Betty thought she did. We all think we do, in the presence of any grief not our own.
"Can I do anything?" She spoke much more kindly than she had expected to speak.
"Will you let me tell you everything? The whole truth?"
"Of course if you want to, but--"
"Then do sit down--and oh, don"t be angry with me, I am so wretched.
Just now you thought something had happened to Mr. Vernon. Will you just tell me one thing?--Do you love him?"
"You"ve no right to ask me that."
"I know I haven"t. Well, I"ll trust you--though you don"t trust me.
I"ll tell you everything. Two years ago Mr. Vernon and I were engaged."
This was not true; but it took less time to tell than the truth would have taken, and sounded better.
"We were engaged, and I was very fond of him. But he--you know what he is about Women?"
"No," said Betty steadily. "I don"t want to hear anything about him."
"But you must.--He is--I don"t know how to put it. There"s always some woman besides the One with him. I understand that now; I didn"t then.
I don"t think he can help it. It"s his temperament."
"I see," said Betty evenly. Her hands and feet were very cold. She was astonished to find how little moved she was in this interview whose end she foresaw so very plainly.
"Yes, and there was a girl at that time--he was always about with her.
And I made him scenes--always a most stupid thing to do with a man, you know; and at last I said he must give her up, or give me up. And he gave me up. And I was too proud to let him think I cared--and just to show him how little I cared I married Sir Harry St. Craye. I might just as well have let it alone. He never even heard I had been married till last October! And then it was I who told him. My husband was a brute, and I"m thankful to say he didn"t live long. You"re very much shocked, I"m afraid?"
"Not at all," said Betty, who was, rather.
"Well, then I met Him again, and we got engaged again, as he told you.
And again there was a girl--oh, and another woman besides. But this time I tried to bear it--you know I did try not to be jealous of you."
"You had no cause," said Betty.
"Well, I thought I had. That hurts just as much. And what"s the end of it all--all my patience and trying not to see things, and letting him have his own way? He came to me to-night and begged me to release him from his engagement, because--oh, he was beautifully candid--because he meant to marry you."
Betty"s heart gave a jump.
"He seems to have been very sure of me," she said loftily.
"No, no; he"s not a hairdresser"s apprentice--to tell one woman that he"s sure of another. He said: "I mean to marry Miss Desmond if she"ll have me.""
"How kind of him!"
"I wish you"d heard the way he spoke of you."
"I don"t want to hear."
"_I_ had to. And I"ve released him. And now I"ve come to you. I was proud two years ago. I"m not proud now. I don"t care what I do. I"ll kneel down at your feet and pray to you as if you were G.o.d not to take him away from me. And if you love him it"ll all be no good. I know that."
"But--supposing I weren"t here--do you think you could get him back?"
"I know I could. Unless of course you were to tell him I"d been here to-night. I should have no chance after that--naturally. I wish I knew what to say to you. You"re very young; you"ll find someone else, a better man. He"s not a good man. There"s a girl at Montmartre at this very moment--a girl he"s set up in a restaurant. He goes to see her.
You"d never stand that sort of thing. I know the sort of girl you are.
And you"re quite right. But I"ve got beyond that. I don"t care what he is, I don"t care what he does. I understand him. I can make allowances for him. I"m his real mate. I could make him happy. You never would--you"re too good. Ever since I first met him I"ve thought of nothing else, cared for nothing else. If he whistled to me I"d give up everything else, everything, and follow him barefoot round the world."
"I heard someone say that in a play once," said Betty musing.
"So did I," said Lady St. Craye very sharply--"but it"s true for all that. Well--you can do as you like."
"Of course I can," said Betty.
"I"ve done all I can now. I"ve said everything there is to say. And if you love him as I love him every word I"ve said won"t make a sc.r.a.p of difference. I know that well enough. What I want to know is--_do_ you love him?"
The scene had been set deliberately. But the pa.s.sion that spoke in it was not a.s.sumed. Betty felt young, school-girlish, awkward in the presence of this love--so different from her own timid dreams. The emotion of the other woman had softened her.
"I don"t know," she said.
"If you don"t know, you don"t love him.--At least don"t see him till you"re sure. You"ll do that? As long as he"s not married to anyone, there"s just a chance that he may love me again. Won"t you have pity?
Won"t you go away like that sensible young man Temple? Mr. Vernon told me he was going into the country to decide which of the two women he likes best is the one he really likes best! Won"t you do that?"
"Yes," said Betty slowly, "I"ll do that. _Look_ here, I am most awfully sorry, but I don"t know--I can"t think to-night. I"ll go right away--I won"t see him to-morrow. Oh, no. I can"t come between you and the man you"re engaged to," her thoughts were clearing themselves as she spoke. "Of course I knew you were engaged to him. But I never thought. At least--Yes. I"ll go away the first thing to-morrow."
"You are very, very good," said Lady St. Craye, and she meant it.
"But I don"t know where to go. Tell me where to go."
"Can"t you go home?"
"No: I won"t. That"s too much."
"Go somewhere and sketch."
"Yes,--but _where_?" said poor Betty impatiently.
"Go to Grez," said the other, not without second thoughts. "It"s a lovely place--close to Fontainebleau--Hotel Chevillon. I"ll write it down for you.--Old Madame Chevillon"s a darling. She"ll look after you. It _is_ good of you to forgive me for everything. I"m afraid I was a cat to you."
"No," said Betty, "it was right and brave of you to tell me the whole truth. Oh, truth"s the only thing that"s any good!"
Lady St. Craye also thought it a useful thing--in moderation. She rose.
"I"ll never forget what you"re doing for me," she said. "You"re a girl in thousand. Look here, my dear: I"m not blind. Don"t think I don"t value what you"re doing. You cared for him in England a little,--and you care a little now. And everything I"ve said tonight has hurt you hatefully. And you didn"t know you cared. You thought it was friendship, didn"t you--till you thought I"d come to tell you that something had happened to him. And then you _knew_. I"m going to accept your sacrifice. I"ve got to. I can"t live if I don"t. But I don"t want you to think I don"t know what a sacrifice it is. I know better than you do--at this moment. No--don"t say anything. I don"t want to force your confidence. But I do understand."
"I wish everything was different," said Betty.
"Yes. You"re thinking, aren"t you, that if it hadn"t been for Mr.