This refusal, she owned, had put her out of all patience. She was unhappily pa.s.sionate; but was the most placable of her s.e.x. What, madam, said she, can affect a woman, if slight, indignity, and repulse, from a favoured person, is not able to do it? A woman of my condition to come over to England, to solicit--how can I support the thought--and to be refused the protection of the man she prefers to all men; and her request to see her safe back again, though but as the fool she came over!--You may blame me, madam--but you must pity me, even were you to have a heart the sister heart of your inflexible brother.
In vain did Lady L---- plead to her Lady Clementina"s deplorable situation; the reluctance of his own relations to part with him; and the magnanimity of his self-denial in a hundred instances, on the bare possibility of being an instrument to restore her: she could not bear to hear her speak highly of the unhappy lady. She charged Clementina with the pride of her family, to which she attributed their deserved calamity; [Deserved! Cruel lady! How could her pitiless heart allow her lips to utter such a word!] and imputed meanness to the n.o.blest of human minds, for yielding to the entreaties of a family, some of the princ.i.p.als of which, she said, had treated him with an arrogance that a man of his spirit ought not to bear.
Lady Maffei came in. She seems dependent upon her niece. She is her aunt by marriage only: and Lady L---- speaks very favourably of her from the advice she gave, and her remonstrances to her kinswoman. Lady Maffei besought her to compose herself, and return to the company.
She could not bear, she said, to return to the company, the slighted, the contemned object, she must appear to be to every one in it. I am an intruder, said she, haughtily; a beggar, with a fortune that would purchase a sovereignty in some countries. Make my excuses to your sister, to the rest of the company--and to that fine young lady--whose eyes, by their officious withdrawing from his, and by the consciousness that glowed in her face whenever he addressed her, betrayed, at least to a jealous eye, more than she would wish to have seen--But tell her, that all lovely and blooming as she is, she must have no hope, while Clementina lives.
I hope, Lucy, it is only to a jealous eye that my heart is so discoverable!--I thank her for her caution. But I can say what she cannot; that from my heart, cost me what it may, I do subscribe to a preference in favour of a lady, who has acted, in the most arduous trials, in a greater manner than I fear either Olivia or I could have acted, in the same circ.u.mstances. We see that her reason, but not her piety, deserted her in the n.o.ble struggle between her love and her religion. In the most affecting absences of her reason, the soul of the man she loved was the object of her pa.s.sion. However hard it is to prefer another to one"s self, in such a case as this; yet if my judgment is convinced, my acknowledgment shall follow it. Heaven will enable me to be reconciled to the event, because I pursue the dictates of that judgment, against the biases of my more partial heart. Let that Heaven, which only can, restore Clementina, and dispose as it pleases of Olivia and Harriet. We cannot either of us, I humbly hope, be so unhappy as the lady has been whom I rank among the first of women; and whose whole family deserves almost equal compa.s.sion.
Lady Olivia asked Lady L----, if her brother had not a very tender regard for me? He had, Lady L---- answered; and told her, that he had rescued me from a very great distress; and that mine was the most grateful of human hearts.
She called me sweet young creature; (supposing me, I doubt not, younger than I am;) but said, that the graces of my person and mind alarmed her not, as they would have done, had not his attachment to Clementina been what now she saw, but never could have believed it was; having supposed, that compa.s.sion only was the tie that bound him to her.
But compa.s.sion, Lucy, from such a heart as his, the merit so great in the lady, must be love; a love of the n.o.bler kind--And if it were not, it would be unworthy of Clementina"s.
Lady Maffei called upon her dignity, her birth, to carry her above a pa.s.sion that met not with a grateful return. She advised her to dispose herself to stay in England some months, now she was here. And as her friends in Italy would suppose what her view was in coming to England, their censures would be obviated by her continuing here for some time, while Sir Charles was abroad, and in Italy: and that she should divert herself with visiting the court, the public places, and in seeing the princ.i.p.al curiosities of this kingdom, as she had done those of others; in order to give credit to an excursion that might otherwise be freely spoken of, in her own country.
She seemed to listen to this advice. She bespoke, and was promised, the friendship of the two sisters; and included in her request, through their interests, mine; and Lady G---- was called in, by her sister, to join in the promise.
She desired that Sir Charles might be requested to walk in; but would not suffer the sisters to withdraw, as they would have done, when he returned. He could not but be polite; but, it seems, looked still disturbed. I beg you to excuse, sir, said she, my behaviour to you: it was pa.s.sionate; it was unbecoming. But, in compliment to your own consequence, you ought to excuse it. I have only to request one favour of you: That you will suspend for one week, in regard to me, your proposed journey; but for one week; and I will, now I am in England, stay some months; perhaps till your return.
Excuse me, madam.
I will not excuse you--But one week, sir. Give me so much importance with myself, as for one week"s suspension. You will. You must.
Indeed I cannot. My soul, I own to you, is in the distresses of the family of Porretta. Why should I repeat what I said to you before?
I have bespoken, sir, the civilities of your sisters, of your family: you forbid them not?
You expect not an answer, madam, to that question. My sisters will be glad, and so will their lords, to attend you wherever you please, with a hope to make England agreeable to you.
How long do you propose to stay in Italy, sir?
It is not possible for me to determine.
Are you not apprehensive of danger to your person?
I am not.
You ought to be.
No danger shall deter me from doing what I think to be right. If my motives justify me, I cannot fear.
Do you wish me, sir, to stay in England till your return?
A question so home put, disturbed him. Was it a prudent one in the lady?
It must either subject her to a repulse; or him, by a polite answer, to give her hope, that her stay in England might not be fruitless, as to the view she had in coming. He reddened. It is fit, answered he, that your own pleasure should determine you. It did, pardon me, madam, in your journey hither.
She reddened to her very ears. Your brother, ladies, has the reputation of being a polite man: bear witness to this instance of it. I am ashamed of myself!
If I am unpolite, madam, my sincerity will be my excuse; at least to my own heart.
O, that inflexible heart! But, ladies, if the inhospitable Englishman refuse his protection in his own country, to a foreign woman, of no mean quality; do not you, his sisters, despise her.
They, madam, and their lords, will render you every cheerful service.
Let me request you, my sisters, to make England as agreeable as possible to this lady. She is of the first consideration in her own country: she will be of such wherever she goes. My Lady Maffei deserves likewise your utmost respect. Then addressing himself to them; Ladies, said he, encourage my sisters: they will think themselves honoured by your commands.
The two sisters confirmed, in an obliging manner, what their brother had said; and both ladies acknowledged themselves indebted to them for their offered friendship: but Lady Olivia seemed not at all satisfied with their brother: and it was with some difficulty he prevailed on her to return to the company, and drink coffee.
I could not help reflecting, on occasion of this lady"s conduct, that fathers and mothers are great blessings, to daughters, in particular, even when women grown. It is not every woman that will shine in a state of independency. Great fortunes are snares. If independent women escape the machinations of men, which they have often a difficulty to do, they will frequently be hurried by their own imaginations, which are said to be livelier than those of men, though their judgments are supposed less, into inconveniencies. Had Lady Olivia"s parents or uncles lived, she hardly would have been permitted to make the tour of Europe: and not having so great a fortune to support vagaries, would have shone, as she is well qualified to do, in a dependent state, in Italy, and made some worthy man and herself happy.
Had she a mind great enough to induce her to pity Clementina, I should have been apt to pity her; for I saw her soul was disturbed. I saw that the man she loved was not able to return her love: a pitiable case!--I saw a starting tear now and then with difficulty dispersed. Once she rubbed her eye, and, being conscious of observation, said something had got into it: so it had. The something was a tear. Yet she looked with haughtiness, and her bosom swelled with indignation ill concealed.
Sir Charles repeated his recommendation of her to Lord L---- and Lord G----. They offered their best services: Lord W---- invited her and all of us to Windsor. Different parties of pleasure were talked of: but still the enlivener of every party was not to be in any one of them. She tried to look pleased; but did not always succeed in the trial: an eye of love and anger mingled was often cast upon the man whom everybody loved.
Her bosom heaved, as it seemed sometimes, with indignation against herself: that was the construction which I made of some of her looks.
Lady Maffei, however, seemed pleased with the parties of pleasure talked of. She often directed herself to me in Italian. I answered her in it as well as I could. I do not talk it well: but as I am not an Italian, and little more than book-learned in it, (for it is a long time ago since I lost my grandpapa, who used to converse with me in it, and in French,) I was not scrupulous to answer in it. To have forborne, because I did not excel in what I had no opportunity to excel in, would have been false modesty, nearly bordering upon pride. Were any lady to laugh at me for not speaking well her native tongue, I would not return the smile, were she to be less perfect in mine, than I am in hers. But Lady Olivia made me a compliment on my faulty accent, when I acknowledged it to be so.
Signora, said she, you shew us, that a pretty mouth can give beauty to a defect. A master teaching you, added she, would perhaps find some fault; but a friend conversing with you, must be in love with you for the very imperfection.
Sir Charles was generously pleased with the compliment, and made her a fine one on her observation.
He attended the two ladies to their lodgings in his coach. He owned to Dr. Bartlett, that Lady Olivia was in tears all the way, lamenting her disgrace in coming to England, just as he was quitting it; and wishing she had stayed at Florence. She would have engaged him to correspond with her: he excused himself. It was a very afflicting thing to him, he told the doctor, to deny any request that was made to him, especially by a lady: but he thought he ought in conscience and honour to forbear giving the shadow of an expectation that might be improved into hope, where none was intended to be given. Heaven, he said, had, for laudable ends, implanted such a regard in the s.e.xes towards each other, that both man and woman who hoped to be innocent, could not be too circ.u.mspect in relation to the friendships they were so ready to contract with each other. He thought he had gone a great way, in recommending an intimacy between her and his sisters, considering her views, her spirit, her perseverance, and the free avowal of her regard for him, and her menaces on his supposed neglect of her. And yet, as she had come over, and he was obliged to leave England so soon after her arrival; he thought he could not do less: and he hoped his sisters, from whose example she might be benefited, would, while she behaved prudently, cultivate her acquaintance.
The doctor tells me, that now Lady Olivia is so unexpectedly come hither in person, he thinks it best to decline giving me, as he had once intended, her history at large; but will leave so much of it as may satisfy my curiosity, to be gathered from my own observation; and not only from the violence and haughtiness of her temper, but from the freedom of her declarations. He is sure, he said, that his patron will be best pleased, that a veil should be thrown over the weaker part of her conduct; which, were it known, would indeed be glorious to Sir Charles, but not so to the lady; who, however, never was suspected, even by her enemies, of giving any other man reason to tax her with a thought that was not strictly virtuous: and she had engaged his pity and esteem, for the sake of her other fine qualities, though she could not his love.
Before she saw him (which, it seems, was at the opera at Florence for the first time, when he had an opportunity to pay her some slight civilities) she set all men at defiance.
To-morrow morning Sir Charles is to breakfast with me. My cousins and I are to dine at Lord L----"s. The Earl and Lady Gertrude are also to be there. Lord W---- has been prevailed upon to stay, and be there also, as it is his nephew"s last day in England.--"Last day in England!" O, my Lucy! what words are those!--Lady L---- has invited Lady Olivia and her aunt, at her own motion, Sir Charles (his time being so short) not disapproving.
I thank my grandmamma and aunt for their kind summons. I will soon set my day: I will, my dear, soon set my day.
LETTER XXVI
MISS BYRON.--IN CONTINUATION FRIDAY NOON, APRIL 14.
Not five hours in bed; not one hour"s rest for many uneasy nights before; I was stupid till Sir Charles came: I then was better. He inquired, with tender looks and voice, after my health; as if he thought I did not look well.
We had some talk about Lord and Lady G----. He was anxious for their happiness. He complimented me with hopes from my advice to her. Lord G----, he said, was a good-natured honest man. If he thought his sister would make him unhappy, he should himself be so.
I told him, that I dared to answer for her heart. My lord must bear with some innocent foibles, and all would be well.
We then talked of Lady Olivia. He began the subject, by asking me my opinion of her. I said she was a very fine woman in her person; and that she had an air of grandeur in her mien.
And she has good qualities, said he; but she is violent in her pa.s.sions.
I am frequently grieved for her. She is a fine creature in danger of being lost, by being made too soon her own mistress.