"Yes, Miss Mac--Mag--Madam--it used to be so," rejoined Aunt Rebecca, ""twas part of my education, at least, to conduct myself in a polite company like a civilised person."
""I wish I could see it," says blind Hugh," Magnolia retorted; "but "twas a good while ago, Madam, and you"ve had time to forget."
"I shall acquaint your mother, Mrs.--Mug--Mac--Macnamara, with your pretty behaviour to-morrow," said Miss Rebecca.
"To-morrow"s a new day, and mother may be well enough then to hear your genteel lamentation; but I suppose you mean to-morrow come never,"
answered Magnolia, with another of her provoking meek courtesies.
"Oh, this is Lieutenant Puddock," said Aunt Becky, drawing off in high disdain, "the bully of the town. Your present company, Sir, will find very pretty work, I warrant, for your sword and pistols; Sir Launcelot and his belle!"
"Do you like a belle or beldame best, Sir Launcelot?" enquired Miss Mag, with a mild little duck to Puddock.
"You"ll have your hands pretty full, Sir, ha, ha, ha!" and with scarlet cheeks, and a choking laugh, away sailed Aunt Rebecca.
"Choke, chicken, there"s more a-hatching," said Miss Mag, in a sort of aside, and cutting a flic-flac with a merry devilish laugh, and a wink to Puddock. That officer, being a gentleman, was a good deal disconcerted, and scandalised--too literal to see, and too honest to enjoy, the absurd side of the combat.
"Twas an affair of a few seconds, like two frigates crossing in a gale, with only opportunity for a broadside or two; and when the Rebecca Chattesworth sheered off, it can"t be denied, her tackling was a good deal more cut up, and her hull considerably more pierced, than those of the saucy Magnolia, who sent that whistling shot and provoking cheer in her majestic wake.
"I see you want to go, Lieutenant Puddock--Lieutenant O"Flaherty, I promised to dance this country dance with you; don"t let me keep _you_, Ensign Puddock," said Miss Mag in a huff, observing little Puddock"s wandering eye and thoughts.
"I--a--you see, Miss Macnamara, truly you were so hard upon poor Miss Rebecca Chattesworth, that I fear I shall get into trouble, unless I go and make my peace with her," lisped the little lieutenant, speaking the truth, as was his wont, with a bow and a polite smile, and a gentle indication of beginning to move away.
"Oh, is that all? I was afraid you were sick of the mulligrubs, with eating chopt hay; you had better go back to her at once if she wants you, for if you don"t with a good grace, she"ll very likely come and take you back by the collar," and Miss Mag and O"Flaherty joined in a derisive hee-haw, to Puddock"s considerable confusion, who bowed and smiled again, and tried to laugh, till the charming couple relieved him by taking their places in the dance.
When I read this speech about the "mulligrubs," in the old yellow letter which contains a lively account of the skirmish, my breath was fairly taken away, and I could see nothing else for more than a minute; and so soon as I was quite myself again, I struck my revising pen across the monstrous sentence, with uncompromising decision, referring it to a clerical blunder, or some unlucky transposition, and I wondered how any polite person could have made so gross a slip. But see how authentication waits upon truth! Three years afterwards, I picked up in the parlour of the "Cat and Fiddle," on the Macclesfield Road, in Derbyshire, a scrubby old duodecimo, which turned out to be an old volume of Dean Swift"s works: well, I opened in the middle of "Polite Conversation," and there, upon my honour, the second sentence I read was "_Lady Smart_," (mark _that_--"LADY!") "What, you are sick of the mulligrubs, with eating chopt hay?" So my good old yellow letter-writer ("I." or "T." Tresham, I can"t decide what he signs himself)--_you_ were, no doubt, exact here as in other matters, and _I_ was determining the probable and the impossible, unphilosophically, by the _rule_ of my own time. And my poor Magnolia, though you spoke some years--thirty or so--later than my Lady Smart, a countess for aught I know, you are not so much to blame. Thirty years! what of that? Don"t we, to this hour, more especially in rural districts, encounter among the old folk, every now and then, one of honest Simon Wagstaff"s pleasantries, which had served merry ladies and gentlemen so long before that charming compiler, with his "Large Table Book," took the matter in hands. And I feel, I confess, a queer sort of a thrill, not at all contemptuous--neither altogether sad, nor altogether joyous--but something pleasantly regretful, whenever one of those quaint and faded old servants of the mirth of so many dead and buried generations, turns up in my company.
And now the sun went down behind the tufted trees, and the blue shades of evening began to deepen, and the merry company flocked into the King"s House, to dance again and drink tea, and make more love, and play round games, and joke, and sing songs, and eat supper under old Colonel Stafford"s snug and kindly roof-tree.
Dangerfield, who arrived rather late, was now in high chat with Aunt Becky. She rather liked him and had very graciously accepted a gray parrot and a monkey, which he had deferentially presented, a step which called forth, to General Chattesworth"s consternation, a c.o.c.katoo from Cluffe, who felt the necessity of maintaining his ground against the stranger, and wrote off by the next packet to London, in a confounded pa.s.sion, for he hated wasting money, about a pelican he had got wind of.
Dangerfield also entered with much apparent interest into a favourite scheme of Aunt Becky"s, for establishing, between Chapelizod and Knockmaroon, a sort of retreat for discharged gaol-birds of her selection, a colony, happily for the character and the silver spoons of the neighbourhood, never eventually established.
It was plain he was playing the frank, good fellow, and aiming at popularity. He had become one of the club. He played at whist, and only smiled, after his sort, when his partner revoked, and he lost like a gentleman. His talk was brisk, and hard, and caustic--that of a Philistine who had seen the world and knew it. He had the Peerage by rote, and knew something out-of-the-way, amusing or d.a.m.nable about every person of note you could name; and his shrewd gossip had a bouquet its own, and a fine cynical flavour, which secretly awed and delighted the young fellows. He smiled a good deal. He was not aware that a smile did not quite become him. The fact is, he had lost a good many side teeth, and it was a hollow and sinister disclosure. He would laugh, too, occasionally; but his laugh was not rich and joyous, like General Chattesworth"s, or even Tom Toole"s cozy chuckle, or old Doctor Walsingham"s hilarious ha-ha-ha! He did not know it; but there was a cold hard ring in it, like the crash and jingle of broken gla.s.s. Then his spectacles, shining like ice in the light, never removed for a moment--never even pushed up to his forehead--he eat in them, drank in them, fished in them, joked in them--he prayed in them, and, no doubt, slept in them, and would, it was believed, be buried in them--heightened that sense of mystery and mask which seemed to challenge curiosity and defy scrutiny with a scornful chuckle.
In the meantime, the mirth, and frolic, and flirtation were drawing to a close. The dowager, in high good humour, was conveyed down stairs to her carriage, by Colonel Stafford and Lord Castlemallard, and rolled away, with blazing flambeaux, like a meteor, into town. There was a breaking-up and leave-taking, and parting jokes on the door-steps; and as the ladies, old and young, were popping on their mantles in the little room off the hall, and Aunt Becky and Mrs. Colonel Strafford were exchanging a little bit of eager farewell gossip beside the cabinet, Gertrude Chattesworth--by some chance she and Lilias had not had an opportunity of speaking that evening--drew close to her, and she took her hand and said "Good-night, dear Lily," and glanced over her shoulder, still holding Lily"s hand; and she looked very pale and earnest, and said quickly, in a whisper:
"Lily, darling, if you knew what I could tell you, if I dare, about Mr.
Mervyn, you would cut your hand off rather than allow him to talk to you, as, I confess, he _has_ talked to me, as an admirer, and knowing what I know, and with my eye upon him--Lily--_Lily_--I"ve been amazed by him to-night. I can only _warn_ you now, darling, to beware of a great danger."
""Tis no danger, however, to me, Gertrude, dear," said Lily, with a pleasant little smile. "And though he"s handsome, there"s something, is there not, _funeste_ in his deep eyes and black hair; and the dear old man knows something strange about him, too; I suppose "tis all the same story."
"And he has not told you," said Gertrude, looking down with a gloomy face at her fan.
"No; but I"m so curious, I know he will, though he does not like to speak of it; but you know, Gerty, I love a horror, and I know the story"s fearful, and I feel uncertain whether he"s a man or a ghost; but see, Aunt Rebecca and Mistress Strafford are kissing."
"Good-night, dear Lily, and remember!" said pale Gertrude without a smile, looking at her, for a moment, with a steadfast gaze, and then kissing her with a hasty and earnest pressure. And Lily kissed her again, and so they parted.
CHAPTER XXVI.
RELATING HOW THE BAND OF THE ROYAL IRISH ARTILLERY PLAYED, AND, WHILE THE MUSIC WAS GOING ON, HOW VARIOUSLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE WERE MOVED.
Twice a week the band of the Royal Irish Artillery regaled all comers with their music on the parade-ground by the river; and, as it was reputed the best in Ireland, and Chapelizod was a fashionable resort, and a very pretty village, embowered in orchards, people liked to drive out of town on a fine autumn day like this, by way of listening, and all the neighbours showed there, and there was quite a little fair for an hour or two.
Mervyn, among the rest, was there, but for scarce ten minutes, and, as usual, received little more than a distant salutation, coldly and gravely returned, from Gertrude Chattesworth, to whom Mr. Beauchamp, whom she remembered at the Stafford"s dinner, addicted himself a good deal. That demiG.o.d appeared in a white surtout, with a crimson cape, a French waistcoat, his hair _en papillote_, a feather in his hat, a _couteau de cha.s.se_ by his side, with a small cane hanging to his b.u.t.ton, and a pair of Italian greyhounds at his heels; and he must have impressed Tresham prodigiously; for I observe no other instance in which he has noted down costume so carefully. Little Puddock, too, was hovering near, and his wooing made uncomfortable by Aunt Becky"s renewed severity, as well as by the splendour of "Mr. Redheels," who was expending his small talk and _fleuerets_ upon Gertrude. Cluffe, moreover, who was pretty well in favour with Aunt Rebecca, and had been happy and prosperous, had his little jealousies too to plague him, for Dangerfield, with his fishing-rod and basket, no sooner looked in, with his stern front and his remarkable smile, than Aunt Becky, seeming instantaneously to forget Captain Cluffe, and all his winning ways, and the pleasant story, to the point of which he was just arriving, in his best manner, left him abruptly, and walked up to the grim pescator del onda, with an outstretched hand, and a smile of encouragement, and immediately fell into confidential talk with him.
"The minds of anglers," says the gentle Colonel Robert Venables, "be usually more calm and composed than many others; when he hath the worst success he loseth but a hook or line, or perhaps what he never possessed, a fish; and suppose he should take nothing, yet he enjoyeth a delightful walk by pleasant rivers, in sweet pastures, amongst odoriferous flowers, which gratify his senses and delight his mind; and if example, which is the best proof, may sway anything, I know no sort of men less subject to melancholy than anglers." It was only natural, then, that Dangerfield should be serene and sunny.
Aunt Becky led him a little walk twice or thrice up and down. She seemed grave, earnest, and lofty, and he grinned and chatted after his wont energetically, to stout Captain Cluffe"s considerable uneasiness and mortification. He had seen Dangerfield the day before, through his field-gla.s.s, from the high wooded grounds in the park, across the river, walk slowly for a good while under the poplars in the meadow at Belmont, beside Aunt Becky, in high chat; and there was something particular and earnest in their manner, which made him uncomfortable then. And fat Captain Cluffe"s gall rose and nearly choked him, and; he cursed Dangerfield in the bottom of his corpulent, greedy soul, and wondered what fiend had sent that scheming old land-agent three hundred miles out of his way, on purpose to interfere with his little interests, as if there were not plenty of--of--well!--rich old women--in London. And he bethought him of the price of the c.o.c.katoo and the probable cost of the pelican, rejoinders to Dangerfield"s contributions to Aunt Rebecca"s menagerie, for those birds were not to be had for nothing; and Cluffe, who loved money as well, at least, as any man in his Majesty"s service, would have seen the two tribes as extinct as the dodo, before he would have expended sixpence upon such tom-foolery, had it not been for Dangerfield"s investments in animated nature. "The hound! as if two could not play at that game." But he had an uneasy and bitter presentiment that they were birds of paradise, and fifty other cursed birds beside, and that in this costly compet.i.tion Dangerfield could take a flight beyond and above him; and he thought of the flagitious waste of money, and cursed him for a fool again. Aunt Becky had said, he thought, something in which "to-morrow" occurred, on taking leave of Dangerfield.
"To-morrow!" "What to-morrow? She spoke low and confidentially, and seemed excited and a little flushed, and very distrait when she came back. Altogether, he felt as if Aunt Rebecca was slipping through his fingers, and would have liked to take that selfish old puppy, Dangerfield, by the neck and drown him out of hand in the river. But, notwithstanding the state of his temper, he knew it might be his only chance to shine pre-eminently at that moment in amiability, wit, grace, and gallantry, and, though it was up-hill work, he did labour uncommonly.
When Mr. Dangerfield"s spectacles gleamed through the crowd upon Dr.
Sturk, who was thinking of other things beside the music, the angler walked round forthwith, and accosted that universal genius. Mrs. Sturk felt the doctor"s arm, on which she leaned, vibrate for a second with a slight thrill--an evidence in that hard, fibrous limb of what she used to call "a start"--and she heard Dangerfield"s voice over his shoulder.
And the surgeon and the grand vizier were soon deep in talk, and Sturk brightened up, and looked eager and sagacious, and important, and became very voluble and impressive, and, leaving his lady to her own devices, with her maid and children, he got to the other side of the street, where Nutter, with taciturn and black observation, saw them busy pointing with cane and finger, and talking briskly as they surveyed together d.i.c.k Fisher"s and Tom Tresham"s tenements, and the Salmon House; and then beheld them ascend the steps of Tresham"s door, and overlook the wall on the other side toward the river, and point this way and that along the near bank, as it seemed to Nutter discussing detailed schemes of alteration and improvement. Sturk actually pulled out his pocket-book and pencil, and then Dangerfield took the pencil, and made notes of what he read to him, on the back of a letter; and Sturk looked eager and elated, and Dangerfield frowned and looked impressed, and nodded again and again. _Diruit aedificat, mutat quadrata rotundis_, under his very nose--he unconsulted! It was such an impertinence as Nutter could ill-digest. It was a studied slight, something like a public deposition, and Nutter"s jealous soul seethed secretly in a h.e.l.lbroth of rage and suspicion.
I mentioned that Mistress Sturk felt in that physician"s arm the telegraphic thrill with which the brain will occasionally send an invisible message of alarm from the seat of government to the extremities; and as this smallest of all small bits of domestic gossip did innocently escape me, the idle and good-natured reader will, I hope, let me say out my little say upon the matter, in the next chapter.
CHAPTER XXVII.
CONCERNING THE TROUBLES AND THE SHAPES THAT BEGAN TO GATHER ABOUT DOCTOR STURK.
It was just about that time that our friend, Dr. Sturk, had two or three odd dreams that secretly acted disagreeably upon his spirits. His liver he thought was a little wrong, and there was certainly a little light gout sporting about him. His favourite "pupton," at mess, disagreed with him; so did his claret, and hot suppers as often as he tried them, and that was, more or less, nearly every night in the week. So he was, perhaps, right, in ascribing these his visions to the humours, the spleen, the liver, and the juices. Still they sat uncomfortably upon his memory, and helped his spirits down, and made him silent and testy, and more than usually formidable to poor, little, quiet, hard-worked Mrs.
Sturk.
Dreams! What talk can be idler? And yet haven"t we seen grave people and gay listening very contentedly at times to that wild and awful sort of frivolity; and I think there is in most men"s minds, sages or zanies, a secret misgiving that dreams may have an office and a meaning, and are perhaps more than a fortuitous concourse of symbols, in fact, the language which good or evil spirits whisper over the sleeping brain.
There was an ugly and ominous consistency in these dreams which might have made a less dyspeptic man a little nervous. Tom Dunstan, a sergeant whom Sturk had prosecuted and degraded before a court-martial, who owed the doctor no good-will, and was dead and buried in the church-yard close by, six years ago, and whom Sturk had never thought about in the interval--made a kind of resurrection now, and was with him every night, figuring in these dreary visions and somehow in league with a sort of conspirator-in-chief, who never showed distinctly, but talked in scoffing menaces from outside the door, or clutched him by the throat from behind his chair, and yelled some hideous secret into his ear, which his scared and scattered wits, when he started into consciousness, could never collect again. And this fellow, with whose sneering cavernous talk--with whose very knock at the door or thump at the part.i.tion-wall he was as familiar as with his own wife"s voice, and the touch of whose cold convulsive hand he had felt so often on his cheek or throat, and the very suspicion of whose approach made him faint with horror, his dreams would not present to his sight. There was always something interposed, or he stole behind him, or just as he was entering and the door swinging open, Sturk would awake--and he never saw him, at least in a human shape.
But one night he thought he saw, as it were, his sign or symbol. As Sturk lay his length under the bed-clothes, with his back turned upon his slumbering helpmate, he was, in the spirit, sitting perpendicularly in his great balloon-backed chair at his writing-table, in the window of the back one-pair-of-stairs chamber which he called his library, where he sometimes wrote prescriptions, and pondering over his pennyweights, his Roman numerals, his guttae and pillulae, his 3s, his 5s, his 9s, and the other arabesque and astrological symbols of his mystery, he looked over his pen into the church-yard, which inspiring prospect he thence commanded.
Thus, as out of the body sat our rec.u.mbent doctor in the room underneath the bed in which his snoring idolon lay, Tom Dunstan stood beside the table, with the short white threads sticking out on his blue sleeve, where the st.i.tching of the stripes had been cut through on that twilight parade morning when the doctor triumphed, and Tom"s rank, fortune, and castles in the air, all tumbled together in the dust of the barrack pavement; and so, with his thin features and evil eye turned sideways to Sturk, says he, with a stiff salute--"A gentleman, Sir, that means to dine with you," and there was the m.u.f.fled knock at the door which he knew so well, and a rustling behind him. So the doctor turned him about quickly with a sort of chill between his shoulders, and perched on the back of his chair sat a portentous old quizzical carrion-crow, the antediluvian progenitor of the whole race of carrion-crows, monstrous, with great shining eyes, and head white as snow, and a queer human look, and the crooked beak of an owl, that opened with a loud grating "caw"
close in his ears; and with a "bo-o-oh!" and a bounce that shook the bed and made poor Mrs. Sturk jump out of it, and spin round in the curtain, Sturk"s spirit popped back again into his body, which sat up wide awake that moment.
It is not pretended that at this particular time the doctor was a specially good sleeper. The contrary stands admitted; and I don"t ask you, sagacious reader, to lay any sort of stress upon his dreams; only as there came a time when people talked of them a good deal over the fireside in Chapelizod, and made winter"s tales about them, I thought myself obliged to tell you that such things were.
He did not choose to narrate them to his brother-officers, and to be quizzed about them at mess. But he opened his budget to old Dr.
Walsingham, of course, only as a matter to be smiled at by a pair of philosophers like them. But Dr. Walsingham, who was an absent man, and floated upon the ocean of his learning serenely and lazily, drawn finely and whimsically, now hither, now thither, by the finest hair of a.s.sociation, glided complacently off into the dim region of visionary prognostics and warnings, and reminded him how Joseph dreamed, and Pharaoh, and Benvenuto, Cellini"s father, and St. Dominick"s mother, and Edward II. of England, and dodged back and forward among patriarchs and pagans, and modern Christians, men and women not at all suspecting that he was making poor Sturk, who had looked for a cheerful, sceptical sort of essay, confoundedly dismal and uncomfortable.
And, indeed, confoundedly distressed he must have been, for he took his brother-chip, Tom Toole, whom he loved not, to counsel upon his case--of course, strictly as a question of dandelion, or gentian, or camomile flowers; and Tom, who, as we all know, loved him reciprocally, frightened him as well as he could, offered to take charge of his case, and said, looking hard at him out of the corner of his cunning, resolute little eye, as they sauntered in the park--
"But I need not tell _you_, my good Sir, that physic is of small avail, if there is any sort of--a--a--vexation, or--or--in short--a--a--_vexation,_ you know, on your mind."