagged, cold icebergs.
He was so tired. He wouldn"t go on looking - it was no good - Ah! here was a lane - that was better than icebergs, anyway. How pleasant and shady it was in the cool, green lane. And those trees - they were splendid! They were rather like - what? He couldn"t remember, but it didn"t matter.
Ah! here were flowers. All golden and blue! How lovely it all was - and how strangely familiar. Of course, he had been here before. There, through the trees, was the gleam of the House, standing on the high ground. How beautiful it was. The green lane and the trees and the flowers were as nothing to the paramount, the all-satisfying beauty of the House.
He hastened his steps. To think that he had never yet been inside! How unbelievably stupid of him - when he had the key in his pocket all the time!
And of course the beauty of the exterior was as nothing to the beauty that lay within - especially now that the Owner had come back from abroad. He mounted the steps to the great door.
Cruel strong hands were dragging him back! They fought him, dragging him to and fro, backwards and forwards.
The doctor was shaking him, roaring in his ear.
"Hold on, man, you can. Don"t let go. Don"t let go." His eyes were alight with the fierceness of one who sees an enemy. Segrave wondered who the Enemy was.
The black-robed nun was praying. That, too, was strange.
And all he wanted was to be left alone. To go back to the House. For every minute the House was growing fainter.
That, of course, was because the doctor was so strong. He wasn"t strong enough to fight the doctor. If he only could.
But stop! There was another way - the way dreams went in the moment of waking. No strength could stop them - they just flitted past. The doctor"s hands wouldn"t be able to hold him if he slipped - just slipped!
Yes, that was the way! The white walls were visible once more, the doctor"s voice was fainter, his hands were barely felt. He knew now how dreams laugh when they give you the slip!
He was at the door of the House. The exquisite stillness was unbroken. He put the key in the lock and turned it.
Just a moment he waited, to realize to the full the perfect, the ineffable, the all-satisfying completeness of joy.
Then - he pa.s.sed over the Threshold.
THE LONELY G.o.d.
He stood on a shelf in the British Museum, alone and forlorn amongst a company of obviously more important deities. Ranged round the four walls, these greater personages all seemed to display an overwhelming sense of their own superiority. The pedestal of each was duly inscribed with the land and race that had been proud to possess him. There was no doubt of their position; they were divinities of importance and recognized as such.
Only the little G.o.d in the corner was aloof and remote from their company. Roughly hewn out of grey stone, his features almost totally obliterated by time and exposure, he sat there in isolation, his elbows on his knees, and his head buried in his hands; a lonely little G.o.d in a strange country.
There was no inscription to tell the land whence he came. He was indeed lost, without honor or renown, a pathetic little figure very far from home. No one noticed him, no one stopped to look at him. Why should they? He was so insignificant, a block of grey stone in a corner. On either side of him were two Mexican G.o.ds worn smooth with age, placid idols with folded hands, and cruel mouths curved in a smile that showed openly their contempt of humanity. There was also a rotund, violently self-a.s.sertive little G.o.d, with a clenched fist, who evidently suffered from a swollen sense of his own importance, but pa.s.sers-by stopped to give him a glance sometimes, even if it was only to laugh at the contrast of his absurd pomposity with the smiling indifference of his Mexican companions.
And the little lost G.o.d sat on there hopelessly, his head in his hands, as he had sat year in and year out, till one day the impossible happened, and he found - a worshipper.
"Any letters for me?"
The hall porter removed a packet of letters from a pigeonhole, gave a cursory glance through them, and said in a wooden voice: "Nothing for you, sir."
Frank Oliver sighed as he walked out of the club again. There was no particular reason why there should have been anything for him. Very few people wrote to him. Ever since he had returned from Burma in the spring, he had become conscious of a growing and increasing loneliness.
Frank Oliver was a man just over forty, and the last eighteen years of his life had been spent in various parts of the globe, with brief furloughs in England.
Now that he had retired and come home to live for good, he realized for the first time how very much alone in the world he was.
True, there was his sister Greta, married to a Yorkshire clergyman, very busy with parochial duties and the bringing up of a family of small children. Greta was naturally very fond of her only brother, but equally naturally she had very little time to give him. Then there was his old friend Tom Hurley. Tom was married to a nice, bright, cheerful girl, very energetic and practical, of whom Frank was secretly afraid. She told him brightly that he must not be a crabbed old bachelor, and was always producing "nice girls." Frank Oliver found that he never had anything to say to these "nice girls"; they persevered with him for a while, then gave him up as hopeless.
And yet he was not really unsociable. He had a great longing for companionship and sympathy, and ever since he had been back in England he had become aware of a growing discouragement. He had been away too long, he was out of tune with the times. He spent long, aimless days wandering about, wondering what on earth he was to do with himself next.
It was on one of these days that he strolled into the British Museum. He was interested in Asiatic curiosities, and so it was that he chanced upon the lonely G.o.d. Its charm held him at once. Here was something vaguely akin to himself; here, too, was someone lost and astray in a strange land. He became in the habit of paying frequent visits to the Museum, just to glance in on the little grey stone figure, in its obscure place on the high shelf.
"Rough luck on the little chap," he thought to himself. "Probably had a lot of fuss made about him once, kowtowing and offerings and all the rest of it."
He had begun to feel such a proprietary right in his little friend (it really almost amounted to a sense of actual ownership) that he was inclined to be resentful when he found that the little G.o.d had made a second conquest. He had discovered the lonely G.o.d; n.o.body else, he felt, had a right to interfere.
But after the first flash of indignation, he was forced to smile at himself. For this second worshipper was such a little bit of a thing, such a ridiculous, pathetic creature, in a shabby black coat and skirt that had seen their best days. She was young, a little over twenty he should judge, with fair hair and blue eyes, and a wistful droop to her mouth.
Her hat especially appealed to his chivalry. She had evidently trimmed it herself, and it made such a brave attempt to be smart that its failure was pathetic. She was obviously a lady, though a poverty-stricken one, and he immediately decided in his own mind that she was a governess and alone in the world.
He soon found out that her days for visiting the G.o.d were Tuesdays and Fridays, and she always arrived at ten o"clock, as soon as the Museum was open. At first he disliked her intrusion, but little by little it began to form one of the princ.i.p.al interests of his monotonous life. Indeed, the fellow devotee was fast ousting the object of devotion from his position of preeminence. The days that he did not see the "Little Lonely Lady," as he called her to himself, were blank.
Perhaps she, too, was equally interested in him, though she endeavored to conceal the fact with studious unconcern. But little by little a sense of fellowship was slowly growing between them, though as yet they had exchanged no spoken word. The truth of the matter was, the man was too shy! He argued to himself that very likely she had not even noticed him (some inner sense gave the lie to that instantly), that she would consider it a great impertinence, and, finally, that he had not the least idea what to say.
But Fate, or the little G.o.d, was kind, and sent him an inspiration - or what he regarded as such. With infinite delight in his own cunning, he purchased a woman"s handkerchief, a frail little affair of cambric and lace which he almost feared to touch, and, thus armed, he followed her as she departed, and stopped her in the Egyptian room.
"Excuse me, but is this yours?" He tried to speak with airy unconcern, and signally failed.
The Lonely Lady took it, and made a pretence of examining it with minute care.
"No, it is not mine." She handed it back, and added, with what he felt guiltily was a suspicious glance: "It"s quite a new one. The price is still on it."
But he was unwilling to admit that he had been found out. He started on an over-plausible flow of explanation.
"You see, I picked it up under that big case. It was just by the farthest leg of it." He derived great relief from this detailed account. "So, as you had been standing there, I thought it must be yours and came after you with it."
She said again: "No, it isn"t mine," and added, as if with a sense of ungraciousness, "Thank you."
The conversation came to an awkward standstill. The girl stood there, pink and embarra.s.sed, evidently uncertain how to retreat with dignity.
He made a desperate effort to take advantage of his opportunity.
"I - I didn"t know there was anyone else in London who cared for our little lonely G.o.d till you came."
She answered eagerly, forgetting her reserve: "Do you call him that too?"
Apparently, if she had noticed his p.r.o.noun, she did not resent it. She had been startled into sympathy, and his quiet "Of course!" seemed the most natural rejoinder in the world.
Again there was a silence, but this time it was a silence born of understanding.
It was the Lonely Lady who broke it in a sudden remembrance of the conventionalities.
She drew herself up to her full height, and with an almost ridiculous a.s.sumption of dignity for so small a person, she observed in chilling accents: "I must be going now. Good morning." And with a slight, stiff inclination of her head, she walked away, holding herself very erect.
By all acknowledged standards Frank Oliver ought to have felt rebuffed, but it is a regrettable sign of his rapid advance in depravity that he merely murmured to himself: "Little darling!"
He was soon to repent of his temerity, however. For ten days his little lady never came near the Museum. He was in despair! He had frightened her away! She would never come back! He was a brute, a villain! He would never see her again!
In his distress he haunted the British Museum all day long. She might merely have changed her time of coming. He soon began to know the adjacent rooms by heart, and he contracted a lasting hatred of mummies. The guardian policeman observed him with suspicion when he spent three hours poring over a.s.syrian hieroglyphics, and the contemplation of endless vases of all ages nearly drove him mad with boredom.
But one day his patience was rewarded. She came again, rather pinker than usual, and trying hard to appear self-possessed.
He greeted her with cheerful friendliness.
"Good morning. It is ages since you"ve been here."
"Good morning."
She let the words slip out with icy frigidity, and coldly ignored the end part of his sentence.
But he was desperate.
"Look here!" He stood confronting her with pleading eyes that reminded her irresistibly of a large, faithful dog. "Won"t you be friends? I"m all alone in London - all alone in the world, and I believe you are, too. We ought to be friends. Besides, our little G.o.d has introduced us."
She looked up half doubtfully, but there was a faint smile quivering at the corners of her mouth.
"Has he?"
"Of course!"
It was the second time he had used this extremely positive form of a.s.surance, and now, as before, it did not fail of its effect, for after a minute or two the girl said, in that slightly royal manner of hers: "Very well."