They eat egg-flip together very merrily; but an hour later Tora was sitting alone in her room, in the attics--she had fastened the door; and at six o"clock the same evening, as the guests were a.s.sembling at the Wingaards", she was on board the steamer, which was returning to the town.
What had happened? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! But like the fog over the landscape, which still hung there, although not so low as in the morning, there lay something over all this, which was vague and puzzling to her. She could not bear to be with Furst and Fru Grondal.
She could not be natural with them; everything she said or did seemed preposterous.
She did not therefore venture to go to the party; the mere thought of waltzing with Furst made her tremble.
It would not do. There was nothing for it but to fly. She made herself appear terribly foolish, in trying to find reasons for her flight; such a one as that she had crumpled her white dress in her hat-box, could be answered by a hot iron; that her mother expected her, presupposed a letter by carrier pigeon.
All the same here she was on board the steamer. It was really an achievement. She was delighted. The rest of the pa.s.sengers were up on the bridge, or in the deck cabin; the windows were open. She went forward where there were two or three work-people. She sat down a long way from them. It thoroughly delighted her when the steamer swept past the islets at the entrance; it seemed as though she were leaving something oppressive.
The evening was fine, notwithstanding the fog; it was mild, and the rain had ceased. The islands among which they steamed stood out clear, their many tinted hills, the green patches of gra.s.s, the gardens and houses--for almost all were inhabited--were seen with unusual distinctness, as well as the people who sat or stood about, and watched the steamer as she pa.s.sed. Tora thought she would like to live in such a place; she made a day-dream that she did so; she sat there and arranged her house according to her taste--this time with great simplicity, that soothed her after what she had left.
All at once the discomfort began again, a feeling of depression, the old sense of insecurity--only a recollection, of course, she thought, and drew a long breath, but she felt impelled to turn round and look behind her.
There he stood on the deck, four or five steps away from her. He bowed and smiled. Deadly white, then crimson, she turned angrily away.
"Come, you must not be angry with me; I would rather go back to the town with you, than dance till five o"clock in the morning. Is that so strange? I am not so contemptible for that, am I?"
He sat down behind her; she knew it, and moved a little way from him.
"Why do you do that now? Of course it is only to talk to you that I have come with you; you can see that."
A feeling of both shame and fear came over her; she was alone now, separate from all the others. She felt as though she could have called to them by name. Whenever Tora felt how solitary she was, she began to cry.
He noticed it, and in quite another tone of voice he said, "Dear Froken Holm, you must not misunderstand me; I do not want to annoy you, anything rather than that. It would give me great pleasure to talk to you, I confess; may I not be allowed to do so? Why may I not?" She did not answer, but she ceased crying.
He slipped into conversation on indifferent topics, and calmed her, lamenting that they had not become acquainted earlier. "The first time I saw you I said to myself--well, no matter what I said, but I had just a little wish to see you again; it was fulfilled quite unexpectedly to-day; but we did not have any conversation, you were so strange; why was that? Well perhaps you were not strange, but why did you go away? I might imagine that I was to blame for that. You certainly did not want to go before I came--eh? You have made me quite curious, I a.s.sure you.
If I really did drive you away, I should like to hear what I frightened you with; was it with the big umbrella--by chance? Ah, now you are laughing! But why will you insist in travelling about _par tout_, Froken? Just tell me that." He moved a little nearer, and she remained sitting; he chatted and joked without any pause. She once turned half round to look at his roguish face, and then she laughed with him. He was very amusing.
Close by one of the numerous stopping-places was a red house, where a number of young people were gathered round some gymnastic apparatus. A young man and a young woman each held a rope in a "giant"s strides." He set off after her with all his strength; a few steps on the ground, and then a long swing in the air; then again a few steps, and another long swing. Would he reach her? Never! She was the lighter, the more active, and she had undoubtedly stronger legs--she ran trip, trip, trip, trip; her legs hardly seemed to be apart, and how she flew swinging through the air! Her hair, her dress streaming after her, a very Iris! Both Furst and Tora followed this chase, silent but eager. Tora felt his presence at her back, like fire; he had come nearer; and, turning abruptly, she went into the cabin and sat down among the others. He was standing on the landing-place when she went on sh.o.r.e at the Point; he offered her his hand, but she turned away; he wanted to carry her box, but she ran off. He went on board again to go up into the harbour.
CHAPTER IV
THE HUNT
Tora reached home about the same time as her father, who had been out sailing with some friends. He was helped on sh.o.r.e, and his reception at home was warm. The children fled, Tora locked herself into the attic, and dare not even go down to supper, although she was hungry. She had to open the door at last for her sisters; she soon began to quarrel with them, they had been wearing her best shoes and had almost spoiled them. It ended in one of them flinging the shoes at her, and they came to blows over it. Complaints followed, which brought the angry mother upstairs. Tora cried herself to sleep like a child.
The next day she tried to help her mother in the house, not without some hard words and sarcasms about such fine elegant ladies only being in the way. Still she set her will to the task of being a help to her mother, especially in mending the clothes. She gave what she could from her little annuity, so that they were on fairly friendly terms; but it seemed to Tora that she had a right to have some time to herself. A little while before supper, she would take the ferry across to the other side and go up either into the wood above "The Estate" or into the "Groves." There was no peace at home. Whether she went to the wood or "The Estate," she always landed at Bommen, and went up that way, though it was not exactly the most direct one; but she did not know a prettier place in the town than the house in the large garden there, so she gave herself the pleasure of looking at it every day.
Both house and garden had belonged to the Wingaard family, but they had exchanged them for the Fursts" house in the market-place, where the Wingaards carried on the Furst business. The brother-in-law, Niels Furst, therefore now owned the house in the large garden at Bommen.
Tora pa.s.sed it with a little apprehension, although the man she dreaded was certainly not there, but on board his ship. This became a change and occupation, and formed, as it were, an incident in her walk.
Every time it was over, she went more carelessly up to the wood, or out to the "Groves." In a little Norwegian town like this, all the girls go about as they like. She met others and joined them, or went on by herself; generally she wished to be alone for an hour or two; she went, as a rule, to some particular spot, and when there took out her book, if she had one, or else she wove day-dreams without the aid of books.
Or else, and this was now almost always the case, she wrote long letters, one every day, about any curious experience. She had her portfolio with her and an ink-bottle in her pocket; she lay on the gra.s.s with the portfolio on a stone, or she sat on a stone with the portfolio spread out on her lap and the ink-bottle by her side. That did splendidly: true open-air letters, where the words seemed to fly before the wind, and every varying thought found ready utterance. And how delightful it was in the thicket, just dappled by the sunbeams, enlivened by the twittering of the birds, a little startled by the rustle of a squirrel in the boughs! The distant sounds from the harbour, from the works by the river-bank, the voices in the "Groves"
and on the road, with every now and then a strain of music, only made the silence of the place where she was sitting the deeper. This was her one bit of summer poetry. As soon as she opened her eyes in the morning, she began to long for it; the noise and quarrelling in the house pa.s.sed by her as though they did not concern her--it was here that she lived. Her great expedition to Fru Grondal, and her remarkable return home in the steamer, were of course recorded up here in letters to Milla, Nora, and Tinka; on the fourth day, she read over the work of the three previous ones; she was very pleased, she knew she had successfully varied the theme. She became, however, somewhat thoughtful as she read the first letter, for she remembered the others, and the difference had become by degrees too great. If the girls were by chance to compare them, one of those tiresome scenes might easily result when she would have to pay the reckoning. No, she would have no more of that. In the first letter she had treated the matter seriously, described her confusion, her blunders, her fright; no one who read it could doubt that she had been with a person of whom she had been frightened. In the second letter she made fun of herself, of him, and the whole affair. In the third, she described how a maiden with dark hair was wandering on a foreign strand, when a merman rose from the sea who had fair whiskers and curly hair. In her terror, the dark maiden fled on board a ship, to return to her own country. But the merman swam after the ship the whole way, with his hand on his heart; when she got to land he gave a wail of sorrow, she heard it still in her dreams at night.
She tore up all the letters, and did not write any others.
Still she continued her walks. She had not the slightest idea that Niels Furst had returned to the town, that a friend had taken his duty for him, and that he was quietly studying languages to prepare himself for a new career, more brilliant than his earlier one, and that he was living in his own house. Still less did she know that on the first day of his return to the town he had seen her, in the looking-gla.s.s fixed outside his window, look shyly across at the house as she pa.s.sed, and that he saw the same thing happen the next day. He knew that this was not the shortest way up to the wood, which was where she went the first day, or out to the "Groves," where she had gone on the second; on both occasions he had put on his hat and gone out, the third day he sat ready to follow her; now he thought he understood. He knew something about girls who will and will not; they acted exactly in this way.
To-day she came as usual, glanced apprehensively across, and strolled on with her portfolio under her arm. Some one stopped her, and she thus chanced to look round and so detected him. He was already advancing quickly; he was in pursuit, he had struck the trail.
She said good-bye, and as soon as she could do so un.o.bserved, she quickened her ordinary pace to the quickest of which she was capable.
She was frightened, unaccountably frightened. Perhaps it would have been wiser to have turned back, but to-day she could not endure his gaze, and there was no one else about. So she walked on, and on, and on, but suspected that he was gaining on her--she almost knew it. She dare not run on the high-road, but she trusted to the fact that she was more at home in the "Groves" than he was, and that she could slip away.
She therefore left the road and made her way through the wood; she saw to her terror that he plunged into it as well, so she ventured to run up the hill, but in the direction from which he came; then she stooped down behind a large stone. She was quite successful, for almost directly afterwards she saw him pa.s.s by a little below the place where she crouched, her heart beating as though it would burst her dress. Here, where no one could see him, he ran, he climbed, he jumped--nothing checked his straight upward course. She waited till he was out of sight, and then ran off through the wood in the opposite direction from that in which he had gone; she did not stop till she found herself far above "The Estate" on a rock under a fir-tree, with leafy trees all round, and, while hot and panting she looked round her, thinking how wonderful the view was which she took in in a rapid glance, he rose before her mind"s eye as he had looked when he hurried past the stone. He was horrible! That man could do anything!
After that, she could never get rid of him. It was always he, nothing but he; or rather every moment of the day she fled from him, but he always reappeared.
Her sisters reported to her that he hung about the house and looked in; walked past and looked in, talked to them, asked them to remember him to her. This immensely excited them, they were proud of it; his remark that Tora was "the handsomest girl" had reached them too. But Tora"s terror increased; she was pursued. She knew that he would not give up.
Where could she go to? None of the Rendalens were at home. She could go to them after the holidays, but nearly three weeks still remained. She could not speak to any one else, she was too much ashamed. She did not think once of shoemaker Hansen, but Fru Hansen was severe, she would not exactly understand. Her mother she never once thought of. But after all it was a thing which entirely concerned herself; she need be in no man"s power if she did not choose.
No, but when she could not by any means get him out of her thoughts?
On Sat.u.r.day evening she had flung herself upon her bed, as weary as though she had pa.s.sed the day in the hardest manual labour. She lay there and looked at the yards of a ship which was being towed past. She watched the folds in the loosely hanging sails which were swaying in the wind. The vessel was so near that she could almost have touched her. Outside there was a heavy sea, the storm driving the swell up into the harbour: she, too, longed to find a haven! It was Sat.u.r.day evening, to-morrow she would have to go to church. Karl Vangen"s face smiled to her as she remembered this, and she felt happy before she fell asleep.
If he had been a girl she would have gone to him--just to _him_--with the trouble which oppressed her.
The next day she occupied a seat at the furthest end of the church.
Karl Vangen had met her, and said how nice it was that she was coming up to them again to help Fru Rendalen. On account of this remark she had chosen the most remote seat; she did not feel sure that she might not begin to cry.
She did not, however; there was something soothing in the church and the stillness and the people, which was unlike the summer day outside.
But when Karl Vangen went into the pulpit, and his prayer was the one which he had used on her first school-day--that on meeting, almost word for word the same--it disturbed her: that even Karl Vangen"s prayer should be a lesson from earlier days. This little coincidence occupied her, and she did not follow him. She gathered that the sermon dealt with conversion, and that Karl Vangen, as was his custom, ill.u.s.trated what he was saying by examples from real life. But she had heard these examples at school, every one of them.
She was roused by the name of John Wesley. His conversion, Vangen considered, was the most thorough, the fullest in every particular, that he knew of. He related it, and then pa.s.sed on to give examples of sudden conversions, especially some by Wesley himself; other natures with different pasts, with different kinds of knowledge, influenced by other fears. He wished to speak of these sudden conversions separately to-day. He had known a young girl who had a burning desire for grace for her sins, which she could by no means obtain, until one day she saw Rubens" picture of the Crucifixion, and Mary Magdalene standing with long flowing hair at the foot of the cross. She would be Mary Magdalene. And all at once it was a joy to her to imagine herself at the foot of the cross in the place of Mary Magdalene; her thoughts dwelt on this so powerfully that it seemed as though she, and no one else, stood there. At once she received the knowledge that it was for _her_ that Jesus was crucified, _her_ sins were forgiven. She was seized with a great, great joy. The preacher knew several such examples especially among women. They had clung so persistently to some single incident in the life of Jesus, some single word of His, something special in the mystery of grace, and had gazed upon it until it had the effect of a strong light, a special knowledge. From that time all became clear to them, their sins were taken from them; their will became stronger from that day and hour.
Tora did not hear more, least of all that it was _against_ this that Vangen wished to speak. Then and there her mind was occupied with an attempt to follow these examples. His too familiar voice murmured on; everything round her seemed to fade away. She saw Jesus on the cross in a strange country, with driving black clouds above Him, each height, each valley, each tree veiled and mourning. She saw His eyes close, His chest rise and fall, and it all became night. She felt her own small sorrows hidden in that awful moment. How long she remained in this condition she did not know. The sermon was not over, she could not therefore go; but she could not listen, she did not desire to do so.
When at length she left the church she had only one wish--to be able to renew that vision as soon as she could.
Through all these days she had not been outside the door, she must go this afternoon. From fear of Furst she went over towards the mountain, and from there up into the wood along by the churchyard, and then on to the big fir-tree on the right, and sat down on the stone under it--it was smooth and flat. She had not come to dream or to enjoy herself, but for real help to consecrate her life. These weary days had enlightened her; she knew now that her character combined a little of everything; that she wished for a little of everything, even of what was wrong, so that she would be an easy prey for a rogue. She had not been sufficiently guarded from the first; she had been completely unprepared--nay, the danger had had something attractive in it.
This must now be changed; she would do any kind of work, if only it would be a restraint on her. She had no more ambition now, nothing but dread.
She fell upon her knees, and with her blood coursing the faster from her hurried ascent, she offered her prayer in her abas.e.m.e.nt. It was the most humble, piteous pleading. Her distress was extreme. Power to resist the will which conquered hers! She did not doubt for a moment that her pet.i.tion would be instantly and literally granted.
Mentally she saw herself endowed with strength, she saw herself without fear--even with a mission; no matter what it was, so that it continued.
And that should regulate her life. Willingly! Always! She could not picture to herself greater joy, honour, or riches than to give herself to some hard task; it was her nature to wish for extremes.
And now she began to contemplate herself--no, she came to a stand, her mind was disturbed when she thought of her friends. Milla"s greatest anxiety in her last letter had been lest the weather should not continue fine, and Nora had feared that they might forget to send her some new music. Why should she alone, who was hiding here, have such dreadful trouble? Her desolate position ought to have made people pity her, but it only encouraged them.
She sat, turned away from the view, leaning against the big fir-tree.
Before her she saw alder woods, nothing but young luxuriant alder woods, and fronds of bracken in a thick ma.s.s. Ah! how impotent all that was, that they had discussed together at the Society"s meetings, and at other places. Only a few weeks ago, and now she must hide herself here.
If this became known, she would no doubt lose the small status she had gained for herself. She would hardly go again to the Engels, she would not be allowed to be Milla"s friend, perhaps not be able even to go up to Fru Rendalen"s again; she began to cry, but she tried to collect herself. The image of the sly, excited, accursed face that she had seen from behind the stone down below, seemed to stab her--to thrill through her; she understood that the dread with which she terrified herself was greater danger to her than the actual man.