The Heart Of A Smith

Li Sui"s deep black eyes were now filled with sadness. This was the first time Lu Shang clearly felt that the person sitting across from him was a man—Li Sui wasn"t the little boy who could be easily deceived anymore.

"Not even a little?" Li Sui asked, trying his best to hold his tears. Li Sui was pleading with his eyes, he said with a trembling voice, "From beginning to end, did you treat me nicely only because of that compatibility report?"

Lu Shang answered Li Sui with silence. Li Sui"s questions were like broken pieces of gla.s.s, piercing straight into his heart, it was suffocating. Lu Shang couldn"t give a reply, he also didn"t know what to answer.

"I see." Li Sui nodded his head while laughing at himself.

Lu Shang seemed to be really tired, he only stared at Li Sui, he opened his mouth a bit but ended up not saying a thing.

"Over the past year, I"ve been searching, searching for a way to heal you. I considered many options, asked many people, read many books. The only thing I"ve never thought of was that the cure for you was in me all along." Li Sui smiled, "Lu Shang, I am actually really happy. At least… at least you could be saved."

From the second Li Sui saw Lu Shang entering the front gate, he had given up, he was going to give in to fate. There was a part of Li Sui which even he himself didn"t want to admit—that even if he knew Lu Shang was going to gouge his heart out, he"d willingly let him.

"Stop talking." Lu Shang cut him off, his voice was repressive, "I won"t be having a heart transplant, so just stop talking."

"Why?" Li Sui stared at Lu Shang with sharp, interrogating eyes.

His gaze was piercing, Lu Shang didn"t want to look at him, he averted his eyes. Lu Shang was heating up, his ears were ringing, and his chest hurt, he really didn"t have the strength to talk.

"Why?" Li Sui repeated the question, his eyes were still as sharp and relentless, as if he had to see through Lu Shang or else.

Lu Shang was in so much pain that his back was covered in sweat, he couldn"t take it anymore. He did his best to stand up, heading upstairs.

When Lu Shang walked past Li Sui, Li Sui grabbed hold of his arm, Li Sui asked, "Are you going to run away?"

The two of them stared into each other"s eyes, then Lu Shang said in a small voice, "I have nothing to tell you. You"re barely 20 years old, what do you know."

Li Sui looked at Lu Shang, and his expression changed slightly, "Do you really think that I know nothing?"

Li Sui closed in on Lu Shang, his eyes drooped a little as he said, "When something happened to me in the training camp, why did you put so much effort in finding me? You even used your connections to get the military involved. On the surface, you seemed indifferent to my problems at work in Tong Yan, but then you helped me sweep all the obstacles away, why? When I kissed you while I was drunk, why didn"t you refuse? Why did you react to me?"

Li Sui"s eyes darkened, he slowly pulled Lu Shang into his embrace. He said right beside Lu Shang"s ear, "Lu Shang, do you know how sad I was when I saw you lying on the surgery table? Do you know how much I want to kick away all the people who annoy you when I see how much you"re suffering? Do you know how much willpower I have to use just to stop myself from a.s.saulting you every night? I don"t just love you, I also want to…"

Li Sui didn"t finish his sentence, but just the unfinished version was enough of a shock to Lu Shang. Lu Shang never knew that this kid had already reached this stage when it came to their relationship.

"Please don"t kick me away." Li Sui landed a light kiss on the nape of Lu Shang"s neck, his voice was filled with aggrievement, "I love you. Please don"t rob me of the right to stay by your side."

Lu Shang subconsciously pulled his neck away a bit. Li Sui was hugging Lu Shang really tightly, as if Li Sui was afraid that Lu Shang would get away. Li Sui was holding him so tightly that Lu Shang felt his arm went numb, he couldn"t help but wiggled his body for a bit, "Can you let go with your hand first…"

"I"m not letting go." Li Sui forcefully pulled Lu Shang"s head back, raining kisses from Lu Shang"s chin down. Li Sui"s hand delved into Lu Shang"s coat, unb.u.t.toning the b.u.t.tons on his shirt one by one, "I know that you sent Uncle Yuen and Aunt Lu away so that you could talk with me alone."

Lu Shang only felt numbness in his brain, his fever made him slow and his head was spinning, at that moment he couldn"t really grasp what Li Sui was saying.

"What are you doing?" Lu Shang frowned, "You… umm."

Li Sui bit Lu Shang"s lips, that stuffed all the words Lu Shang was going to say back down his throat. It was definitely not a gentle kiss, both of their lips had a bit of blood when Li Sui moved away. Li Sui intentionally breathed out hot air into Lu Shang"s ear, "Lu Shang, I can"t hold it back anymore. I want to take you for myself."

"You…" Lu Shang trembled uncontrollably, his breathing became unstable as well, his limbs were weak. Lu Shang only felt his body burning up, he only saw the world spinning as he opened his eyes.

Li Sui was enchanted, he sucked hard on Lu Shang"s neck, a red mark immediately formed on the other"s pale skin. The feeling of pain from the bite was evident, Lu Shang wailed a little. The hickey was like a mark; seeing his own masterpiece, Li Sui got more excited, he lifted Lu Shang up horizontally, bringing him to the sofa.

The coat and Lu Shang"s belt fell to the ground, Li Sui pulled open Lu Shang"s shirt and prisoned his hands, suppressing the tiny struggling Lu Shang was making was just so easy. Li Sui kissed him again down from the neck, kissing his collar bones, his chest, his navel… As if all his shackles were gone, Li Sui ran rampant on the tender skin which he had been dreaming about for an entire year, leaving behind scores of marks that belonged to no one else but him.

The lights on the ceiling were blinding, Lu Shang"s lips fluttered open and close meekly. Lu Shang began seeing double, the suffocating feeling from the lack of air was like ink, spreading in his brain quickly, his consciousness turned blurry.

Li Sui licked and bit, exhaling burning hot breaths onto Lu Shang"s white skin. His hands greedily slid down along the other"s flesh, caressing every spot gently until it reached Lu Shang"s behind. Li Sui hesitated for a second, his expression darkened, then he forcibly pushed his index finger inside.

The sudden pain was like an arrow flying straight towards Lu Shang"s brain. Lu Shang"s breath stopped at the pain, the last bit of consciousness left him and flew into the air.

"Lu Shang…" Li Sui got what he wanted, he mumbled softly beside Lu Shang"s ear, in his voice was impatience, "Your insides are so hot."

The one being a.s.saulted didn"t reply. Li Sui froze, finally realizing that the slight struggling from the person beneath him was gone. Immediately Li Sui moved to Lu Shang"s face, "Lu Shang?"

Lu Shang was lying on the sofa quietly, his pale bloodless face was limply tilting to the side, his breathing wasn"t stable, and his body was slightly trembling. Li Sui"s brain began ringing in alarm, could it be that painful? As Li Sui thought that, he immediately pulled his finger out, lifting up Lu Shang"s head not knowing what to do.

"I"m sorry. I… did I hurt you?"

Lu Shang"s skin was burning, Li Sui didn"t realize that before, as he was too engrossed. Now that Li Sui placed the back of his hand on Lu Shang"s skin, Li Sui realized not only was his skin burning up, his shoulders were also shivering as if his chest was in pain.

Li Sui looked at the person beneath him, his clothes were all messed up. Li Sui"s expression changed drastically as it suddenly dawned on him, the color on Li Sui"s face was gone, as he said with a trembling voice, "Lu Shang… you have a fever?"

The continuous pressing force on Lu Shang"s hands was finally lifted. Lu Shang frowned as he wore a painful expression. He subconsciously curled himself up, and with how collected Lu Shang usually was, this action made him look as if he was scared.

"Don"t be scared, it"s fine." Li Sui was nervous, he immediately hugged Lu Shang tightly, "I… sorry, sorry…"

However, the person in Li Sui"s embrace still had his lips tightened, Lu Shang didn"t open his eyes either, his complexion was nothing like that of a healthy person.

Li Sui was almost going to cry, as he didn"t get any replies even after calling out to Lu Shang repeatedly. Li Sui clumsily put Lu Shang"s clothes back on, then lifted him up from the sofa, bringing him down to the car garage, "Let"s go to the hospital. I"m sorry. I didn"t really want to hurt you, I only want to force the truth out of you. I"m so sorry… I didn"t know you were sick…"

Li Sui brought Lu Shang straight to the hospital, Leung ZiRui happened to be on duty because of the burglary case earlier in the day. Leung ZiRui saw Li Sui bringing Lu Shang in, the corners of Li Sui"s eyes were all red, and he was also mumbling something the entire time. Leung ZiRui froze in worry, he thought something big had happened.

Leung ZiRui brought Lu Shang into the emergency room, he was only rea.s.sured after doing a preliminary examination. Leung ZiRui found it odd, Lu Shang"s health condition was poor in recent days, so having a fever or two wasn"t such a big deal, he was wondering why the kid was overreacting so much.

That doubt only lasted for a while, as he understood everything when the nurses came to hook Lu Shang up to the medical instruments. Leung ZiRui opened Lu Shang"s shirt to find the terrifying hickeys on his neck and chest, Leung ZiRui was so shocked that he almost fell to the ground.

He didn"t say a thing and directly rushed out to give Li Sui a punch. Leung ZiRui was so angry that the words were lodged in his throat, after a long time of silence, he said, "Don"t you know he has coronary diseases?"

Li Sui didn"t dodge the punch, he took it head on. After Li Sui steadied himself, he apologized with his head slumping, his eyes had self-hatred written all over them.

Seeing Li Sui"s expression, Leung ZiRui felt his headache intensified, he pointed at him, "Good job, brat, you… you dare use brute force on him."

Li Sui"s hands were balled into fists, his fingertips were whitened from the strength. Li Sui didn"t give a reply, he was biting on his own lips, his head lowered. The sadness on his face angered Leung ZiRui but at the same time shocked him.

With how things escalated, Li Sui was out of options. If only he was less intelligent and trusted Lu Shang"s nonsense, obediently going abroad to study as Lu Shang asked. Either that, or he should"ve never fallen in love with him. Of course, Li Sui would be devastated, having to suffer from unrequited love. Worse still, even when he was actually loved, it was still somehow unattainable.

After the injection, Lu Shang"s condition stabilized. Lu Shang"s fever finally went down when morning came, but Leung ZiRui quickly found a small problem with Lu Shang"s heart, so after discussing with Uncle Yuen, Leung ZiRui decided to do a small operation.

The nurses and the a.s.sistant surgeon were busily preparing for the operation instruments. After checking the anaesthetic, Leung ZiRui glanced at Li Sui who was sitting in the corner of the room, "Are you going to stay here?"

Li Sui looked at the unconscious Lu Shang on the operation table, "Can I?"

"You can." Leung ZiRui wore a pair of gloves, then froze for a bit, "But I suggest that you refrain from looking."

Seeing that Li Sui was staring at him, Leung ZiRui explained, "The image of an ongoing operation is intense, people who haven"t gone through professional training won"t be able to handle it. I don"t want to see you vomiting in here."

Li Sui slightly trembled, then he asked, "Am I affecting you?"

"You are not affecting me." Leung ZiRui continued working on the things in his hands, "You are affecting my a.s.sistant."

Li Sui"s gaze moved to the female surgeon standing beside Leung ZiRui, with a surgical mask covering her face, she turned her head to the side shyly. Li Sui stood up and walked to Lu Shang"s side, he held Lu Shang"s hand for a while, "I will wait for you outside."

The hand had zero warmth, and it did not reacted to Li Sui. Li Sui held Lu Shang"s hand tighter, only feeling pain in his heart.

It was only a small operation, so it didn"t take long, Lu Shang was pushed out of the room before noon. Compared to last time, Li Sui was more accustomed to the protocols of the hospital. Li Sui wore the sterilized gown and waited patiently in the care unit Lu Shang was in. When he saw Lu Shang"s eyes moving meekly, he called the doctors to remove the tubes.

Lu Shang was too weak, he was still unconscious when he was transferred to the normal hospital rooms. Li Sui used a straw to feed Lu Shang some water.

Lu Shang"s eyes opened a little while Li Sui was doing that. Quickly, his eyelids fell down again—but Lu Shang was half-conscious the entire time.

At night, Leung ZiRui went to Lu Shang"s room to check up on him, he saw that Li Sui was still sitting beside the bed wide awake with empty eyes, that made his heart soften, "You should go get some food, he should be awake soon."

Li Sui"s gaze was stuck on Lu Shang, hearing what Leung ZiRui said, Li Sui gently placed Lu Shang"s hand back under the blanket, the action was filled with affection and reluctance to leave.

Lu Shang woke up after about two hours, only Leung ZiRui was beside him.

"Stop searching, he"s not here." Leung ZiRui saw that Lu Shang was looking around the room, so he stopped him.

Lu Shang raised his hand to pull the respiration mask off his face. It took him some time to get used to it, then he turned his head to look at Leung ZiRui. The later had a weird look on his face, and there was anger in is voice, "Didn"t I warn you before about the dangers of raising a tiger?"

"You like him, right?" His tone was pretty sure.

Lu Shang turned his head away.

"Don"t try to lie. I know very well how serious your disease is, I know that you aren"t so weak that you couldn"t even handle a brat. You might be able to fool the kid, but you can"t fool me. If you didn"t have any feelings towards him, you definitely wouldn"t let him do that to you."

Shockingly, Lu Shang didn"t deny.

"Do you know that you are basically playing with your life here?" Leung ZiRui wore a pained expression.

Lu Shang lowered his eyelids. He was prepared to endure through Leung ZiRui"s anger. Unexpectedly, Leung ZiRui just gave a long sigh, he sounded pleased, "Lu Shang, I never thought there"d be a day when you"d be in love."

"Before, I used to say that you lacked personality and your life was too plain. When I tried to put myself in your shoes, though, I imagine that I couldn"t do any better than you. Endless checkups, endless number of surgeries. Every night when you close your eyes, you aren"t even sure if you could wake up the other day. Just thinking about that kind of a grey, colorless life makes me feel gloomy."

Lu Shang stared at him, there was shock in his eyes.

"This is pretty good, really. You got to try out all sorts of emotions and experiences, makes being alive and all the suffering worth it."

Lu Shang couldn"t help but ask, "You don"t object?"

"Why would I object? I"m your friend, but I"m also a doctor, saving people is my job." Leung ZiRui continued after a short pause, "I was actually pretty torn myself as well, I was always trying to find a way to save you but also not hurt him. I have to admit, there was one thing that I lied to you about. I asked you to wait, but it wasn"t so that you could wait for a new type of rejection suppressant (i), it"s so that I could find another way. I don"t want you to lose hope in living, but I didn"t want to take his life, either."

T/N: (i) In chapter 2, Leung ZiRui talked about a new type of cyclosporine he was developing. That thing was a kind of immunity suppressant, usually administered after organ transplant to reduce the chance of rejection of the foreign cells.

The two of them rarely got time to talk and clear things up, Lu Shang fell into silence for a while; his gaze moved to the window on his side, "… at the beginning I really only wanted his heart, but I didn"t want to feel too guilty about it, so I selfishly wanted him to be willing himself. When it actually comes to it now, I"m somehow really reluctant."

Leung ZiRui said hopelessly, "Talk about pathetic, you didn"t get his heart, instead your own heart caved in; Lu Lao Ban, that doesn"t seem like a bargain."

Lu Shang wiggled his stiff legs a little, then asked, "Where is he now?"

Leung ZiRui scratched the back of his head, and he said in embarra.s.sment, "Well, about that. I was a little too angry just now, so I gave him a hard punch. I guess he"s still depressed about it. Yeah, my bad. Help me apologize and smooth things over with him, would you?"