"Help me put it up?" he asked.
She looped her arm through his. "Of course, Dad."
Chapter 5.
Anna was walking on the pebbly beach in Hove on Sat.u.r.day afternoon, wooden rowing boats on the sh.o.r.e beside her. Up to her right were the bright tones of beach huts, and, beyond that, a backdrop of elegant Regency hotels. Brighton and Hove"s landscape was deeply familiar to her, and she knew the places to go when she wanted to find calm. She had left the ice cream shop that morning, telling Matteo she was going to pick up some more milk but the truth was she needed some time to think. What Matteo had said, about missing Italy, had really unsettled her.
Almost always, walking this stretch of beach cleared her mind, but today the fog remained. All she could think of was Matteo saying those words: "I don"t want to be that man, Anna". Until that moment, she"d always thought she made him happy it was what he always told her but in that conversation she"d seen an echoing sadness in him. It wasn"t possible for her to get rid of that feeling for him and, worse, she"d realised that, by wanting to stay in England, she was the person causing it.
But leaving? Leaving her parents, and Imogen, the business, their home, whether for a whole summer, or and at this her stomach flipped over for ever? It seemed too much to contemplate, particularly now that they had Bella. He was asking too much of her. And yet, now that he"d said it, she couldn"t see how it could ever be undone. She would always wonder now what discontent might be there underneath. What might surface after a year, five years, when Bella was grown. It was like a crack in the fabric of their home. She could try to ignore it, avoid looking in that corner of the room. But then one day when she did it might have grown so much she would no longer be able to fix it.
A couple and a child were walking towards her on the beach, and, as they neared, she realised it was her ex-boyfriend Jon with Mia and their son Alfie. Her emotions whirled as she saw the little boy much taller now at five years old, but, in yellow wellingtons and a red coat, he still looked a tiny bit like the toddler she"d known and loved so much.
"Anna!" Alfie called out. He ran up to her with his arms outstretched, and her heart swelled with love. She wanted desperately to sweep him up into her arms, just as she would have done with Bella but she caught herself. Things were different now. They had been different ever since Anna had discovered Jon"s infidelity, tracked back the trail of lies to his ex-wife, Mia. Furious, she"d broken off their engagement.
Anna looked to Mia, and her reluctant nod confirmed that it was OK for Anna to hug her son. While she had been with Jon, living with him in her flat, Alfie had stayed at the weekends, and for a while she had felt almost like a parent to him but after the break-up that connection had disappeared. When Jon and Mia had reconciled breaking Anna"s trust, and, she"d thought at the time, her heart it wasn"t just Jon who left her life abruptly: it was his son, too.
She felt a surge of affection as she hugged Alfie. He had grown up and his mouse-brown hair was longer, but the essence of him was the same, his gurgling laughter, the familiar smell of his shampoo. Anna let go, and stood up to her full height again. Her hand remained on Alfie"s hair, gently stroking it, until a glare from Mia reminded her to step back.
"h.e.l.lo, Anna," Jon said, coolly. Anna nodded in greeting. The three of them stood there for a while, locked in an awkward silence. Usually, the seafront felt like an extension of home to Anna. On her strolls she"d b.u.mp into friendly, familiar faces, other workers under the arches, old schoolfriends, friends of her parents or Vivien. But seeing Jon and Mia brought her up sharply. Anywhere you have history, you are likely to find traces of darker times, issues that resist resolution, emotions and people you"d rather forget. For a moment, looking into Jon"s eyes, she was taken back to that time, when she"d seen their future together, wondered if maybe they"d have their own child, a brother or sister for Alfie. She recalled the rawness and pain of discovering how he"d lied to her, how everything she"d believed and invested in had been a pretence, nothing more.
Alfie looked from his parents to Anna, then finally spoke, breaking the silence: "I haven"t seen you for ages, Anna." He lingered over the "ages", drawing it out. "Where is Bella?"
The last time they"d seen each other, Bella had been a newborn, and Anna had been carrying her in a sling. Alfie had delighted in the way she was curled up there, like a pea in a pod.
"She"s at nursery today," Anna explained. "She"s a much bigger girl now. She can walk now. She can even say a couple of words."
"Cool," Alfie said. He kicked a stone with his welly. "I liked her."
"How are things, Anna?" Mia asked, her smile forced. "I hear the shop"s doing well."
Mia had never set foot inside the ice cream shop, and probably never would. The two women skirted around one another. When Jon and Anna had first broken up, Anna had seen Alfie from time to time, but those visits had become less frequent Anna could only a.s.sume that Mia had had something to do with that. She could understand it. At least Mia and Jon were still together, and Alfie had his family it had all been for something, that pain.
"The shop"s doing well, thanks," Anna replied.
The conversation ran painfully dry, and Jon glanced around awkwardly.
"Listen, I"d better get going," Anna said. "It"s quite busy in there this morning and we"ll be needing some milk soon. It was good to see you, though." She bent to Alfie"s level. As he looked at her, his eyes wide, Anna felt a tug at her heart. She would do anything to spend an hour with him, to play together as they"d used to.
She pictured Bella"s room in their flat. One time, not that long ago, it had belonged to Alfie. She and Jon had decorated it just for him. She had thought he would be a part of her life for ever. It still hurt, to know for sure that he wouldn"t be. She hugged him goodbye, and bit her lip to stop herself from crying.
When Anna got back to the ice cream shop, she felt dazed. Seeing Jon and Alfie again had brought memories, both welcome and unwelcome, flooding back. Matteo was busy in the kitchen, and Anna realised part of her was avoiding talking to him. When she and Imogen had first taken over Vivien"s, she had thought Jon and Alfie were everything she wanted. She had been wrong, and, since she and Matteo had got together, she"d never once looked back but it felt like a slight betrayal to be revisiting those thoughts.
She saw Imogen"s face at the door of the shop, and her spirits lifted instantly. She walked out from behind the chrome-and-pistachio counter and greeted her sister with a warm hug.
"Come and sit down," Anna said, leading Imogen in the direction of the counter and bar stools.
"I will, but first, what"s up?" Imogen asked. "I was expecting to see you at the guesthouse last night."
"Oh . . . G.o.d, I forgot about that," Anna said, putting a hand to her forehead. A pang of guilt shot through her. She"d been so caught up in her own thoughts that it had completely slipped her mind. "I"m sorry. How was it. Was Dad OK?"
"Yes, it went well," Imogen said. "Dad had a bit of a wobble, but that wasn"t a surprise to anyone, really. He seems much better now."
"Oh, good," Anna said, relieved. "And how"s it all coming together for the launch?"
"It looks great. Finn"s finished the website. Have you seen it?" She got her phone out to show her sister, but Anna seemed distracted.
"You OK, Anna?" Imogen said, putting her phone away. "You seem miles away today. Is something on your mind?"
"Oh, I"m all right. I just saw Alfie and it shook me up a bit." She bit her lip, the tears threatening to return.
Imogen touched her sister"s arm. "You must miss him."
"G.o.d, I do. I really do. And at times like this part of me wonders if it wouldn"t be easier if we weren"t still living in the same place."
"Exes should automatically leave town. I think that"s a good policy, in general," Imogen said.
"You"ve done a great job of leaving yours scattered across the globe," Anna said.
"Yes. All carefully planned," Imogen agreed. "Although Finn and I still ended up going to Thailand, where I met Luca. Thankfully he was long gone by then."
"Are you two still in touch?"
"No." Imogen shook her head. "Easier that way, like you say."
Anna paused for a moment, and went quiet.
"Listen, is this really all about Jon and Alfie?" Imogen asked. "I mean, that doesn"t explain you missing the other night. Is something else going on?"
Anna glanced behind her, into the kitchen. "Actually there is something else. Matteo and I were talking the other night, we had a . . . a differing of opinion."
"An argument?" Imogen said, her eyes widening. "But you guys never argue."
"No, not an argument. We don"t really argue. But it was upsetting." Anna"s voice caught as she spoke. "Imogen, I think this is big. He wants to go back to Italy."
"Really?" Imogen asked, putting a hand out to touch her sister"s shoulder. Anna nodded. "That"s a bit of a turnaround, isn"t it?"
"Yes. He always said he"d be happy to live here that provided we went back to visit from time to time it would be fine. But with Bella our whole lives have changed, been turned upside down and back round again. So I guess I shouldn"t be surprised that he feels differently now to how he did back then."
"Well, it might not be such a bad idea," Imogen said.
"That"s what I"m starting to wonder. I mean, initially I was dead against it, and then, well, this morning reminded me, there"s a lot of history here. Some of it wonderful and some of it difficult. Maybe making a change might do us some good. I mean, if Evie"s considering it at her age, then . . ."
"Evie?" Imogen said, surprised.
"Oh, yes. Sorry, I thought I"d mentioned it to you already. The shop"s not doing very well. I think it"s only a matter of time before she sells it."
"I didn"t realise that. Poor Evie," Imogen said, quiet for a moment as the news sank in. "But back to you . . . I mean, I don"t want to see you go anywhere, believe me. That"s the last thing I want. But I remember when you got back from Italy last time, after the course when you met Matteo. You seemed so energised and happy."
"I suppose I was," Anna agreed, her mind drifting back.
"You loved it over there. Why shouldn"t you go back?"
"I don"t know. It"s just . . . There are a couple of reasons I"m not sure about it."
"Starting with Matteo"s family . . . and ending with Matteo"s family?" Imogen asked.
"They are good people. And I"ll always be grateful to his mum for raising him the way she did. But we"re different. His mother is really full on. I don"t think it would work, us living right by them."
"Do you have to, though? Is he set on Siena?"
"No," Anna said. "Actually, I suppose he never said that."
"Italy"s a big enough country. Why not suggest somewhere else? It"d still be far easier for his family to visit, but you"d get to have your own s.p.a.ce."
"That"s an idea." Anna thought about it. "I"ll talk to him about it."
"Good luck, Anna," Imogen said. "I"m sure it"ll all work out."
That evening, when Bella was in bed, Anna turned to Matteo. What she and Imogen had talked about earlier that day had been running through her mind, and it had made her realise that the main sticking point, really, was his family and the thought of losing their independence not the move itself.
"I"ve been thinking about what you said, about Italy," Anna said. His eyes lit up. "Thinking, that"s all," she added, trying to manage his expectations. "If we were to go there and that"s still a big if it wouldn"t be for ever, would it?"
"Any time there a couple of months, longer it would be wonderful," Matteo said. "I"m not expecting you to move. It wouldn"t be fair after what I promised you."
"Could we try somewhere new?"
"Other than Siena?" he said.
"Yes. It"s not that I don"t like it it"s a beautiful place. But we have our own family now, and if we were to run a business of our own I think it might be nice to . . ." She paused, stumbling over the words.
"Not to do it in the shadow of my family, you mean?" She was anxious that she"d offended him. "I don"t see why not," he said.
"I was wondering about the coast. We both love being by the sea and Bella would like it."
"Yes. I guess she would. Whereabouts, though?"
"The Amalfi coast?" Anna said. "Sorrento, maybe?" She recalled what Evie had said about the place, how happy she and Vivien had once been there. "I know it"s a long way from Siena, but your family could still visit easily enough. It would be our place. Our new start."
He mulled it over. "It"s a beautiful place."
"You"d consider it?"
"Yes. Of course."
"So shall we start researching where to go with an open mind?"
"Absolutely," he said, his smile widening.
Chapter 6.
Finn and Imogen were at the Rose, their usual Sunday lunch spot when they were both in town. The weather outside was dull and grey, but inside it was cosy, and they were relaxing with gla.s.ses of wine and roast beef with Yorkshire puddings.
"How was Anna when you saw her?" Finn asked.
"OK," Imogen said. She paused, recalling the conversation she"d had with her sister. "Fine. Well, confused. Matteo seems to want to go back to Italy and I have a feeling I might have just persuaded Anna to do it."
"What?" Finn said, surprised. "Move the whole family out there?"
"Yes. I mean nothing"s decided. She was quite hesitant but I think I might have talked her into at least considering it seriously."
It had seemed like a great idea when she"d been talking to Anna, but now, a day later, the reality had started to sink in. What would she do without Anna here in Brighton with her? Anna was as much part of her life as . . . taking photos, breathing . . . chocolate cake. Bella, too. If they left, it would leave a ma.s.sive hole in Imogen"s life and she couldn"t even bring herself to think about what it would do to their parents.
"I want her and Matteo to be happy, and I think they probably would be if the setup was right. But the truth is I don"t really want her to leave," Imogen said. It was upsetting her now even thinking of it as a genuine possibility.
Finn covered her hand with his, and their eyes met. She felt instantly rea.s.sured, by his touch, the steadiness of his gaze. Finn had a way of making her feel grounded, complete.
"I"d miss them too. But I guess I can understand where Matteo"s coming from. He must want Bella to see some of the country that he grew up in. I imagine if it were me, and we had a kid-"
"Well, yes," Imogen said, eager to change the subject.
"How likely d"you think it is that they"ll go?"
"I"m not sure. There"s no plan yet."
"They"ll make the right decision for them. For what it"s worth, I think it"s great that you"re supporting her. And, if she does go, I"m sure you"ll be able to work something out with the business, I mean."
"Yes," Imogen agreed, her heart heavy as she said it. "G.o.d knows what we"re going to do about that."
"Anna knows you"re going to Brazil, right?"
"Yes. And, even if I weren"t, she knows that my days of running that place are firmly behind me."