"It seems my life is a long series of crises, and I face one now that is exceedingly perplexing. I should like to lay the matter before you and obtain your opinion as to what I should do. I have come to where my path seems to break and I do not know which way to go, yet G.o.d knows my heart, that I want only his will done in me. You have heard, possibly, that Nell has deserted me? I do not blame her, poor girl, for her part has not been an easy one. Then, too, the way I allowed her to be overburdened when we had Uncle"s children has been against her. Though she was as willing as I was to help him out, the overwork was too much for her nerves, and she has suffered from it. Besides that, she seems to be filled with the same restlessness that attacked Amy. I shall just have to let her face her own problems her own way, I suppose," and a sigh slipped from his lips. Where is the parent of grown children who has not sighed the same way?
"I think, Austin, that you have expected both Amy and Nell to be like your self in steadiness and singleness of purpose, when you have not really had any youth. Possibly the very fact that you had to fight off every youthful inclination and be a mature man before your time, for the sake of your family, has placed you where you can not sympathize with their fickleness.
Really, Austin, they are girls, just girls. You can not judge their actions by the standard with which you judge your own, for your view-points are vastly different," reasoned his friend.
"I think I have expected them to fill the places of full-grown women. I am certain much of our trouble has been right there. Another thing I am thoroughly convinced of is that girls need the guidance of an older woman.
Both Amy and Nell have worked out problems in their own way and come to conclusions that would never have been reached had they been guided by an older and wiser person," said Austin.
"Yes, you are right. A child can be cared for by nurses and teachers, but when a girl reaches her teen age she needs a mother, or some one who can take the place of a mother," agreed his friend.
"Now you come to my point of perplexity. I think that in failing to recognize this fact I have failed to quite an extent with Amy and Nell. I can excuse myself because they were so little younger than I, and were spoiled for lack of control when I took them. But with Lila it is different. I have had her a great portion of her life, and I feel a responsibility that I never did with the others. But she is just now where she needs mother-care the most. Already I begin to see signs of the same restlessness and wilfulness that has spoiled the other girls. She is such a sweet child, and I want her to make good. But what am I to do? Can you give me any counsel?"
"Do you and Lila expect to keep house the same as ever?"
"Ought we? She wants us to, and is distressed if I mention any other arrangement. So far as the work is concerned, with my help she could get along very well. But she would be alone too much for one so young; and besides, she is not developing along the lines I wish to see her develop.
She is very enthusiastic just now over the idea of being my housekeeper, and thinks it would be the best of fun. But she will in time become tired of the responsibility, and I shall have the same old trial over again."
"Could you not secure a competent housekeeper who would be able to take the oversight of the girl as well, and thus save the day?"
"I might, if such a person could be found. But it is a difficult matter to find a person capable of coming into a home and taking the reins in the manner you suggest. Such women already have their places. Lila would not be easily managed, especially if she should be approached in the wrong manner.
She has a peculiar temperament, but is tractable enough if one understands her. She would likely resent any interference from one whom she would consider an outsider. I have no idea where I could find a person who would answer the need."
"That plan would depend entirely upon the disposition of the person employed. It would indeed be hard to find one who would take a motherly interest in the girl. Have you any other plans?"
"Yes. If I could find a home for Lila where she would be made welcome and given kind, thoughtful mother-care, I should be glad to put her in it. I should of course support her and pay well for her care. What do you think of that plan?"
"What would you do, Austin?"
"I suppose I should have to close the house and board. Batching would not appeal to me after having the family. I believe I should die of loneliness.
Even with Lila it is very trying for me at times."
"That would be unfair to you. You are a home-lover. For a home you have given all your young years, and now to be thrown out with no roof of your own would be harder for you than you now imagine. Besides, breaking the home now would be such a financial sacrifice. In a few years you will wish to begin your home again from a different angle and motive; for you will find you are not different from other men. It seems such a loss and waste.
I wish your home could be preserved," said his friend with marked earnestness.
"I have thought of all those things. So I am waiting to see what I ought to do. I hate to give up my home, and I confess it looks dreary ahead of me."
Here the conversation was interrupted and never taken up again. Austin returned to his cottage home to consider further his problem.
"Lila, would you like to have me find you a good home somewhere with a woman who could give you more care than I am able to? You must get lonely here, when I am away so many hours each day; and I can not feel restful about you. Do you not think the other plan would be better?" Austin questioned of his sister.
"No, Austin, I do not want you to do that. You are the only one I want to be with, and this home is good enough for me," she said decidedly.
Again that sigh. What should he do? What was best? And all those dreams and aspirations of a life of usefulness for G.o.d! Where were they and what were they? Only imaginations? Or had he received a call from G.o.d? A few more years at longest, and he should be free of his family responsibilities, and then where should he turn? Questions, one after another, forced themselves upon him; but he was powerless to answer.
Another plan sweeter and better than all the rest stood ever before him; but he could not be certain it would be for the best. This plan would not only bridge over the present perplexity, but it would change his whole life. What if it should end in disappointment! But the plan was ever before him. Why should he look for an elderly lady for his housekeeper? There was Bessie Allison! With Bessie"s strong heart and capable hand the tangles of his home-life would unravel, and all would go well. Besides, there was Bessie herself.
Austin was no longer a boy, and his heart yearned for something in his home-life which his younger brothers and sisters could not give him.
If Bessie was willing, and he learned that she was, his home would be preserved in the happiest way possible. Besides, Bessie"s interests and energies were turned toward that life of usefulness for which he craved.
They would be one in their service to G.o.d.
When he had considered all this, and had learned that his plans and hopes found a hearty echo in the true heart of Bessie, the clouds that had been hanging so low were all cleared away, and life looked bright and rosy again.
To these arrangements Lila gave a glad approval, and welcomed her new sister warmly. Nell was glad also for the change in Austin"s affairs, for though she could not bring herself to be willing to take up the burden of housekeeping, yet her conscience kept her continually unhappy at the thought of his perplexity and trial. This was a happy way out for all.
Harry and Amy and Doyle all rejoiced with them that the home had been preserved.
Thus with the clouds rolled away and the sunshine of love and hope smiling upon them, Bessie and Austin began their life together.
CHAPTER 30
THE OPINIONS OF PARSON HAWLEY AND HIS WIFE
"Austin and Bessie were married last evening," remarked Parson Hawley, one of Austin"s well-wishers, to his wife as he stretched his feet out at his own fireside.
"I am glad to hear it," was his wife"s happy rejoinder. "Austin is a fine young man, and Bessie will make him a good, true helpmeet. May the sun shine brightly on their lives all the way."
"What is your prophecy on Austin"s life, my dear?" the good man continued.
"We have watched him rear his family, and have noted many of his cares and responsibilities, and have felt for him in his perplexities and difficulties. Has he succeeded in what he undertook? Have the results rewarded his sacrifice?"
"I could answer your questions better a few years hence. Look at our own children. Did it always _seem_ as if they were going to repay us for the care and toil we gave them? When they were in the transition stage of life, as Austin"s children now are, did they show the effect of our efforts as we wished them to? I think not. I remember sleepless nights and care-worn days when it seemed that one or the other would surely bring us sorrow. And there were two of us of mature years. Wait till Austin"s children have another ten years on their heads and then you can better judge. This one thing I do know, that it is an impossibility that boys and girls should live with a man who has lived and is living as Austin, whose whole life has been one of unselfish sacrifice and devotion, and not be the better for it."
"You are right, Wife. We have all expected them to be just like him, when that would have been an impossibility. But do the children appreciate what he has done as they should?"
"Ah, Henry, what a question for a man of your age to ask! Do the children appreciate what he has done! Did you ever see children in their teens who appreciated what their rearing had cost, not in dollars and cents, but in tears and prayers and pain? I think not. Just wait till those children have felt the load of responsibility settle upon their shoulders, fitting itself to their capacity; just let them shed a few tears of sorrow and anguish, and let them sacrifice, as they will do, for love"s sweet sake--and then they will appreciate him and all he has done."
"That is so, Mother. We had to wait a while before our children could understand the reason for some of our dealings with them. But now we do not regret our toil and care, since we are rewarded by their love and appreciation. Come to think of it, we did not have that object in view in their training. It was not for our pleasure, but for their good that we worked."
"And so it has been with Austin. He gave his young life for them. He has done his duty by them, and he is a better man for it. Even if he saw no reward in them, what it has done for him has been worth it all. See his strength of character, the earnestness and purpose of life; look at Austin as we know him, and can we say that he is not already reaping the reward of his efforts and sacrifice?"
"Character," said the good man, after a while, "character is not a gift but a growth. With Austin it found good soil to grow in, and he has given it the right kind of cultivation--sacrifice, devotion to a n.o.ble purpose, honesty, sincerity--to make it develop well. Yes, you are right. It has paid. I was thinking of what he had given up for them. The pleasures of youth, the fun and the frolic that other boys get. But they are of lesser value, while he has tasted of the real things of life. Yes, it has all paid well."
"But let us not think that the children are even now ungrateful. Amy is quick to praise him and what he has done; she sees many things in a new light since wifehood and motherhood have come to her. And Harry, while he never could bear to depend on Austin, realizes quite forcibly what his brother has done. Nell is at her most thoughtless age, but down in her heart she appreciates her brother; the stamp of his life will be found in her, you may be certain. Lila is devoted to him. And he has many, many friends and admirers."
"What will his life be from now on? Will he continue to develop? Will he realize those early hopes and desires? What do you say?"
""I am no prophet, nor the son of a prophet," so I shall not answer those questions. But I know this, that he has chosen a helpmeet who will be an encouragement and help to him in becoming all that G.o.d would have him to be. The future lies in the hand of G.o.d.