At best he must count upon coldness, bitter truths and that appearance of hatred which injured love a.s.sumes.
What did it matter? She was a woman, after all.
The vestibule of the house was supported by pillars; its walls were ornately stuccoed; the floor was covered with imitation oriental rugs.
It was the rented luxury with which the better middle-cla.s.s loves to surround itself.
He ascended three flights of stairs.
An elderly servant in a blue ap.r.o.n regarded the stranger suspiciously.
He asked for her mistress.
She would see. Holding his card gingerly, she disappeared.
Now _he_ would see....
Then, as he bent forward, listening, he heard through the open door a cry--not of horrified surprise, but of triumph and jubilation, such a cry of sudden joy as only a long and hopeless and unrestrainable yearning can send forth.
He thought he had heard wrong, but the smiling face of the returning servant rea.s.sured him.
He was to be made welcome.
Chapter III.
He entered. With outstretched hands, tears in her eyes, her face a-quiver with a vain attempt at equanimity--thus she came forward to meet him.
"There you are ... there you are ... you...."
Overwhelmed and put to shame by her forgiveness and her happiness, he stood before her in silence.
What could he have said to her that would not have sounded either coa.r.s.e or trivial?
And she demanded neither explanation nor excuse.
He was here--that was enough for her.
As he let his glance rest upon her, he confessed that his mental image of her fell short of the present reality.
She had grown in soul and stature. Her features bore signs of power and restraint, and of a strong inner tension. Her eyes sought him with a steady light; in her bosom battled the pent-up joy.
She asked him to be seated. "In that corner," she said, and led him to a tiny sofa covered with glittering, light-green silk, above which hung a withered palm-leaf fan.
"I have sat there so often," she went on, "so often, and have thought of you, always--always. You"ll drink tea, won"t you?"
He was about to refuse, but she interrupted him.
"Oh, but you must, you must. You can"t refuse! It has been my dream all this time to drink tea with you here just once--just once. To serve you on this little table and hand you the basket with cakes! Do you see this little lacquer table, with the lovely birds of inlaid mother-of-pearl? I had that given to me last Christmas for the especial purpose of serving you tea on it. For I said to myself: "He is accustomed to the highest elegance." And you are here and are going to refuse? No, no, that"s impossible. I couldn"t bear that."
And she flew to the door and called out her orders to the servant.
He regarded her in happy astonishment. In all her movements there was a rhythm of unconscious loveliness, such as he had rarely seen in any woman. With simple, unconscious elegance, her dress flowed about her taller figure, whose severe lines were softened by the womanly curves of her limbs. And all that belonged to him.
He could command this radiant young body and this radiant young soul.
All that was one hunger to be possessed by him.
"Bind her to yourself," cried his soul, "and build yourself a new happiness!"
Then she returned. She stopped a few paces from him, folded her hands under her chin, gazed at him wide-eyed and whispered: "There he is!
There he is!"
He grew uncomfortable under this expense of pa.s.sion.
"I should wager that I sit here with a foolish face," he thought.
"But now I"m going to be sensible," she went on, sitting down on a low stool that stood next to the sofa. "And while the tea is steeping you must tell me how things have gone with you all this long time. For it is a very long time since ... Ah, a long time...."
It seemed to him that there was a reproach behind these words. He gave but a dry answer to her question, but threw the more warmth into his inquiries concerning her life.
She laughed and waved her hand.
"Oh, I!" she cried. "I have fared admirably. Why should I not? Life makes me as happy as though I were a child. Oh, I can always be happy.... That"s characteristic of me. Nearly every day brings something new and usually something delightful.... And since I"ve been in love with you.... You mustn"t take that for a ba.n.a.l declaration of pa.s.sion, dear friend.... Just imagine you are merely my confidant, and that I"m telling you of my distant lover who takes little notice of a foolish woman like myself. But then, that doesn"t matter so long as I know that he is alive and can fear and pray for him; so long as the same morning sun shines on us both. Why, do you know, it"s a most delicious feeling, when the morning is fair and the sun golden and one may stand at the window and say: "Thank G.o.d, it is a beautiful day for him.""
He pa.s.sed his hand over his forehead.
"It isn"t possible," he thought. "Such things don"t exist in this world."
And she went on, not thinking that perhaps he, too, would want to speak.
"I don"t know whether many people have the good fortune to be as happy as I. But I am, thank G.o.d. And do you know, the best part of it all and the sunniest, I owe to you. For instance: Summer before last we went to Heligoland, last summer to Schwarzburg.... Do you know it?
Isn"t it beautiful? Well, for instance: I wake up; I open my eyes to the dawn. I get up softly, so as not to disturb my husband, and go on my bare feet to the window. Without, the wooded mountains lie dark and peaceful. There is a peace over it all that draws one"s tears ... it is so beautiful ... and behind, on the horizon, there shines a broad path of gold. And the fir-trees upon the highest peaks are sharply defined against the gold, like little men with many outstretched arms.
And already the early piping of a few birds is heard. And I fold my hands and think: I wonder where he is.... And if he is asleep, has he fair dreams? Ah, if he were here and could see all this loveliness.
And I think of _him_ with such impa.s.sioned intensity that it is not hard to believe him here and able to see it all. And at last a chill comes up, for it is always cool in the mountains, as you know.... And then one slips back into bed, and is annoyed to think that one must sleep four hours more instead of being up and thinking of him. And when one wakes up for a second time, the sun throws its golden light into the windows, and the breakfast table is set on the balcony. And one"s husband has been up quite a while, but waits patiently. And his dear, peaceful face is seen through the gla.s.s door. At such moments one"s heart expands in grat.i.tude to G.o.d who has made life so beautiful and one can hardly bear one"s own happiness--and--there is the tea."
The elderly maid came in with a salver, which she placed on the piano, in order to set the little table properly. A beautiful napkin of damask silk lay ready. The lady of the house scolded jestingly. It would injure the polish of the piano, and what was her guest to think of such shiftlessness.
The maid went out.
She took up the tea-kettle, and asked in a voice full of bliss.
"Strong or weak, dear master?"
"Strong, please."
"One or two lumps of sugar?"