Suddenly an exclamation from her aroused and thrilled him.
"Isn"t it wonderful how happy they are, and with what simple pleasures they are satisfied! I often come over here on Sat.u.r.days and Sundays, just to talk to them."
"Talk to them!" he echoed stupidly. "In their own languages?"
"Oh, I know a little German and Italian, though I can"t lay claim to Czech," she answered gayly. "Why are you so surprised that I should possess such modest accomplishments?"
"It"s not the accomplishments." He hesitated.
"No. You are surprised that I should be interested in humanity."
She stood facing him. "Well, I am," she said, half humorously, half defiantly. "I believe I am more interested in human beings than in anything else in the world--when they are natural, as these people are and when they will tell one their joys and their troubles and their opinions."
"Enthusiasm, self-a.s.sertion, had as usual, transformed her, and he saw the colour glowing under her olive skin. Was she accusing him of a lack of frankness?
"And why," he asked, collecting himself, "did you think--" he got no further.
"It"s because you have an idea that I"m a selfish Epicurean, if that isn"t tautology--because I"m interested in a form of art, the rest of the world can go hang. You have a prejudice against artists. I wish I really were one, but I"m not."
This speech contained so many surprises for him that he scarcely knew how to answer it.
"Give me a little time," he begged, "and perhaps I"ll get over my prejudices. The worst of them, at any rate. You are helping me to do so." He tried to speak lightly, but his tone was more serious in the next sentence. "It seems to me personally that you have proved your concern for your fellow-creatures."
Her colour grew deeper, her manner changed.
"That gives me the opportunity to say something I have hoped to say, ever since I saw you. I hoped I should see you again."
"You are not going away soon?" he exclaimed.
The words were spoken before he grasped their significance.
"Not at once. I don"t know how long I shall stay," she answered hurriedly, intent upon what was in her mind. "I have thought a great deal about what I said to you that afternoon, and I find it more than ever difficult to excuse myself. I shan"t attempt to. I merely mean to ask you to forgive me."
"There is nothing to forgive," he a.s.sured her, under the influence of the feeling she had aroused.
"It"s nice of you to say so, and to take it as you did--nicer than I can express. I am afraid I shall never learn to appreciate that there may be other points of view toward life than my own. And I should have realized and sympathized with the difficulties of your position, and that you were doing the best under the circ.u.mstances."
"No," he exclaimed, "don"t say that! Your other instinct was the truer one, if indeed you have really changed it--I don"t believe you have." He smiled at her again. "You didn"t hurt my feelings, you did me a service.
I told you so at the time, and I meant it. And, more than that, I understood."
"You understood--?"
"You were not criticizing me, you were--what shall I say?--merely trying to iron out some of the inconsistencies of life. Well, you helped me to iron out some of the inconsistencies of my own. I am profoundly grateful."
She gazed at him, puzzled. But he did not, he could not enlighten her.
Some day she would discover what he meant.
"If so, I am glad," she said, in a low voice.
They were standing in the midst of the crowd that thronged around the pavilion. An urchin caught hold of the rector"s coat.
"Here he is! Say, Mr. Hodder, ain"t you going to have any sody?"
"Certainly we are," he replied, returning Alison"s faint smile.... In the confusion that followed he caught a glimpse of her talking to Mr.
Bentley; and later, after he had taken her hand, his eyes followed her figure wending its way in the evening light through the groups toward Park Street, and he saw above the tree-tops the red tiled roof of the great house in which she was living, alone.
CHAPTER XV. THE CRUCIBLE
I
For better or worse John Hodder had flung his treasured beliefs into the crucible, and one by one he watched them crumble and consume away. None but his own soul knew what it cost him to make the test; and some times, in the early stages of it, he would cast down his book under the lamp and walk for hours in the night. Curiosity, and the despair of one who is lost impelled him to persist.
It had been said of him that he had a talent for the law, and he now discovered that his mind, once freed, weighed the evidence with a pitiless logic, paid its own tribute--despite the anguish of the heart--to the pioneers of truth whose trail it followed into the Unknown, who had held no Mystery more sacred than Truth itself, who had dared to venture into the nothingness between the whirling worlds.
He considered them, those whirling worlds, at night. Once they had been the candles of Jehovah, to light the path of his chosen nation, to herald the birth of his Son. And now? How many billions of blind, struggling creatures clung to them? Where now was this pin-point of humanity, in the midst of an appalling spectacle of a grinding, remorseless nature?
And that obscure Event on which he had staked his hopes? Was He, as John had written, the First Born of the Universe, the Word Incarnate of a system that defied time and s.p.a.ce, the Logos of an outworn philosophy?
Was that Universe conscious, as Berkeley had declared, or the blind monster of substance alone, or energy, as some modern scientists brutally and triumphantly maintained? Where was the Spirit that breathed in it of hope?
Such were some of the questions that thronged for solution. What was mind, what spirit? an attenuated vapour of the all-pervading substance?
He could not permit himself to dwell on these thoughts--madness lay that way. Madness, and a watching demon that whispered of substance, and sought to guide his wanderings in the night. Hodder clung to the sh.e.l.l of reality, to the tiny panorama of the visible and the finite, to the infinitesimal gropings that lay recorded before him on the printed page.
Let him examine these first, let him discover--despite the price--what warrant the mind of man (the only light now vouchsafed to him in his darkness) gave him to speculate and to hope concerning the existence of a higher, truer Reality than that which now tossed and wounded him. It were better to know.
Scarcely had the body been lifted from the tree than the disputes commenced, the adulterations crept in. The spontaneity, the fire and zeal of the self-sacrificing itinerant preachers gave place to the paralyzing logic then pervading the Roman Empire, and which had sent its curse down the ages to the modern sermon; the geometrical rules of Euclid were made to solve the secrets of the universe. The simple faith of the cross which had inspired the martyr along the b.l.o.o.d.y way from Ephesus to the Circus at Rome was formalized by degrees into philosophy: the faith of future ages was settled by compromises, by manipulation, by bribery in Councils of the Church which resembled modern political conventions, and in which pagan Emperors did not hesitate to exert their influence over the metaphysical bishops of the factions. Recriminations, executions, murders--so the chronicles ran.
The prophet, the idealist disappeared, the priest with his rites and ceremonies and sacrifices, his power to save and d.a.m.n, was once more in possession of the world.
The Son of Man was degraded into an infant in his mother"s arms. An unhealthy, degenerating asceticism, drawn from pagan sources, began with the monks and anchorites of Egypt and culminated in the spectacle of Simeon"s pillar. The mysteries of Eleusis, of Attis, Mithras, Magna Mater and Isis developed into Christian sacraments--the symbol became the thing itself. Baptism the confession of the new life, following the customs of these cults, became initiation; and from the same superst.i.tious origins, the repellent materialistic belief that to eat of the flesh and drink of the blood of a G.o.d was to gain immortality: immortality of the body, of course.
Ah, when the superst.i.tions of remote peoples, the fables and myths, were taken away; when the manufactured history and determinism of the Israelites from the fall of man to the coming of that Messiah, whom the Jews crucified because he failed to bring them their material Kingdom, were discredited; when the polemic and literal interpretations of evangelists had been rejected, and the pious frauds of tampering monks; when the ascetic Buddhism was removed; the cults and mysteries, the dogmas of an ancient naive philosophy discarded; the crude science of a Ptolemy who conceived the earth as a flat terrestrial expanse and h.e.l.l as a smoking pit beneath proved false; the revelation of a Holy City of jasper and gold and crystal, the hierarchy with its divine franchise to save and rule and conquer,--when all these and more were eliminated from Christianity, what was left?
Hodder surveyed the ruins. And his mind recalled, that Sunday of rain in New York which had been the turning-point in his life, when he had listened to the preacher, when he had walked the streets unmindful of the wet, led on by visions, racked by fears. And the same terror returned to him now after all the years of respite, tenfold increased, of falling in the sight of man from the topmost tower.
What was to become of him, now that the very driving power of life was gone? Where would he go? to what might he turn his hand, since all were vanity and illusion? Careers meant nothing, had any indeed been possible to a man forty, left staring at stark reality after the rainbow had vanished. Nineveh had mocked and conquered him who had thought himself a conqueror. Self flew back and swung on its central pivot and took command. His future, his fate, what was to become of him. Who else now was to be considered? And what was to restrain him from reaching out his hand to pluck the fruit which he desired?...
II
What control from the Unknown is this which now depresses and now releases the sensitive thing called the soul of man, and sends it upward again until the green light of hope shines through the surface water?
He might have grown accustomed, Holder thought, to the obscurity of the deeps; in which, after a while, the sharp agony of existence became dulled, the pressure benumbing. He was conscious himself, at such times, of no inner recuperation. Something drew him up, and he would find himself living again, at length to recognize the hand if not to comprehend the power.
The hand was Horace Bentley"s.