There seems to be too much of the father in it, for me to read further, before my brother. G.o.d bless my brother Fowler, and reward the fatherly love of Sir Rowland to his daughter Byron! I must write to him.
Mr. Fowler, poor man! profoundly sighed; bowed; with such a look of respectful acquiescence--Bless me, my dear, how am I to be distressed on all sides! by good men too; as Sir Charles could say by good women.
Is there nothing less than giving myself to either, that I can do to shew Mr. Orme and Mr. Fowler my true value for them?
Poor Mr. Fowler!--Indeed he looks to be, as Sir Rowland hints, not well.
--Such a modest, such a humble, such a silent lover!--He cost me tears at parting: I could not hide them. He heaped praises and blessings upon me, and hurried away at last, to hide his emotion, with a sentence unfinished.--G.o.d preserve you, dear and worthy sir! was all I could try to say. The last words stuck in my throat, till he was out of hearing; and then I prayed for blessings upon him and his uncle: and repeated them, with fresh tears, on reading the rest of the affecting letter.
Mr. Fowler told Mr. Reeves, before I saw him, that he is to go to Caermarthen for the benefit of his native air, in a week. He let him know where he lodged in town. He had been riding for his health and diversion about the country, ever since his uncle went; and has not been yet at Caermarthen.
I wish Mr. Fowler had once, if but once, called me sister: it would have been such a kind acquiescence, as would have given me some little pleasure on recollection. Methinks I don"t know how to have done writing of Sir Rowland and Mr. Fowler.
I sat down, however, while the uncle and nephew filled my thoughts, and wrote to the former. I have enclosed the copy of my letter.
Adieu, my Lucy.
LETTER x.x.xIV
MISS BYRON, TO SIR ROWLAND MEREDITH WEDNESDAY, APRIL 19.
It was with great pleasure that I received, this day, the kindest Letter that ever was written by a real father to his dearest child. I was resolved that I would not go to rest till I had acknowledged the favour.
How sweet is the name of father to a young person who, out of near one-and-twenty years of life, has for more than half the time been bereaved of hers; and who was also one of the best of men!
You gave me an additional pleasure in causing this remembrance of your promised paternal goodness to be given me by Mr. Fowler in person. Till I knew you and him, I had no father, no brother.
How good you are in your apprehensions that there may be a man on whom your daughter has cast her eye, and who cannot look upon her with the same distinction--O that I had been near you when you wrote that sweetly-compa.s.sionating, that indulgent pa.s.sage! I would have wiped the tears from your eyes myself, and reverenced you as my true father.
You demand of me, as my father, a hint, or half a hint, as you call it, to be given to my brother Fowler; or if not to him, to you. To him, whom I call father, I mean all the duty of a child. I call him not father nominally only: I will, irksome as the subject is, own, without reserve, the truth to you--[In tenderness to my brother, how could I to him?]-- There is a man whom, and whom only, I could love as a good wife ought to love her husband. He is the best of men. O my good Sir Rowland Meredith! if you knew him, you would love him yourself, and own him for your son. I will not conceal his name from my father: Sir Charles Grandison is the man. Inquire about him. His character will rise upon you from every mouth. He engaged first all your daughter"s grat.i.tude, by rescuing her from a great danger and oppression; for he is as brave as he is good: and how could she help suffering a tenderness to spring up from her grat.i.tude, of which she was never before sensible to any man in the world? There is something in the way, my good sir; but not that proceeds from his slights or contempts. Your daughter could not live, if it were so. A glorious creature is in the way! who has suffered for him, who does suffer for him: he ought to be hers, and only hers; and if she can be recovered from a fearful malady that has seized her mind, he probably will. My daily prayers are, that G.o.d will restore her!
But yet, my dear sir, my friend, my father! my esteem for this n.o.blest of men is of such a nature, that I cannot give my hand to any other: my father Meredith would not wish me to give a hand without a heart.
This, sir, is the case. Let it, I beseech you, rest within your own breast, and my brother Fowler"s. How few minds are there delicate and candid enough to see circ.u.mstances of this kind in the light they ought to appear in! And pray for me, my good Sir Rowland; not that the way may be smoothed to what once would have crowned my wishes as to this life; but that Sir Charles Grandison may be happy with the lady that is, and ought to be, dearest to his heart; and that your daughter may be enabled to rejoice in their felicity. What, my good sir, is this span of life, that a pa.s.senger through it should seek to overturn the interests of others to establish her own? And can the single life be a grievance?
Can it be dest.i.tute of the n.o.blest tendernesses? No, sir. You that have lived to an advanced age, in a fair fame, surrounded with comforts, and as tender to a worthy nephew, as the most indulgent father could be to the worthiest of sons, can testify for me, that it is not.
But now, sir, one word--I disclaim, but yet in all thankfulness, the acceptance of the favour signified to be intended me in the latter part of the paternal letter before me. Our acquaintance began with a hope, on your side, that I could not encourage. As I could not, shall I accept of the benefit from you, to which I could only have been ent.i.tled (and that as I had behaved) had I been able to oblige you?--No, sir! I will not, in this case, be benefited, when I cannot benefit. Put me not therefore, I beseech you, sir, if such an event (deplored by me, as it would be!) should happen, upon the necessity of inquiring after your other relations and friends. Sir Rowland Meredith my father, and Mr. Fowler my brother, are all to me of the family they distinguish by their relation, that I know at present. Let me not be made known to the rest by a distinction that would be unjust to them, and to yourself, as it must deprive you of the grace of obliging those who have more than a stranger"s claim; and must, in the event, lay them under the appearance of an obligation to that stranger for doing them common justice.
I use the word stranger with reference to those of your family and friends to whom I must really appear in that light. But, laying these considerations aside, in which I am determined not to interfere with them, I am, with the tenderest regard, dear and good sir,
Your ever-dutiful and affectionate daughter, HARRIET BYRON.
LETTER x.x.xV
MISS BYRON, TO MISS SELBY WEDNESDAY, APRIL 19.
I shall dispatch this by your Gibson early in the morning. It was kind in you to bid him call, in his way down; for now I shall be almost sure of meeting (if not my uncle) your brother, and who knows, but my Lucy herself, at Dunstable? Where, barring accidents, I shall be on Friday night.
You will see some of the worthiest people in the world, my dear, if you come, all prepared to love you: but let not any body be put to inconvenience to meet me at Dunstable. My n.o.ble friends here will proceed with me to Stratford, or even to Northampton, they say; but they will see me safe in the protection of somebody I love, and whom they must love for my sake.
I don"t wonder that Sir Charles Grandison loves Mr. Beauchamp: he is a very worthy and sensible man. He, as every body else, idolizes Sir Charles. It is some pleasure to me, Lucy, that I stand high in his esteem. To be respected by the worthy, is one of the greatest felicities in this life; since it is to be ranked as one of them. Sir Harry and his lady are come to town. All, it seems, is harmony in that family. They cannot bear Mr. Beauchamp"s absence from them for three days together.
All the neighbouring gentlemen are in love with him. His manners are so gentle; his temper so even; so desirous to oblige; so genteel in his person; so pleasing in his address; he must undoubtedly make a good woman very happy.
But Emily, poor girl! sees only Sir Charles Grandison with eyes of love.
Mr. Beauchamp is, however, greatly pleased with Emily. He told Lady G---- that he thought her a fine young creature; and that her mind was still more amiable than her person. But his behaviour to her is extremely prudent. He says finer things of her, than to her: yet surely I am mistaken if he meditates not in her his future wife.
Mr. Beauchamp will be one of my escort.
Emily, at her own request, is to go to Colnebrook with Lady L---- after I am gone.
Mr. Reeves will ride. Lord L---- and Lord G---- will also oblige me with their company on horseback.
Mrs. Reeves is forbidden to venture; but Lady L---- and Lady G---- will not be denied coming with me.
I shall take leave of Lady Olivia and Lady Maffei to-morrow morning; when they will set out for their projected tour. To-morrow we and the whole Grandison family are to dine together at Lord L----"s, for the last time.
It will be a mournful dining-time, on that account.
Lady Betty Williams, her daughter, and Miss Clements, supped with us this night, and took leave of me in the tenderest manner. They greatly regret my going down so soon, as they call it.
As to the public diversions, which they wish me to stay and give into, to be sure I should have been glad to have been better qualified to have entertained you with the performances of this or that actor, this or that musician, and the like: but, frightened by the vile plot upon me at a masquerade, I was thrown out of that course of diversion, and indeed into more affecting, more interesting engagements; into the knowledge of a family that had no need to look out of itself for entertainments: and, besides, are not all the company we see, as visiters or guests, full of these things? I have seen the princ.i.p.al performers, in every way, often enough to give me a notion of their performances, though I have not troubled you with such common things as revolve every season.
You know I am far from slighting the innocent pleasures in which others delight--It would have been happier for me, perhaps, had I had more leisure to attend those amus.e.m.e.nts, than I have found. Yet I am not sure, neither: for methinks, with all the pangs that my suspenses have cost me, I would not but have known Sir Charles Grandison, his sisters, his Emily, and Dr. Bartlett.
I could only have wished to have been spared Sir Hargrave Pollexfen"s vile attempt: then, if I had come acquainted with this family, it would have been as I came acquainted with others: my grat.i.tude had not been engaged so deeply.
Well--But what signify if"s?--What has been, has; what must be, must.
Only love me, my dear friends, as you used to love me. If I was a good girl when I left you, I hope I am not a bad one now, that I am returning to you. My morals, I bless G.o.d, are unhurt: my heart is not corrupted by the vanities of the great town: I have a little more experience than I had: and if I have severely paid for it, it is not at the price of my reputation. And I hope, if n.o.body has benefited by me, since I have been in town, that no one has suffered by me. Poor Mr. Fowler!--I could not help it, you know. Had I, by little snares, follies, coquetries, sought to draw him on, and entangle him, his future welfare would, with reason, be more the subject of my solicitude, than it is now necessary it should be; though, indeed, I cannot help making it a good deal so.
THURSDAY MORNING.
Dr. Bartlett has just now taken leave of me, in my own dressing-room.
The parting scene between us was tender.
I have not given you my opinion of Miss Williams. Had I seen her at my first coming to town, I should have taken as much notice of her, in my letters to you, as I did of the two Miss Brambers, Miss Darlington, Miss Cantillon, Miss Allestree, and others of my own s.e.x; and of Mr. Somner, Mr. Barnet, Mr. Walden, of the other; who took my first notice, as they fell early in my way, and with whom it is possible, as well as with the town-diversions, I had been more intimate, had not Sir Hargrave"s vile attempt carried me out of their acquaintance into a much higher; which of necessity, as well as choice, entirely engrossed my attention. But now how insipid would any new characters appear to you, if they were but of a like cast with those I have mentioned, were I to make such the subjects of my pen, and had I time before me; which I cannot have, to write again, before I embrace you all, my dear, my ever dear and indulgent friends!
I will only say, that Miss Williams is a genteel girl; but will hardly be more than one of the better sort of modern women of condition; and that she is to be cla.s.sed so high, will be owing more to Miss Clements"s lessons, than, I am afraid, to her mother"s example.
Is it, Lucy, that I have more experience and discernment now, or less charity and good-nature, than when I first came to town? for then I thought well, in the main, of Lady Betty Williams. But though she is a good-natured, obliging woman; she is so immersed in the love of public diversions! so fond of routs, drums, hurricanes,--Bless me, my dear! how learned should I have been in all the gaieties of the modern life; what a fine lady, possibly; had I not been carried into more rational (however to me they have been more painful) scenes; and had I followed the lead of this lady, as she (kindly, as to her intention) had designed I should!
In the afternoon Mr. Beauchamp is to introduce Sir Harry and Lady Beauchamp, on their first visit to the two sisters.