A short story from the official website of a mobile game called Soccer Spirits. This was actually done quite some time ago and it was already posted on some of the game"s communities, but I"ll be leaving this here too for archiving purposes.
Caution: Everything in this story might sound very strange if you don"t know anything about the game. Especially the whole soccer thing.
Translator: Narane
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“Soccer unites the world.”
It’s a phrase that I hear with every new World Cup season. As the saying explains, in the game of soccer, even if everyone’s nationality, skin colour, culture, and religion are all different from yours, you’re going to be like an old friend to them when it’s over.
I had a similar experience when I was young. I remember playing soccer with foreign kids during my overseas trip. I played a game of soccer with players of other colours, white and black, and I was uneasy because of our language barrier. But after actually playing a game with them, chasing after them for ninety minutes as they kicked the ball around, and finally exchanging our jerseys at the end, I knew that we had mutually felt as if we had always known each other for a long time.
When that happened, soccer felt like a magical sport. I had met people whom I never could speak to or knew before, and yet it was as if I could understand them while we were playing soccer. That was more appealing to me than the act of kicking the ball-- the way I could be friends with complete strangers was the true magic of soccer.
And, in the last few years, events that no one could ever predict had unfolded.
The phrase “soccer unites the galaxy” was becoming reality.
Since I was young, I watched a lot of alien movies. They usually presented two scenarios for the first contact between aliens and humans.
The first version has the aliens bring a large s.p.a.ce fleet and then immediately begin an a.s.sault on Earth. In this story, the people of Earth either succ.u.mbs powerlessly, or a military group heroically defeats the aliens and saves Earth.
Second scenario: an alien or two accidentally ends up in the backwards countryside of the galaxy known as Earth. The aliens secretly meet up with some Earth residents and become friends, and after a long series of adventures, they return to their home world or continue to live on the planet.
If I ever hear of aliens coming to Earth, I would a.s.sume that either of those two things would happen, but the actual aliens had appeared for completely unexpected reasons. That is, their reasons had gone completely off-course from the generic excuses, like “We are the people of Altauri from the Alpha system, and we have come to form an alliance with Earth.”
The first contact was strange, but perhaps strangely familiar in some perspective. However it went, a few years ago, an alien-- or an alien life form-- had appeared on Earth.
Before all else, the most d.a.m.ning part of that situation should have been the fact that an alien has made a confirmed appearance on Earth. Yet the first place that the alien had chosen to visit was even curiouser: instead of making contact with the governments of each nation... it had visited the international football a.s.sociation. You know, the global soccer group.
The alien life form had the appearance of a rabbit. Okay, it was essentially a talking rabbit. The alien rabbit had introduced itself as “Littre.” Littre explained that there is a s.p.a.ce-wide soccer compet.i.tion known as the Galaxy League, and it’s managed by the Parliament of the Galaxy League. Littre had expressed interest in taking a representative of Earth for the Parliament, so it had visited the football a.s.sociation.
Of course, the news had turned Earth upside-down. Unsurprising, considering that a random s.p.a.ce rabbit had shown out of nowhere to talk about a s.p.a.ce soccer compet.i.tion. The world filled with heated discussions-- that NASA was responsible for all of it, or that Earth was secretly ruled by s.p.a.ce rabbits all along, or that soccer was an ancient sport given by aliens in the past.
As the years went on, with increasingly greater contact with foreign planets and aliens, Earth had regained a peace of mind as the stories of aliens had become old news. Aliens, s.p.a.ce rabbits, and s.p.a.ce soccer were all the norm at this point. I had heard later that Earth actually had its own team partic.i.p.ating in the Galaxy League. Humans have the fantastic ability to get used to just about everything.
So, why am I talking about this? Thanks to all of the mentioned events so far, I was sitting in a s.p.a.ceship.
My dad was with the football a.s.sociation. Not as the CEO, of course, but I had heard that he had a fairly important position that had him do important things. The original plans of the s.p.a.ce rabbit from a few years before was finally making progress, and the a.s.sociation’s representatives were going to have a meeting with the representatives of other planets. My dad naturally got put aboard the ship as a rep, and... he concluded that he might as well make it a family trip, thinking that he’ll never have another opportunity to go into s.p.a.ce.
And so, I was on the s.p.a.ceship. I expected to take a trip to the Moon by the time that I become a shriveled old man, but now, I was a seventeen year old kid, seeing the stars from a s.p.a.ceship. I couldn’t explain my feeling at the moment with words.
The s.p.a.ceship was a secret project that was quietly developed on Earth... would be a cool thing to say, but it was actually just shuttled here by the aliens. The aliens mentioned here were apparently from the planet “Umbra.” The people there looked quite a lot like the humans of Earth, but they had ears that resembled various animals.
The word “alien” tends to remind me of those gray-skinned humanoids with pitch-black eyes. But when the actual aliens look like rabbit or fox ears added on humans, they really might as well be just another human being in my country.
“Oppa, oppa. What are you thinking so hard about?”’
My little sister asked me from the seat beside mine. Black hair, twin tails to the side. Her pajama-like, rabbit-shaped coat and her rabbit ears were immediately noticeable. She is “Yu Nabi,” my little sister, who definitely isn’t a s.p.a.ce rabbit. After being told that she was visiting a planet of animal-people, she proclaimed that she must “do as the Romans do” and found herself a rabbit costume and a headband with rabbit ears.
Seeing that, I imagined some famous foreign musician repeating to the crowd in a Korean concert with a broken accent, “I like Kimchi! Bulgogi too! I love Gangnam Style!”. What was my little sister thinking? It was clear what the aliens were going to think when they see her.
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“Don’t ignore me! What were you thinking about?”
“I like Kimchi. Bulgogi too.”
“?????”
Nabi pressed her fingers against her cheeks and gave a puzzled look.
“This s.p.a.ceship’s interior-- it just looks like my airplane flights from years ago. I thought an alien s.p.a.ceship would look a lot more sci-fi, and cool, and all that.”
“Hehe, Danbi Oppa is a dummy! You don’t know? This is made in Planet Umbra, specially designed for Earth people! They copied after airplane interiors from Earth, so of course it’s going to look very familiar!”
“I know that, but I’m saying that’s just completely unnecessary.”
I just got considered an idiot by my own sister...
“On top of that, I thought aliens would have four arms, and three eyes, and maybe twelve legs, but they just look like humans.”
“Oppa, please! What do you mean, ‘look like humans’? They have cute bunny ears!”
Nabi pointed at a pa.s.sing stewardess as she spoke. The stewardess was wearing a hanbok-like, Asiatic traditional dress, and had rabbit ears. I heard that’s the trait of the “Myo” clan of Planet Umbra...
“You have bunny ears too, you know.”
“Oppa, please! These are fake bunny ears! Those are real bunny ears!”
“No, see, that’s why I said that I thought aliens would have silver skin and eight legs with tentacle appendages...”
“Whoa! Look at that! Her ears are twitching! That’s so cute!”
She wasn’t listening to me. Ugh...
Nabi had been overly excited about meeting the animal people since the beginning. Right as we were getting on the flight earlier, she was like a broken record, repeating “So cute so cute so cute so cute that’s so cute that I’ll die!” and when dad showed her photos of the people on Umbra, she went “So cute so cute kyaa-- my heart! Hnnnnnngh my heart’s exploding!” and once again annoyed me to no end.
What about this is so cute..? They just look like humans.
“Danbi Oppa is cute, too, so you could be like the Myo people if you wear bunny ears.”
“D-don’t say that...!”
I shook as I clenched my fists in annoyance.
“But Oppa is cuter than I am.”
“Stop it.”
“Why? If you dress up like a girl, you’re definitely going to be cuter than me. And if you take photos and put them up online... ‘Hngh! My heart!’”
“I seriously need to consider sewing your lips together. Stop blabbering, please.”
“Blabber blabber blabber~! Blah blah blah~! Yammer yammer yammer~!”
She was deliberately saying “blabber.” I thought about attaching a zipper on her mouth so I could zip it up. Others might think that my little sister is cute, but she was really my worst nemesis.
My face is, as my little sister put it, “cute.” It’s less of a face of man and more like a lady’s. My voice sounds androgynous, too, so I had often been mistaken for a girl when I was young.
After a history of being made fun of my girly face, it had become a kind of a trauma for me. I did my best to look more like a boy since my early age. Getting into soccer was a part of it. I had a time when I worked out until I was a muscular hulk and took my top off whenever I played soccer. I thought I could finally rest easy as people recognized me as a boy...
And after a pa.s.sing comment that went “Oh my G.o.d, that kid has the face of a lady but the body of a muscleman! That’s totally unbalanced LOL” I had once again returned to being very frustrated. I had given up on maintaining that body, too-- it looked weird to me, too, looking at myself in the mirror at the time.
The bigger trauma was at school some time ago, when I had been asked to go out with another boy.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy! You’re pretty!” were his words, and I got mad enough to physically kick him out of my face. I want to be asked out by a girl! A girl!
“Kyaah!”
Nabi screamed in surprise. I was just as surprised. While I was deep in thought, the ship shook with a ma.s.sive ‘clunk’. Did we crash into an asteroid?
“O-oppa, what’s happening? Are we going to go down?”
“Don’t be so stupid. We’re flying in s.p.a.ce, so we can’t just go ‘down’.”
I rea.s.sured my little sister, mixing in the comedic “straight man” act. I had gone on a lot of airplane flights in my youth, so turbulence wasn’t unfamiliar. Even if the plane shakes around violently, I just need to stay calm and still.
In the next moment, however, darkness enveloped my sight, and then I lost my consciousness.
I pinched my cheeks.
Pinching my cheeks proved I wasn’t in a dream, so I pinched my nose, my lips, and tore my hair out, and I still wasn’t in a dream to awake from, so I thought better and stopped the pinching.
I was in a tiny s.p.a.ceship. I was in a tiny room that was only enough to fit the size of my body. The ship seemed to be egg-shaped, so I imagined that an outside observer would think that I was in a ma.s.sive egg. I was in a white egg.
The door in front of me was opened outward, so I had a good view of the outside world. Looking at that, I was pinching my cheeks.
I had landed on a great field of purple crystals. The area looked like a desolate plain devoid of flora at a glance, and instead of gra.s.s, there were purple crystals. They looked like gems, or maybe simple minerals; at the very least, I’ve never seen them before. I wondered if I had fallen into a crystal cave, but that was an impossibility as the clear, blue sky was right above the field.
“What happened back there...?”
I could recall as far as the ship shaking violently after talking to Nabi. Then a big thud happened... and then everything went dark as I lost my consciousness.
No. Actually... My vision blacking out, and going unconscious were two separate events. I carefully recalled about the events that had occurred on the flight. My vision was blocked because an object fell from above and onto my face, like someone had put a blindfold over my eyes.
It might be entirely different, but traditional airplanes had a similar feature. When airplanes have emergencies, oxygen masks fall from compartments in the ceiling. I remembered practicing donning those masks several times over my numerous flights.
If that was the case...
“Did something happen to the s.p.a.ceship?”
What happened to Nabi? What about Mom and Dad? I couldn’t tell.
There were many confusing b.u.t.tons and controls within this egg-shaped, miniature s.p.a.ceship, but none of them produced any reactions when I mashed on each b.u.t.ton. I looked for a manual, but searching around the body-sized s.p.a.ceship produced nothing worthwhile. Even if it did, I probably couldn’t read any of it.
I was previously in a s.p.a.ceship that belonged to the United Kingdom of Kartina, so I was possibly in one of the escape shuttles within it. With that thought, I stepped out of the ship, making crunching sounds as I landed my foot on solid ground.
“I sure wish this was Earth...”
I looked around the crystal-filled lands. Everywhere I looked, there were nothing but purple crystals, with no fauna, people, or buildings. There weren’t even any other ships flying in the skies above.
A crystal-filled desert. I had traveled to many different countries as a child, but I had never seen such a sight. I’d seen a crystal cave before, but a crystal desert?
Was it an alien planet after all? As I rationally thought about the events thus far, that was the natural conclusion.
I had no idea what my next move should be. If I had anyone else with me, I could have had the rea.s.surance. I really didn’t know what was the proper action while stranded alone on an unfamiliar, alien planet. Should I return to the egg and sit still? Or should I draw an SOS signal on the ground and then hope for the best? Wait... How were aliens going to tell what SOS means? Things seemed worse with each moment.
I looked around. Alien monsters... were nowhere in sight, thankfully. Around me were only purple crystals. They were the only things that I could really see in the distance. I squatted on the ground, and inspected one of the purple crystals beneath me.
Purple crystal. The shapes didn’t seem to have a pattern. It wasn’t fully transparent, and it had clearly defined angles and surfaces like gem crystals. If I were to be rescued and made it back home, wouldn’t it be great to have one of these with me? A purple crystal from an alien planet. Not too shabby for a souvenir.
It was such a frivolous thought for a stranded man, but the crystal had caught my eyes the more I looked at it. After making up my mind to take back one with me, I touched the crystal.
“...Huh?”
I couldn’t move my hands. Both of my hands refused to move, with the crystal in their grips. Huh? What’s it doing? Why can’t I move? I tried to step away in panic, but my legs refused to move next. I thought I had been paralyzed. I realized something had gone terribly wrong and I tried to scream for help, but my mouth did not move, either.
My lips were without feeling. My tongue was solid. No voice was being made. My neck wouldn’t turn to my wishes. My eyelids were frozen. I couldn’t blink.
My entire body, as if it had become a crystal, refused to move a single inch. Feeling was leaving my skin. I was still staring at the crystal. My body was paralyzed as I looked at the crystal, so I couldn’t look away.
I continued to attempt at a call for help, but my paralyzed mouth did not allow any words to come out. No screams were heard. I was filled with regret a little too late. I was done for in the moment that I decided to touch the crystal. I knew that n.o.body would hear me even if I called for help, but I really wanted to say anything at all.
Ah, so this is how it ends.
The thought filled my mind. I was going to die a lonely death in an alien world, without friends, without family.
Images of Nabi, Mom, and Dad flashed by. I saw my childhood soccer friends, too. I could never hold a conversation with them and they looked very different than I, but I really had a lot of fun playing soccer with them. That was the most fun I had in those days. Getting to meet the different people of the world through a children’s soccer team was great. I recalled the jersey exchanges in the aftermath.
Am I never going to play soccer again...? That was my final question. My body was tingling. I couldn’t move. I was going to die a slow death as I stood still as a stone statue. It was all too sad.
“What are you doing there?”
I clearly heard that voice. I thought I was hearing things for a moment. It was very apparently the voice of a woman asking ‘what are you doing there?’ I was very relieved. I could actually understand her. I tried to reply, but no words were coming out-- of course, I was still paralyzed. I had to say something back...
“Can’t you hear me? I asked what you’re doing there.”
I wanted to answer, but I could neither speak nor turn my head. I detected a hint of annoyance in the woman’s voice. No, wait, stop being annoyed and help me out! I’m completely paralyzed and I can’t do a thing!
“Wait... You’re a guy?”
Footsteps approached. I heard her walking in my way. I really wanted to see her for myself, and that didn’t work. Not even my eyes could roll over to look, which were fixated on the purple crystal instead.
“But that face has to be a girl’s...?”
She saw my face. Then please, help me! Don’t just look! The mysterious stranger began poking my face with her fingers. Then, she suddenly slapped my face.
“Seeing how you’re paralyzed, you have to be a man, but... Maybe you just look like a girl?”
Footsteps crunched by again. She was walking away somewhere. Wait, stop! Come back and save me!
“That’s an escape pod from a Kartina ship... What business does Kartina have on Planet Kiri? Oh, wait, you can’t speak, can you?”
I thought I’d nod if I can’t speak, but that was also futile. Presumably, she was looking around the s.p.a.ceship. The mystery lady’s footsteps approached again, returning to my direction.
“Only an idiot of a man would touch this crystal, though.”
I had no idea what she was talking about. Are men not allowed to touch this crystal? How was I supposed to know?
“Your body’s probably poisoned and paralyzed at this point... So you won’t be able to speak, or look at me. You don’t know who I am, because you can’t see who I am.”
Yep. I’m poisoned. Please save me.
“So, what should I do? Should I save you? Maybe not?”
I was getting angrier with each word. Why even ask, if you know that I’m unable to reply?
“If I rescue you here, then you’ll be indebted to me as your saviour. ...The price should be pretty steep, huh? Do you have the money for repayment? Or maybe alternate things of value?”
She continued to ask questions to a voiceless man. Whoever she was, she was evil. She was truly the worst.
“If you have nothing, then you’re going to have to pay with your own body, so you should brace for that. I’ve run a lot of businesses in my life, but charity isn’t one of them, you see? If you have own nothing, then I’ll own you.”
Okay, alright! Just take it all! My body, my parents’ money, whatever it is! Just save me!
“Then, when you’re able to talk again, let’s talk about your methods of repayment.”
Soon, darkness came over my sight again. I didn’t lose my consciousness, but I was put into some sort of a coffin. As I was put into the coffin, the lid was shut, and pitch black covered my eyes.
What could possibly happen to me now?
Light returned to my vision. The lid had come off.
“Hm? You’re awake? Let’s see, let’s see. Body functions are normal. Respiration is fine. Oho, good! You’re perfectly healthy!”
I saw a face with blue goggles. She had green hair, but the goggles covered the most of her face so her eyes remained unseen. Beneath that was her disheveled work clothing, and sprouting from her sides were...
“Whaaah! It’s a monster with nine arms!!!”
Numerous metal arms were holding tools like hammers and spanners. The goggles threw me off for a moment, but that was definitely a nine-armed alien!
“What! No! These are mech arms for my work!”
One of the arms took the goggles off of her face, and her green, sparkling eyes were revealed from underneath. W-wait, she looks like she could be my sister’s age, but the robot arms behind on her backs are...
“Whaaaaaaaah! It’s a girl-like monster with nine arms!!”
“Hey... You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you?”
The girl grumbled and shook her mechanical arms around. What did she think she was-- an Indonesian G.o.ddess...? I shrunk away in fear, and the girl sighed. She collapsed her human arms onto her chest and, like taking off a school backpack, she removed the mechanical arms aside.
“Oh, so they’re robot arms.”
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The thing on her back was a mechanical contraption that controlled the nine arms. After taking the device off, the girl looked like any other girls at my little sister’s age. Looking around, the area looked like it was the interior of a futuristic s.p.a.ceship. I was in a state-of-the-art laboratory, and there were more coffin-like containers around me.
My outfit was... the same. It was as I had in my s.p.a.ce flight.
“Will you believe that I’m not a monster now? Seeeriously~ Those are support arms for helping me do my work.”
“U-uh, fine, I’ll believe you. But, who are you? And... where am I?”
“Me? I’m Mirial. Mirial Shuutena. Just call me Mirial~ I’m the engineer of this ship!”
“Oh... I’m Yu Danbi.”
I could have guessed that she was an engineer.
“You’re in Minerva Kingdom on Planet Kiri.”
“Planet Kiri? Minerva Kingdom? Where is that?”
“Whoa! You don’t know Minerva Kingdom?!”
The little girl clasped her hands around her mouth as if she were truly surprised. She was like a city girl making fun of a countryside b.u.mpkin for not knowing trivial things...
“Do you seriously not know about the galaxy’s most powerful nation, Minerva Kingdom? Is there even anyone left who doesn’t know about the military powerhouse that ended the star wars? Are you suffering from memory loss?!”
“I don’t have memory loss!”
“Then how under the rock do you have to be to... H-hey, do you know how many this is? You see, this is called a ‘number’...”
The girl made a V-sign with her hand.
“That’s two! I know that much!! I’m from Earth!”
“Earth? Was there a tribe like that on Kartina?”
I realized where the mistake originated.
“I’m not from the United Kingdom of Kartina, but from a planet called Earth. I’m a guy from Earth. Earth. Earth, the planet in the Sol system!”
“What’s an Earth? Is there really a planet called that?”
Earth must have been completely insignificant to the people around here.
“Hmm. You came out of a Kartina escape pod, but you’re not from Kartina?”
“That’s how it is. I was on a s.p.a.ceship to travel to Planet Umbra to enter Kartina. But there was an accident during the trip, and... I don’t know the specifics, but I found myself on this planet after waking up.
I pieced my memories together to make that summary.
“Earth...? Earth... Hm, I thought I heard that somewhere before. What else that... Wait, that’s right!”
Engineer Mirial clapped in light of her realization.
“I have absolutely no clue!”
Oh, my poor head...
“Hm. Anyway, I know enough to know that you’re from a tribe that’s primitive enough to not know Planet Kiri’s Micrinum ores. So, a primitive planet called Earth, right? ...Mmh, do you know what a ‘fire’ is? Do you eat raw meat, and stuff?”
“We cook meat just fine!”
“Ah, so your culture just began utilizing fire. It’s fine if people from such a backwards culture make that kind of a mistake! I understand!”
I really wanted to argue with her further, but I realized that I would only tire myself out. Instead, I moved onto a different question.
“So, Micrinum ore? What is that, exactly?”
“That’s the purple crystal that you touched. We call that Micrinum around here. It’s a special mineral that exists only on Kiri.”
As she spoke, she opened up a toolbox-like container from her side and took out a purple crystal.
“Ah... Aaaaaagh!”
I immediately recoiled at the sight of the crystal. I almost died because of that thing!
“Oh, yeah, you almost died from this. Micrinum ores are densely packed with energy, but it has a special poisonous property that only affects men.”
“H-how can you touch that crystal so calmly?!”
“Hm? I’m a girl.”
I fell into silence for a moment. What? So, that crystal is... perfectly fine when females touch it, but when males touch it, poison spreads and paralyzes them?
“That’s a lie! That’s impossible! How can that kind of c.r.a.p exist?!”
“As expected from a primitive folk. He’s in denial of a crystal that’s common knowledge in this galaxy...”
“If such a thing existed, then all the males on this planet must have died off! That doesn’t make sense!”
“Yeah. They all died.”
I stiffened and gawked at the girl’s eyes. That, uh... That was a joke that only engineers could understand, right? There must have been a gag that I missed, like a pop culture reference, or a word play.
“Only women live on Planet Kiri. That’s why it’s very odd for a boy like you to enter this planet.”
“Uwaaaaaah! That’s impossible! A planet with only women?! That’s like some fairy tale world!”
“Hmm? A primitive civilization has Kiri mentioned in its folklore? That’s an... interesting data.”
“S-so, this planet has... only women?”
“Yep. Already, we have laws that prohibit males from entering the nation, so no males could legally be here.”
I must have fallen into a bizarro world.
Learning from the data given by the girl so far... This place was a militarily powerful nation, so it must have been what United States appears to Earth. If it were a really big nation, then... Might they have a way for me to return to Earth, or find out the whereabouts of my little sister and my parents?
I told Mirial my thoughts. I believed that somebody could help me out of pure kindness, since in my baseless opinion, the people here seemed genuinely nice...
“Yep! It’s totally impossible.”
... And I immediately reconsidered my previous opinion. I got denied in the moment that I asked.
“I was a little confused at first, but I confirmed it for myself after I scanned your body. You look like a girl, but... You’re unmistakably a man! A healthy, young boy, I’ll agree on that!”
And then she suddenly blushed.
“So, uh, why are you blushing?”
“Th-that’s because... of absolutely nothing!”
“You said you scanned my body, so did you...”
“Kyaaaah~!”
She covered her face in embarra.s.sment.
Did I... seriously show off my bare body to a girl... for the first time?
“B-but you looked like a girl no matter where I looked, so I needed to make sure!”
“Okay, putting that aside, why is it impossible?”
“Yeah, it’s impossible because of the ‘no entry to males’ law, which is still in effect to this day.”
She dramatically raised a finger like she was teaching a little kid.
“What of it?”
“You’re a boy. A healthy boy. A boy however you look.”
“What’s the problem?”
“But you’re on this planet.”
“Yep.”
Mirial lowered her finger and stared in silence. I looked back at her. What was happening? Was she attempting a telepathic communication?
“Do you really not understand the issue yet?”
“No, so what’s the problem that I’m a guy?”
“You’re on a planet that doesn’t allow any males to enter, and you’re on this planet. You’re an illegal alien.”
“Right, go on.”
“You’re a criminal.”
I froze. I was trying to remember the meaning of the word “criminal”, and looking back at Mirial,
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?!?!?!”
Why?!?! What have I done?! When have I wronged this world?!
“Phew... It’s not easy, making a primitive tribesman understand such a civilized concept. You don’t have anything like laws on your planet, no? The tribal chief manages its people, and...”
“That’s not it! I perfectly understand the situation! Why do I have to be labeled a criminal?! I’m innocent! It’s unfair! I’m just stranded after a s.p.a.ceship accident!”
“But there’s nothing to worry about! We’re not exactly low on money! I’m not about to take you straight to the police or anything! Oh... But if the boss changes her mind, I don’t know if...”
The slurred speech at the end was a bad omen.
Wait... One thing was especially troubling. If this really was a foreign planet, how was I communicating with this person with no problems?
“So, how come we can hold a proper conversation? Isn’t it normal to suffer from a language barrier if I’m on a foreign planet?”
“Ahh, that? It might be difficult to understand from the perspective of an uncivilized tribesman, but it’s been centuries that we had a galaxy-wide, automatic translator! People on Planet Kiri have them installed in their body, so we can have free communication with strangers from any other planet! Hmm. Was it too tough to understand, after all? Do you know what it means to ‘translate’?”
“I know, so please, stop thinking that I’m a primitive ape.”
There existed such a convenient system. If there was a device like that back on Earth, I never would have needed to waste time learning foreign languages...
“I got the rough idea of what’s going on now. But... I don’t see the person who rescued me. She had a different voice...”
“Ah. It was my boss who rescued you!”
“Your boss?”
“Mmh. The boss left it to me to find out who you are, where you’re from, and investigate your background! I’m just an engineer, but I’ve been getting all sorts of miscellaneous tasks... N-no, I’m not complaining. The boss is busy with other work, but you’ll get to meet her soon.”
“When you say ‘the boss’... This is a company building?”
“Yep. This place is called Khan Electronics. We make things related to soccer around here.”
The mention of soccer piqued my interest. This world seemed mostly alien to me thus far, but a friendly, familiar word had been spoken.
“Then... you make things like soccer b.a.l.l.s and uniforms around here?”
“Oho! Even primitive tribes play soccer! I suppose I won’t have to explain what soccer is.”
I really wished that she would stop calling me primitive.
“But... making soccer b.a.l.l.s doesn’t sound like it’s going to involve a s.p.a.ceship.”
“Fufufu! That’s the difference between primitive soccer and modern-age soccer! Soccer is the most famous sport in this galaxy! Naturally, it’s the prime testing ground for any modern technology!”
As Miss Mirial explained, the rules of the game were the same as I had always known, but all kinds of s.p.a.ce technology were included. It begins with the material of the soccer ball, which it is durable enough to withstand the might of any alien out there, and follows with special outfits that enhance the bodily strengths of its wearers for playing soccer.
She said that this company was especially concerned with making special suits that enhance the abilities of its wearers by two hundred percent, while strengthening their body.
“The most important components of these suits are Micrinum ores, so I was out prospecting for ores, until our ship had found you.”
“Making suits out of such dangerous materials? That means guys can’t wear it, right?”
“Fufufu! It doesn’t have to be that way! If we use our new tech--... O-oops, that’s a trade secret! A trade secret! Pretend I didn’t say anything!”
She put a hand over her mouth.
“A-ahem. Anyway, it’s as you say. Micrinum suits, shortened to Micsuits, can only be worn by the women of Planet Kiri! It’s a brilliant technology that allowed the military nation of Planet Kiri to rise to the top!”
“That almost sounds like a cheat... That’s just not fair play.”
“Hmph. I don’t know about your primitive soccer, but the Galaxy League is on a different level than whatever you’re thinking about! Angels play soccer, dragons play soccer, and demons play soccer! All kinds of nonsensical, common-sense-defying beings play soccer! If you’re going to play on the same level as those things, you need the Micsuits! Now that’s fairness; I’ll agree on that!”
“A-angels? What?”
I was reminded that there were more things unknown than known in this world. I wanted to press further about the angels and the demons, but a sudden rhythmic beeping from the s.p.a.ceship interrupted me.
“Wah! It’s my boss calling me!”
Without a single explanation, I was dragged outside by Mirial by my arms. Going through the door that connected to the laboratory s.p.a.ce, I found myself in a room that looked like someone’s office.
The room was a lot less impressive than the previous. It looked as if the place was cleaned out before moving away to a new home. The walls were plain purple, and the desk and the floor were just as purple. What was this place? The purple room had a purple desk, and behind it was a purple chair that faced away. I couldn’t see the person on the chair because of its orientation.
“W-whoaah!”
And suddenly, the floor had turned into a display of the outer s.p.a.ce, catching me off guard. I saw Earth in the distance. It then looked as if the room was flying in s.p.a.ce.
“There’s nothing to be surprised about. This is a hologram. Ah... Primitive tribes wouldn’t know about holograms--”
“I know what it is.”
I came back to my senses after hearing Miss Mirial. I had a small hope that they returned me to Earth, but the hope was promptly lost.
The room turned into s.p.a.ce, and beneath me was Earth. Only the desk and the chair remained purple. The chair still faced away, and whoever sat in it stayed still.
She began speaking. I couldn’t see her, but I recognized the voice right away. It was the voice from back when my entire body was paralyzed. She spun around in her chair and began,
“Now. Shall we talk about the payment for saving your life?”
The chair spun, and revealed the owner of the voice. My first impression was... that she was a pirate captain. She didn’t have a skull-marked tricorne, but she wore a red jacket with a black cape, and her definitive pirate quality was the black eyepatch over her left eye.
...Was I captured by pirates?
“h.e.l.lo, Yu Danbi. I’m Lei Khan, but people usually call me Khan.”
She had pale white skin and her silvery hair extended down her shoulders. If her clothes weren’t pirate-like, she would have probably looked like a mystical, n.o.ble elf, but the added pirate captain look made her look rather ghostly and terrifying.
Mirial had left the room soon after bringing me in, so there were only Khan and I remaining. Pressure mounted extra quickly.
“I got the gist of your ident.i.ty with Mirial’s information. Hm. My search into the s.p.a.ce flights records for your s.p.a.ceship shows that... a Kartina s.p.a.ceship that was heading for Umbra had gone missing. I see that you haven’t been lying.”
“Th-that’s right. I’m not lying about anything.”
Khan looked visibly surprised at my reply. Did I say anything that might surprise her? Or... It was my girly voice again?
“Hey... Has anyone ever told you that you sound a lot like someone else?”
“You don’t have to tell me that I sound like a girl. Tsk.”
“I meant... No, forget it.”
I didn’t have any idea what she was trying to say. Khan looked like she didn’t care about my situation at all, but she looked more interested after hearing me out. Was she getting interested in my problem?
“I know what situation I’m put into. I heard that this planet doesn’t allow men to enter. I want to leave here, too. Miss Khan, is there a way for me to find and return to my parents?”
“Before we get to that, we have a different issue. You haven’t paid me for saving your life yet.”
Ugh. That was the issue, after all. I had nothing that I could do for her. But...
“Can’t you see? I have absolutely nothing with me. You want a reward? Then you’ll need to find my parents. I own nothing myself, but my parents should be able to pitch in a reward.”
I answered with the best possible solution that came to my mind. That’s great! It was what I needed. I just needed to take the attention away from the reward, and to finding my parents!
“Are you sure that your parents have the ability to pay?”
“My parents earn a lot of money!”
“You don’t understand, kid. That’s only in the perspective of a citizen of Earth.”
“Uh... Sorry?”
“I’m one of the richest people in this galaxy. When I talk about payment, I’m thinking of a large s.p.a.ceship in the very least. Hm... Like the big s.p.a.ceship that you were riding on, yes? But, according to my investigation just now, it says that the people of Earth don’t even have the technology to build a proper s.p.a.ceship.”
“Th-that’s... We can’t build them now, but we’ll manage it in ten years!”
Even though they were my own words, they sounded like silly, desperate excuses to me. An entire s.p.a.ceship?! How can I guarantee that can be made in ten years?
“Therefore, neither you nor your parents have the ability to pay.”
“Nngh... Then, what do you want?! What are you going to do?!”
“I could be a law-abiding citizen and hand you over to the Minervan government for the crime of trespa.s.sing, and receive a small bounty as a result.”
“Then what will happen to me?”
“You’ll be exiled from this planet. You’ll become lost in s.p.a.ce, floating in s.p.a.ce until you expire...”
“Aaaaaargh! It’s not my fault that this happened to me! That’s not fair!”
“Or, you can pursue the second option. Since you can’t pay, you forfeit your body. You become my slave. But, what can you do for me?”
Avoiding the fate of being stranded in s.p.a.ce had left me with the life of a slave.
“I... I can play soccer.”
“Soccer?”
“Yes! I was in a youth’s international soccer team when I was young. I competed against many other nations... A-and I heard you make soccer accessories here! I might be able to help!”
I quickly pitched myself in desperation. I’m fine with anything else, just don’t shoot me out into s.p.a.ce!!
“Hmm... Soccer...”
I must have convinced Khan. She looked to be deep in thought for a moment, and she spun in her chair back around.
She brought up a bunch of holograms in front of her and fiddled with its controls. Several screens flew by. What was she looking at?
“Wait... Maybe... My plan could be solved a lot easier this way....?”
Khan mumbled to herself as more holograms floated above her. They were all images that I did not recognize. There was a palace surrounded with purple crystals, and beside it was a blonde lady in a white dress, wielding a shining sword with a black hilt. It was my first time seeing anything like that
Holograms above displayed many complex-looking numbers and letters, and then, they all disappeared. The sight of the s.p.a.ce and Earth disappeared, too, and the room returned to its original purple.
...A purple room? Could it also be made of Micrinum ores? The colours were similar, so maybe that’s how it was.
“Yu Danbi. How well can you play soccer?”
I had found my way out. I had to press onward to take the opportunity, even if I had to lie in the process.
“I’m the best player on Earth! Number one on Earth! So I should be pretty good, even s.p.a.ce-wide!”
If any of the soccer players on Earth heard that, they would stop kicking the ball to kick me to pulp instead. But they’ll understand too, if they also knew of my situation.
“You’re the best player on Earth?”
“Yes! You could say that I’m the future of Earth Soccer! You can’t talk about Earth Soccer without leaving me, Yu Danbi out! I’m the very icon and the hope of all things soccer! Historians say that Earth Soccer divides into pre-Danbi and post-Danbi days!”
I gave up thinking. There was no going back. I had to see where this would take me!
“Hm. Okay. The people on Earth may have an inferior civilization, but I have data that shows that their soccer abilities cannot be ignored. And if you’re truly the best player on Earth... As long as you’re not lying, there should be some use for you as a player. If you aren’t lying, that is.”
The way she talked about me lying-- I felt my heart sink. Did she see through my ruse...?
“Alright. If you can prove yourself with soccer, I will guarantee your freedom and help you find your parents. Of course, you can always reject this proposal and choose to become stranded in s.p.a.ce instead.”
“I’ll do it! I’ll play soccer! I’ll win against any team that’s thrown at me!”
“Good. Then prove your skill on the field. But if I find that you were exaggerating your abilities...”
Khan smiled, tracing her neck with the side of her hand, as if to cut her throat. Whoa, that’s a common gesture in s.p.a.ce, too!
“I’ll grind you into s.p.a.ce dust.”
“You can rely on me! I’ll show you that I’m the best player in the galaxy!”
And that’s what happened.
This is how Yu Danbi came to say the biggest lie of his lifetime.
This is how Yu Danbi ended up playing soccer out in the galaxy.
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?!? I’m going to be a manager for a soccer team?!”
Back in the purple room, I personally watched on as Mirial screamed.
After the biggest lie of my life, Khan had called Mirial back into the room. When Mirial returned, Lei Khan immediately began, “You. You’re going to be the manager to take care of our soccer team from now on.”
“I’m just a humble engineer gal! Even if you give me all the time and finance, it’s impossible! Impossible! Terribly impossible!!”
“The Micsuits of the soccer players of Minerva Kingdom-- Who made them?”
“Th-those are made by me. They’re products of Khan Electronics, after all.”
“Those suits are designed by a.n.a.lyzing the specialties of each player and optimizing their individual, unique abilities, aren’t they?”
“Of course! It’s a high-performance suit that can bring up the potentials of the players by two hundred percent! It maximizes their strengths and minimizes their weaknesses! It’s the magnum opus of the state-of-the-art Minervan technology!”
Mirial suddenly flushed up, excited. She was too eager to talk about her own profession...
“Ergo, you know of the unique characteristics of every Minervan player?”
Mirial paused, her mouth ajar.
“Isn’t the job of a manager to perfectly understand the abilities of every player?”
“Wait, I’m just an engineer girl, not a...”
“Don’t you perfectly understand them?”
“I do perfectly understand them, but this and that are different types of things, so realistically I can’t make use of...”
“Then we’re done here. You’re the most suited for this position. Begin working on it immediately. Don’t waste your time here.”
Khan grinned. Hm. It seemed to mean ‘I have nothing more to say, so get out’...
Mirial put on a long face and grumbled on her way out. The situation seemed to call for me to leave with her, so I followed right after.
“Waaaaaaaaaaaahh!! It’s all your fault!!!”
As soon as we exited the room, Mirial charged at me. If she had ran at me with only her own body, it might have looked cute, but she was coming at me while swinging her nine terrifying robot arms on her back. I ran, struck with fear.
“N-no, wait! Why is this my fault?! It was decided by her!!”
“It’s your fault that the boss got her weird idea!! I-I’m a soccer team manager... What kind of nonsense is thiiiiiiiiis?!”
It appeared that I wasn’t the only victim of the unreasonable series of decisions.
“Well, that just happened. She said she’d help me find my parents if I prove myself as a soccer player... Hm. I guess you got mixed up in this because of me. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t solve anything! Waaah!! How did I end up as a soccer team manager?!!”
“But, uh... Like Miss Khan said, you know precisely well about the players... So... Maybe you’ll get through this somehow?”
“I’m not a soccer team manager, I’m an engineer!! An engineer!!”
“I know a little bit about soccer, so maybe I could help.”
Miss Mirial stopped her waterfall tears and looked up at me with moist eyes. It was pretty cute in that angle... if not for the robot arms.
“Really? You were a team manager before?”
If I were on Earth and I were asked by a random person, then I would have quickly replied “no,” but I was in a situation where I have lied numerous times and an extra one wouldn’t matter anymore.
“Yep. I led the Earth’s greatest band of boys.”
“Whoa! Really? You were a manager! B-but aren’t you a little too young to be a manager?”
“Back on Earth, even a kid like me can be a manager with enough skill! And I’m Earth’s best soccer manager!”
I’m so sorry, real managers. Please forgive me. I just want to live. I’m sure you’ll understand.
“Alright. Everything happened thanks to you, so... Take responsibility and help me out! I might be a professional with suits, but being a manager is my first!”
“Believe in me! I’ll make the best soccer team in the world!”
A serious thought struck me that I’d grow up not as a professional soccer team manager, but as a pro swindler...
Miss Mirial used holographic projections to explain the Minerva Kingdom Soccer League.
There was the Galaxy League which took in a national soccer team from each planet, but there was also a large variety of soccer leagues happening on each planet. Minerva Kingdom had its own soccer league, and it was apparently called the ‘Minerva Cup’.
“There are many soccer teams in Minerva Kingdom, but there are only five that are noteworthy.”
Miss Mirial opened up more holograms by flicking her robotic hands around. Several square photos that looked like pictures on ID cards were listed and aligned themselves in the air.
“Wow, that’s a lot of players.”
“Mm-hmm. There are a lot, so I’ll start with the first team! I’ll pa.s.s the rest of them! Close, sesame!”
With more flicks of the robotic hands, Miss Mirial erased the holograms to my right and opened and closed various screens to rearrange them. They looked more like touchscreen interface than simple holograms...
After cleaning up the screens, a picture appeared, containing a blonde lady, holding a shining blade with a black hilt and wearing a white armour. Huh? I thought I’d seen her from Khan’s room projections... I saw the screen from afar then, but now that I got a closer view, I found the lady’s blue eyes and her face to be pretty. She may looked like what I’d call... pure.
“The first team to introduce has to be Siena Celtron. They’re practically the strongest of Minerva Kingdom. Obviously, because the leader of Minerva Kingdom, Princess Bell Rougemann herself, is one of the players.”
“The princess is a player herself? That’s pretty amazing...”
“Princess Bell is very active in promoting playing soccer in Minerva, you know. Playing soccer herself is the best way to advertise it, you see?”
“Is that so...”
I had found myself in a nation that loved soccer more than Brazil. Soccer was that important on this planet...
“Siena Celtron is the crowd favourite within the Galaxy League, too, so its renown in the Minervan Kingdom goes without saying. The explosive offense from Princess Bell is its well-known specialty. One mistake, and then she’s already penetrated past your line. I don’t have to say any more other that they’re pretty much expected to win. Next~”
After the blonde princess disappeared, twin girls appeared on the screen. Silvery twintails, and... black outfits that showed a heck of a lot of skin. No, that has to be a swimsuit! Sure, it had traces of futuristic s.p.a.cesuit tech, but that cleavage, and those b.u.t.ts, there were too many things showing!
“Hey... Are they seriously playing soccer in that?”
“Hmm? But that’s typical for soccer-use Micsuits of Minerva Kingdom.”
“No, but that degree of nudity is... I think that’s pretty lewd!”
“Hmm. I heard something similar to that from people from other planets, but Minerva Kingdom is the land of women, you know? I don’t know about other planets, but there’s n.o.body around here who thinks the same as you about the Micsuits.”
“B-but they’re almost naked!”
“They just removed everything that gets in their way of moving around. Clothes can only slow you down the more layers you wear!”
I couldn’t find a good retort against her reasoning. I suppose it wasn’t too wrong to be nearly naked on a planet of women as a woman.
“Micsuit designs are nearly perfect! Needless parts are carefully omitted to reduce air resistance! Parts that require strengthening are empowered by the suit! What a fantastic display of modern technology!”
“But the suit seems to be focusing a lot on the b.r.e.a.s.t.s and the legs.”
“Well, yeah, you need to receive the ball with your chest and you kick the ball with your legs. Sigh. To talk to a tribal like this...”
I gave up arguing. If that’s how it was, it was going to be. And I wished again to stop being called a tribal.
“Back to my speech: the second team to introduce to you is the Jeneva Crew. The twin sisters, Maggie and Meg are quite famous. The Jeneva Crew is, um... A little awkward, but stronger near the end of the match? Some style like that. Even if they look like they’re falling behind early on, their skills are impossible to ignore in the end. So, you have to be careful for a comeback.”
A team that aims for a comeback... I looked back at the silver-haired twins on the hologram screen. I was again struck by the degree of their nudity. Lewd!
Mirial erased the twins’ hologram, producing the next. There was another player with a suit of the similar design.
Green hair, and green suit. Her expression looked cold.
“The next is DC Neska. The face of their team is Blade. She’s the definition of calm, calculated plays. Their team won’t have any explosive offense like the Siena Celtrons, but their defensive game is pre-tty hard to break through. The height of defensive plays, I feel.”
The leading player looked like she’d never get angry. And very cold, too, that she’d never smile, either.
“The next is, uh... Atlanta.”
Miss Mirial stammered in the middle of her speech. She had already erased the last hologram, but she hesitated to bring up the following screen. What was she doing?
“I-it’s nothing! Now, Planetary Defense Initiative Atlanta!”
The huge hologram showed another great big surprise. So, um, uh...
“Hey, Danbi? You’re staring at her b.r.e.a.s.t.s too much...”
“Not at all! I wasn’t looking at her b.r.e.a.s.t.s! I was a.s.sessing her as a player! A player!”
It was another silver-haired player, but with a completely different atmosphere from the twin sisters. She looked kind and gentle, with very huge b.r.e.a.s.t.s and hips, and with her wearing the similar near-nude indigo suit, my male eyes were naturally drawn to certain parts of her...
“Atlanta was originally a military command center for Minerva Kingdom. But thanks to Princess Bell’s efforts... they formed a soccer team here, too. Soccer over war~ Soccer and peace!”
It’s not love and peace, but soccer and peace...?
“Atlanta has a relatively short history, but each player stands out uniquely in personality and abilities... No one can underestimate them. Their team cohesion isn’t that great compared to other teams, either, but it feels like their individual abilities cover for that. Especially the previous star war’s, uh...”
Mirial stammered again.
“What about the star war?”
“N-nothing. The war hero of the last star war, Hildegard, is the ace of the aces. There’s no single player on Minerva Kingdom who could stand against her might alone.”
I stared at the silver-haired lady of incredible history (and incredible bodily features...) on the screen. She was a war hero, huh? This was a world where war heroes play soccer... Everything seemed to end up going back to being about soccer.
“Next, next!”
Miss Mirial awkwardly hurried to remove Atlanta’s information off of the view. Hm. Maybe she had a history with Atlanta?
“Next up is the last of the rising stars... Karladure. Mm. I don’t have enough information about them, so I can’t explain much. They’re formed very recently. They’ve proven strong, so they’ve been getting attention, but there are too many unknowns to understand their specialties.”
The screen now showed a girl in a red suit. She had silver hair like the rest, but her eyes were red like her suit, giving a different impression from the rest. If the previous players looked very serious, this one was more playful.
“Their leading player is Guinevere... but like her team, her playstyle and her abilities have been very inconsistent. I could say that they use very nonstandard strategies... Her and the team really popped out of nowhere, so they have no history to learn from. They have an empty track record, so I can’t predict anything! And that’s the end of it!”
Miss Mirial erased all holograms. She opened up a final, lone hologram...
On the screen was a girl that hadn’t shown up before. Black hair, and... the ever-revealing Micsuit. Wait... somehow, she’s... a little too familiar?
3편삽화_유단비.jpg
“And the one who shall defeat the five teams! Yu Danbi’s newly formed soccer team!”
“Ah. So she’s the player who will be the star of our soccer team.”
“Yep. That’s you, Yu Danbi.”
I looped between looking at Miss Mirial and then looking at the girl in the screen.
Oh... I knew she was familiar, but... What? What did she just say?
“That’s me? That’s totally someone else!”
“I used your body scan data to simulate how you’d look with a new Micsuit. Even if it’s a simulation, it’s incredibly accurate, so I bet you’re going to look just like that.”
“Waaaaaaait a minute, that’s a girl, no matter how you look!”
“But you’re not allowed to look like a male player! Minerva Cup is the tournament of women! If a male player enters, it’s obvious that we’re going to have an issue before we even start playing!”
I had a headache. No... I’m... I have to... I’m going to wear that suit? I have to crossdress? Is that it?
“Thankfully, your face is cute like a little girl’s! It’ll be perfect with the suit’s finishing touch! It won’t take that long to build the suit! You can count on it! I’ll turn you into the prettiest little girl in the galaxy! You can trust my skills!”
“I don’t even want to count on it!!!!!”
And that’s what happened.
And that’s how Yu Danbi began playing soccer while crossdressed.
Oh... my life.
Next day, I was actually forced into that swimsuit-like, state-of-the-art suit. I was uncomfortable being forced on a girl’s clothing, but there was going to be a bigger issue if I were found to be a man, so I couldn’t refuse.
...Was I really going to play soccer in this?
After finding me in the suit, Miss Mirial exclaimed, “Wow! It’s really cute on you~! As expected of my personally designed suit! Not only is it amazingly strong, it’s breathtakingly beautiful! Cool suit; I’ll agree on that!” And fired off a stream of self-compliments.
“So, I can take it off now, right?”
“Nope. You have to keep wearing it.”
“Why?!”
“That’s a high-tech suit that also neutralizes the poisonous effects of Micrinum. As long as you wear that suit, nothing will happen to you from coming in contact with Micrinum. And Planet Kiri is absolutely full of Micrinum, here and there! Micrinum s.p.a.ceships, Micrinum rooms, and Micrinum forks! Do you really think that you can lead a normal life on Planet Kiri without the suit?!”
...Why were so many things made of Micrinum?
Still, being reminded of the time that I touched the crystal and almost died of paralysis... I knew that I had to wear the suit, despite the embarra.s.sment. I had to save my life before all else.
“And not only that, there’s also another special feature on the suit for...”
“What? What feature is that?”
“Oh-oh, it’s nothing. Hmph.”
Now the uncomfortable expression was on Miss Mirial.
“What happened to the other players? I don’t imagine we’re making a full team in a single day.”
“Yeah, I was thinking the same. So I asked the boss about it... She said that we ‘just need to take from other teams if there’s no one available’.”
“She looks like a pirate, so she’s thinking like a pirate...”
“But it’s not just one or two players that we have to cover... I mentioned that it might be next to impossible to try and form an entire team of scouted players. I explained that I was stuck forming a soccer team before I was stuck managing it. Hm. She was busy contacting a bunch of people after that, but I don’t know the details.”
This crossdressing soccer team-- I mean-- the female soccer team plan seemed to be doomed before it began.
As for me, I was happy that I didn’t have to play soccer while crossdressed, and... No, wait, wouldn’t that mean that the only fate awaiting me is being fired off into s.p.a.ce?
That’s a big problem...
One week later,
“Everything is a lie...”
Mirial blankly eyed at the players that approached the s.p.a.ceship one by one. A week before, Miss Mirial was blissfully shouting ‘Yay! The soccer team plan is over! I can go back to being a good old engineer girl! Wahaha~!’ And at the end of a week, a ma.s.s of soccer players crowded in front of the s.p.a.ceship.
Khan might have been evil, but her influence was terrifyingly far-reaching...