"I once did a two at this hole," I said as I teed my ball. "If I did a two now and took a bisque, you"d have to do it in nothing in order to win. A solemn thought."
At this hole you have to drive over a chasm in the cliffs. My ball made a bee line for the beach, bounced on a rock, and disappeared into a cave. Henry"s "Pink Spot," which really seemed to have a chance of winning a hole at last, found the wind too much for it and followed me below.
"I"m in this cave," I said when we had found Henry"s ball; and with a lighted match in one hand and a niblick in the other I went in and tried to persuade the "Ostrich" to come out. My eighth argument was too much for it, and we re-appeared in the daylight together.
"How many?" I asked Henry.
"Six," he said, as he hit the top of the cliff once more, and shot back on to the beach.
I left him and chivied my ball round to where the cliffs are lowest; then I got it gradually on to a little mound of sand (very delicate work this), took a terrific swing and fairly heaved it on to the gra.s.s. Two more strokes put me on to the green in twenty. I lit a pipe and waited for Henry to finish his game of rackets.
"I"ve played twenty-five," he shouted.
"Then you"ll want some of my bisques," I said. "I can lend you three till Monday."
Henry had one more rally and then picked his ball up. I had won seven holes and I had three bisques with which to win the match. I was a little doubtful if I could do this, but Henry settled the question by misjudging yet again the breadth of the stream. What is experience if it teaches us nothing? Henry must really try to enlarge his mind about rivers.
"Dormy nine," I said at the tenth tee, "and no bisques left."
"Thank Heaven for that," sighed Henry.
"But I have only to halve one hole out of nine," I pointed out.
"Technically I am on what is known as velvet."
"Oh, shut up and drive."
I am a bad golfer, but even bad golfers do holes in bogey now and then. In the ordinary way I was pretty certain to halve one of the nine holes with Henry, and so win the match. Both the eleventh and the seventeenth, for instance, are favourites of mine. Had I halved one of those, he would have admitted cheerfully that I had played good golf and beaten him fairly. But as things happened--
What happened, put quite briefly, was this. Bogey for the tenth is four. I hooked my drive off the tee and down a little gully to the left, put a good iron shot into a bunker on the right, and than ran down a hundred-yard putt with a niblick for a three. One of those difficult down-hill putts.
"Luck!" said Henry, as soon as he could speak.
"I"ve been missing those lately," I said.
"Your match," said Henry; "I can"t play against luck like that."
It was true that he had given me ten bisques, but, on the other hand, I could have given him a dozen at the seventh and still have beaten him.
However, I was too magnanimous to point that out. All I said was, "Ten and eight."
And then I added thoughtfully, "I don"t think I"ve ever won by more than that."
PAT BALL
"You"ll play tennis?" said my hostess absently. "That"s right. Let me introduce you to Miss--er--urn."
"Oh, we"ve met before," smiled Miss--I"ve forgotten the name again now.
"Thank you," I said gratefully. I thought it was extremely nice of her to remember me. Probably I had spilt lemonade over her at a dance, and in some way the incident had fixed itself in her mind. We do these little things, you know, and think nothing of them at the moment, but all the time--
"Smooth," said a voice.
I looked up and found that a pair of opponents had mysteriously appeared, and that my partner was leading the way on to the court.
"I"ll take the right-hand side, if you don"t mind," she announced.
"Oh, and what about apologizing?" she went on. "Shall we do it after every stroke, or at the end of each game, or when we say good-bye, or never? I get so tired of saying "sorry.""
"Oh, but we shan"t want to apologize; I"m sure we"re going to get on beautifully together."
"I suppose you"ve played a lot this summer?"
"No, not at all yet, but I"m feeling rather strong, and I"ve got a new racket. One way and another, I expect to play a very powerful game."
Our male opponent served. He had what I should call a nasty swift service. The first ball rose very suddenly and took my partner on the side of the head. ("Sorry," she apologized. "It"s all right," I said magnanimously.) I returned the next into the net; the third clean bowled my partner; and off the last I was caught in the slips.
(ONE, LOVE.)
"Will you serve?" said Miss--I wish I could remember her surname.
Her Christian name was Hope or Charity or something like that; I know, when I heard it, I thought it was just as well. If I might call her Miss Hope for this once? Thank you.
"Will you serve?" said Miss Hope.
In the right-hand court I use the American service, which means that I never know till the last moment which side of the racket is going to hit the ball. On this occasion it was a dead heat--that is to say, I got it in between with the wood; and the ball sailed away over beds and beds of the most beautiful flowers.
"Oh, is THAT the American service?" said Miss Hope, much interested.
"South American," I explained. "Down in Peru they never use anything else."
In the left-hand court I employ the ordinary Hampstead Smash into the bottom of the net. After four Hampstead Smashes and four Peruvian Teasers (LOVE, TWO) I felt that another explanation was called for.
"I"ve got a new racket I"ve never used before," I said. "My old one is being pressed; it went to the shop yesterday to have the creases taken out. Don"t you find that with a new racket you--er--exactly."
In the third game we not only got the ball over but kept it between the white lines on several occasions--though not so often as our opponents (THREE, LOVE); and in the fourth game Miss Hope served gentle lobs, while I, at her request, stood close up to the net and defended myself with my racket. I warded off the first two shots amidst applause (THIRTY, LOVE), and dodged the next three (THIRTY, FORTY), but the last one was too quick for me and won the coco-nut with some ease. (GAME. LOVE, FOUR.)
"It"s all right, thanks," I said to my partner; "it really doesn"t hurt a bit. Now then, let"s buck up and play a simply dashing game."
Miss Hope excelled herself in that fifth game, but I was still unable to find a length. To be more accurate, I was unable to find a shortness--my long game was admirably strong and lofty.
"Are you musical?" said my partner at the end of it. (FIVE, LOVE.) She had been very talkative all through.
"Come, come," I said impatiently, "you don"t want a song at this very moment. Surely you can wait till the end of the set?"