"Austin, here is a letter from Amy with great news in it. She is soon to be married, and wants to come home to make ready. What shall I tell her?" said Nell one day.
"This is Amy"s home. She has the same right here as have the others," said Austin, adding anxiously, "I wonder what choice she has made."
There followed a whirl of busy days after Amy came home, then the flitting of the young bride to her new home. Austin gave a sigh of relief, as many a parent has done, when at last he saw his restless sister anch.o.r.ed in a home of her own. He had followed her movements anxiously, for he knew there were many temptations for her in the care-free life she appeared to be living.
"What is your decision, Nell?" asked Austin one day some time after they had talked over the summer"s outing.
"I have decided to go with the Freemans. I do not know how long I shall stay; but if I like it I shall stay all summer. I feel as if I never wanted to come back to the round of housework and cooking. I am so, oh, so tired of it all! But maybe I shall get homesick when I am once away."
The first of June came, closing the term of school, and the next day Doyle was ready to start for the farm. So jubilant was he that he did not see the pained look on Austin"s face, nor for one moment saw the wound it was to Austin that he could part with his home so easily. Austin"s whole life was bound up in his home. He had not the experience to know that practically every boy of Doyle"s age, and placed in the same circ.u.mstances, would do as he did; nor did he realize that because the children had been but the receivers of his gifts of love and sacrifice, they could not comprehend what it had all meant to him. After a while, when they had met life as all must meet it, they would look back and understand what he had done, and what he had felt. This home for the children had cost him his youth and youthful ambitions, and to part with it would have been like giving up life and hope; but to the children it was just home, and that a home with limitations.
A few days later Nell was off for her summer"s outing, and Lila and Austin were home alone. How quiet and calm it seemed! And how they enjoyed themselves! Lila was busy with her music and the light housekeeping necessary for the two of them, and Austin came and went to and from his daily work with a heart freer from care than he had done for a long time.
"Oh, dear!" sighed Lila over the contents of a letter in her hand. "The summer is not half gone and Nell is coming back. I thought I was to be housekeeper all summer. Oh, dear!"
"Surely my little sister is going to make Nell welcome! Think of all that Nell has been to us and our home ever since we began it," said Austin soothingly.
"But Nell is cross, and she wants everything to go her way," protested Lila with a scowl on her face.
"I know, Lila, that Nell is impatient sometimes. But she has not been well.
She has had to work too hard, and we must be patient with her. Let us make her welcome, and then I believe everything will go right. Cheer up," said Austin happily.
Nell had found her outing much different from what she had thought it would be. She was a home body, and when she got away from the familiar scenes, and rested a little from the heavy work, she began to long for the dear home circle. Besides, she feared that Lila could not keep up the housework as it should be done. So she had decided to return long before the summer was ended.
In spite of Lila"s protests, she took up her old responsibilities, and left the little girl free for her music and recreations. Austin was glad to have Nell with them again, for he had not altogether approved of leaving Lila so much alone.
Autumn came, bringing a letter from Doyle saying that he had decided to stay on the farm, a.s.suring his brother that he was perfectly satisfied with life as he found it there. Austin"s answer was a complete release of the child, so that he no longer was counted in the family circle.
Harry was home very little, but when he came he brought good cheer and comradeship with him. He was fond of Nell, and found pleasure in spending a part of his means in buying her pretty clothes. Nell was handy with her needle, and was wise in the choice of both materials and styles, and so was able to go out carefully and tastefully dressed.
Home seemed to have settled once more into steady lines, with just the three in the family. But as this was a bark that seldom rested in quiet seas, another storm-cloud was seen arising, and it was larger than a man"s hand.
Chapter 28
A STORMY SEASON
One day Austin sat in his room in deep and troubled thought. It had been many months since such a burden lay on his heart. He was perplexed as well as troubled. That there must be a way out of his trial he knew, but where to find it was his problem. There had been many times in his life when he had longed for some older and wiser one than himself to guide him and his family through the rocks that threatened the little bark, but never did he feel that lack as now. The very foundations of his home were at stake.
Every home must have its breadwinner and its home-maker. Ever since that day on which Nell had made her promise to stand by him and do her best, she had filled the place of home-maker to his satisfaction. There had been times when she had grown restless with the confinement of it, and he had arranged for her to be relieved or to have a change of employment for a time; but always she had come back with renewed love and zeal for her home.
He had expected her always to be so.
Austin was young in years, but his struggle with the real problems of life had developed his nature until he thought and felt as a man ten years older. In his mind his home was a permanent thing. There was, for him, to be no leaving of the old home and going out to make a new one. This was _his_ home in as strong a sense as the word could ever be used. Whatever threatened this establishment was placing his earthly happiness in jeopardy. He was ready to rise and defend it with all his strength.
With Nell it was different. When she had given her promise to Austin to help him with the undertaking, she had felt the need of the shelter home would give. She was a little girl then, now she was at the door of womanhood. Instinctively she felt that this was not always to be her home, and she had a longing for the freedom, that normal girlhood feels, from responsibility and care. She longed to go out, as other girls went, to face the battles and make the conquests of life. It seemed to her that unless she made a bold dash for freedom her whole life would be given up to dull household tasks.
These vague longings and dissatisfied thoughts caused Nell to lose interest in her home duties. And in turning her attention to outside affairs she, for lack of experience and of the wise, guiding hand of a mother, began placing her affections and desires upon those things that are very enticing to youth but which do not bring the best good. It seemed to her that better clothes, more social activity, worldly amus.e.m.e.nts, and entire freedom from restraint would bring her the opportunities and the pleasures she craved.
Since there was coming to her, as comes to every girl, that indefinite time when she must "settle down in life," why should she not have her good times now!
Austin saw, or thought he saw, the course these "good times" would take, and their final outcome. Nell was impulsive and strong willed; she had no mother to guide her, and he feared the results of a period of wildness. He needed her help in the home, help that she could not give with a divided mind. He was a Christian at heart, one who had covenanted to live by the Word of G.o.d, leaving all that was "of the world" behind. He wanted his home to be in every sense a Christian home. It disappointed him that Nell was choosing the world.
But Austin, sitting alone in his room, did not reason things out as we have done here; he only felt and suffered. Nell, his strong right hand, was failing him. She would defy his rules, close her ears to his entreaties, and disobey his commands, going out when and where she pleased, choosing her own company and keeping her own counsels. Not understanding the nature of the change that had come over her, not reasoning back to the real cause, he blamed her and censured her actions. He had hoped to find in Nell one who would understand his purpose in life, and who would fall in with his plans completely. It was such a bitter disappointment to find her unwilling to do so.
Austin had much decision and real sternness in his make-up. Since Nell would not yield to his entreaties, he felt he must _compel_ her to listen to reason. The methods he had used in times of rebellion when the children were smaller were of no value now, and some new plan must be found whereby he could humble Nell"s heart and cause her to walk the path he thought was best for her. He so much enjoyed their mutual comradeship and cooperation, and he believed she set a high value on them also. To refrain from talking with her, to keep a reserved, austere silence toward her except when speech was absolutely necessary, would surely bring her to her senses quicker than anything. He was not angry with her, but came to this deliberate decision because he believed it to be the best way to waken her to her errors.
One more serious talk with Nell, a defiant att.i.tude on her part, and he began his discipline. Then followed weeks of pain. Nell would not submit, and Austin would not yield. It was a characteristic of the boy, as we have already seen, to follow a course he believed to be right in spite of all the opposition that might come against him. If he thought a principle of right or justice was at stake, nothing could turn him. The silence of the home was oppressive and more dangerous than words. The girls misunderstood Austin"s silence and called it anger and pouts. Nell, who for a while forgot her old loyalty to Austin, spoke of his behavior outside the family circle and caused evil reports to go out about him.
There was one who was, perhaps, more concerned about their trouble than any one else. She was a warm friend of both Austin"s and Nellie"s. To her Nell unburdened her heart, and the strong, true heart of Bessie Allison was stirred with sympathy and compa.s.sion for them both.
"Bessie, I can hardly stand it at home these days. Austin is terrible. He pouts around and won"t say a word, and has lost all his love for me. Home will never be as it once was, for I will not give in and mind him in every little thing as if I were only a child," Nell had confided bitterly.
"Don"t Nell, don"t talk that way. Austin is not pouting, as you think, but he is trying to help you see your mistake. He means right. You know that he does, Nell. Think of all the past, and how he has stood by you."
"Yes, I know, Bessie, that he has done n.o.bly by us. But he does not understand us girls, and thinks we ought to obey him like children. I can"t do it, and I will not."
Bessie was a woman of prayer, and often she carried their troubles to the throne of grace. She knew that Austin was making a sad mistake in the position he was taking, that it was hardening Nell and Lila both, and that it was bringing upon him criticism from their friends and neighbors. She could not see how any good could come of it.
"Austin," she had said one day, "can you not see that you are making a mistake with Nell, and bringing on yourself needless criticism? Why are you taking this course, anyway?"
"She must obey me," he said firmly. "Nell taunts me with anger, and says I am pouting, but I am neither angry nor pouting. I have decided to keep this silence till she submits."
"It is a great mistake, Austin. Nell will not submit. She misunderstands your actions. You are driving her farther from G.o.d. I shall pray our heavenly Father to give you humility to count yourself defeated. Nell is not a child any longer, and you can not force her to be obedient to you, not in this way at least, and you will prove my words to be true. An example of humility from you now will heal matters better than anything you can do."
For years Austin, against the opinions of others, had resolutely stood to what he thought was right. It was this stedfastness of character that had brought him through many hard-fought battles. And the process had developed tenacity and determination to what was out of balance with his humility and consideration for the opinions and consciences of others. From his point of view this affair was his and Nell"s, and did not concern his friends and acquaintances. His fighting-blood was up. But the words of Bessie, spoken so sincerely and kindly, began to reach his understanding, and at last he unbent.
"Nellie, I do not approve of your conduct. I am sorry for your att.i.tude in the home and toward its responsibilities. But I see that I have gone too far in my attempt to force submission. I am sorry for the mistake I have made." This he said to her one day. So the long silence was broken, but without any submission on Nell"s part. Her heart was just as restless as it had been before. It was plain that she could not make herself willing to remain with her home responsibility. Someway the burden of it had slipped from her shoulders.
Austin considered the turn his sister had taken; and while he could not understand it, and in his heart censured her considerably, yet he had his old desire to make her happy if possible.
"Nell," he said, "I shall not hold you longer. I want you to feel as free to go as the others have been. While I have tried to give you a good home, and have done the best I understood in that endeavor, yet I would not force it upon you. If you wish to visit your brothers or any other of your relatives, I will provide means for you to make the journey. Or if you wish to go to work downtown, you may do that. Do not feel bound to the housework any longer, for my sake."
"I do not know what I want to do. But I shall go somewhere soon. Do not worry about me, for I can look out for myself," she answered. Her choice was to go on a long journey, to a distant State; and soon the home circle numbered but two.
Amy Hill Morton sat in her little dining-room, her arms resting on the table, and a letter before her over which she was poring with a frown on her pretty face. The letter was from Nell, and set forth in frank, girlish manner, her dissatisfaction with the home-management. "You know how you felt, Amy, how you could not bear to be dictated to, and you remember that Austin wanted to tell you where to go and who to be with. You could not stand it, and I can"t either. When I leave I am going to let Aus know that I can look out for myself."
"Oh, Nell! what ails you?" she half sobbed. "Poor Austin! I wonder if every one of us children will be a separate disappointment to him! I know I have been nothing else. If I could have it to do over again I would let him see how much I do appreciate his sacrifice and devotion. I do not regret getting married; but I never realized till now what it has meant for him to settle down and give all his young life for us. Ned and I have a time to keep our two selves going on his wages, yet Austin managed to support all of us. I know he never had a care-free day in his life. He knows nothing but responsibility. He never was young. I am sorry for every unkind word and act I ever gave him. I am going to write Nell a letter telling her just what I think of her plans." Suiting her actions to her words, she wrote a long letter to Nell, pouring out her heart in sisterly fashion.
"What if Austin has made mistakes! Look over them. You can not expect him to be faultless when we are so full of faults. Stay at home, Nell, and make him a home as long as he needs you. He has done more for you than has any one else. No one cares for you as he does. Do not grieve him by your lack of appreciation," were some of the things she wrote. Nell was touched by the appeal, for she was tender-hearted; but it did not change her purpose.
She went on with her preparations, and Austin was compelled to face the problem of life without her.
CHAPTER 29
AUSTIN"S NEW HOME
"How is life serving you these days, Austin?" asked his companion quietly, for the expression of the young man"s face showed that he was facing some perplexity. He had sought opportunity for a confidential talk with an older friend whom he knew was interested in all his affairs.