"Unfortunately, you must let others judge of that."
"But how?" I insisted. "If I have been, wouldn"t it be a kindness on your part to tell me in what way?"
He pretended not merely indifference, but reluctance.
"Isn"t that obvious?"
"Not to me--and I don"t think to any one else."
"What do you call it when one--you compel me to speak frankly--what do you call it when one exposes one"s ignorance of--of fundamental things before a roomful of people who"ve never set eyes on one before?"
Since no one, not even Hugh, was brave enough to stand up for me, I had to do it for myself.
"But I didn"t know I had."
"Probably not. It"s what I warned you of, if you"ll take the trouble to remember. I said--or it amounted to that--that until you"d learned the ways of the people who are generally recognized as _comme il faut_, you"d be wise in keeping yourself--un.o.btrusive."
"And may I ask whether one becomes obtrusive merely in talking of public affairs?"
"You"ll pardon me for giving you a lesson before others; but, since you invite it--"
"Quite so, Mr. Brokenshire, I do invite it."
"Then I can only say that in what we call good society we become obtrusive in talking of things we know nothing about."
"But surely one can set an idea going, even if one hasn"t sounded all its depths. And as for the relations between this country and the British Empire--"
"Well-bred women leave such subjects to statesmen."
"Yes; we"ve done so. We"ve left them to statesmen and"--I couldn"t resist the temptation to say it--"and we"ve left them to financiers; but we can"t look at Europe and be proud of the result. We women, well bred or otherwise, couldn"t make things worse even if we were to take a hand; and we might make them better."
He was not moved from his air of slightly bored indifference.
"Then you must wait for women with some knowledge of the subject."
"But, Mr. Brokenshire, I have some knowledge of the subject! Though I"m neither English nor American, I"m both. I"ve only to shift from one side of my mind to the other to be either. Surely, when it comes to the question of a link between the two countries I love I"m qualified to put in a plea for it."
I think his nerves were set further on edge because I dared to argue the point, though he would probably have been furious if I had not. His tone was still that of a man deigning no more than to fling out an occasional stinging remark.
"As a future member of my family, you"re not qualified to make yourself ridiculous before my friends. To take you humorously was the kindest thing they could do."
I saw an opportunity.
"Then wouldn"t it be equally kind, sir, if you were to follow their example?"
Mrs. Billing"s hen-like crow came out of the obscurity:
"She"s got you there!"
The sound incited him. He became not more irritable, but cruder.
"Unhappily, that"s beyond my power. I have to blush for my son Hugh."
Hugh spoke out of the darkness, his voice trembling with the fear of his own hardihood in once more braving Jove.
"Oh no, dad! You must take that back."
The father wheeled round in the new direction. He was losing command of the ironic courtesy he secured by his air of indifference, and growing coa.r.s.er.
"My poor boy! I can"t take it back. You"re like myself--in that you can only be fooled when you put your trust in a woman."
It was Mrs. Brokenshire"s turn:
"Howard--please!"
In the cry there was the confession of the woman who has vowed and not paid, and yet begs to be spared the blame.
Jack Brokenshire sprang to his feet and hurried forward, laying his hand on his father"s arm.
"Say, dad--"
But Mr. Brokenshire shook off the hand, refusing to be placated. He looked at his wife, who had risen, confusedly, from her chair and was backing away from him to the other side of the room.
"I said poor Hugh was being fooled by a woman; and he is. He"s marrying some one who doesn"t care a hang about him and who"s in love with another man. He may not be the first in the family to do that, but I merely make the statement that he"s doing it."
Hugh leaped forward.
"She"s not in love with another man!"
"Ask her."
He clutched me by the wrist.
"You"re not, are you?" he pleaded. "Tell father you"re not."
I was so sorry for Hugh that I hardly thought of myself. I was benumbed.
The suddenness of the attack had been like a blow from behind that stuns you without taking away your consciousness. In any case Mr. Brokenshire gave me no time, for he laughed gratingly.
"She can"t do that, my boy, because she is. Everybody knows it. I know it--and Ethel and Mildred and Cissie. They"re all here and they can contradict me if I"m saying what isn"t so."
"But she may not know it herself," Mrs. Billing croaked. "A girl is often the last to make that discovery."
"Ask her."
Hugh obeyed, still clutching my wrist.
"I"m asking you, little Alix. You"re not, are you?"
I could say nothing. Apart from the fact that I didn"t knew what to say, I was dumbfounded by the way in which it had all come upon me. The only words that occurred to me were: