I wiped the tears from my eyes.
16.
"Another thing an artist must understand," said Jim Ed, popping out of his trance, ready to get back to the business of painting, "is the role that light plays. It"s important in order to produce a realistic work. You have to figure out how to "light" the image you"re going to paint and how the variation of light falling on the image affects it, then how to capture the light on the canvas or paper. It"s harder than you may think. Takes some skill. Capturing just the right light, on just the right spots on the canvas, is vital. You know why?"
I scratched my head. "I would guess that light probably has something to do with setting the tone."
"Partially," he said. "Light not only creates the atmosphere that you"re painting, but it reveals and illuminates. And there are different kinds of light-direct light, reflected light, and shadow. Yet in all aspects, the job of light in painting is to reveal something about the work-something that the artist wants to bring out."
"Oooookay," I said slowly, curious of where he was going with this one. By now I was quite certain it was somewhere other than painting.
"There are things the light wants to reveal. Areas of your life. The problem is light is painful until you adjust. Men love darkness because light reveals truth about them and it stings.
"You know how I said that you are made up of seventy percent water and you need water to survive? Well, just like we need water to survive, we also need light to survive. It helps us see and gives us the energy and warmth we require to exist. Just as sure as I am painting this portrait, our ole earth and all the life on it would gradually die without light. But you know what else light does?"
"You"ve got me thinking."
"Light doesn"t just reveal, it consumes darkness. When you walk into a dark room what"s the first thing you do?"
"Turn on the light."
"And when you do, that darkness just skedaddles right on outta there, doesn"t it? Darkness can"t take the light."
"So what"s the punch line?"
"Well, if you are going to have a beautiful life portrait, Adam, a masterpiece, you must let light shine in the right spots on your life canvas. It reveals things that need to be chipped away-everything that isn"t the David in you. That"s what it means to live in the light. For some folk, the atmosphere of their life painting is dominated by the gloomy shadows of negative thinking-bitterness, prejudice, arrogance, jealousy, anger, selfishness, hatred-even hatred for themselves-you name it, all sorts of poisonous att.i.tudes. These poisonous att.i.tudes flourish in the darkness, so it"s imperative to open up and let light shine on our canvas to reveal those dark spots.
"If I see that this painting in front of me needs more light, then I can add some strategic brushstrokes and change the whole mood of it. When a person lets G.o.d brushstroke His light on their canvas, the whole mood of their life changes too. G.o.d"s light reveals truth and helps us see in ways we"ve never seen before. And no matter how dark your life may seem, when you receive His truth and walk with G.o.d, He will always give you the light you need for where you are, even if you"re in a place of pain and difficulty. Can be painful at times though, letting the light reveal things we don"t like about ourselves, but we need His light to survive."
"You sure you"re not a preacher?" I smirked.
"Nope, just a friend who wishes to pa.s.s down some of what I"ve learned through the years, to make somebody else"s journey a little less b.u.mpy before I pa.s.s on. Won"t be long now."
"Don"t talk like that. You"re not dying."
"At my age, I think I am. In truth, we all are. I"m just a lot closer than you...probably. But you never know. You could go before me. n.o.body knows when their time will be up. David prayed, "teach us to number our days that we might gain a heart of wisdom." All of our days are numbered, Adam, and I"ve heard Jesus calling my name. He and my sweetheart will be meeting me."
"You like David, don"t you," I said.
"Yes sir, I do," said Jim Ed. "You see David is an Old Testament shadow of Christ. Really, the David in you, the masterpiece G.o.d wants to bring out, is Jesus. G.o.d wants to form us into the image of His Son. The more G.o.d shines His light on us and chips away at us, the more we look like Jesus."
"So how do I do all this?" I asked, my eyes misting up. "You know...let G.o.d"s light in? Let Him make me more like Jesus?"
"Again, it"s simple Adam, but it"s not easy. First, you have to know your ident.i.ty and then live your life in desperate dependence on Him. See G.o.d as your source for everything. I mean, you can"t do a thing without Him, not a single thing. Feeding on His word and fellowship with Him becomes not just a religious duty or discipline. It becomes your lifeline, your very food for survival. He"s your source for the breath of life when you get out of the bed in the morning. He"s the source for your righteousness and your growth. He"s your source for provision, both materially and emotionally. Bottom line is you can"t do life without Him. He"s your only hope.
"On your own you"re weak, Adam, but understanding your weakness becomes your greatest strength when your security is in Him, when you are desperately dependent on Him. Don"t pursue greatness or happiness, Adam, pursue G.o.d. That is the key to everything. When He is your security, supernatural things can happen."
Jim Ed stopped talking to search for something in his cart.
"May I see your Bible?" I asked him. "I"d like to look at it."
"Sure," he said, "Love for you to." He took it off his cart and handed it to me.
As I held the old, faded leather book in my hands, I realized this was more than just any old Bible. Flipping through the tattered pages, some were taped together, others were folded. There were hundreds of notes scribbled in the margins. Verses were circled and underlined in a myriad of colors. This Bible was a testament to Jim Ed"s life. It was a part of who he was. Paige and I had started our marriage with G.o.d in the center, but over time, the pressing issues of life came up and choked out the things of G.o.d.
"I know this may seem elementary to you, Adam," said Jim Ed, "but G.o.d"s Word is the light that He uses to shine into our lives. It brings healing to our wounds. He allows us to see with fresh eyes. It"s how He chips away everything that isn"t David. It"s G.o.d"s love letter to us and a life map. If you want to get to know G.o.d, get to know His Word. Most Christians have heard that since they were knee high to a gra.s.shopper, still they feed on everything else but G.o.d"s Word. Always seeking some new spiritual experience or revelation, but all you need to guide your life is right there in that book."
On the inside of the back cover, I found a handwritten note from Christina in perfect calligraphy. I read it out loud.
December 20th, 1966 Jim Ed, Remember, your security is in Him, not in your apparent success. As you continue to go to Him for your security, He speaks and leads you. You see it as a weakness. G.o.d sees it as a strength. Maybe you being a little "hungry" is what"s needed for your calling, like your thorn in the flesh. You being "desperately dependant" on G.o.d is your calling as a man. Do you know how few people hear from G.o.d and then act on it? Your obedience to His calling is trusting Him every day, step by step. He is real and He is using you. Praise His name. In that place of going to G.o.d for fulfillment, He gives you the gift of Him speaking to you. I"m proud of you, man of G.o.d!
Love, Christina I closed the Bible and handed it back to Jim Ed. Two single tears streamed down his cheeks.
"Like my Christina said, you have to be "hungry" for G.o.d, desperately dependent on Him." Jim Ed wiped his eyes. "Most folks don"t want to know the truth. Got itching ears. But a person has to make a decision to walk in the light. I remember the very first day I made the decision to really walk in the light. My life has never been the same since. I can tell you about it if you like."
"I"m not moving."
Jim Ed reached up and tightened the clips that were securing the watercolor paper. Then he bent over the painting and blew some puffs of air over a couple of spots. When he finished blowing, he again reached back into his past.
17.
On the next Sat.u.r.day after Jim Ed proposed, he, Willie, and Bo, decided to walk into town and catch a movie at the theater on Main Street. They hadn"t driven because Mama Porter had taken the truck shopping. The three young men walked along the road and crossed Line Creek, which was a natural division that separated the black sections from the white sections. Once across the creek, they didn"t walk through any white neighborhoods, but stayed alongside the main highway that led into town. It was only a couple miles into downtown where they were headed.
After a while, they walked up on Boyd"s Phillip 66 service station and store and decided to cut through the parking lot to another street. It was a cinderblock building painted white, but the white was flaking and was stained orange from the cars kicking up dust in the parking lot. Out front were two faded green and yellow gas pumps. Next to the store was a grimy garage with tires and junk stacked everywhere. No one was getting gas, and the store was empty other than the four hundred-pound Mr. Boyd who was wearing a pair of overalls with no shirt underneath, sitting out front in a rusty patio chair. There was an old, torn-down car in the garage with a greasy mechanic leaning over it. Between the store and the garage were six white guys drinking beer and hanging out around a couple of pickup trucks. Jim Ed and his friend"s first mistake had been cutting through the parking lot.
"Well lookie what we got coming here," one of the white guys said in a loud voice, half drunk, while adjusting his John Deere cap and spitting a stream of tobacco juice on the ground. Lewis was his name and he took a step toward Jim Ed and his friends. "Where you n.i.g.g.e.rs think you"re going?"
"Keep walking," Jim Ed whispered to Bo and Willie. "Just ignore them."
When Jim Ed said that, the guy in the John Deere cap stepped directly in front of them. The three young black men tried to step around him, but the other five whites blocked the path with their arms folded across their chests. It was the three against six.
"I asked you a question, boy. Where you n.i.g.g.e.rs think you"re going?"
"Look," Jim Ed said. "We don"t want no trouble. We"re just going over to town to watch a movie."
"Well it looks like you done gone and found yourself some trouble, now didn"t you?"
"We juss pa.s.sing through," Willie said.
"Yes you are. The problem is...this here is private property. No n.i.g.g.e.rs allowed. Now how long you boys been living around here? You should know that."
"We"re sorry. We weren"t thinking," Jim Ed offered.
"You right about that. Caint you see that sign over there?" he said while pointing to a sign above the store"s door that was hard to read because the red letters were faded and the white background blended with the building.
"I see it now, but didn"t before."
"Read it to me."
Jim Ed gritted his teeth. Bo started to say something smart, but Jim Ed held his arm out for him to stay quiet.
"Read it to me, I said-if you can."
"I can read."
"Well then do it, boy. Go on."
In the war Jim Ed had put down guys much bigger and tougher than this slimy piece of flesh. All three of them had. The only thing that made this guy strong was his five buddies standing there with him. Humiliated and embarra.s.sed, Jim Ed read the sign. "No n.i.g.g.e.rs or Dogs allowed! Dogs can wait outside. n.i.g.g.e.rs will be shot!"
"Hey Lewis, you ever see one that black?" one of the other guys said, pointing to Willie.
"He looks like one of them monkeys in the zoo, don"t you think?" Lewis replied. "Hey, maybe they escaped. We need to call the zoo and find out. Maybe there"s a reward for their capture."
"I got me a wild hog cage back home we could put"em in," another one said. All six cracked up laughing. Then, just that quick, their faces went from wise guys to rage. Lewis stepped up to Willie, his veins popping out of his red neck. "Don"t you ever set foot on this property again. You hear me, n.i.g.g.e.r?" At that, he spit another stream of tobacco, but this time it landed on Willie"s shoe.
"You not G.o.d," Willie shouted. "You can"t spit on me!" Something broke in Willie and he pushed Lewis in the chest. When he did, all h.e.l.l broke loose as the six white guys jumped on them. Everybody was swinging and taking punches. In the midst of the mayhem, Bo and Jim Ed grabbed Willie to run, something they should have done first, but as they were taking off, Lewis picked up an old hubcap that was leaning against a stack of tires, and brought it down across Willie"s skull, slicing it wide open, knocking him to the ground.
Mr. Boyd, who"d been sitting there watching the whole thing and had already called the cops, fired a gunshot in the air. "Party"s over fellas," he hollered. "Cops on the way. Now break it up." Everybody stepped back and Willie lay still on the ground, blood everywhere.
Lewis put his boot on Willie"s back and shook him. "Get up, n.i.g.g.e.r. Now ya"ll get on out of here." But Willie didn"t move.
Jim Ed leaned over and tried to get him up. "Come on, Willie, get up. We gotta go," he told him. He shook him again, but Willie still didn"t move. Then Bo shook him with the same results and the two young black men looked at each other frozen with shock, not believing what they saw before them.
"He ain"t dead," said Lewis. "I didn"t hit him hard enough. He"s faking like all n.i.g.g.e.rs do." Lewis flipped Willie over with his foot. "Get up I said!"
But when Willie rolled on his back, his eyes were wide open and fixed. Jim Ed and Bo"s lifelong friend was lying there dead. "This can"t be happening," Jim Ed thought. In the background sirens could be heard and Lewis started getting fidgety. He turned to his friends and shouted. "Those n.i.g.g.e.rs attacked us. And that one tried to kill me. I was just defending myself. Ya"ll all saw it."
While the five other whites consoled Lewis, Jim Ed and Bo stood silent in the background. They"d thought about running, but figured they didn"t do anything wrong. Plus, where"d they run to anyway? Within what seemed like a few seconds, two police cars whipped in the parking lot and three deputies hopped out with guns drawn. Without even asking the first question, they pushed Bo and Jim Ed to the ground, jerked their hands behind their backs, and clamped the handcuffs down on their wrists. "You"re under arrest," they shouted.
"For what?" Jim Ed hollered back.
"a.s.sault and battery, instigating a riot, trespa.s.sing and disturbing the peace," the deputy answered, shoving Jim Ed"s head into the ground. Under his breath the deputy mumbled, "Stupid n.i.g.g.e.rs."
The two were thrust into separate police cars and whisked off to the jailhouse, while the police never laid a hand on any of the other guys. Blood was running from a gash beneath Jim Ed"s eye and the salt from his sweat caused it to burn. It was only a short distance to the police station, yet the ride seemed to last forever. People walking down the street and driving by gaped at them like they were criminals and were the sc.u.m of the earth. But all Jim Ed and Bo could think about was Willie.
They were locked up in a jail cell that reeked with the stench of alcohol and vomit. Rights were virtually non-existent-no phone call, no visitors, nothing. Lying on that stone-cold bunk all night Jim Ed"s soul ached for the loss of his friend and his mind brooded over the injustice of it all. Bo cried himself to sleep. It should have been clear to anyone with a kernel of sense that they were innocent and Willie had been murdered in cold blood.
After spending the night in jail without talking to anyone except each other, to their surprise, around ten the next morning the sheriff swung open the jail door and told Jim Ed and Bo to get out.
"So, that"s it?" Jim Ed asked the sheriff. "What about Lewis? You know he killed Willie in cold blood. Everybody saw it!"
"Now that"s where you are wrong. Eyewitnesses said there was a fight plain and simple." The sheriff grabbed Jim Ed"s arm and squeezed it tight. "Son, because Mr. Boyd said you boys weren"t lookin" for trouble, I"m letting you go. If you know what"s good for you, you"ll just keep that big mouth of yours shut because I can easily put you right back in that cell and lock the door. You hear me? h.e.l.l, I"m doing you a favor, son. You ought to be thanking me."
18.
For the next several days, Jim Ed couldn"t talk to anyone about the incident, not Christina, not Mama Porter, not Bo or anybody. He was out of his mind with grief and rage. But it was when he saw Willie laying in his casket that he cracked. And upon hearing the wails of his people when they put him in the ground, Jim Ed knew what he had to do.
The rest of the afternoon, during the post-funeral dinner at the church, Jim Ed quietly contemplated his plan. Christina realized that something was up and it was more than just grief over losing Willie.
"I"m so sorry about Willie," she said. "It was such a tragic thing and I know you are hurting, Jim Ed." She put her arm around his waist and pulled herself close. The two walked out of the fellowship hall into the yard outside. Despite the sadness all around, kids were running around playing.
"Not that long ago Willie and I were doing the same thing," Jim Ed said, glancing at the kids.
"What are you thinking?" Christina asked. "It"s like you"re in another world and won"t let me in."
Jim Ed stared at her coldly. "My best friend was murdered, Christina. Of course I"m in another world."
"I"m sorry, honey," she said caressing the back of his head with her fingers. "I just want to help you."
"You can help by leaving me alone!"
"Jim Ed, I know you, and I know that"s not the real you speaking. You"re up to something and I have an uneasiness in my spirit about it."
As they walked, the sun began to set. Soon it would be dark and Jim Ed could move ahead with his plan. "Did you know that Willie saved my life one time?" he asked.
"You never told me that," said Christina.
"Yep. He sure did. I was eleven and a bunch of us was swimming over at Miller"s bluff. We liked to jump off the bluffs into the water. The water was muddy and when I jumped my foot rammed right through this rotten log under the water. It bruised and cut my foot, but worse, my foot was stuck and the log was set deep in the mud. I flung around underwater trying to free myself, but my foot wouldn"t budge. I gave out of air thinking I was going to die, but right when I could sense my body fading out of consciousness, I felt somebody"s arm. He shook the log over and over. Finally, my foot slipped free. It was Willie. He had jumped in to rescue me. If he hadn"t done that, I would have been buried long time ago."
Christina didn"t say a word, but squeezed him tightly.
"Willie deserves justice and the law is sure not going to give it to him. So somebody has to. I owe him." When Jim Ed said that, he immediately realized he" d given too much information.
"Jim Ed, what are you thinking?"