In Racine"s _Plaideurs_, act ii. scene vii., Pet.i.t Jean takes literally the demand of the judge for _epices_, and fetches the pepper-box to satisfy him.
ARG. Two hundred pistoles!
SCA. Yes, and you will save by it. I have made a small calculation in my head of all that justice costs, and I find that by giving two hundred pistoles to your man you will have a large margin left--say, at least a hundred and fifty pistoles--without taking into consideration the cares, troubles, and anxieties, which you will spare yourself. For were it only to avoid being before everybody the b.u.t.t of some facetious counsel, I had rather give three hundred pistoles than go to law. {Footnote: What would Moliere have said if he had been living now!}
ARG. I don"t care for that, and I challenge all the lawyers to say anything against me.
SCA. You will do as you please, but in your place I would avoid a lawsuit.
ARG. I will never give two hundred pistoles.
SCA. Ah! here is our man.
SCENE IX.--ARGANTE, SCAPIN, SILVESTRE, _dressed out as a bravo_.
SIL. Scapin, show me that Argante who is the father of Octave.
SCA. What for, Sir?
SIL. I have just been told that he wants to go to law with me, and to have my sister"s marriage annulled.
SCA. I don"t know if such is his intention, but he won"t consent to give the two hundred pistoles you asked; he says it"s too much.
SIL. S"death! s"blood! If I can but find him, I"ll make mince-meat of him, were I to be broken alive on the wheel afterwards.
(ARGANTE _hides, trembling, behind_ SCAPIN.)
SCA. Sir, the father of Octave is a brave man, and perhaps he will not be afraid of you.
SIL. Ah! will he not? S"blood! s"death! If he were here, I would in a moment run my sword through his body. (_Seeing_ ARGANTE.) Who is that man?
SCA. He"s not the man, Sir; he"s not the man.
SIL. Is he one of his friends?
SCA. No, Sir; on the contrary, he"s his greatest enemy.
SIL. His greatest enemy?
SCA. Yes.
SIL. Ah! zounds! I am delighted at it. (_To_ ARGANTE) You are an enemy of that scoundrel Argante, are you?
SCA. Yes, yes; I a.s.sure you that it is so.
SIL. (_shaking_ ARGANTE"S _hand roughly_). Shake hands, shake hands. I give you my word, I swear upon my honour, by the sword I wear, by all the oaths I can take, that, before the day is over, I shall have delivered you of that rascally knave, of that scoundrel Argante. Trust me.
SCA. But, Sir, violent deeds are not allowed in this country.
SIL. I don"t care, and I have nothing to lose.
SCA. He will certainly take his precautions; he has relations, friends, servants, who will take his part against you.
SIL. Blood and thunder! It is all I ask, all I ask. (_Drawing his sword_.) Ah! s"death! ah! s"blood! Why can I not meet him at this very moment, with all these relations and friends of his? If he would only appear before me, surrounded by a score of them! Why do they not fall upon me, arms in hand? (_Standing upon his guard_.) What!
you villains! you dare to attack me? Now, s"death! Kill and slay!
(_He lunges out on all sides; as if he were fighting many people at once_.) No quarter; lay on. Thrust. Firm. Again. Eye and foot. Ah!
knaves! ah! rascals! ah! you shall have a taste of it. I"ll give you your fill. Come on, you rabble! come on. That"s what you want, you there. You shall have your fill of it, I say. Stick to it, you brutes; stick to it. Now, then, parry; now, then, you. (_Turning towards_ ARGANTE and SCAPIN.) Parry this; parry. You draw back?
Stand firm, man! S"death! What! Never flinch, I say.
SCA. Sir, we have nothing to do with it.
SIL. That will teach you to trifle with me.
SCENE X.--ARGANTE, SCAPIN.
SCA. Well, Sir, you see how many people are killed for two hundred pistoles. Now I wish you a good morning.
ARG. (_all trembling_). Scapin.
SCA. What do you say?
ARG. I will give the two hundred pistoles.
SCA. I am very glad of it, for your sake.
ARG. Let us go to him; I have them with me.
SCA. Better give them to me. You must not, for your honour, appear in this business, now that you have pa.s.sed for another; and, besides, I should be afraid that he would ask you for more, if he knew who you are.
ARG. True; still I should be glad to see to whom I give my money.
SCA. Do you mistrust me then?
ARG. Oh no; but....
SCA. Zounds! Sir; either I am a thief or an honest man; one or the other. Do you think I would deceive you, and that in all this I have any other interest at heart than yours and that of my master, whom you want to take into your family? If I have not all your confidence, I will have no more to do with all this, and you can look out for somebody else to get you out of the mess.
ARG. Here then.
SCA. No, Sir; do not trust your money to me. I would rather you trusted another with your message.
ARG. Ah me! here, take it.