She marked how Pell was eyeing the food. She clenched her jaw. She wasn"t going to offer him any. Let him ask, if he had the nerve. She ignored his interest in the food as she filled her own bowl. "No one knows for certain the family is Witted," she pointed out. "And if they are, well, no ill has ever come of them having that magic that I know. The wool from their flock is the best in Buck Duchy. They are respected in town. Hilia and her husband have always been kind to me. And Marmalade is my cat."
"And for all you know, he could be her Wit beast, spying on you from dawn to dusk. I wouldn"t allow a Wit beast in my house. Don"t you care about your own child? Don"t you fear he"ll be tainted with that magic?"
She took her bowl, a spoon, and another piece of the bread to the table. She sat down with her back to him and stirred the soup thoughtfully. Potato and cabbage and onion. Sometimes she dreamed of meat. Rich brown broth with hunks of beef in it. Greasy pork cooked on skewers. Don"t think about what you don"t have. She spoke over her shoulder. "The Wit is not contagious. You are born with it or you don"t have it. I think if you could just go get that magic for yourself, a lot of people who look down on Witted ones would have gone out and done it by now. I think half the hatred of the Witted is jealousy, pure and simple." She took a spoonful of her soup and a bite of her bread.
Pell made a sound between derision and disbelief. "That"s what they"d have you believe," he said in a thick voice. "But if you"d seen half of what I"ve seen, you"d know better."
She had to turn to look back at him. That was when she discovered that he had taken the remaining chunk of the loaf and was dipping it into the soup pot and eating it. She knew a flash of anger. She put her eyes back on her food and forced herself to eat. Gillam had been watching his father and now he dipped his bread in his soup and took an exploratory bite of it. She looked back at Pell and managed to say calmly, "What you"re eating? That was to be Gillam"s breakfast tomorrow."
"This?" He was incredulous. "You should be feeding him meat by now. Meat and eggs and hot porridge for breakfast. Not soup. No wonder he"s so timid."
"I feed him what I have," she retorted. The implied criticism stung. She had worried, often enough, that Gillam was not as well fed as other children. She had compared his size and his alertness to other boys of his age and told herself that he did not suffer in that comparison. But there had been times when he had asked for "more" and there was no more to give him. "Soon enough, the chickens will start to lay, and then he can have eggs. And after Tessie drops her calf, I hope there will be milk for him as well." She finished her food; it had not taken her long to eat it. If not for Pell, she might have allowed herself and Gillam another break of the bread.
But Pell was wiping out her pot with the last crust of her bread. She would have to make Gillam hearth cakes in the morning if he was to have anything to eat. When Pell set the pot down, she asked him directly. "What do you want? Why are you here?"
He looked surprised. "I told you. I"ve come home. My grandfather left me this house."
She stared at him silently. She wouldn"t ask him if he meant to stay, because then he might think she wanted him to. Instead, she said bluntly, "No, Pell. Your grandfather left his house to Gillam, not you. It"s our home, not yours. There"s no room in my life for you, Pell. You shamed me and you abandoned your son. I don"t love you and I don"t want you here."
She"d expected at least one flicker of hurt at her words. She didn"t want to admit to herself how much satisfaction that would have given her. Instead, he just set his jaw. After a moment he said, "Well, none of that has anything to do with the fact that you"re living in my son"s house. I"ve as much a right to be here as you do. I"m back, and that"s that." He thudded the empty pot back onto the table. "I thought you might be smart enough to make the best of it. I thought I should give you another chance to do that. To be fair."
Fair? She tried to shape her thoughts about Pell around that word. He waited for her to say something. No words came to her and despite how tight her throat went, she refused to cry. She would not weep over this. Weeping, she knew, solved nothing. She looked at Gillam. He was regarding his father with a small scowl. He thrust his jaw out, and Pell suddenly laughed. She looked back at him incredulously.
"Look at him. He looks just like my little brother when he got angry." He sobered suddenly. "I never expected him to look so much like my family."
"Everyone says he looks more like you than he does me," she admitted stiffly. Then she asked, "Why wouldn"t you expect your son to look like you?"
"Well," he said and shrugged one shoulder. "There was talk, you know. Back then. That perhaps he wasn"t mine."
She stared at him, cold rushing through her. "Talk? There was never any talk. Everyone knew he was yours." She dragged in an outraged breath. "Who ever said he wasn"t? Because that person was a liar!"
"Don"t shout! It was a long time ago, and it scarcely matters now. He looks like me, so that"s done with, eh?"
"You just said that because perhaps you hoped it was true. But there was never any talk, Pell. You were my first and if you must know, my only. I"ve never been with another man than you, before or since. He"s yours. There was never any talk otherwise."
"Have it your way, if it matters to you so much. Yes. He"s mine."
And when he claimed the boy, she could have bitten the tongue out of her own mouth. Why had she said that, why had she herself admitted what she wished were not true? Pell was watching her face, smiling slightly, knowing well he"d won. She looked away from him.
"I"m tired," he said. The bed was only three steps away in the little house. He sat down on the edge of it and bent over to tug off his fine boots. He set them side by side and followed them with his thick wool socks. Next he dragged off his shirt and dropped it on the floor. His trousers followed it. He stood, almost inviting her to look at him. He"d always been proud of his body. He was lean and muscled still, but no longer boyish. She hadn"t wanted to see him; his mean little smile showed that he knew she had looked at him. Naked, he rucked his way into her clean bed and drew the covers up nearly over his head. "Brr. Blankets are chilly." He laughed a small laugh. "I could use some company under here to warm me."
"You won"t get any."
"As you will, Rosie. And you will when you will, and it will be soon enough for me."
"I won"t."
"We"ll see," he said and yawned as if bored. Then he was still.
She stared at him. There was only one bed. Since Gillam had been born, they had shared it. "He go my bed," Gillam exclaimed between wonder and dismay.
"Yes he did," she confirmed for him. She pulled her gaze away from the sight. "Finish your food, Gillam."
She doubted that Pell was really asleep. Could he have been that relaxed about all of this? She doubted it. If she had been alone, she would have hit him with the pan and told him to get out of her house. No, she realized. If she were alone, she would have left here long ago. The only reason she had stayed was that her child needed a roof over his head and regular meals on the table. He still did. And that, she told herself, was the only reason she wasn"t confronting Pell now. She didn"t wish to frighten Gillam.
Or provoke Pell.
She did not want him to stay. She was clear with herself on that. It was too late for the old dreams that had once sustained her. He"d hurt her too badly, humiliated her too deeply. She could never feel about him as she once had. Never.
She tried to go about her evening tasks as if Pell did not exist. She tidied away the dishes and brushed off the table. She gave Gillam a tin cup, three broken b.u.t.tons, an empty spool, and a spoon to play with and set out her sewing on the table. She faced a real challenge with this quilt. She had no rags of her own to quilt from, but her friends saved her the pieces of cloth that they judged too small or oddly colored to work into their own piecework. She worked painstakingly with scissors and pins. She did not have many pins, and sometimes had to resort to a quick loop of thread to hold a bit in place. And she dared not sew any of it permanently until she had enough bits to make an entire quilt top, for who knew what colors and textures might come her way the next time she went begging for fabric sc.r.a.ps? She was glad to lose herself in the detailed work, glad to push her present problem out of her mind.
Gillam was content at her feet, and she was so engrossed in her work that she didn"t notice when he disappeared. When her eyes grew weary with squinting through the dimness, she rolled up her work and looked about for her son. She caught her breath at what she saw. With the pragmatism of small children, he had put himself to bed, on his side of the bed where he always slept. He was a smaller lump under the covers next to Pell.
That forced her to confront her next decision. Did she sleep on the hard flagged floor, as a message to Pell that she"d rather be cold than sleep beside him? If she claimed a spot in the bed, would he understand she wasn"t surrendering territory, or would it make him think she would willingly come back to his bed? She did her nightly ch.o.r.es as she pondered it. Was she a coward? Should she have flown at him, kicking and scratching and screaming the moment he showed up? She felt her pulse quicken with enthusiasm at the idea, and as quickly she refused it. He would have been delighted. They had quarreled once, violently, before she was pregnant with Gillam. He had slapped her, hard, to "bring her to her senses" as he put it then. And then apologized so abjectly and made love to her so earnestly that she"d accepted his behavior. Stupid girl. What if she"d run away from him then? What if he"d never got her with child, never lived with her, never left her, never returned? What life would she have now? Would she be like Hilia, with a husband and a home and a legitimate baby in her arms? Would she be in safe harbor? Useless to wonder.
She built up the fire for the night after she put her sewing away. As she went to pull in the latchstring to secure the cottage for the night, she wondered what she feared out there. Her worst fear was already inside the door and in her bed. She blew out her candle and undressed under her worn flannel nightgown. Then she crept in beside Gillam, balancing almost on the edge of the bed. The blanket didn"t quite cover her. She tugged a bit more of it free, and then lost it when Marmalade thudded into place between her and Gillam. He settled in, surrounded by warmth, and began his loud purr. She stroked him. "Go to sleep now," she told him, and he gently bit her hand to say that she had petted him enough.
She awoke, as she always did, to Picky the rooster"s crowing. She slipped out of the bed and took Gillam with her, taking him to the back house before he could wet the bedding. They hurried back, shivering, through the dew wet gra.s.ses and dressed hastily in the dimness of the cabin. Pell slept on. She let out the chickens and picketed the cow in a fresh spot. With her hatchet, she split kindling to wake the flames. She brought in firewood and built up the fire. The chickens had produced two eggs, and Gillam was terribly excited about that. He had wanted to carry the warm, brown eggs, but she feared to trust him with the precious bounty. He sat at the table and stared at them as she began to stir together ground oats and water.
"We"ll put the eggs in the hearth cakes and they"ll taste wonderful," she told him, and he wriggled with excitement. Marmalade came and perched on her chair to watch the process. His whiskers were p.r.i.c.ked forward with interest. "You can have a corner of mine," she promised the cat. "Even if you didn"t give me any of the mouse you caught this morning!"
"Mama eat mouse!" Gillam exclaimed and dissolved into giggles. For that moment, they were as happy as they had ever been.
Then Pell spoke from the dim corner where the bed was. "What"s for breakfast?"
Her stirring slowed. She admitted to herself that she"d hoped to feed both of them and be out the door and doing ch.o.r.es before Pell awoke. "I"m making meal cakes for Gillam," she told him.
For a time, there was only the sound of her spoon against the bowl. She tried not to feel Pell watching her from the bed. Then he spoke again. His voice was softer, considering. "You"d look younger if you let your hair down, like you used to wear it. I remember it well. All loose around your face and bare shoulders."
"I"m not younger. I"m older," she said brusquely.
He laughed.
She formed two hearth cakes in the pan and set it by the fire to cook. Gillam pulled his little stool over and sat down on it, watching intently. It was just a slice of log with three legs pegged into it, but he had helped make it and was inordinately proud of it. When he had settled himself, she tried to follow the pattern she"d established for herself, telling them both the shape of their day. "After we eat and wash up, we"ll take a basket and go looking for spring greens, shall we? Maybe we"ll find some mushrooms, too. And we need to visit the beach and find more firewood and bring it home. Then we"ll go to Serran"s house and do washing for her, and maybe we"ll bring a fish home for dinner."
"Fish!" Gillam exclaimed happily and clapped his hands. She had noticed that when words were related to food, he learned them very quickly. She hoped that Serran"s husband had made a good catch that week and that Serran would feel generous in barter. Today was wash day at Serran"s house. Next week, she"d help Widow Lees plant her garden. And sheep shearing time was not far away. The widow had said she might help with that, and that she"d pay her in hard coin for her work. She could barter for most of her needs, but hard coin was needed for some things. She turned the cakes in the pan, and Gillam sighed in happy antic.i.p.ation. "Soon," she told him.
"d.a.m.n!" Pell roared. "d.a.m.n him! I"ll kill him!"
He kicked his clothes across the floor at her, and Gillam shrieked in terror at the explosion of violence as Pell lunged wildly at Marmalade. But the cat had been in motion at the man"s first exclamation. He leaped from chair to table to shelf and up to the rafters in a motion as smooth as water flowing. He vanished.
Pell cursed loudly, kicked over the chair, and stood glowering. Gillam had pressed up against her so suddenly as she crouched by the hearth that Rosemary had sat down hard on the floor. Now the boy clambered into her arms, and she held him protectively as he whimpered in fear. Her own heart was racing as he stared at Pell. The muscles were knotted under his bared skin, and his eyes were wild.
"That d.a.m.n cat p.i.s.sed all over my good clothes! They"re soaked with p.i.s.s!"
She didn"t laugh. Something inside her rejoiced at his misfortune and took pleasure in his anger, but a wiser part of her held still. She could have told him that the tom saw him as an intruder and that he should have hung up his clothes. A mousy part of her wanted to stammer apologies and offer to launder his clothes for him. Instead she looked away from his naked body. She"d been alone for a long time, but not so long that she"d want him again.
"What are you crying about?" Pell barked at Gillam, which turned his whimper into a wail. Pell turned his anger on her. "Shut him up! And do something about my clothes! That d.a.m.n animal has to go. He"s infected with Wit, that"s what he is."
Don"t answer. Don"t defend. She managed to get to her feet with the wailing Gillam on one hip. She didn"t look at Pell as she stooped down and took the pan off the fire. It was hard to get the door open with her arms full, but she managed, and she carried her boy and their breakfast outside.
"Rosemary? Rosemary!"
Pell bellowed her name after her, but she ignored him. She carried Gillam over to the garden and they sat down together on the firewood pile in the brisk morning air. "Let"s eat here near our garden. Eat your cake quickly, while it"s hot and nice."
The cakes were not quite done in the middle, and too hot to eat easily. She scooped them both out of the pan and set them down on the clean cut side of a piece of wood. She blew on them hastily.
"ROSEMARY!"
She looked up to see Pell naked in the door. He had draped her blanket across his shoulders. In another moment, he"d come out.
She wolfed down half a hearth cake without enjoyment of the precious food. She breathed in air through her mouth to cool it as she chewed and swallowed quickly. "You stay here, Gillam, and eat the rest of that. It"s good. Okay?"
He was still crying, but the permission to eat diverted his attention from the angry man in the door of his home. He sniffed and nodded once and then poked a finger at the cake. "Ow!"
"It will cool fast out here. Break it up in pieces. And don"t let the chickens steal it from you!" For the curious flock already had come running to see what the boy had.
"Mine!" he said decisively, and she almost smiled. She rose, pan in hand, and turned back to the door as Pell bellowed her name again.
"What do you want?" she asked him calmly. She stood at a safe distance.
"That d.a.m.n cat p.i.s.sed all over my clothes!" He tried to gather the blanket closer. He was shivering.
His fine clothes, cut and sewn to fit him, soaked with cat p.i.s.s. She didn"t let herself smile. "So you"ve told us. Why are you yelling my name?"
"What are you going to do about it?"
She gripped the pan in her hand and found herself marching up to the door. "Nothing," she said, and she actually shouldered past him. "It"s your problem, not mine."
He stared as she hung the empty pan on its hook. "Where"s my breakfast?"
"I really don"t know." She rounded on him with a quizzical stare. "Did you bring something for your breakfast? If so, I haven"t seen it. If you brought any food into this house in the last three years, I haven"t seen it." She caught up her basket and shawl and managed to get out the door before he could decide how to react to that.
As she started down the path, he shouted after her, "What did you do with my other clothes?"
Did he mean the ones he"d left behind when he abandoned them? "I used them for rags and quilting," she said. She didn"t lift her voice. He"d either hear her or not.
"If I see that d.a.m.n cat again, I"ll kill him."
She knew Marmalade and had no fear for him. But, "Kill Marm? Kill my Marmy?" Gillam came toward her at a trot, his face full of childish concern.
She stooped down to speak quietly to him. "No, Gillam. Marmalade is too smart for him. Don"t worry. I tell you what. Let"s go to Serran"s house and do washing first and hang it up in the nice wind to dry. Then we"ll look for greens on the way home."
"With fish?" he asked her hopefully.
"Maybe with fish. Let"s see how far the tide is out. Perhaps we can cut across the beach."
"Beach!" he exclaimed, and she smiled. Gillam loved the beach, and exploring it would add time to their journey, not reduce it. Usually she didn"t take him down the steep rocky path, but today she wished to get as far away from Pell as fast as she could, and stay away as long as she could.
"You had no right!" Pell bellowed after her when he realized she was leaving. "Those clothes belonged to me!"
She didn"t look back.
"You can"t take a man"s rightful possessions! What is mine is mine, and I will take it back!"
Cold clutched at her heart. He meant Gillam. His son. Her son. Her most precious of all things precious. That was why he had come back, she suddenly knew. Not for her or the cottage. To take Gillam.
"Let"s run!" she suggested, as she seized her boy"s hand and set off at a trot with Gillam jogging beside her.
From the rafters, the tom watched the man below him. The intruder kicked his wet clothes again, cursed some more, and then began to rummage through the spa.r.s.e contents of the shelves. The cat watched him; there was no meat there, but he found a turnip and ate it. While he chewed, he took the lids off several other containers, grumbling all the while, and then abandoned his search for easy food. The cat could have told him there was nothing in the cupboard worth eating. All it was good for was attracting meaty little mice, which the cat had no intention of sharing.
Hilia was right. The big male human was going to be a problem. He took up too much of the bed, he smelled as if he might try to claim the territory, and he"d caused the cat to miss out on a nice eggy bit of cake this morning. And he"d made the boy wail, and the cat detested that awful sound. And he"d driven the woman away before she had built up the fire for the day. The cottage was rapidly cooling.
He glared down at the man. You need to leave. This is my territory and you are not welcome.
The man paused in his turnip chewing and looked up into the rafters. He had that stubborn look that people got when they knew that a cat was thinking about them but they didn"t want to accept it. "Cat? You up there? I"m going to kill you, you little b.a.s.t.a.r.d!"
I doubt it. You"re clumsy and heavy and slow. Everything that I"m not. The cat dug his claws into the beam and noisily sharpened them. When the man turned to peer up at him, he deliberately strolled across the rafter over the man"s head. He leaped up at the cat, batting futilely at him while roaring angrily. The cat sat down and wrapped his tail neatly around his feet. The man threw things, a vegetable, then a cup that shattered when it hit the wall, and then his boot, which landed in the fire. None of the objects. .h.i.t the cat. The man was throwing them too hastily.
When he dragged a stool over and began to climb up on it, the cat stood, stretched, and then strolled along the beam until he reached the eaves. From there it was easy to push his way out through the storm-worn thatch. With a quick twist of his body he was up on the roof. He climbed quickly to the peak and sat down. He caught a glimpse of Rosemary and Gillam just as they turned and took the path that would take them down to the beach. He wondered if they would come back. The big human male was making an obvious claim to the territory. The female might be wise to take her kit and move on. He knew the ways of rogue males. He might very well kill the kit in the hopes of taking her as his mate again.
He didn"t like that idea. The female brought home food and shared it. She kept the shelter warm, and she was comfortable to sleep with. He doubted that the male human would provide any of that for him. So. How to be rid of him? He settled on the roof, folding his paws neatly under his chest and tucking his tail around him. He stared out to the horizon and pondered. How did one kill game that size?
Rosemary had to take the long way home. The tide was in, and that meant she had to follow the meandering path on top of the sea cliffs rather than cut across the bared beach. She paused for a moment to stare across the wide blue bay. On the opposite tooth of the land, she could just see the hazy buildings of Dorytown. Meddalee"s home. She wished Pell would just go back there. Let him chase his pretty girl with the fancy clothes and rich father. Just let him go away.
The wind blew harshly, pushing against her. She pulled her shawl tighter around her shoulders. "Come on, Gillam. Let"s get home and get warm."
"Too tired. Too cold." He sat down on the beaten earth of the path. His nose and cheeks were bright red, as were the tips of his ears. What had become of spring? And would she have warmer clothes for him before winter returned? He was growing so fast. She refused to think that far ahead. With a sigh she stooped down, hoisted him to her hip, and fashioned her shawl into a sling to take some of his weight. He"d already eaten more than half the smoked fish that Serran had given them for doing the wash. Rosemary had eaten some of it and concealed the rest in her bag for later. d.a.m.ned if she would share it with Pell! But she might give the cat a bite or two.
Something in her had hardened. She was weary and Gillam was heavy, but heavier still were the words that Serran and Tarsha Wells had loaded onto her. "You should run, girl," Serran had said bluntly after Rosemary had admitted that Pell had come back to the house and spent the night there. "Run while you can. Today. Don"t wait until he gets another child on you. Everyone knows what a charmer that man is. He"ll talk you into his bed, plant a baby in your belly, and then be off again. Don"t let him. Don"t even go back there."
"But everything I own is there, and not much of it is portable! And the cottage rightfully belongs to Gillam, not him."
"The cottage will still be there when he is a man grown and he can come back to claim it then." Tarsha was emphatic. "Run, girl."
"I can"t. I won"t! Should I run off and leave the cow? The chickens? Everything I"ve worked so hard to build up in the last three years? Just take Gillam and set off into the world without a coin to my name?"
Tarsha had been visiting Serran when Rosemary arrived. They"d all been washing together, for Serran had decided her house needed a spring cleaning that included laundering all the bedding. It had been a companionable time, with Gillam playing with little Marsh and the women all chatting together. It would have been fun if the topic hadn"t been her personal danger.
"Better a live beggar than . . . well, than anything else you might become." Serran"s words were ominous.
"What are you saying?" Rosemary demanded.
"I know why Pell has come back here," Tarsha had said suddenly.
Both women had turned to stare at her. Serran shook her head as if to warn her against indiscretion. Tarsha had looked down at her hands and spoken anyway. "I heard it from my cousin. It started a couple of months ago, with little things. A push in the market, calling her a b.i.t.c.h after a squabble in a tavern. But about a month ago, Pell put hands on Meddalee and not in a kind way. He"d pushed her before and once he knocked her down right in the market. But this was his hands on her throat. Her father saw the marks and he threatened to kill Pell. But he came, all tears and apologies, and knelt outside her father"s house and begged pardon. So she took him back. But then he actually hit her, a week ago. Loosened a tooth, and that was it. Her father"s servants put Pell out of the house and told him never to come back, that he no longer worked for her father or had permission to see Meddalee. Said Pell had no prospects and no right to touch his daughter. I heard Pell lingered for a time, hoping he could make it up, but when he couldn"t and he ran out of coin, he came home." Tarsha looked up from her washing and said bluntly, "You should leave him, Rosemary. Take Gillam and go. If he hit one woman, he"ll hit another."
Shame flushed her face. She"d never admitted to anyone that Pell had struck her. She wouldn"t admit it now. "I"ve got nowhere to go," she said bluntly. Both women looked away from her. Times were hard. No one could afford to take in a woman and her child, while risking the displeasure of Pell and his family. It wasn"t fair of her to ask it, and so she didn"t. "The cottage belongs to Gillam. He has a right to live there. And I can take care of myself." She said it, but no one really believed it. And when Tarsha hugged her good-bye, she slipped a coin into her hand, a small silver one.