None at all, sir.
Then I shall depend much upon yours, and Lord and Lady L----"s influence over her.
He besought my excuse for detaining my attention so long. Upon his motion to go, my two cousins came in. He took even a solemn leave of me, and a very respectful one of them.
I had kept up my spirits to their utmost stretch: I besought my cousins to excuse me for a few minutes. His departure from me was too solemn; and I hurried up to my closet; and after a few involuntary sobs, a flood of tears relieved me. I besought, on my knees, peace to the disturbed mind of the excellent Clementina, calmness and resignation to my own, and safety to Sir Charles. And then, drying my eyes at the gla.s.s, I went down stairs to my cousins; and on their inquiries (with looks of deep concern) after the occasion of my red eyes, I said, All is over! All is over! my dear cousins. I cannot blame him: he is all that is n.o.ble and good--I can say no more just now. The particulars you shall have from my pen.
I went up stairs to write: and except for one half hour at dinner, and another at tea, I stopt not till I had done.
And here, quite tired, uneasy, vexed with myself, yet hardly knowing why, I lay down my pen.--Take what I have written, cousin Reeves: if you can read it, do: and then dispatch it to my Lucy.
But, on second thoughts, I will shew it to the two ladies, and Lord L----, before it is sent away. They will be curious to know what pa.s.sed in a conversation, where the critical circ.u.mstances both of us were in, required a delicacy which I am not sure was so well observed on my side, as on his.
I shall, I know, have their pity: but let n.o.body who pities not the n.o.ble Clementina shew any for
HARRIET BYRON.
LETTER XII
MISS BYRON.--IN CONTINUATION TUESDAY NIGHT, APRIL 4.
Miss Grandison came to me just as we had supped. She longed, she said, to see me; but was prevented coming before, and desired to know what had pa.s.sed between her brother and me this morning. I gave her the letter, which I had but a little while before concluded. He had owned, she said, that he had breakfasted with me, and spoke of me to her, and Lord and Lady L---- with an ardor, that gave them pleasure. She put my letter into her bosom. I may, I hope, Harriet--If you please, madam, said I.
If you please, madam, repeated she; and with that do-lo-rous accent too, my Harriet!--My sister and I have been in tears this morning: Lord L---- had much ado to forbear. Sir Charles will soon leave us.
It can"t be helped, Charlotte. Did you dine to-day in St.
James"s-square?
No, indeed!--My brother had a certain tribe with him; and the woman also.
It is very difficult, I believe, Harriet, for good people to forbear doing sometimes more than goodness requires of them.
Could you not, Charlotte, have sat at table with them for one hour or two?
My brother did not ask me. He did not expect it. He gives every body their choice, you know. He told me last night who were to dine with him to-day, and supposed I would choose to dine with Lady L----, or with you, he was so free as to say.
He did us an honour, which you thought too great a one. But if he had asked you, Charlotte--
Then I should have bridled. Indeed, I asked him, if he did not over-do it?
What was his answer?
Perhaps he might--But I, said he, may never see Mrs. Oldham again. I want to inform myself of her future intentions, with a view (over-do it again, Charlotte!) to make her easy and happy for life. Her children are in the world. I want to give her a credit that will make her remembered by them, as they grow up, with duty. I hope I am superior to forms. She is conscious. I can pity her. She is a gentlewoman; and ent.i.tled to a place at any man"s table to whom she never was a servant. She never was mine.
And what, Miss Grandison, could you say in answer? asked I.
What!--Why I put up my lip.
Ungracious girl!
I can"t help it. That may become a man to do in such cases as this, that would not a woman.
Sir Charles wants not delicacy, my dear, said I.
He must suppose, that I should have sat swelling, and been reserved: he was right not to ask me--So be quiet, Harriet--And yet, perhaps, you would be as tame to a husband"s mistress, as you seem favourable to a father"s.
She then put on one of her arch looks--
The cases differ, Charlotte--But do you know what pa.s.sed between the generous man, and the mortified woman and her children; mortified as they must be by his goodness?
Yes, yes; I had curiosity enough to ask Dr. Bartlett about it all.
Pray, Charlotte--
Dr. Bartlett is favourable to every body, sinners as well as saints--He began with praising the modesty of her dress, the humility of her behaviour: he said, that she trembled and looked down, till she was rea.s.sured by Sir Charles. Such creatures have all their tricks, Harriet.
You, Charlotte, are not favourable to sinners, and hardly to saints. But pray proceed.
Why, he re-a.s.sured the woman, as I told you. And then proceeded to ask many questions of the elder Oldham--I pitied that young fellow--to have a mother in his eye, whose very tenderness to the young ones kept alive the sense of her guilt. And yet what would she have been, had she not been doubly tender to the innocents, who were born to shame from her fault?
The young man acknowledged a military genius; and Sir Charles told him, that he would, on his return from a journey he was going to take, consider whether he could not do him service in the way he chose. He gave him, it seems, a brief lecture on what he should aim to be, and what avoid, to qualify himself for a man of true honour; and spoke very handsomely of such gentlemen of the army as are real gentlemen. The young fellow, continued Miss Grandison, may look upon himself to be as good as provided for, since my brother never gives the most distant hope that is not followed by absolute certainty, the first opportunity, not that offers, but which he can make.
He took great notice of the little boys. He dilated their hearts, and set them a prating; and was pleased with their prate. The doctor, who had never seen him before in the company of children, applauded him for his vivacity, and condescending talk to them. The tenderest father in the world, he said, could not have behaved more tenderly, or shewed himself more delighted with his own children, than he did with those brats of Mrs. Oldham.
Ah, Charlotte! And is it out of doubt, that you are the daughter of Lady Grandison, and sister of Sir Charles Grandison?--Well, but I believe you are--Some children take after the father, some after the mother!--Forgive me, my dear.
But I won"t. I have a great mind to quarrel with you, Harriet.
Pray don"t; because I could neither help, nor can be sorry for, what I said. But pray proceed.
Why, he made presents to the children. I don"t know what they were; nor could the doctor tell me. I suppose very handsome ones; for he has the spirit of a prince. He inquired very particularly after the circ.u.mstances of the mother; and was more kind to her than many people would be to their own mothers.--He can account for this, I suppose--though I cannot.
The woman, it is true, is of a good family, and so forth: but that enhances her crime. Natural children abound in the present age. Keeping is fashionable. Good men should not countenance such wretches.--But my brother and you are charitable creatures!--With all my heart, child.
Virtue, however, has at least as much to say on one side of the question as on the other.
When the poor children are in the world, as your brother said--When the poor women are penitents, true penitents--Your brother"s treatment of Mrs. Giffard was different. He is in both instances an imitator of the Almighty; a humbler of the impenitent, and an encourager of those who repent.
Well, well; he is undoubtedly a good sort of young man; and, Harriet, you are a good sort of young woman. Where much is given, much is required: but I have not given me such a large quant.i.ty of charity, as either of you may boast: and how can I help it?--But, however, the woman went away blessing and praising him; and that, the doctor says, more with her eyes than she was able to do in words. The elder youth departed in rapturous reverence: the children hung about his knees, on theirs. The doctor will have it, that it was without bidding--Perhaps so--He raised them by turns to his arms, and kissed them.--Why, Harriet! your eyes glisten, child.
They would have run over, I suppose, had you been there! Is it, that your heart is weakened with your present situation? I hope not. No, you are a good creature! And I see that the mention of a behaviour greatly generous, however slightly made, will have its force upon a heart so truly benevolent as yours. You must be Lady Grandison, my dear: indeed you must.--Well, but I must be gone. You dine with us to-morrow, my brother says?
He did ask me; and desired me to engage my cousins. But he repeated not the invitation when he went away.
He depends upon your coming: and so do we. He is to talk to me before you, it seems: I can"t tell about what: but by his hurrying on every thing, it is plain he is preparing to leave us.
He is, madam.
"He is, madam!" And with that dejected air, and mendicant voice--Speak up like a woman!--The sooner he sets out, if he must go, the sooner he will return. Come, come, Harriet, you shall be Lady Grandison still--Ah!
and that sigh too! These love-sick folks have a language that n.o.body else can talk to them in: and then she affectedly sighed--Is that right, Harriet?--She sighed again--No, it is not: I never knew what a sigh was, but when my father vexed my sister; and that was more for fear he should one day be as cruel to me, than for her sake. We can be very generous for others, Harriet, when we apprehend that one day we may want the same pity ourselves. Our best pa.s.sions, my dear, have their mixtures of self-love.