I
Will the time come, I wonder, when I can calmly "work up" these things into a plot? If so, I foresee that I shall have to toss a coin to decide on the casting of my own part in the story. Heads, I am hero; tails, I am villain. But it has always been a theory of mine that ninety-nine out of a hundred novels are unjust toward some of their princ.i.p.al characters. Each (alleged) villain ought to have his motives and actions explained from his own point of view, not according to that of the (also alleged) hero and heroine whom he possibly tries (with success or failure) to separate. If this were done in books, villains _qua_ villains would practically cease to exist; for it seems to me, in my experience of life as a man and a writer, that no normal, healthy villain is a villain in his own eyes. To understand all is to pardon all; and in a.n.a.lyzing his motives in order to justify himself to himself, he sees from every point of vantage, he knows how necessary certain actions are which appear evil to the limited view of the hero and heroine. They see him always obliquely, in profile; therefore they are prejudiced. And what is doubly unfair to the poor villain, the author of the book sympathizes with the others from first to last; whereas, if the villain were allowed to explain himself in his own way, not the author"s, he would stand in the centre of the picture. Not being prejudiced against himself, he would have a chance of appealing to the readers" sense of justice.
Unfortunately for me, I have a way of seeing two sides of a question at once, even when my own interests and those of another are violently opposed. This is a kind of moral colour-blindness; for to be colour-blind means merely that your eyes give you an impression of red and green at the same tune, so that you can with difficulty tell which is which. Both kinds of colour-blindness, moral and physical, handicap you for success in life. On the whole, I think the moral sort is the more inconvenient of the two. If you saw n.o.body"s motives but your own, you would be able honestly to detest your enemy and work against him.
You would then be happy and successful, because of your complete self-confidence. It is seeing the enemy"s point of view, and sympathizing in spite of yourself with him, which upsets you.
That has been my state of mind ever since I was a small and over-sensitive kid who wouldn"t watch a terrier worry a rat because something made me put myself at once in the rat"s place. Wiser boys called me a milksop and various other names, which I furiously resented yet inwardly recognized as just. Also they kicked me at times, and bashed me on the nose. I did my best in wild tempests of rage to kick and bash them in return, and now and then I gave them back as good or better than I had from them. But if I saw their blood flow, that same ridiculous Something which went out to the rat sickened within me, and was sorry.
I understand myself rather well, when I"m not in the grip of emotion; but at present my eyes are blinded. I feel so intensely for myself and for my sister that I"m not sure whether I act as I do more for her sake or my own. Probably, however, it is for my own. And, curiously enough, I dimly see past this brain-storm and heart-storm to some day of calmer weather when it may still be possible to make use of myself and her, and--the others, as "material." I don"t know if I shall do this, yet it may happen; and sometimes, even now, these disturbing incidents take form in my mind as scenes for a future book. I suppose this shows that the writer in me stands in front of the man. Some day I shall see myself clearly again one way or the other.
It was going to be a pleasant little story, this Scotch romance Aline and I had planned. I knew all the people in it intimately, and was in a hurry to pick the lock of their prison with my pen, for they were impatient to get out and begin to live and move. I thought Aline was almost as much interested, though she never gets into such wild enthusiasm over a new book that she can hardly wait to write it. She"s too well-balanced, and has too many outside interests, as a very pretty and popular young woman should have; whereas, since the joy of writing saved my life, it has always been first with me--until the other day.
With Aline, the mischief began on shipboard--or perhaps a little before, though I realized then for the first time what was happening.
I have great faith in Aline"s charm. I"ve seen several clever and important men go down before it; but somehow I felt doubtful about Somerled. If Aline has a lack--I may admit it here--it is temperament.
Possibly I have a touch of what she misses. And until I began to write, I often wished to be without it. Anyhow, I can see that, sweet and delightful as she is, a man of temperament might in exalted moments find a note flat in the music of companionship.
Somerled has, I should think, spent at least ten years in trying to bury his temperament under layers of hard common sense. But all the time it was there, like boiling hot lava under a cold crust; and when Aline told me how he valued their friendship, I wondered whether she were right, and just how deeply his admiration of her was rooted in his heart. I wondered if she were the type of woman he would want, not only for a friend, but by and by for his wife; and caring for Aline as I do, I worried about her affairs a good deal, apart from the influence they were likely to have on the book. Still, I confess I thought as much about the people in the story I had in mind as I did of my sister--if not more, at that time.
Then, the night Aline and I had our big talk about Somerled, the Girl came. And that was the end of the book for me too.
If some time I grow callous enough to write her into a romance (she"d fit into nothing else), I doubt if I could make clear the extraordinary and instantaneous effect of her on all those she approaches.
It isn"t only her looks, though she"s beautiful, as some blithe sprite met by chance in a forest. It isn"t only her youth, for she is too absurdly young. A girl, to be taken seriously by a grown man, should be at least one-and-twenty. She is, I believe, on the lilied edge of eighteen. Ridiculous! Yet where she is, other women, also beautiful and also young, are dimmed like candles that have burned all night when a window is flung open in the face of sunrise. Something in her eyes, her smile, the turn of her head, the light on her lashes and the shadow under them, the way she catches in her breath when she laughs and looks at you, the curl of her hair and the colour and fragrance of it, call to the deeps in a man. I defy any man to resist her completely. I have watched men in the street as I walked with her, or in hotel dining-rooms as she came in. Be they old or young, weak or strong, grave or gay, intelligent or dull, at sight of her the same pagan light of romance springs into their eyes. Mysterious and irresistible as the lure of the Pied Piper is the lure of this child who knows nothing of her own power.
She is a true daughter of Nature, but--she is also the daughter of Mrs.
Bal.
Can Mrs. Ballantree MacDonald have been such a one when she was eighteen? No, in spite of the haunting, almost impish likeness, I"m sure she cannot. But I think Somerled wonders, and that now and then the relationship and the resemblance creep between him and his instinctive perception of truth in the girl.
She came to us with Somerled on the night of our first sight of her, leading him as Una might have led her lion.
It was a blow to Aline, a blow over the heart, and I felt it for her on mine. She managed her affairs badly next day, but I didn"t blame her. I couldn"t. Somerled and I had already lost our heads.
I scarcely believe Somerled was in love with the girl then; perhaps he isn"t even now. He merely felt the call of youth, and a strange beauty and a stranger vitality. His life needed this call. It waked up the sleeping youth in his own heart. It set his old enthusiasms singing like birds uncaged. It made him want to be again all the things he had decided not to be. It brought back beliefs in realities that he had feared were illusions. In other words, it freed the temperamental artist and dreamer from the spoilt and successful millionaire. But he could have let the bright vision go, perhaps, and have been pleasantly contented later to remember it, if--it hadn"t been for Aline. Because she wanted to part them and make him forget the girl"s existence, she took the very way to throw them together. Then, when she had done her worst, she turned to _me_ for help.
I was horribly sorry for her, and the keen hurt of my sympathy made me fear for myself. The girl had got hold of me too, of course. When I found that she was going away from us with Somerled, I felt physically sick with the sense of loss. It was as if, with Barrie gone, everything was gone. I knew that poor Aline must be suffering exactly the same dumb tortures in regard to Somerled, whom she had thought so nearly hers. And that is why, when she begged me to help--somehow, anyhow--I wasn"t sure whether I promised to please her or myself.
I was able to do very little toward keeping the promise, either way, until Edinburgh. It was there, really, that Aline and I first seriously took up the role of villains--if we are villains. But two persons less well cut out by Nature for such parts can hardly exist. We want to be good and happy, and we want each other to be happy, and all those whom we love to be happy; but we want them to be happy with us and through us. This is where Mrs. Ballantree MacDonald comes into the plot. Without her, nothing could have happened as it is happening.
I shall never forget that first scene between the girl and her mother. I knew it would not be recorded in that poor little "book" of Barrie"s, which every day she was writing and hiding. I thought that the book, which had no doubt been leading up to this scene, would probably stop short at the last sentence breathing hope of it.
Not that I have seen what she wrote. It was I who put the idea of writing into her head; but, though she didn"t guess it, that was only done to give myself the right of Mentor when I still supposed we should all start gayly off together for Edinburgh from Carlisle. I suggested that she and I should "collaborate." Ha, ha! I believe "ha, _ha_," by the way, is an e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n confined entirely to thwarted villains in stageland; but if I am a villain, I"m not thwarted yet.
Aline"s attack of temper, which upset everything, upset that scheme among the rest; but it seems the impulse I gave, pushed Barrie on to achieve something literary. Only, she steadily refused to let me see a line she wrote. The sole pleasure I got out of her taking my advice was in Somerled"s face when I teased the girl about her "work." If he had been teaching her to sketch and paint I should have felt the same.
He is afraid of himself, because she has captured his thoughts; and afraid of her, because she"s Mrs. Ballantree MacDonald"s daughter. When he sees her followed by a trail of young men, like a bright comet with a tail it"s been busily collecting in a journey through s.p.a.ce, he asks himself whether this is going to be Mrs. Ballantree MacDonald over again? He wonders if he dare believe in the kindness of Barrie"s smiles for him, or whether his portion is no better than those she deals out gayly to the rest of us. At least, this is as I judge him, though from the first we"ve exchanged no confidences on the subject of "Mrs. Bal" or Barrie her daughter.
Somerled knew Mrs. Bal in America. I never made her acquaintance, but I saw her act in Montreal every night of her engagement there. I couldn"t keep away--yet I didn"t want to meet her. I thought perhaps if I did I should be a.s.s enough to fall in love. That is the truth. A good many fellows of my acquaintance, and others I"d heard of, had fallen in love, and had been flirted with till the lady was sick and tired of them.
After that they were very sorry for themselves. I never heard anything else against Mrs. Ballantree MacDonald, and I don"t believe there"s anything worse to hear, than that she"s a spoiled, flattered, selfish, and self-centred beauty, who expects every man to fall down before her, and generally gets what she expects.
None of us talked much to Barrie about her mother, though at first she was continually bringing up the subject. We knew she thought of it constantly: that beneath all her joy in escape from bondage, in motoring, and in her adventures in beautiful, historic scenes, there was always that undertone--"When I meet my mother." And we too felt the strain of suspense, though in a different way--at least, Somerled and I felt it. I could see it often in the peculiar darkening of his face when anything happened to suggest the idea of the mother in the background.
As for Aline, I suppose it was but natural her only interest in Mrs. Bal should be, "How will her reception of the girl affect me, if at all?"
Aline"s arranging to pick up the Vannecks at Dumfries gave her the excuse she"s been longing for ever since the quarrel, to get me into Somerled"s car, though she didn"t wish to seem as if she were forcing herself upon him. Perhaps he might have found some way of shuffling out of it, but in St. Michael"s churchyard at Dumfries she asked if he didn"t think the "little romance a very pretty one?" He inquired what she meant. She appeared amused at his denseness--"so like a man!"--and said, "Why, what could I mean except dear Basil and little Barrie? I didn"t know _any one_ could help seeing! But don"t say anything, please.
It might nip the orange-blossoms in the bud."
She told me this afterward, because I had to know if I were to "live up to it." And I"m afraid by that time I was ready to live up to it, whatever the consequences might be. That is enough to explain why Somerled without hesitation invited me to migrate into his car when Aline had filled up Blunderbore with a party of three guests. He might even then have kept Barrie in her place beside him, or have appointed me to it; but that wouldn"t have been Somerled as I see him, saying to himself, "Let them have each other"s society, since that"s what they want. I don"t know what _I_ want, or whether it"s best for her or me that I should want anything."
Right or wrong about his state of mind as I may be whatever it was, he surrendered to me with an air of grave kindness which put on again the several years he had thrown off in the last week. (Yes, it was only a week that had made these changes for all of us!) Sitting with Barrie and her good friend Mrs. James (great character, that little woman: must use her in a book sooner or later), I knew just how pa.s.sionately the girl was looking forward to the "surprise" meeting with her mother. My nerves were as tense as hers--even more tense, it may be, for I was like one behind the scenes, knowing what she did not know. I felt so sure the "surprise" was going to turn out differently from what she pictured that I had a sense of guilt whenever I saw her smiling dreamily. I was continually wondering what would happen, and what she would do when it did happen. And I had the impression that Somerled constantly brooded over the same subject, asking himself the same questions. The happier the girl was, the sorrier we both were for her, silently, without telling each other, and the more we wished to save her from any suffering to come. I knew that I could read so far into Somerled"s thoughts, where they kept to the same road as mine; but I doubt if he were conscious of any fellow-feeling with me. I was to him only the most deeply infatuated and the most seriously in earnest of Barrie MacDonald"s rapidly acc.u.mulating string of ridiculous young men.
Sympathy and curiosity, tossed together in an indistinguishable ma.s.s, made a confused omelette of my emotions as we spun along that lovely wooded road past Galashiels and into Edinburgh. I wanted to witness the first meeting of mother and daughter, yet I dreaded it. I didn"t see how I could decently contrive to be "on" in that scene, yet I felt it would be too bad to be true that it should be enacted in my absence--almost as monstrous as that the world should be able to get on with me out of it.
It was Somerled, of course, who settled that his Gray Dragon (Barrie"s name for the car) should arrive at Edinburgh on Sunday morning instead of Monday. He didn"t trouble himself with intricate explanations, merely remarking that a Scotch Sunday was a bad day for travellers, apart from their religious conventions. If they hadn"t any, others had; and those others were the very ones with power to make backsliders uncomfortable.
They could close abbeys and museums, and they could shut the doors of inns in hungry faces at meal-times. "Besides," he finished, without a smile, "I took over the job of guardian _pro tem_ from Barrie"s grandmother, and I"m sure Mrs. MacDonald would wish her granddaughter to go to church on Sunday."
Barrie opened her eyes at this speech. Probably she"d never heard any talk of theology from Somerled, and was puzzled by his sudden interest in her spiritual decorum. I guessed that he wanted to give her the brilliant spectacle at St. Giles as a surprise on his last day of guardianship, but it occurred to me also that there might be other reasons in his mind for cutting short the tour. He might be tired of me as a guest thrust upon him. He might be sick of the American boys, and the soldier, Barrie"s latest collected specimen (the Douglas youth also is travelling _en automobile_), or he might have reflected that it would be well to find out in advance where Mrs. Bal meant to pa.s.s her Edinburgh week. He must have realized that such a spoiled pet of society was as likely to visit admiring friends as to put up at a hotel.
We left Melrose a little before eight o"clock, promising Aline and the Vannecks (who hate getting up early) to engage rooms for them at the Caledonian Hotel. We had forty-six miles before us, but the Gray Dragon bolts a mile as a dog bolts an oyster, and as it was too early for many other dragons of his kind to be on the march, Somerled did a little discreet scorching through the lovely green and gold and purple landscape, past Galashiels, Stow, and Heriot. This haste--which didn"t mean less speed--gave us time for a detour of a few miles to Rosslyn Chapel, which it would have been a shame to miss.
I wish I knew more about architecture! I thought Rosslyn a gem, and should have described it as a thing of unique perfection; but Somerled, who knows all about such things, said no, it was far from right artistically, though beautiful in spite of faults. My description would briefly be: whole chapel like great carved jewel-casket for a queen; ornamentation simply dazzling in intricacy and delicate detail; extraordinary pale rose-flush in shadow on stone pillars, which have the rich cream tints of carved ivory. No two alike: Spanish spirit visible here. Reminded me of detail in Burgos Cathedral. Nice story about the Prentice"s Pillar. I looked it up when I found we were going to Rosslyn, and told it to Barrie before Somerled had a chance to open his mouth.
Showed her the sculptured head of presumptuous man who dared finish the column according to design of his own, while this master was unsuspectingly studying up ideas for it in Rome. She thought the pillar more beautiful than the "horrid master"s" work, and almost cried to hear that the prentice had died from the mallet-stroke of the jealous avenger. Barrie with tears in her eyes is a danger to beholders. She was particularly adorable just then, as her hair was wet with rain (our first rain) and curled on her forehead in little tendrils. This rain, by the way, came on worse later, and was perhaps the original, if indirect, cause of what might be called our villainhood--Aline"s and mine.
We were pretty well drenched getting from Dragon to Chapel and from Chapel to Dragon, though the distance was nothing, but the downpour severe. Then, we three pa.s.sengers were safely housed in the closed car while Somerled and Vedder the chauffeur had the full benefit of the storm. They were protected by a gla.s.s screen, but the waterspouts seemed to find them out, and Mrs. James and Barrie were so sorry for the two men that I felt a "luxurious slave" to cringe in shelter while others soaked.
Vedder, by the way, interests me as a type. I thought Aline and I had used up nearly all possible types of chauffeurs, but he"s a new one, and may prove valuable in case of future need. I understand that he was distinguished in his remote past as a prize-fighter, then as a c.o.c.kney coachman in London. Somerled rescued him from something or other--prison, probably, judging by the shape of his nose (think it must have been broken and mended in absent-minded moment by amateur) and the look he gives me occasionally from corner of eye--like vicious horse cowed by owner and dangerous to strangers. Barrie and Mrs. James think him such a "quiet, nice man." It is not their business to judge character, luckily for their illusions. My opinion of Vedder--who looks exactly like the frog footman in Tenniel"s ill.u.s.trations of "Alice in Wonderland"--is that he"s a smouldering volcano. He never speaks unless absolutely necessary, then uses as few words as possible, but his thoughts seethe in language unfit for publication except where his worshipped master is concerned. He also, in his way, is a victim of Barrie MacDonald. He has mentally apportioned her to Somerled, as spoil of battle. His vicious wall-eyes regard with distrust and hatred other male creatures who dare to contend for the prize. If he could arrange an accident to the Dragon without injuring it (an idol only second in his heart to Somerled) or any one under its wing, except me and himself, I feel sure he would risk his own bones for the sake of cracking mine. As for my sister, he does not approve of her. In looking Aline-ward, his face seems to become perfectly flat, like a slab of stone, features almost disappearing, except his slit of a mouth. "Nice, quiet man! So contented with his uncomfortable perch at his master"s feet!" But--when the slightest mishap befalls the Dragon, and his services are needed as doctor or surgeon, he lets bottled-up steam escape. Without a word, he sets to work like a demon, accomplishing what he has to do in about half the time our best chauffeurs have taken. I should not be surprised at any moment to see ears, eyes, and nose emit lambent flames. Chauffeurs are a strange race, and Vedder is the strangest of the lot.
Drawing near Edinburgh, and encountering the first tram lines, it was pretty to watch Barrie"s excitement. To understand, one had to remember that this was by far the biggest town the child had ever seen, so that even the outskirts impressed her as something stupendous.
As if for her pleasure, the rain stopped. "The nice, quiet man"
uncovered us pampered pa.s.sengers, and as we went on again, Edinburgh the beautiful, lying before us like a shadowy blue and purple map, began to take shape as a city of spires and monuments and gardens, and reveal its unique marvels. At this moment, I had my uses. Though it was my first sight of the Athens of Great Britain, I"ve f.a.gged it all up so faithfully for the book that I know what everything is and what most things mean. I ventured to point out the Salisbury Crags, and Arthur"s Seat watching over the town and Castle like a guardian lion. It was all very well for Barrie to come to Edinburgh to find her mother, but I didn"t want her to miss realizing that she was entering perhaps the most beautiful city in the world, and one of the most historic, after Rome. I knew if I didn"t give her this impression Somerled would, and wickedly I wished her to be primed by me before he got his chance. The only trouble was that I hadn"t enough time to make her see fully all the glorious contrasts which ought to strike the mind at first sight of Edinburgh, where Yesterday and To-day gaze at and criticise each other across a gulf material and imaginary. Even though Somerled brought the Dragon down to snail"s pace, I couldn"t do the subject justice, with my best eloquence s.n.a.t.c.hed at random from notebooks. Mrs. James would keep interrupting with quotations from "the doctor"s" famous unfinished MSS.
I would almost have preferred the silent Vedder as a chaperon. But there was some comfort in the certainty that Somerled was envying me the place to which I"d been appointed by himself. As he was driving through traffic, and couldn"t glance round, he was unable to see how Barrie"s eyes wandered from the points I indicated to others which she selected for herself.
My dramatic announcement, that where now rises the solid gray ma.s.s of old Edinburgh once crouched the wattled houses of the first inhabitants, scarcely caught her attention. She would gaze dreamily at Arthur"s Seat, because Mrs. James had just unfolded a meretricious legend to the effect that King Arthur used to sit there and watch his troops. And the dark crag of the Castle, with its thousand years of history, its crowning walls and towers, its chasms of purple shadow, riveted her fancy when I would have discoursed on the modern charm of Princes Street--that "half a street" so much more splendid than any whole street ever planned.
"The doctor told me, I remember," said Mrs. James, "that at the end of the eighteenth century, when they wanted to build the new Edinburgh, they had to bribe people by giving them large tracts of land in order to make them move out of the old town, or they wouldn"t budge. Sometimes a quarter of what they presented to one man in those days is worth a hundred thousand pounds now."
In spite of the girl"s excited admiration of the G.o.ddess-town, her first question on getting out of the car was to Somerled about her mother. "I think, if she stops at a hotel, she"s likely to choose this one," he said. "That"s why I"ve brought you here."
"Thank you," she answered. "Thank you for everything." Then it was my turn to envy him.
She was pale, her face drained of colour, and extraordinarily spiritual as she stood in the big hall, waiting to hear what Somerled would be told at the desk. He came back soon, and announced that Mrs. Ballantree MacDonald had engaged a suite at this hotel, but it was not known whether she would arrive that night or on Monday morning.
"Meanwhile, I"ve taken a room for you adjoining Mrs. James, as usual,"
Somerled said. "When your mother arrives and you have met, she can make any new arrangement for you she chooses."
"And you--will go on--with the others?" asked Barrie, catching her breath in that engaging way she has when she is excited and trying to control emotion.