She moved away from me and began to inspect the room. In spite of her agitation she did this more in detail than when she had been there before, making the round of the book-shelves much as Mr. Grainger himself was in the habit of doing, and gazing without comment on the Persian and Italian potteries. It was easy to place her as one of those women who live surrounded by beautiful things to which they pay no attention. Mr. Brokenshire"s richly Italianate dwelling was to her just a house. It would have been equally just a house had it been Jacobean or Louis Quinze or in the fashion of the Brothers Adam, and she would have seen little or no difference in periods and styles. The books she now looked at were mere backs; they were bindings and t.i.tles. Since they belonged to Stacy Grainger she could look at them with soft, unseeing eyes, thinking of him. That was all. Without comment of my own I accompanied her, watching the quick, bird-like turnings of her head whenever she thought she heard a step.
"It"s nice for you here," she said, when at last she gave signs of going. "I--I love it. It"s so quiet--and--and safe. n.o.body knows I come to--to see you."
Her stammering emboldened me to take a liberty.
"But suppose they found out?"
She was as innocent as a child as she glanced up at me and said:
"It would still be to see you. There"s no harm in that."
"Even so, Mr. Brokenshire wouldn"t approve of it."
"But he"ll never know. It"s not the sort of thing any one would think of. I leave the motor down at Sixth Avenue, and this time of year it"s so dark. As soon as I heard Miss Davis was leaving I thought how nice the place would be for you."
Since it was useless to make the obvious correction here, I thanked her for her kindness, going on to add:
"But I don"t want to get into any trouble."
"No, of course not." She began moving toward the door. "What kind of trouble were you thinking of?"
I wondered whether or not, having taken one liberty, I could take another.
"When I see my boat being caught in the rapids I"m afraid there"s a cataract ahead."
It took her some thirty seconds to seize the force of this. Having got it her eyes fell.
"Oh, I see! And does that mean," she went on, her bosom heaving, "that you"re afraid of the cataract on your own account--or on mine?"
I paused in our slow drifting toward the door. She was a great lady in the land, and I was n.o.body. I had much to risk, and I risked it.
"Should I offend you," I asked, deferentially, "if I said--on yours?"
For an instant she became as haughty as so sweet a nature knew how to be, but the prompting pa.s.sed.
"No; you don"t offend me," she said, after a brief pause. "We"re friends, aren"t we, in spite of--"
As she hesitated I filled in the phrase.
"In spite of the difference between us."
Because she was pursuing her own thoughts she allowed that to pa.s.s.
"People have gone over cataracts--and still lived."
"Ah, but there"s more to existence than life," I exclaimed, promptly.
"There was a friend of my own," she continued, without immediate reference to my observation; "at least she was a friend--I suppose she is still--her name was Madeline Grimshaw--"
"Yes, Mrs. Pyne; but she wasn"t Mrs. Brokenshire."
"No; she never was so unhappy." She pressed her handkerchief against the two great tears that rolled down her cheeks. "She did love Mr. Grimshaw at one time, whereas I--"
"But you say he"s kind."
"Oh yes. It isn"t that. He"s more than kind. He"d smother me with things I"d like to have. It"s--it"s when he comes near me--when he touches me--and--and his eye!"
I knew enough of physical repulsion to be able to change my line of appeal. "But do you think you"d gain anything if you made him unhappy--now?"
She looked at me wonderingly.
"I shouldn"t think you"d plead for him."
I had ventured so far that I could go a little farther.
"I don"t think I"m pleading for him so much as for you."
"Why do you plead for me? Do you think I should be--sorry?"
"If you did what I imagine you"re contemplating--yes."
She surprised me by admitting my implication.
"Even if I did, I couldn"t be sorrier than I am."
"Oh, but existence is more than joy and sorrow."
"You said just now that it was more than life. I suppose you mean that it"s love."
"I should say that it"s more than love."
"Why, what can it be?"
I smiled apologetically.
"Mightn"t it be--right?"
She studied me with an air of angelic sweetness.
"Oh no, I could never believe that."
And she went more resolutely toward the door.
Hugh returned in good spirits from Philadelphia. He had been well received. His name had secured him much the same welcome as that accorded him on his first excursions into Wall Street. I didn"t tell him I feared that the results would be similar, for I saw that he was cheered.
To verify the love I had acknowledged to him more than once, I was eager to look at him again. I found a man thinner and older and shabbier than the Hugh who first attracted my attention by being kind to me. I could have borne with his being thinner and older; but that he should be shabbier wrung my heart.
I considered myself engaged to him. That as yet I had not spoken the final word was a detail, in my mind, considering that I had so often rested in his arms and pillowed my head on his shoulder. The fact, too, that when I had first allowed myself those privileges I had taken him to be a strong character--the shadow of a rock in a thirsty land, I had called him--and that I now saw he was a weak one, bound me to him the more closely. I had gone to him because I needed him; but now that I saw he needed me I was sure I could never break away from him.