Rachael pondered. Elinor Pomeroy and the Villalongas, the Whittakers and Stokes and Parmalees again! Noise and hurry, and dancing and smoking and drinking again! She sighed.
"I believe I"ll suggest it to Warren, Alice. Then if he"s keen for it, we"ll do it next year."
"I would." Mrs. Valentine rose, and looked toward the beach with an idea of locating Martha and Katrina before sending for them.
"Isn"t it almost lunch time?" she asked, adding in a matter-of- fact tone: "Don"t worry any more, Rachael; it"s largely a bad habit. Just look the whole thing in the face, and map it out like a campaign. "The way to begin living the ideal life is to begin,"
my father used to say!"
This talk, and others like it, had the effect of bracing Rachael to fresh endurance and of spurring her to fresh courage for the few days that its effect lasted. But sooner or later her bravery would die away, and an increasing discouragement possess her.
Lying in her bare, airy bedroom at night, with sombre eyes staring at the arch of stars above the moving sea, an almost unbearable loneliness would fall upon soul and body; she needed Warren, she said to herself, often with bitter tears. Warren, splashing in his bath, scattering wet towels and discarded garments so royally about the place; Warren, in a discursive mood, regarding some operation as he stropped his razor; Warren"s old, half-unthinking "you look sweet, dear," when, fresh and dainty, his wife was ready to go downstairs--for these and a thousand other memories of him she yearned with an aching desire that racked her like a bodily pain.
"Oh, it isn"t right for him to torture me so!" she would whisper to herself. "It isn"t right!"
October found them all back in the city, an apparently united and devoted family again. Rachael entered with great zest into the delayed matter of redecorating and refurnishing the old home on Washington Square, finding the dignified house--Warren"s birthplace--more and more to her liking as modern enamel fixtures went into the bathrooms, simple modern hangings let sunshine and air in at the long-darkened windows, and rich tapestry papers and Oriental rugs subdued the effect of severe cream woodwork and colonial mantels.
She found Warren singularly unenthusiastic about it, almost ungracious when he answered her questions or decided for her any detail. But Rachael was firmly resolved to ignore his moods, and went blithely about her business, displaying an indifference--or an a.s.sumed indifference--that was evidently somewhat puzzling to Warren and to all her household. She equipped the boys in dark- blue coats and squirrel-skin caps for the winter, marvelling a little sadly that their father did not seem to see the charms so evident to all the world. A rosier, gayer, more st.u.r.dy pair of devoted little brothers never stamped through snowy parks, or came chattering in for chops and baked potatoes. Every woman in the neighborhood, every policeman, knew Jim and Derry Gregory; their morning walks were so many separate little adventures in popularity. But Warren, beyond paternal greetings at breakfast, and an occasional perfunctory query as to their health, made no attempt to enter into their lives. They were still too small to interest their father except as good and satisfactory babies.
One bitter December day the thunderbolt fell. Rachael felt that she had always known it, that she had been sitting in this hideous hotel dining-room for years watching Warren--and Margaret Clay.
There was a bitter taste of salt water in her mouth, there was a hideous drumming at her heart. She felt sick and cold from her bewildered brain down to her very feet. When one felt like this-- one fainted.
But Rachael did not faint, although it was by sheer power of will that she held her reeling senses. No scene--no, there mustn"t be a scene--for Jimmy"s sake, for Derry"s sake, no scene. She was here, in the Waldorf Grill, of course. She had been--what had she been doing? She had been--she came downtown after breakfast--of course, shopping. Shopping for the children"s Christmas. They were to have coasters--they were old enough for coasters--she must go on this quiet way, thinking of the children--five was old enough for coasters--and Jim always looked out for Derry.
She couldn"t go out. They hadn"t seen her; they wouldn"t see her, here in this corner. But she dared not stand up and pa.s.s them again. Warren--and Magsie. Warren--and Magsie. Oh, G.o.d--G.o.d--G.o.d-- what should she do--she was going to faint again.
Here was her shopping list, a little wet and crumpled because she had put her glove on the snowy handle of the motor-car door. Mary had said that it would be a white Christmas--how could Mary tell?- -this was only the eighteenth, only the eighteenth--ridiculous to be panting this way, like a runner. Nothing was going to hurt her- -
"Anything--anything!" she said to the waiter, with dry, bloodless lips, and a ghastly attempt at a smile. "Yes, that will do. Thank you, yes, I suppose so. Yes, if you will. Thank you. That will do nicely."
And now she must be quiet. That was the main thing now. They must not see her. She had been shopping, and now she was having her lunch in the Grill. If she could only breathe a little less violently--but she seemed to have no control over her heaving breast, she could not even close her mouth. n.o.body suspected anything, and if she could but control herself, n.o.body would, she told herself desperately.
She never knew that the silent, gray-haired waiter recognized her, and recognized both the man and woman who sat only thirty feet away. She had not ordered coffee, but he brought her a smoking pot. It was not the first time he had encountered the situation.
Rachael drank the vivifying fluid, and her nerves responded at once.
She sat up, set her lips firmly, forced herself to dispose of gloves and napkin in the usual way. Her breath was coming more evenly--so much was gained. As for this deadly cold and quivering sensation of nausea, that was no more than fatigue and the frightfully cold wind.
So it was Magsie. Rachael had not been seven years a wife to misread Warren"s eyes as he looked at the girl. No woman could misread their att.i.tude together, an att.i.tude of wonderful, sweet familiarity with each other"s likes and dislikes under all its thrilling newness. Rachael had seen him turn that very glance, that smiling-eyed yet serious look--
Oh, G.o.d! it could not be that he had come to care for Magsie! Her hard-won calm was shattered in a second, she was panting and quivering again. Her husband, her own big, tender, clever Warren-- but he was hers, and the boys--he was HERS! Her husband--and this other woman was looking at him with all her soul in her eyes, this other woman cared--all the world might see how she cared for him-- and was loved in return!
What had she been hearing, lately, of Magsie? Rachael began dizzily to recall what she could. Magsie had been "on the road,"
she had had a small part in an unsuccessful play early in the winter. Rachael had been for some reason unable to see it, but she had sent Magsie flowers, and--she remembered now--Warren had represented himself as having looked in on the play with some friends, one evening, and as having found it pretty poor stuff. So little had Magsie and Magsie"s affairs seemed to matter, then, that Rachael could not even remember the name of the play, nor of hearing it discussed. The world in general had not seemed inclined to make much of the professional advent of Miss Margaret Clay, and presently the play closed, and Warren, in answer to a careless question from Rachael, had said that they would probably take it on the road until spring.
And then, some weeks ago, she had asked about Magsie again, and Warren had said: "I believe she"s in town. Somebody told me the other day that she was to have a part in one of Bowman"s things this winter."
"It"s amazing to me that Magsie doesn"t get ahead faster," Rachael had mused. No more was said.
And how pretty she was, how young she was, Rachael thought now, with a stabbing pain at her heart. How earnestly they were talking--no ordinary conversation. Presently tears were in the little actress"s eyes; she had no handkerchief, but Warren had. He gave it to her, and she surrept.i.tiously wiped her eyes, and smiled at him, like a pretty child, in her furs.
Rachael felt actually sick with shock. She felt as if some vital cord in her anatomy had been snapped, and as if she could never control these heavy languid limbs of hers again. Her head ached. A la.s.situde seemed to possess her. She felt cold, and old, and helpless in the face of so much youth and beauty.
Magsie--and Warren. She must accustom herself to the thought. They cared for each other. They cared--Rachael"s heart seemed to shut with an icy spasm, she felt herself choking and shut her eyes.
Well, what could they do--at worst? Could Magsie go out now, and get into the Gregory motor car, and say, "Home, Martin!" to the man? Could Magsie run up the steps of the Washington Square house, gather the cream of the day"s news from the butler in a breath, and, flinging off furs and wraps, catch the two glorious boys to her heart?
No! However the situation developed, Rachael was still the wife.
Rachael held the advantage, and whatever poor Magsie"s influence was, it could be but temporary, it must be unrecognized and unapproved by the world.
Slowly self-control came back, the dizziness subsided, the room sank and settled into its usual aspect. It was hideous, but it was a fact, she must face it--she must face it. There was an honorable way, and a dignified way, and that must be her way. No one must know.
Presently the table near her was empty, and she began to breathe more naturally. She pondered so deeply that for a long time the room was forgotten, and the moving crowd shifted about her unseen.
Then abstractedly she rose, and went slowly out to the waiting car. She carried a heart of lead.
"I"ve kept you waiting, Martin?"
Martin merely touched his hat. It was four o"clock.
And so Rachael found herself facing an unbelievable situation. To love, and to know herself unloved, was a cold, dull misery that clung like a weight to her heart. Her thoughts stumbled in a close, hot fog; from sheer weariness she abandoned them again and again.
She had never been a reasonable woman, but she forced herself to be reasonable now. Logic and philosophy had never been her natural defences, but she brought logic and philosophy to bear upon this hideous circ.u.mstance. She did not waste time and tears upon a futile "Why?" It was too late now to question; the fact spoke for itself. Warren"s senses were wrapped in the charms of another woman. His own devoted and still young and beautiful wife was not the first devoted and young and beautiful woman to have her claim displaced.
For days after the episode in the Waldorf lunch-room she moved like a conspirator, watching, thinking. Warren had never seemed more considerate of her happiness, more satisfied with life. He was full of agreeable chatter at breakfast, interested in her plans, amused at the boys. He did not come home for luncheon, but usually ran up the steps at five o"clock, and was reading or dressing when Rachael wandered into his room to greet him after the day. He never kissed her now, or touched her hand even by chance; she was reminded, in his general aspect, of those occasions when the delicious Derry wandered out from the nursery, evading the nap which was his duty, but full of the airy conversation and small endearments that only a child on sufferance knows.
Rachael tried in vain to understand the affair; what evil genius possessed Warren; what possessed Magsie? She tried to think kindly of Magsie; poor child, she had had no ugly intention, she was simply spoiled, simply an egotist undeveloped in brain and soul!
But--Warren! Well, Warren"s soft, simple heart had been touched by all that endearing kittenish confidence, by Magsie"s belief that he was the richest and cleverest and most powerful of men.
So they were meeting for lunch, for tea--where else? What did they talk about, what did they plan or hope or expect? Through all her hot impatience Rachael believed that she could trust them both, in the graver sense. Warren was as unlikely to take advantage of Magsie"s youthful innocence as Magsie was to definitely commit herself to a reckless course.
But what then? Absurd, preposterous as it was, it was not all a joke. It had already shut the sun from all Rachael"s sky. What was it doing to Warren--to Magsie? With Rachael in a cold and dangerous mood, Warren evasive, unresponsive, troubled, what was Magsie feeling and thinking?
Proudly, and with a bitter pain at her heart, Rachael went through her empty days. Her household affairs ran as if by magic; never was there a more successful conspiracy for one man"s comfort than that organized by Rachael and her maids. For the first time since their marriage she and Warren were occupying separate rooms now, but Rachael made it a special charge to go in and out of his room constantly when he was there. She would come in with his mail and his newspaper at nine o"clock, full of cheerful solicitude, or follow him in for the half-hour just before dinner, chatting with apparent ease of heart while he dressed.
Only apparent ease of heart, however, for Warren"s invariable courtesy and sweetness filled his wife with sick apprehension. Ah, for the old good hours when he scolded and argued, protested and laughed over the developments of the day. Sometimes, nowadays, he hardly heard her, despite his bright, interested smile. Once he had commented upon her gown the instant she came into the room; now he never seemed to see her at all; as a matter of fact, their eyes never met.
In February he told her suddenly that Margaret Clay was to open in another fortnight at the Lyric, in a new play by Gideon Barrett, called "The Bad Little Lady."
"At the Lyric!" Rachael said in a rush of something almost like joy that they could speak of Magsie at last, "and one of Barrett"s! Well, Magsie is coming on! What part does she take?"
"The lead--the t.i.tle part--Patricia Something-or-other, I believe."
"The LEAD! At the Lyric--why, isn"t that an astonishing compliment to Magsie!"
Warren looked for his paper-cutter, cut a page, and shrugged his shoulders without glancing up from his book.
"Well, yes, I suppose it is. But of course she"s gone steadily ahead."
"But I thought she wasn"t so successful last winter, Warren?"