"So, anyway," I pushed on, "that leaves us with thirty-two cards of AI, sixteen cards of other heroes-but only fifteen cards with villains. Clearly the missing card is a villain."
"It makes sense," Plasma Girl agreed. "But who?"
"Think about it," I said. "Who is AI"s first and greatest foe? Who destroyed Meteor Boy? Who is constantly setting up AI"s most difficult challenges-at least on TV, anyway? And who is nowhere to be seen among the sixty-three cards we already have?"
"Professor Brain-Drain!" all four of them said in unison.
"Exactly!" I said.
"What"s that about Professor Brain-Drain?" came a voice from the front of the cla.s.s.
Our teacher, Miss Marble, had come into the room. Her hands were folded over her ample midsection as one foot tapped in irritation.
"Uh-um," I stuttered for a moment. "We were just talking about the Professor Brain-Drain card that we"re missing from our set of Amazing Indestructo Collector Cards." I blurted out the truth in that frustrating way you do when you can"t think of a good fib fast enough.
"Well, as long as it"s something important," Miss Marble said in a tone that clearly indicated she didn"t think it was important at all. "How many of the rest of you are also attempting to collect these cards?"
The hand of every kid in the cla.s.s shot up. I felt vindicated! But then they all immediately began talking to each other.
"Did you see the card with my uncle on it?" Cannonball announced to anyone who would listen.
His uncle was the Crimson Creampuff, and Cannonball was incredibly proud to have a relative in the League of Ultimate Goodness. Whenever I felt jealous, I reminded myself that the Crimson Creampuff was one of the least least competent members of the League. competent members of the League.
"I"m missing twenty-three cards, including Whistlin" Dixie, the Animator, and Moleman," said Transparent Girl, from what looked like an empty seat on Hal"s left. "If anyone has them, I"d be happy to hold onto them for you."
Even with our hands still raised, everyone began chattering, comparing notes on how their various collections were coming. No one was paying attention to Miss Marble any longer, which is never a good thing. Sure enough, I felt the inevitable reach of her power begin as a tingle in my left leg. Not wanting my hand to get stuck in the air, I quickly lowered my arm only a moment before I found myself frozen in a state of suspended animation.
Miss Marble got her name from her ability to freeze a person in place just as if he were a marble statue. The suspension never lasted more than a couple of minutes, but it made for a handy way to get the attention of ... well, in this case, a cla.s.s full of disruptive students.
"Now that I"ve frozen your mouths shut, let"s have a little discussion about something called scarcity." Miss Marble glanced around the room at her students, who were petrified in poses ranging from acrobatic to downright uncomfortable. "Do any of you know what that word means?"
I knew what the word meant, but there was no way to put my hand back up or to even speak, for that matter.
"What"s the matter, kids? Cat got your tongues? Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Miss Marble often said the exact same thing after freezing us, and always laughed hysterically at her own bad joke. Of course, we all just sat there, stiff as boards. The feeling began to pa.s.s after a few minutes, and soon I was able to move my eyelids. As movement returned to the rest of the cla.s.s, kids lowered their tired arms and remained quietly in their seats. No one ever wanted to risk a second freezing right away.
"So, scarcity. How about you, Hal?" Miss Marble continued, nodding at Halogen Boy.
Hal looked about helplessly. He can glow as brilliantly as an X-ray machine, but the sad fact is that he really isn"t all that bright.
"Uh, I don"t know," he said, before deciding to wing it, which for Halogen Boy is never a good idea. "Is it a city that"s really scary?"
Miss Marble"s eyes rolled to the back of her head. "No, it is not. Puddle Boy, do you know?"
Puddle Boy just nervously shook his head without saying a word. The puddle beneath his desk grew by another inch.
"How about you, Melonhead?"
"Thkarthity?" he said. Seeds splattered from his mouth in a dozen different directions. "Doethn"t it mean generothity? Ath in "Thkarthity beginth at home?"
"Okay, Ordinary Boy," Miss Marble said, resignedly. "What does scarcity mean?"
It annoys me that she always a.s.sumes I know the answer. Well, okay, so most of the time I do. She still didn"t need to pick on me.
"Scarcity is a term that refers to how difficult [image]
something is to find," I said. "The fewer there are of an item that lots of people want, the more scarce scarce that item is." that item is."
"Correct as usual," she said.
"Miss Marble?"
"Yes, Transparent Girl?" Miss Marble asked with a sigh of resignation.
"Scarcity is a term that refers to how difficult an item is to find," she pointed out perkily.
Miss Marble ignored her and pressed ahead. "Now tell me again, Ordinary Boy, what card haven"t you been able to find?"
"I suspect that it"s a card with Professor BrainDrain on it," I answered.
"Has anyone found this card?" she asked the cla.s.s as a whole.
Not a single hand was raised.
"It appears," she said directly to me, "that this card is very very scarce, a.s.suming that it exists at all. If it doesn"t exist, you will all end up on a wild-goose chase and will no doubt spend much of your parents" money in the process." scarce, a.s.suming that it exists at all. If it doesn"t exist, you will all end up on a wild-goose chase and will no doubt spend much of your parents" money in the process."
"But what if it does exist?" I asked hopefully.
"Then," she answered, "if you find one, you will have found something that is very valuable indeed."
CHAPTER EIGHT.
Straight to the Top
It was three o"clock and school had just let out. All five of us Junior Leaguers had agreed to meet at the end of the day to plan a strategy. We were waiting for Stench, who as usual needed to use the bathroom right after cla.s.s.
While we waited, a large crate came floating up the sidewalk toward the school. It was only as it got closer that I saw it was being pushed along by an old friend of my dad"s, and a former member of the New Crusaders, the Levitator.
"Hey, Lev," I waved. "How"s it going?"
"Ordinary Boy!" he said in surprise as he poked his head around the crate. "Good to see you. How are your mom and dad doing?"
"They"re great," I said, and then corrected myself.
[image]
"Well, my mom is doing fine. Dad"s having a hard time getting back into crime fighting."
"Aren"t we all." The Levitator laughed cheerfully. Even when he was down, he was still up-if you know what I mean. "It seems that all I can do for AI is deliver his products."
"What is this?" I asked, pointing at the enormous crate.
"It"s a new vending machine for your lunchroom-courtesy of Indestructo Industries. Not that they won"t make a nice profit in the process," he added. "It should be all set up for you kids by tomorrow. Take care!"
As the Levitator made his way toward the school, Stench charged up to us with a determined look on his face.
"We"ve got to find one of those cards," Stench blurted out as he reached us. "For three very good rea-sons: A) because it"s valuable; B) because it completes our collection; and C) because it will really tick Miss Marble off."
"Yeah, did you see how she was practically daring us?" Tadpole fumed. "But we"re not even completely certain what we"re looking for."
"You heard O Boy," Plasma Girl said. "He"s sure the card is of Professor Brain-Drain. Aren"t you, O Boy?"
"I am," I said, and it occurred to me there was a way to confirm it. "And I have an idea. But it means we"ll have to split up."
"Whatever you say, O Boy," Halogen Boy volunteered.
"Well, first, we should keep checking the card packs in the stores around the city," I said. "Tadpole, you and Hal go check out the Cavalcade of Candy. They should have lots for you to sort through. In the meantime, Stench, Plasma Girl, and I are going to go right to the source."
"You don"t mean-" Plasma Girl started to say.
"Exactly," I confirmed. "The three of us are going to pay a call on Indestructo Industries. If anyone has an answer, it will be them."
We split into two groups and Tadpole and Halogen Boy headed in the direction of downtown. As Stench and Plasma Girl looked over my shoulder, I pulled out the Li"l Hero"s Handbook Li"l Hero"s Handbook and looked up Indestructo Industries in the "Places" directory. and looked up Indestructo Industries in the "Places" directory.
With the address in hand, we headed off to the outskirts of town. It didn"t surprise us that Indestructo Industries was one of Superopolis"s most successful companies. We certainly bought enough of their products! But when we reached the address listed in the handbook, we couldn"t believe the sleek, shiny office tower that awaited us. As we walked up the main sidewalk leading to the building, we pa.s.sed under the legs of the enormous statue of AI. On its shoulders was balanced a huge globe bearing the name of the company. It was impressive, but not more than I would expect for the greatest hero in Superopolis.
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INDESTRUCTO INDUSTRIES.
Located at 777 Indestructo Boulevard in the heart of the Indestructo Industrial Park, Indestructo Industries oversees all entertainment, merchandising, marketing, manufacturing and licensing operations for Superopolis"s most financially successful hero, the Amazing Indestructo, as well as the League of Ultimate Goodness.
In the lobby we saw a directory, and we quickly found what we were looking for: Office of the President, twentieth floor. It made sense that the president would be at the top.
INDESTRUCTO INDUSTRIES20th floor * Office of the President floor * Office of the President19th floor * The Sentinels of Trademark Infringement floor * The Sentinels of Trademark Infringement18th floor * The Defenders of Lawsuits floor * The Defenders of Lawsuits17th floor * The Federation of Fine Print floor * The Federation of Fine Print16th floor * The Syndicate of Sh.e.l.l Corporations floor * The Syndicate of Sh.e.l.l Corporations15th floor * The Human Resources Self-Preservation Squad floor * The Human Resources Self-Preservation Squad14th floor * The Enforcers of Corporate Euphemisms floor * The Enforcers of Corporate Euphemisms13th floor * The League of Licensing, Royalties, & Copyrights floor * The League of Licensing, Royalties, & Copyrights12th floor * The Proprietary Protectors of Patents floor * The Proprietary Protectors of Patents11th floor * The a.s.sociation for the Exploitation of Adjectives floor * The a.s.sociation for the Exploitation of Adjectives10th floor * The Union for Foodlike Substances floor * The Union for Foodlike Substances9th floor * Cafeteria/ floor * Cafeteria/The League of Ultimate Goodness World Headquarters8th floor * The Product Development Force floor * The Product Development Force7th floor * The Secret Society of Safety Testers floor * The Secret Society of Safety Testers6th floor * The Toxic Substance Recategorization Team floor * The Toxic Substance Recategorization Team5th floor * The Choking Hazard Clearance Guild floor * The Choking Hazard Clearance Guild4th floor * The Guardians of Profit floor * The Guardians of Profit3rd floor * The Legion of Pencil Pushers floor * The Legion of Pencil Pushers2nd floor * The Minions of the Mailroom floor * The Minions of the Mailroom1st floor * Aren"t You Here Already? floor * Aren"t You Here Already?
"I"m not so sure we should be doing this." Plasma Girl stopped suddenly. "We could get into a lot of trouble and maybe even get yelled at."
As usual, Plasma Girl was thinking sensibly-the last thing a superhero on a mission wants to do. After all, if heroes thought sensibly, they"d stay home where it"s safe. I was about to start my usual pep talk when we heard a raspy voice behind us.
"You kids must be here for the test-marketing study we"re conducting today."
We turned around, and to our complete surprise, there was the Bee Lady! She"s older now (and a lot heavier) and can only get around in a motorized scooter, but when she was younger, she was the first female member of the League of Ultimate Goodness. Just as in her heyday, she still has a real beehive woven into her hairdo. The bees that live in the hive, and which she has the power to control, were buzzing all around her head. Her black-and-yellow-striped spandex costume looked like it was being stretched to the breaking point.
Plasma Girl has always idolized the Bee Lady. She immediately began to gush.
"Bee Lady," she said in short, excited breaths, "what an honor to meet you! You have done so much to pave the way for female heroes everywhere!"
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"Thanks, sweetie," the Bee Lady replied without sounding like she meant it. "I"m headed out to the parking lot for a cigarette, but you kids go on up to the eighth floor and I"ll be right back to start the test marketing."
As the Bee Lady chugged away on her scooter, I ushered my teammates into the elevator and hit the b.u.t.ton for the twentieth floor. The car zoomed to the top.
"Can you believe I actually met the Bee Lady?" Plasma Girl said excitedly.
"She didn"t seem very heroic," Stench said. I agreed but kept quiet to avoid the glare that Plasma Girl was now giving Stench.
"Well, she"s older now," Plasma Girl snapped. "We"ll see what you look like in sixty years."
Before my mind could form an image of an elderly Stench, the elevator doors opened onto a very expensive-looking reception area. There was a woman sitting at a desk, looking like she was doing something to her nails. As we came closer, I realized she was touching the nails on one hand with the index finger of her other. As she did, her nails changed from one color to another. That appeared to be the extent of her power.
"That is so cool!" Plasma Girl blurted out, clearly more impressed by the receptionist"s power than I was.
"Is there something I can help you with?" the nail lady said, clearly irritated that we had interrupted her important task.
"We"d like to see the president, please," I asked aspolitely as possible. I also flashed my best "adorable child" expression. Adults usually love that. But not her.
"It ain"t gonna happen, kid," she said, cracking a wad of bubble gum. "There"s only one way to meet the president, and that"s to have an appointment."
"Could we make an appointment?" I asked hopefully. I didn"t bother with the sweet expression this time.
"Let me see ..." She pretended to ponder my request for about five seconds. "NO!"
I couldn"t believe that the Amazing Indestructo, the paragon of all that"s good and right in the world, would have such an unpleasant person working for him.
"Okay, Stench," I said. "Maybe you can convince her."
The receptionist looked at us suspiciously. Plasma Girl and I knew to hold our breaths, but Fingernail Woman, or whatever her name was, did not. As Stench"s powerful stink reached her nostrils, we watched her turn pale and clutch her desk with her colorful fingertips. A second later she was on her feet and running through the door that led to the executive offices. I grabbed the door before it closed and motioned with my head for Plasma Girl and Stench to follow me. The door clicked shut behind us, and it was safe to breathe again.
"Okay," I said, "the annoying woman went to the left, so I say we head to the right."
We ran down the carpeted hallway, trying all the doors on each side in hope of finding the one that would lead us to the president of Indestructo Industries. Every door was locked. When we reached the end of the corridor, there was only one door left to try. I reached for the k.n.o.b, and, to my surprise, it turned. But that was nothing compared to the surprise I got when I opened the door. Because standing there, right inside the doorway, was that epitome of all that is evil, Professor Brain-Drain himself.