But Kelexel had said the Chem were immune to personal violence. They were immortal. They couldn"t be killed. They never died.
The thought made her feel like an infinitesimal mote, a dust speck, lost, alone, doomed. She threw herself onto the bed, turned onto her back and stared up at the crystal glittering of the machine which she knew Kelexel used to control her. There was a link to it under his cloak. She"d seen him working it.
Thought of the machine filled her with an agony of prescience: she knew what she would do when Kelexel returned. She would succ.u.mb to him once more. The golden ecstasy would overcome her senses. She would end by fawning on him, begging for his attentions.
"Oh, G.o.d!" she whispered.
She turned, stared at the pantovive. That machine would contain the entire record of her mother"s death -- she knew it. The actual scene was there. She wondered then if she would have the strength to resist asking for that scene.
Something hissed behind her and she whirled on the bed, stared at the door.
Ynvic stood just inside, her bald head glistening in the yellow light. Ruth glared at the gnome figure, the bulge of b.r.e.a.s.t.s, the stocky legs in green leotards.
"You are troubled," Ynvic said. Her voice was professionally smooth, soothing. It sounded like the voices of so many doctors she had heard that Ruth wanted to cry out.
"What"re you doing here?" Ruth asked.
"I am shipsurgeon," Ynvic said. "Most of my job is just being available. You have need of me."
They look like caricatures of human beings, Ruth thought.
"Go away," she said.
"You have problems and I can help you," Ynvic said.
Ruth sat up. "Problems? Why would I have problems?" She knew her voice sounded hysterical.
"That fool Kelexel left you with an unrestricted pantovive," Ynvic said.
Ruth studied the Chem female. Did they have emotions? Was there any way to touch them, hurt them? Even to cause them a pinp.r.i.c.k of pain seemed the most desirable thing in the universe.
"How do you ugly creatures breed?" Ruth asked.
"You hate us, eh?" Ynvic asked.
"Are you afraid to answer?" Ruth demanded.
Ynvic shrugged. "Essentially, it"s the same as with your kind -- except that females are deprived of the reproductive organs at an early stage in their development. We must go to breeding centers, get permission -- it"s a very tiresome, boring procedure. We manage to enjoy ourselves quite well without the organs." She advanced to stand a pace from the bed.
"But your men prefer my kind," Ruth said.
Again, Ynvic shrugged. "Tastes differ. I"ve had lovers from your planet. Some of them were good, some weren"t. The trouble is, you fade so quickly."
"But you enjoy us! We amuse you!"
"Up to a point," Ynvic said. "Interest waxes and wanes."
"Then why do you stay here?"
"It"s profitable," Ynvic said. And she noted that the native female already was coming out of the emotional spiral that had trapped her. Resistance, an object to hate -- that"s all it took. The creatures were so easy to maneuver.
"So the Chem like us," Ruth said. "They like stories about us."
"You"re an endless pot of self-generating stories," Ynvic said. "And by yourselves you can produce natural sequences of true artistic merit. This is, of course, at once a profound source of frustration and requires very delicate handling to capture and reproduce for our audiences. Fraffin"s art rests in eliciting those subtle nuances which p.r.i.c.k our risibilities, capture our fascinated attention."
"You disgust me," Ruth hissed. "You"re not human."
"We"re not mortal," Ynvic said. And she thought: I wonder if the creature"s already with child? What"ll she do when she learns she"ll bear a Chem?
"But you hide from us," Ruth said. She pointed at the ceiling. "Up there."
"When it suits our purpose," Ynvic said. "We are required to stay concealed now, of course. But it wasn"t always that way. I"ve lived openly with your kind."
Ruth found herself caught by the casual aloofness in Ynvic"s tone. She knew she couldn"t hurt this creature, but had to try.
"You"re lying," Ruth said.
"Perhaps. But I"ll tell you that I once was the G.o.d Ea, striking terror into captive Jews . . . in Sumeria a while back. It was harmless fun setting up religious patterns among you."
"You posed as a G.o.d?" Ruth shuddered. She knew the words were true. They were spoken with too little effort. They meant so little to the speaker.
"I"ve also been a circus freak," Ynvic said. "I"ve worked in many epics. Sometimes I enjoy the illusion of antiquity."
Ruth shook her head, unable to speak.
"You don"t understand," Ynvic said. "How could you? It"s our problem, you see? When the future"s infinite, you have no antiquities. You"re always caught up in the Forever-Now. When you think you"ve come to terms with the fact that your past is unimportant, then the future becomes unimportant. That can be fatal. The storyships protect us from this fatality."
"You . . . spy on us for . . ."
"Infinite past, infinite future, infinite present," Ynvic said. She bent her head, liking the sound of the words. "Yes, we have these. Your lives are but brief bursts and your entire past little more -- yet we Chem gain from you the explicit feeling of something ancient . . . an important past. You give us this, do you understand?"
Again, Ruth shook her head. The words seemed to have meaning, but she felt she was getting only part of their sense.
"It"s something we can"t get from Tiggywaugh"s web," Ynvic said. "Perhaps it"s something our immortality denies us. The web makes the Chem into one organism -- I can feel the life of each of the others, billions upon billions of Chem. This is . . . old, but it"s not ancient."
Ruth swallowed. The creature was rambling. But the conversation was providing a time to recover, and Ruth felt forming within her a place of resistance, a core place where she could retreat and in which she was safe from the Chem . . . no matter what they did to her. She knew she"d succ.u.mb to Kelexel still, that this Ynvic creature even now was doing something to shade the Chem captive"s emotional responses. But the core place was there, growing, imparting purpose.
"No matter," Ynvic said. "I"ve come to examine you." She advanced to the edge of the bed.
Ruth inhaled a deep, trembling breath. "You were watching me," she said. "At the machine. Does Kelexel know?"
Ynvic became very still. How did the stupid native know to ask such a penetrating question?
Ruth sensed the opening in Ynvic"s guard, said: "You speak of infinity, of epics, but you use your . . . whatever . . ." She made a sweeping gesture to take in the storyship ". . . to . . . record a . . . killing . . ."
"Indeed!" Ynvic said. "You will tell me now why Kelexel is asking for me out in the ship."
The crystal facets above the bed began emitting a blue glow. Ruth felt her will melting. She shook her head. "I . . . don"t . . ."