[During the song FITZSIMMONS turns his head slowly and looks at her with growing admiration.]
MAUD. How did you like it?
FITZSIMMONS. [Gruffly.] Rotten. Anybody could tell it was a boy"s voice--
MAUD. Oh!
FITZSIMMONS. It is rough and coa.r.s.e and it cracked on every high note.
MAUD. Oh! Oh!
[Recollecting herself and shrugging her shoulders.] Oh, very well. Now let"s see if you can do any better with the bag.
[FITZSIMMONS takes off coat and gives exhibition.]
[MAUD looks on in an ecstasy of admiration.]
MAUD. [As he finishes.] Beautiful! Beautiful!
[FITZSIMMONS puts on coat and goes over and sits down near table.]
Nothing like the bag to limber one up. I feel like a fighting c.o.c.k.
Harry, let"s go out on a toot, you and I.
MAUD. Wh-a-a-t?
FITZSIMMONS. A toot. You know--one of those rip-snorting nights you used to make.
MAUD. [Emphatically, as she picks up newspapers from leather chair, sits down, and places them on her lap.] I"ll do nothing of the sort.
I"ve--I"ve reformed.
FITZSIMMONS. You used to joy-ride like the very devil.
MAUD. I know it.
FITZSIMMONS. And you always had a pretty girl or two along.
MAUD. [Boastfully, in mannish, fashion.] Oh, I still have my fling. Do you know any--well,--er,--nice girls?
FITZSIMMONS. Sure.
MAUD. Put me wise.
FITZSIMMONS. Sure. You know Jack Sylvester?
MAUD. [Forgetting herself.] He"s my brother--
FITZSIMMONS. [Exploding.] What!
MAUD.--In-law"s first cousin.
FITZSIMMONS. Oh!
MAUD. So you see I don"t know him very well. I only met him once--at the club. We had a drink together.
FITZSIMMONS. Then you don"t know his sister?
MAUD. [Starting.] His sister? I--I didn"t know he had a sister.
FITZSIMMONS. [Enthusiastically.] She"s a peach. A queen. A little bit of all right. A--a loo-loo.
MAUD. [Flattered.] She is, is she?
FITZSIMMONS. She"s a scream. You ought to get acquainted with her.
MAUD. [Slyly.] You know her, then?
FITZSIMMONS. You bet.
MAUD. [Aside.] Oh, ho! [To FITZSIMMONS.] Know her very well?
FITZSIMMONS. I"ve taken her out more times than I can remember. You"ll like her, I"m sure.
MAUD. Thanks. Tell me some more about her.
FITZSIMMONS. She dresses a bit loud. But you won"t mind that. And whatever you do, don"t take her to eat.
MAUD. [Hiding her chagrin.] Why not?
FITZSIMMONS. I never saw such an appet.i.te--
MAUD. Oh!
FITZSIMMONS. It"s fair sickening. She must have a tapeworm. And she thinks she can sing.
MAUD. Yes?
FITZSIMMONS. Rotten. You can do better yourself, and that"s not saying much. She"s a nice girl, really she is, but she is the black sheep of the family. Funny, isn"t it?
MAUD. [Weak voice.] Yes, funny.
FITZSIMMONS. Her brother Jack is all right. But he can"t do anything with her. She"s a--a--
MAUD. [Grimly.] Yes. Go on.
FITZSIMMONS. A holy terror. She ought to be in a reform school.
MAUD. [Springing to her feet and slamming newspapers in his face.] Oh!
Oh! Oh! You liar! She isn"t anything of the sort!