"No, no," said Charming hastily. "I really want you this time." He thought for a moment. "I want," he said at last, "a sword. One that will kill giants."
Instantly a gleaming sword was at his feet. He picked it up and examined it.
"Is this really a magic sword?"
"It has but to inflict one scratch," said the dwarf, "and the result is death."
Charming, who had been feeling the blade, took his thumb away hastily.
"Then I shall want a cloak of darkness," he said.
"Behold, here it is. Beneath this cloak the wearer is invisible to the eyes of his enemies."
"One thing more," said Charming. "A pair of seven-league boots....
Thank you. That is all to-day."
Directly the dwarf was gone, Charming kicked off his shoes and stepped into the magic boots; then he seized the sword and the cloak and darted off on his lady"s behest. He had barely gone a hundred paces before a sudden idea came to him, and he pulled himself up short.
"Let me see," he reflected; "the castle was ten miles away. These are seven-league boots--so that I have come about two thousand miles. I shall have to go back." He took some hasty steps back, and found himself in the wood from which he had started.
"Well?" said Princess Beauty, "have you killed him?"
"No, n-no," stammered Charming, "not exactly killed him. I was just--just practising something. The fact is," he added confidentially, "I"ve got a pair of new boots on, and--" He saw the look of cold surprise in her face and went on quickly, "I swear, Princess, that I will not return to you again without his head."
He took a quick step in the direction of the castle and found himself soaring over it; turned eleven miles off and stepped back a pace; overshot it again, and arrived at the very feet of the Princess.
"His head!" said Beauty eagerly.
"I--I must have dropped it," said Charming, hastily pretending to feel for it. "I"ll just go and--" He stepped off in confusion.
Eleven miles the wrong side of the castle, Charming sat down to think it out. It was but two hours to sundown. Without his magic boots he would get to the castle too late. Of course, what he really wanted to do was to erect an isosceles triangle on a base of eleven miles, having two sides of twenty-one miles each. But this was before Euclid"s time.
However, by taking one step to the north and another to the south-west, he found himself close enough. A short but painful walk, with his boots in his hand, brought him to his destination. He had a moment"s natural hesitation about making a first call at the castle in his stockinged feet, but consoled himself with the thought that in life-and-death matters one cannot bother about little points of etiquette, and that, anyhow, the giant would not be able to see him.
Then, donning the magic cloak, and with the magic sword in his hand, he entered the castle gates. For an instant his heart seemed to stop beating, but the thought of the Princess gave him new courage....
The Giant was sitting in front of the fire, his great spiked club between his knees. At Charming"s entry he turned round, gave a start of surprise, bent forward eagerly a moment, and then leant back chuckling. Like most overgrown men he was naturally kind-hearted and had a simple humour, but he could be stubborn when he liked. The original affair of the tortoise seems to have shown him both at his best and at his worst.
"Why do you walk like that?" he said pleasantly to Charming. "The baby is not asleep."
Charming stopped short.
"You see me?" he cried furiously.
"Of course I do! Really, you mustn"t expect to come into a house without anything on your feet and not be a LITTLE noticeable. Even in a crowd I should have picked you out."
"That miserable dwarf," said Charming savagely, "swore solemnly to me that beneath this cloak I was invisible to the eyes of my enemies!"
"But then we AREN"T enemies," smiled the Giant sweetly. "I like you immensely. There"s something about you--directly you came in ... I think it must be love at first sight."
"So that"s how he tricked me!"
"Oh, no, it wasn"t really like that. The fact is you are invisible BENEATH that cloak, only--you"ll excuse my pointing it out--there are such funny bits of you that aren"t beneath the cloak. You"ve no idea how odd you look; just a head and two legs, and a couple of arms.... Waists," he murmured to himself, "are not being worn this year."
But Charming had had enough of talk. Gripping his sword firmly, he threw aside his useless cloak, dashed forward, and with a beautiful lunge p.r.i.c.ked his enemy in the ankle.
"Victory!" he cried, waving his magic sword above his head. "Thus is Beauty"s brother delivered!"
The Giant stared at him for a full minute. Then he put his hands to his sides and fell back shaking in his chair.
"Her brother!" he roared. "Well, of all the--Her BROTHER!" He rolled on the floor in a paroxysm of mirth. "Her brother! Oh, you--You"ll kill me! Her b-b-b-b-brother! Her b-b-b-b--her b-b-b --her b-b--"
The world suddenly seemed very cold to Charming. He turned the ring on his finger.
"Well?" said the dwarf.
"I want," said Charming curtly, "to be back at home, riding through the streets on my cream palfrey, amidst the cheers of the populace.... At once."
An hour later Princess Beauty and Prince Udo, who was not her brother, gazed into each other"s eyes; and Beauty"s last illusion went.
"You"ve altered," she said slowly.
"Yes, I"m not REALLY much like a tortoise," said Udo humorously.
"I meant since seven years ago. You"re much stouter than I thought."
"Time hasn"t exactly stood still with you, you know, Beauty."
"Yet you saw me every day, and went on loving me."
"Well-er--" He shuffled his feet and looked away.
"DIDN"T you?"
"Well, you see--of course I wanted to get back, you see--and as long as you--I mean if we--if you thought we were in love with each other, then, of course, you were ready to help me. And so--"
"You"re quite old and bald. I can"t think why I didn"t notice it before."
"Well, you wouldn"t when I was a tortoise," said Udo pleasantly. "As tortoises go I was really quite a youngster. Besides, anyhow one never notices baldness in a tortoise."
"I think," said Beauty, weighing her words carefully, "I think you"ve gone off a good deal in looks in the last day or two."
Charming was home in time for dinner; and next morning he was more popular than ever (outside his family) as he rode through the streets of the city. But Blunderbus lay dead in his castle. You and I know that he was killed by the magic sword; yet somehow a strange legend grew up around his death. And ever afterwards in that country, when one man told his neighbour a more than ordinarily humorous anecdote, the latter would cry, in between the gusts of merriment, "Don"t! You"ll make me die of laughter!" And then he would pull himself together, and add with a sigh--"Like Blunderbus."