LORETTA. He says eight, but I can"t think of more than five times.
NED. Yes, go on.
LORETTA. That"s all.
NED. [With vast incredulity.] All?
LORETTA. [Puzzled.] All?
NED. [Awkwardly.] I mean . . . er . . . nothing worse?
LORETTA. [Puzzled.] Worse? As though there could be. Billy said--
NED. [Interrupting.] When?
LORETTA. This afternoon. Just now. Billy said that my . . . our . . .
our . . . our kisses were terrible if we didn"t get married.
NED. What else did he say?
LORETTA. He said that when a woman permitted a man to kiss her she always married him. That it was awful if she didn"t. It was the custom, he said; and I say it is a bad, wicked custom, and it has broken my heart. I shall never be happy again. I know I am terrible, but I can"t help it. I must have been born wicked.
NED. [Absent-mindedly bringing out a cigarette and striking a match.] Do you mind if I smoke? [Coming to himself again, and flinging away match and cigarette.] I beg your pardon. I don"t want to smoke. I didn"t mean that at all. What I mean is . . . [He bends over LORETTA, catches her hands in his, then sits on arm of chair, softly puts one arm around her, and is about to kiss her.]
LORETTA. [With horror, repulsing him.] No! No!
NED. [Surprised.] What"s the matter?
LORETTA. [Agitatedly.] Would you make me a wickeder woman than I am?
NED. A kiss?
LORETTA. There will be another scandal. That would make two scandals.
NED. To kiss the woman I love . . . a scandal?
LORETTA. Billy loves me, and he said so.
NED. Billy is a joker . . . or else he is as innocent as you.
LORETTA. But you said so yourself.
NED. [Taken aback.] I?
LORETTA. Yes, you said it yourself, with your own lips, not ten minutes ago. I shall never believe you again.
NED. [Masterfully putting arm around her and drawing her toward him.]
And I am a joker, too, and a very wicked man. Nevertheless, you must trust me. There will be nothing wrong.
LORETTA. [Preparing to yield.] And no . . . scandal?
NED. Scandal fiddlesticks. Loretta, I want you to be my wife. [He waits anxiously.]
[JACK HEMINGWAY, in fishing costume, appears in doorway to right and looks on.]
NED. You might say something.
LORETTA. I will . . . if . . .
[ALICE HEMINGWAY appears in doorway to left and looks on.]
NED. [In suspense.] Yes, go on.
LORETTA. If I don"t have to marry Billy.
NED. [Almost shouting.] You can"t marry both of us!
LORETTA. [Sadly, repulsing him with her hands.] Then, Ned, I cannot marry you.
NED. [Dumbfounded.] W-what?
LORETTA. [Sadly.] Because I can"t marry both of you.
NED. Bosh and nonsense!
LORETTA. I"d like to marry you, but . . .
NED. There is nothing to prevent you.
LORETTA. [With sad conviction.] Oh, yes, there is. You said yourself that I had to marry Billy. You said you would s-s-shoot him if he didn"t.
NED. [Drawing her toward him.] Nevertheless . . .
LORETTA. [Slightly holding him off.] And it isn"t the custom . . . what . . . Billy said?
NED. No, it isn"t the custom. Now, Loretta, will you marry me?
LORETTA. [Pouting demurely.] Don"t be angry with me, Ned. [He gathers her into his arms and kisses her. She partially frees herself, gasping.]
I wish it were the custom, because now I"d have to marry you, Ned, wouldn"t I?
[NED and LORETTA kiss a second time and profoundly.]
[JACK HEMINGWAY chuckles.]
[NED and LORETTA, startled, but still in each other"s arms, look around.
NED looks sillily at ALICE HEMINGWAY. LORETTA looks at JACK HEMINGWAY.]
LORETTA. I don"t care.