Not wanting to stay inside to argue any further, Ru shot up from her seat and excused herself for a while. After a moment of thinking, Xiao Zhiren followed her out to the corridor.
She was pacing in the corridor with her face hidden behind thick smoke. As she lifted her hand to bit the cigarette again, Xiao Zhiren watched her lazy movements as if there was a huge storm behind her calm face.
"What was that?" Hearing his voice, Ru lifted her eyes a bit to see his gloomy face.
"What was what?" She feigned ignorance with a nonchalant smile.
"What you just did inside?" He added.
"I did something inside? Why can"t I remember it?" Ru gave a thoughtful look while stubbing her cigarette in her hand and throwing it straight to the wastebin at the side.
Xiao Zhiren glared at her saying, "Stop pretending. You argued with me on purpose."
"Of course, I did." She didn"t bother denying it at all. "But did I say something wrong?"
"What you said was right for you but what I said will always stay right to me." She opened her mouth to say something but he interrupted her again saying, "You better stop it."
"Stop what exactly?" She asked.
"Stop trying to push me away!" His voice had raised a bit while stared intently at her to see her eyes widening up a bit before getting back their usual l.u.s.ter. Seeing how she stepped back a bit from him, he felt disappointed and changed his words, "I mean, stop trying to push everyone away with your vicious tongue. These word games will get you nowhere except for a place called loneliness."
"Game of words?" She mumbled to herself. "Every person have a reason behind why they are playing the game." Sighing heavily, she went on, "Besides, I just wanted you to know that the worst pain comes with the love that you can"t have. Don"t push yourself towards such pain, it will leave behind a storm of tears."
This time Xiao Zhiren scoffed at her words. "Tears of pain, regret or sadness... All of them hurt but the ones which are never shed... They are the worst because they are capable of eroding our souls."
His words were surely a straight taunt to her. She didn"t shed tears but was it her fault? She didn"t even know the emotions that could bring the tears. Pain? She got used to it long ago. Regrets? She didn"t like having such useless emotions. As for sadness? What really was sadness?
Looking into her green eyes br.i.m.m.i.n.g with confusion, he added, "I honestly don"t know how long you had been hearing things. But don"t you think, it"s time to start listening with care. Give up on existing already and give yourself a chance to live instead. What you look at can"t always be true. So, start seeing..." "I want you to see me. Offering you the love that you need." With a heavy heart, he added, "And if you can"t see, try feeling." "All my feelings are for you anyway."
She felt her heart beating a bit faster than it usually did. What was wrong? She was perplexed while her conscience had to remind her, "You closed your eyes, not wanting to see his pa.s.sionate gaze. You even closed your ears to avoid his sincere words. But how are you going to close to your heart to keep his feelings at bay? That"s the one thing you can"t possibly rule over."
"You"re talking like you"ve lived through my life," Ru mumbled softly barely audible.
"I know you think that I don"t understand you but don"t you think that you also don"t understand me at all? We both have the right to have opinions about each other but is it necessary to build a wall all over again between us just so that we could keep our bubble of opinions from bursting?" Xiao Zhiren"s words quietened her up, unexpectedly. "Words cut deeper than knives. Stop using them so carelessly."
As he turned to leave, he heard her laugh and faced her again. She stretched her hand out to him and said, "It"s nice to meet you, Xiao Zhiren." The way she said his full name stunned him. Wasn"t it the first time, she actually called his full name? "It"s really nice meeting you." She added again since she realized, it was possibly the first time someone actually dared to lecture her like this.
Xiao Zhiren skeptically lifted his hand to shake hers but suddenly her face turned white like paper as she stared behind him in disbelief. Her eyes were about to pop out of her sockets.