CHAPTER NINE.
Business Is Business
We all stood there frozen with terror as Professor BrainDrain stared down at us. It was impossible to make out his expression behind the incredibly thick gla.s.ses he wore, but there was no mistaking who we were dealing with. He was dressed completely in black except for his white lab coat, and the colander on his head shone eerily beneath the fluorescent lighting. And then [image]
something truly odd happened. The door swung open a little farther and I noticed that there was another Professor Brain-Drain standing behind him. I poked my head inside and to my utter astonishment saw dozens of Professor Brain-Drains. There were short Brain-Drains and tall Brain-Drains. There were fat ones and skinny ones. There were Brain-Drains with hair, and Brain-Drains with warts. There was even one Professor Brain-Drain that was a woman. Finally, a Brain-Drain with bushy red hair and a potato chip bowl on his head spoke up.
"Don"t you kids think you"re a little young to stand a chance?"
"Stand a chance of what?" I asked. "What"s going on here?"
"The tryouts, of course," said a Brain-Drain dressed in black leather and sporting a handlebar mustache.
"There was an open casting call for the role of [image]
Professor Brain-Drain for AI"s television show," explained another Brain-Drain as he practiced his tap-dancing routine.
"We"re all here to audition," added the woman who was dressed as Professor Brain-Drain.
"But Professor Brain-Drain is a man," Stench pointed out.
"That"s just the kind of conventional thinking that will keep you a slave to society your entire life," she sniffed with disdain.
While Stench was trying to figure that one out, I decided it was time to get back to our original goal and began to back out of the room. I motioned to Plasma Girl and Stench to follow.
"Well, good luck to all of you," I said as we stepped back into the hallway. Then I grabbed the k.n.o.b and pulled the door shut.
"That was really weird," Stench stated.
Neither Plasma Girl nor I disagreed. We figured the president"s office had to be in the opposite direction, so that"s where we headed. As we pa.s.sed by the reception area, we saw that the Fingernail Woman had returned. She had found a can of deodorizer and was so busy spraying it about her work area that she didn"t notice us.
A few seconds later we were standing at the door to an office that proudly announced: PRESIDENT OF INDESTRUCTO INDUSTRIES.
"Do you suppose he"s inside?" asked Stench. "And who is is the president anyway? Do you think it might be AI himself?" the president anyway? Do you think it might be AI himself?"
Plasma Girl and I just shrugged.
"There"s only one way to find out," I said, secretly thrilled at the prospect of possibly meeting the Amazing Indestructo face-to-face. I reached boldly for the doork.n.o.b-but the door was locked.
"Actually, there"s another way," Plasma Girl corrected me.
Stench and I watched as Plasma Girl"s purplish-pinkish-bluish costume began to bubble and foam. A second later she had metamorphosed into a gelatinous glob, collapsing into a puddle on the floor. The puddle began to move, sliding effortlessly underneath the locked door in front of us. Soon after that, we heard the lock click from within, and the door opened.
"Is anyone in here?" Stench asked as we entered the enormous office.
"Not that I can see," replied Plasma Girl as her skin stopped bubbling and she returned to her usual self.
The office seemed empty, but I was getting a creepy feeling that we weren"t alone. I turned around quickly to see if anyone was standing behind us, but all I saw was the empty corridor we had just pa.s.sed through. Then I took a good look at the office.
"Wow! Look at all this cool stuff," I said as it sank in. Set up on display tables and shelves throughout the room were a complete range of Amazing Indestructo products. There was the AI SuperBaby Crib with bendable iron bars that I had when I was really little; the Professor Brain-Drain Punching Bag; a copy of the first issue of The Amazing Indestructo (and the League of Ultimate Goodness) The Amazing Indestructo (and the League of Ultimate Goodness) comic book; and (holy criminy!) even a complete set of all eight of AI"s Power Vehicles, including his Atomic-Powered Rickshaw! These had been offered as prizes inside kids" d.i.n.ky Meals at the d.i.n.ky Dogs fast-food chain. I had found all of them except the rickshaw. In fact, no one I know had ever found one. As my shaking hand reached for the rickshaw, a voice suddenly interrupted me. comic book; and (holy criminy!) even a complete set of all eight of AI"s Power Vehicles, including his Atomic-Powered Rickshaw! These had been offered as prizes inside kids" d.i.n.ky Meals at the d.i.n.ky Dogs fast-food chain. I had found all of them except the rickshaw. In fact, no one I know had ever found one. As my shaking hand reached for the rickshaw, a voice suddenly interrupted me.
"Please don"t touch that. It"s the only one in existence."
We all turned and saw a man who looked about fifty. He was seated in a chair that had been turned away from us when we had first come in but was now swung around to face us. The first thing I noticed about him was that he wasn"t wearing a costume. I mean, he wasn"t naked or anything like that. It"s just that instead of tights and a cape, he was dressed in an ordinary suit and tie-actually, a very expensive-looking suit and tie. He also did not seem the least bit pleased to see us in his office.
"Are you the president of Indestructo Industries?" I asked.
"I am," he said coolly. "My name is the Tyc.o.o.n. My power is making money-lots of it."
"I"ve never heard of you before," Plasma Girl spoke up.
"That"s the way I like it. Now how did you get in here?" he asked. "And what"s happened to my secretary?"
"She went to get some fresh air," I said nervously. Then I built up my courage. "And we"re here to talk to you about the collector cards you"ve just released."
Without saying a word, the Tyc.o.o.n pressed a bright red b.u.t.ton on a panel next to his phone. He then returned his attention to us.
"I"ll be happy to answer whatever questions you like," he said with an oily smile. "You have about three minutes before the security guards I"ve just summoned arrive to remove you, so I suggest you ask quickly."
Plasma Girl and Stench both looked nervous, but I decided to get right to the point.
"Did you create a card for Professor Brain-Drain?" I asked.
"Yes," he answered.
"Are they in packs that are available to buy in stores?"
"Of course," the Tyc.o.o.n replied.
"How many are out there?" I pressed.
"Three," he said as the corners of his mouth turned up in an evil-looking smile.
"Three!?" Stench said in outrage. "No wonder we couldn"t find one!"
"If I"d had my way," the Tyc.o.o.n continued, "there wouldn"t have been even that many. But we ran into a little trouble with the Superopolis Trade Commission when we ran our last d.i.n.ky Meal promotion. They were outraged when we advertised for kids to collect all eight of those toys that you were just admiring-especially since we only manufactured seven of them. They threatened to close us down if we ever did anything like that again."
"You creep," Stench said. "I must have eaten over a hundred of those meals trying to find the AtomicPowered Rickshaw."
"It shows, kid," the Tyc.o.o.n said. Stench turned red with anger. To be honest, Stench isn"t fat at all. He"s just big.
"But that was the plan," he continued. "We sold tons of those meals. Just like we"ll sell tons of these card packs as you kids go crazy trying to find them all."
[image]
NAME: Tyc.o.o.n, The. Tyc.o.o.n, The. POWER: POWER: An unfailing ability to make money. An unfailing ability to make money. LIMITATIONS: LIMITATIONS: Vulnerable to tax collectors. Vulnerable to tax collectors. CAREER: CAREER: President of Indestructo Industries. President of Indestructo Industries. CLa.s.sIFICATION: CLa.s.sIFICATION: Loaded. Loaded.
"The Amazing Indestructo would toss you in jail if he knew what you were up to," I accused the Tyc.o.o.n.
"Oooh, well I"ll guess I"ll have to make sure he doesn"t find out." The Tyc.o.o.n laughed. "Come on. AI himself suggested that there be thirty-two cards of him, sixteen cards of the LUG"s, and sixteen cards of his villains. He hates Professor Brain-Drain so much he won"t exactly be disappointed that there aren"t very many of him."
"Where are the three Professor Brain-Drain cards?" I demanded, figuring I might as well ask.
The Tyc.o.o.n stared at me for a moment with a mildly amused expression on his face. "I admire your s.p.u.n.k, kid," he said finally. "But of course I won"t tell you exactly. I will, however, give you a hint: Just look near the three types of rock."
I had no idea what he meant by that, but before I could say anything, six brawny guards burst into the office. As the two who came for me grabbed hold of my arms, I glanced over and saw Stench easily lifting his two into the air, one in each hand. Plasma Girl had morphed into a glob, and her two guards were frantically trying to get her into an Amazing Indestructo Slot Machine coin bucket that one of them had grabbed from a display table. As usual, I was useless, and I soon found myself being dragged from the office.
"Wait a minute," I yelled to the Tyc.o.o.n. "What about Meteor Boy? How did he get into the collection?"
"Interesting question," he replied. I heard a sizzle of electricity and noticed Stench slump. "As you know, there are ten current members of LUG, plus the five original members, now retired. I needed sixteen heroes. At first I was going to use the Weatherman, but he"s gone solo now and wouldn"t give me permission."
"And?" I insisted. I had been dragged to the door and was now clinging to its frame. Stench looked unconscious as the two guards attempted to lift and drag him through the door, and the final two guards had succeeded in trapping Plasma Girl in the bucket.
"And so I took it upon myself to use Meteor Boy on the sixteenth card. I doubt that AI will mind. After all, we only created ten copies of it. I"m impressed that you even found one."
That was the last I heard. The office door swung shut. As the two security guards hauled me away, I could have sworn that I saw a figure dart out the door before it closed. But a second later it was gone. Meanwhile, Stench, Plasma Girl, and I found ourselves being dragged toward the elevator.
CHAPTER TEN.
A Rocky Start
I was thrown out the front door of Indestructo Industries and landed right beneath the enormous statue of the Amazing Indestructo. Stench came rolling behind me, his eyes finally blinking back open as he b.u.mped into AI"s enormous boot. The last of the security guards took the bucket and tossed its contents onto the sidewalk. A few moments later, the goop had reconst.i.tuted itself back into Plasma Girl.
"How rude," she said, sticking her tongue out at the departing guards.
"At least you didn"t get shocked," Stench said as he tried shaking some life back into his left hand. "I think one of those guys must be able to generate an electrical charge or something."
"Well, I"ll tell you one thing. I"m never going to buy anything from this company again," she added. "Not even the new Bee Lady Girl-Power Tea Set complete with recipes for Honey Crumpets and NectarAde." She paused for just a moment. "Even though I really, really wanted it."
Stench and I just looked at each other. Neither of us was ready to make such a drastic pledge. I couldn"t help thinking, that Plasma Girl had a point. But right now we had to try and figure out where the three Professor Brain-Drain cards were.
"Come on," I said. "It"s almost four o"clock. Let"s go meet Tadpole and Hal. We can figure out later how to tell AI what the Tyc.o.o.n is up to."
The Cavalcade of Candy was the biggest candy store in town. Shaped like a dollop of whipped cream, it was a hundred feet tall, but the entire interior was as hollow as a chocolate bunny. One long pathway inside the store spun its way to the top in a single continuous spiral.
All along this path were individual shops specializing in any type of candy you could possibly imagine: chocolates, toffees, brittles, cotton candy, licorice-you name it. Running all through the open s.p.a.ce in the middle there was also an incredible roller coaster called the Sugar Rush. In my opinion, though, the coolest thing there was the scale model of Superopolis that covered the main floor and was made entirely of candy. Mountains were made out of chocolate, trees were made from wisps of green cotton candy, and the buildings were made of gingerbread. It was completely accurate, too. I could even find the model of my own house!
[image]
THE CAVALCADE OF CANDY.
The brainchild of the Superopolis Dental League, the Cavalcade of Candy was built on the same location as their previous enterprise, the Little Tykes Puck-Whacker Hockey Arena, which had been shut down by the city over its refusal to provide kids with face masks. Home to nearly one hundred confectioners, the Cavalcade of Candy was a success from the day it opened and is recommended by four out of five dentists.
There was no time to spend looking at it now, though. Plasma Girl, Stench, and I headed up the spiral pathway. We pa.s.sed the Rock Candy Menagerie, where they sold little figures of animals made of rock candy, scooted by Great b.a.l.l.s o" Fire, whose jalapeno fireb.a.l.l.s are even too hot for my dad, skirted around the Gummy Grave Robber, who sold gummy candy that looked like most of the major internal organs (Plasma Girl made an ick face as we pa.s.sed by), until finally we reached the Collector Card Coliseum.
The department is enormous, but it was easy for us to follow the flashes of light over to where Halogen Boy was lighting up packs of cards while Tadpole checked out their contents.
"Any luck?" I asked.
"None at all," Tadpole responded. "But we only just got started. Hal insisted on having a large Apple Super Seltzer at the Fizz Bar before we started looking, and the carbonation gave his light such an on-and-off flashy quality that I couldn"t focus on anything in the packs. It was only after he went to the bathroom that he toned down enough to be useful."
Tadpole gave Hal an annoyed look, but he just shrugged his shoulders innocently and burped.
"There are hundreds of packs to look through, though," Tadpole added hopefully.
"To be honest, I don"t think there"s any point in even checking," I said, and then I told them what we had learned at Indestructo Industries. "Our only chance is the clue that the Tyc.o.o.n gave us," I said. "What could he have meant by three types of rock?"
"How are we going to find three cards scattered all across Superopolis?" Tadpole exclaimed in frustration.
"Our only chance is the clue that the Tyc.o.o.n gave us," I said. "What could he have meant by three types of rock?"
"Maybe he meant rock music!" Plasma Girl blurted out hopefully. "Let"s see, what are the different types?"
"There"s Heavy Metal," Tadpole suggested.
"Right," Plasma Girl agreed. "And there"s Punk Rock."
"What about Rap?" Hal added helpfully. "Is that a type of rock?"
"I"m not sure that even counts as music," Stench said.
I was only half listening. I drifted over to the railing where I glanced down at the scale model of Superopolis. My eyes focused on an enormous chocolate mountain in the center of the model. That was all it took for me to realize we were completely on the wrong track.