"Yes, more and different."
There was another pause and Helen put her hand up to her mother"s. The girl had not yet looked up. Her eyes were cast down and she seemed very thoughtful.
"Mother, do you think I will ever feel that way? As you did?"
Mrs. Douglas was startled by the question, in spite of the fact that from Helen"s babyhood the utmost frankness had existed between them. She wanted a few moments before she spoke. Helen was "till looking down, but her hand tightened its hold on her mother"s.
"Yes, Helen, I would not wish you any greater happiness than to love as your mother did."
"But men like father seem very scarce."
Mrs. Douglas could not help laughing, and at that Helen looked up soberly.
"You know they are, mother," said Helen almost indignantly. "Just look at that Randolph boy. And--and--Mr. Damon. I don"t believe there are any young men like father was when he was young. Wasn"t he very handsome?"
"He certainly was, and he is now."
"And didn"t he talk sensibly? Didn"t he know how to say things?"
"He didn"t say anything very wise or deep while he was courting me,"
laughed Esther. "I would not dare say how many foolish things he said. I don"t remember all of them."
"Mother, you know what I mean. The young men nowadays can"t talk any.
They don"t know half so much as the young women. Why, I feel superior to all the young men I know."
Mrs. Douglas looked amused.
"And I could never marry an inferior man. I would just despise myself and him, too. But why should I get married at all, mother? Why can"t I just be a physical training teacher all my life?"
"I don"t want you to marry an inferior man, You would just despise yourself and if you do not love in a natural way someone who is altogether worthy of you, you ought never to marry at all. What has made you think of it?"
Helen did not look up, and after a long pause Esther said gently, "Hide nothing?"
Then Helen looked up suddenly and burst out: "That horrid Mr. Damon proposed to me last night! I went with him to the organ recital and he was very nice at first, but on the way home he made a fool of himself and tried to make one of me. I told him I wouldn"t marry him if he was the only man left. Why, mother, he is ten years older than I am, and he has false teeth and I believe he wears a wig and he makes a living selling rubber goods!" And at that Helen burst into a flood of weeping, laying her head down in her mother"s lap.
When she was cried out, Esther said: "Mr. Damon is a good man, or I wouldn"t have let you go with him. But I had no idea he was thinking of you that way. Of course he is out of the question. Not on account of the false teeth, the wig and the rubber goods, for women marry men with those enc.u.mbrances every day and are happy, but for other reasons."
"Mother, did you ever have any other proposals besides father"s?"
"Yes, I had three while I was in college."
"At my age?"
"I was two years younger."
"That makes me feel better some; but I don"t want such things to come to me. It frightens me."
"Daughter, you probably know you are more than good looking. Do you?"
"Yes," said Helen, in a low tone.
"It is a great gift, but it is a dangerous one. You must use it in the right way."
"Mother, I do try. I am not a flirt, am I, mother?" Helen looked up appealingly.
"Look right into my eyes, mother, and see?"
Mrs. Douglas looked and with a sigh of relief saw there as pure and womanly a soul waiting development as ever lived.
"No, thank G.o.d, Helen, I believe you realise what your beauty might mean to bless or to curse. But sometimes the hurt comes in spite of one"s self."
There was a very long pause and then Helen said timidly, "Mother, you are thinking of someone in particular. I have tried to be very careful.
I had to be kind. But how could I know------"
"You mean Felix Bauer?"
"Yes, mother."
"Do you mean he has spoken to you in so short a time?"
"No, no, mother, not spoken. Only, only, looked at me. You don"t blame me, do you, do you, mother?"
Helen began to cry again, but in a different way from the outburst before. She cried softly and Mrs. Douglas could feel the girl"s hand pressing her arm convulsively.
She was really puzzled to know what to say in spite of the evident fact that Felix Bauer had simply yielded to the inevitable through no fault of Helen"s or anybody"s. At last she said:
"Do you feel superior to Mr. Bauer?"
Helen raised her head and blushed as she looked up.
"Why, no, that is, of course, he knows German and I don"t, and he knows a lot about electricity and I don"t and--and------"
"He"s not much of a talker," said her mother.
"No, but on that account he avoids saying so many foolish things. And he is very interesting, and, and, good. But he is only a poor student and it looks now as if he might grow up to be nothing but a manufacturer of incubators to raise chickens."
"Which is almost as bad as rubber goods," murmured Esther.
Helen did not reply. After a while her mother said, "Tell me just one thing dear, if you can. Do you care for Mr. Bauer?"
Helen bent her head and warm colour flowed over her cheeks, then she looked up.
"No, mother, not that way."
Mrs. Douglas sighed and said to herself, "Poor Bauer. He will have to outlive it somehow. I hope his studies will help him out."
That was what Bauer was saying to himself back in Burrton after that eventful Christmas vacation. He had parted with the family in a cheerful fashion, but all his self-possession and restraint and feeling of utter hopelessness regarding Helen could not prevent his giving her a look that told his story as plain as day when he said good-bye. Helen had gone upstairs and cried half the forenoon at the memory of Bauer"s face.
But Bauer did not know that. Neither did he know that the very fact of his silence had made Helen think favourably towards him. He had at least succeeded in securing a place in Helen"s exclusive list of possible lovers, for she was obliged to confess as the days went on that she missed Felix Bauer, and that she could not say of him as she could of all her other admirers that she was superior to him.