CHAPTER x.x.xVIII
Anne, left alone at her writing-table, had worked on far into Friday night. The trouble in her was appeased by the answering of letters, the sorting of papers, the bringing of order into confusion. She had always had great practical ability; she had proved herself a good organiser, expert in the business of societies and committees.
In her preoccupation she had not noticed that her husband had left the house, and that he did not return to it.
In the morning, as she left her room, the old nurse came to her with a grave face, and took her into Majendie"s room. Nanna pointed out to her that his bed had not been slept in. Anne"s heart sank. Later on, the telegram he sent explained his absence. She supposed that he had slept at the Ransomes" or the Hannays", and she thought no more of it. The business of the day again absorbed her.
In the afternoon Canon Wharton called on her. It was the recognised visit of condolence, delayed till her return. In his manner with Mrs. Majendie there was no sign of the adroit little man of the world who had drunk whiskey with Mrs. Majendie"s husband the night before. His manner was reticent, reverential, not obtrusively tender. He abstained from all the commonplaces of consolation. He did not speak of the dead child; but reminded her of the greater maternal work that G.o.d had called upon her to do, and told her that the children of many mothers would rise up and call her blessed. He bade her believe that her life, which seemed to her ended, had in reality only just begun. He said that, if great natures were reserved for great sorrows, great afflictions, they were also dedicated to great uses. Uses to which their sorrows were the unique and perfect training.
He left her strengthened, uplifted, and consoled.
On Sunday morning she attended the service at All Souls. In the afternoon she walked to the great flat cemetery of Scale, where Edith"s and Peggy"s graves lay side by side. In the evening she went again to All Souls.
The church services were now the only link left between her soul and G.o.d. She clung desperately to them, trying to recapture through these consecrated public methods the peace that should have been her most private personal possession.
For, all the time, now, she was depressed by a sense of separation from the Unseen. She struggled for communion; she prostrated herself in surrender, and was flung back upon herself, an outcast from the spiritual world. She was alone in that alien place of earth where everything had been taken from her. She almost rebelled against the cruelty of the heavenly hand, that, having smitten her, withheld its healing. She had still faith, but she had no joy nor comfort in her faith. Therefore she occupied herself incessantly with works; appeasing, putting off the hours that waited for her as their prey.
It was at night that her desolation found her most helpless. For then she thought of her dead child and of the husband whom she regarded as worse than dead.
She had one terrible consolation. She had once doubted the justice of her att.i.tude to him. Now she was sure. Her justification was complete.
She was sitting at work again early on Monday morning, in the drawing-room that overlooked the street.
About ten o"clock she heard a cab drive up to the door.
She thought it was Majendie come back again, and she was surprised when Kate came to her and told her that it was Mr. Hannay, and that he wished to speak to her at once.
Hannay was downstairs, in the study; standing with his back to the fireplace. He did not come forward to meet her. His rosy, sensual face was curiously set. As she approached him, his loose lips moved and closed again in a firm fold.
He pressed her hand without speaking. His heaviness and immobility alarmed her.
"What is it?" she asked.
Her heart was like a wild whirlpool that sucked back her voice and suffocated it.
"I"ve come with very bad news, Mrs. Majendie."
"Tell me," she whispered.
"Walter is ill--very dangerously ill."
"He is dead."
The words seemed to come from her without grief, without any feeling. She felt nothing but a dull, dragging pain under her left breast, as if the doors of her heart were closed and its chambers full to bursting.
"No. He is not dead."
Her heart beat again.
"He"s dying, then."
"They don"t know."
"Where is he?"
"At Scarby."
"Scarby? How much time have I?"
"There"s a train at ten-twenty. Can you be ready in five--seven minutes?"
"Yes."
She rang the bell.
"Tell Kate where to send my things," she said as she left the room. Her mind took possession of her, so that she did not waste a word of her lips, or a single motion of her feet. She came back in five minutes, ready to start.
"What is it?" she said as they drove to the station.
"Haemorrhage of the brain."
"The brain?"
"Apoplexy."
"Is he unconscious?"
"Yes."
She closed her eyes.
"He will not know me," she said.
Hannay was silent. She lay back and kept her eyes closed.
A van blocked the narrow street that led to the East Station. The driver reined in his horse. She opened her eyes in terror.
"We shall miss the train--if we stop."
"No, no, we"ve plenty of time."
They waited.
"Oh, tell him to drive round the other way."
"We shall miss the train if we do _that_."