I let it be, and my mind drifted off to Sarah.
I didn"t care for this Mr. Williams. The only thing he"d ever said to me was, "Remove yourself hastily." I"d been building a fire in the drawing room so the man could get himself warm, and that"s what he had to say, Remove yourself hastily.
I couldn"t see Sarah married to him any more than I could see myself married to Goodis. He still trailed after me, wanting you know what. Mauma said, tell him, go jump in the lake.
Yesterday, Sarah had asked, "When I marry, would you come with me to live?"
"Leave mauma?"
Real quick, she"d said, "Oh, you don"t have to . . . I just thought . . . Well, I"ll miss you."
Even though we didn"t have that much to say to each other anymore, I hated to think about us parting. "I reckon I"ll miss you, too," I told her.
Cross the room, mauma said, "How old you reckon I is?" She never did know her age for sure, didn"t have a record. "Seems I had you when I"m "bout the same old as you now, and you nineteen. What that make me?"
I counted it in my head. "You"re thirty-eight."
"That ain"t too old," she said.
We stayed like that a while, mauma staring at the window, mulling over her age, and me laying in the bed wide awake now, when she cried out, "Look, Handful! Look a here!" She leapt to her feet, bouncing on her knees. "There go "nother one!"
I bolted from the bed.
"The stars," she said. "They falling just like they done for your granny-mauma. Come on. Hurry."
We yanked on our shoes and sack coats, s.n.a.t.c.hed up an old quilt, and were out the door, mauma tearing cross the work yard, me two steps behind.
We spread the quilt on the ground out in the open behind the spirit tree and lay down on top of it. When I looked up, the night opened and the stars poured down.
Each time a star streaked by, mauma laughed low in her throat.
When the stars stopped falling and the sky went still, I saw her hands rub the little mound of her belly.
And I knew then what it was she wasn"t too old for.
Sarah.
Sarah, you should sit down. Please."
That was how Thomas began. He gestured toward the two chairs beside the window that overlooked the piazza, but it was I alone who sat.
It was half past noon, and here was my brother, the au courant of Charleston barristers, interrupting his lawyering to speak with me in the privacy of my room. His face was pale with what I took to be dread.
Naturally, my mind went to Father. One could scarcely look at him these days without worrying about him, this thin, hollowed-out man with the uncertain gait and erratic hand. Despite that, there"d been some improvement lately, enough that he"d returned to his duties on the bench.
Just the week before, I"d come upon Father laboring along the main pa.s.sage with his cane. It had conjured up an old Sunday School image from our catechism of Lazarus hobbling from the tomb with his shroud cleaving to his ankles. Father"s left hand was shaking as if waving to a pa.s.serby, and before he saw me, he grabbed it violently, trying to subdue it. Noticing me, he said, "Oh, Sarah. G.o.d is ruthless to the aged." I walked with him to the back door, moving with a corresponding slowness that only called attention to his feebleness.
"So tell me, when will you marry?" It was the only question anyone ever asked me now, but coming from Father, it brought me to a standstill. I"d been promised to Burke since last February, and not once had Father even mentioned it. I hadn"t blamed him for missing the engagement party, which Thomas and Sally had graciously hosted-he"d been bedridden then-but there"d been so many months of silence since.
"I don"t know," I answered. "Burke is waiting on his father to a.s.sign the business over to him. He wants to be in the proper position."
"Does he?" His tone was sardonic, and I made no attempt to answer.
It was difficult now to remember those times when Father had let me plunder his books and basked in my speeches. There"d been a kind of invisible cord running between us then, and I tried to think exactly when it"d been broken. The day he forbade me books? Thomas" farewell party, when he hurled his vicious words? You shame yourself. You shame us all. Where did you get the notion that you could study the law?
"I remind you, Sarah, there is no divorce law in our state," he was saying. "Once you are married, the contract is indissoluble. You are aware of this?"
"Yes, Father, I know."
He nodded with what seemed like bleak acceptance.
That was where my mind alighted in those final moments before Thomas delivered his news, upon Father and my last encounter with him, upon his frailty.
"You"ve always been my favorite sister," Thomas said. "You know that. In truth, you"ve been the favorite of all my siblings."
He paused, stalling, gazing through the window across the piazza into the garden. I watched a drop of perspiration slide to his temple and cling in the net of wrinkles that was already forming. A strange resignation settled on me. Whatever it is, it has already happened.
". . . Please, I"m not as fragile as you might think. Tell me plainly."
"You"re right. I will simply say it. I"m afraid Burke Williams has misrepresented himself to you. It has come to my attention that he has other female acquaintances."
Without considering the hidden entendre, I said, "Surely, that"s not a crime."
"Sarah, these acquaintances-they"re also his fiancees."
I knew suddenly what he said was true. So many things made sense now. The delay in naming a marriage date. The incessant trips he made to visit family or conduct business. The curious fact that someone so full of looks and charm had settled on me.
My eyes filled. Thomas dug for his handkerchief and waited while I dabbed them dry.
"How did you learn of this?" I asked, composed, no doubt protected by the recoil of shock.
"Sally"s cousin Franny in Beaufort wrote to say she"d attended a soiree there and seen Burke openly courting a young woman. She didn"t approach him, of course, but she did discreetly question the young woman, who told her Burke had recently proposed."
I looked down at my lap, trying to absorb what he"d said. "But why? Why would he do this? I don"t understand."
Thomas sat and took my hands. "He"s one of those men who prey on young ladies. We hear of this kind of thing now. There"s a fast-set of young men acquiring fiancees in order to-" He paused. "To lure women into s.e.xual liaisons. They a.s.sure the women that given the promise of wedlock, such compromises are acceptable." He could barely look at me. "I trust he didn"t take advantage-"
"No," I said. "He did not."
Thomas exhaled with relief that embarra.s.sed me in its extravagance.
". . . You said fiancees. Beside the acquaintance in Beaufort, there"s another?"
"Yes, I believe she lives in Savannah."
"And how did you learn of this one? Not another cousin, I hope."
He gave me a weak smile. "No, this one I heard of from Burke himself. I confronted him last evening. He admitted to both young ladies."
"You confronted him? But why didn"t you let me-"
"I wanted to spare you the pain and disgrace. Both of our parents agreed you should be left out of it. There"s no reason for you to see him again. I"ve broken the engagement on your behalf."
How could you? He"d usurped any chance I had for personal retribution. In that moment, I felt more enraged by Thomas" babyish protection than by Burke"s cruelty. I sprang to my feet and stood with my back to him, almost gagging on mouthfuls of jumbled, scathing words.
"I know how you must feel," he said behind me. "But it"s better this way."
He knew nothing of how I felt. I wanted to shout at him for uttering so arrogant a claim, but when I whirled about, I saw his eyes were filled with tears and I forced myself to speak with civility. ". . . I would like to be alone. Please."
He stood. "There"s one more thing. You"ll need to withdraw from public for a brief time. Mother believes three weeks will be sufficient for the talk to die down. Then you can return to society."
He left me by the window, engulfed with anger and mortification, and with nowhere to hurl it except at myself. How could I have fallen prey to such a lascivious person? Was I so besotted, so needy, so blind that I imagined he loved me? I could see myself in the glare of the window, the flushed, round face, Father"s long nose, the pale eyes, the mis-colored hair. I"d clipped a piece of that hair for him. He must have laughed at that.
I went to my desk and retrieved the letter with his proposal of marriage. I didn"t read it again, I tore it into as many pieces as I could manage. The tatters fell onto the desktop and the rug and the folds of my skirt.
It was the time of year when migrating crows wheeled across the sky, thunderous flocks that moved like a single veil, and I heard them, out there in the wild chirruping air. Turning to the window, I watched the birds fill the sky before disappearing, and when the air was still again, I watched the empty place where they had been.
Handful.
Sarah was up in her room with her heart broke so bad, Binah said you could hear it jangle when she walked. Her brother, Thomas, hadn"t even got his hat on to leave before the whole house knew what happened. Mr. Williams had himself two more fiancees. Now who has to remove himself hastily?
Come teatime that day, missus said to Tomfry, "Sarah will not be receiving visitors for the next three weeks. Explain to any callers that she is indisposed. Indisposed, Tomfry. That"s the word I would like you to use."
"Yessum."
Missus saw me hovering. "Quit dawdling, Hetty, and take a tray to Sarah"s room."
I fixed it, but I knew she wouldn"t touch a bite. I got the hyssop tea she liked, thinking of us when we were little, how we drank it on the roof, her telling me about the silver b.u.t.ton and the big plan she had. I"d worn that b.u.t.ton in my neck pouch almost every day since she"d tossed it away.
I slipped into the warming kitchen, slid off the pouch, and dug the b.u.t.ton out. It was full of tarnish. Looked like a big shriveled grape. I studied it a minute, then I got out the polish and rubbed it till it gleamed.
Sarah was sitting at her desk, writing in a notebook. Her eyes were so raw from crying I didn"t know how she could see to write. I set the tray in front of her. I said, "Look what"s on the tea saucer."
She hadn"t laid eyes on the b.u.t.ton in all these years, but she knew right off what it was. "How did . . . Why, Handful, you saved it?"
She didn"t touch it. Only stared.
I said, "Awright then, there it is," and went to the door.
Sarah.
The following morning, despite my protests, Mother sent Nina off to spend the day with one of the little Smith girls, whose family lived a block or so from the Work House. During Nina"s last visit there, she"d heard screams floating on the breezes and had leapt up in alarm, scattering jackstones across the piazza. At the time, my sister knew nothing of Charleston"s torture chamber-I"d tried to protect her from it-but the Smith boys had no such scruples. They informed her that the cries she heard came from a slave in the whipping room, describing it for her in lurid detail. Apparently there was a crane with pulleys by which the slaves" bound hands were drawn over their heads, while their feet were chained to a plank. The boys told her of other horrors, too, which she reported to me through sobs, stories about the splitting of ears and the removal of teeth, about spiked collars and some sort of birdcage contraption that was locked over a slave"s head.
I"d a.s.sured Nina she wouldn"t have to go back. But now, with Father"s career in dire straits, Mother was not above using a seven-year-old to make an inroad with the politically powerful Smiths.
The rain began to fall not long after Nina left, a torrent coming at the peak of high tide, turning the streets into ca.n.a.ls of mud. By early afternoon, after the storm had blown out to sea, I could bear it no longer. I put on Mary"s old black riding hat with the veils and slipped out the back door, determined to collect my sister no matter the cost.
Sabe wasn"t in the stable, only Goodis, which seemed just as well as I felt I could trust him more. "I just the footman, I ain"t meant to drive the carriage," he told me. It took some doing, but I convinced him it was an errand of great urgency, and off we set in the new cabriolet.
The city was abuzz that day with talk of an astral event-a comet storm, it was said. Even sensible people like Father and Thomas had been speaking about the apocalypse, but I knew my scandal with Burke was being discussed in parlors throughout Charleston with more fervor than the end of the world. The cabriolet was new enough, however, to be unfamiliar on the streets, and with its hood up and Mary"s hat on, I didn"t see how I could be recognized. With any luck, Mother would never know I"d broken my seclusion.
Feeling anxious about Nina, I closed my eyes and imagined scooping her into my arms. Then there was a terrible jolt, and the carriage came to a shuddering stop on Coming Street, the right wheel sunk into a mud hole.
Goodis coaxed the horse with the whip, then climbed down and tugged at the bridle and collar. The mare, known for her keen spirit of revenge, jerked her head and stepped backward, sinking the carriage further. I heard Goodis quietly curse.
He went to the rear of the carriage and shoved, causing it to rock forward a little, but nothing more. "Stay put where you is," he told me. "I gon get us some help."
As he lumbered off, I surveyed the street. Despite the sogginess, there were ladies out strolling, men huddled in conclaves, Negro hawkers carrying troughs of shrimp and baskets of French coconut patties. I reached up nervously and touched the veil at my face, and it was at that moment I glimpsed Charlotte, walking toward Bull Street.
She picked her way like a ropewalker, moving along a narrow shelf of gra.s.s that ran beside a brick wall. She wore her red bandana low on her forehead and carried a basket bulging with cloth, unaware of me or of the finely dressed woman with white skin who approached her on the same gra.s.sy ledge from the opposite direction. One of them would be forced to turn around and retrace her steps all the way back to where the brick wall began, or else yield way by stepping off into the muddy roadway. Face-offs of this sort played out on the streets so regularly a city ordinance had been pa.s.sed requiring slaves to give deference. Had the slave been anyone other than Charlotte-had it been Binah, Aunt-Sister, Cindie, even Handful-I wouldn"t have worried so much, but Charlotte.
The two women stopped a few feet apart. The white woman lifted her parasol and tapped Charlotte"s arm. Move along now. Off with you.
I didn"t detect the slightest movement in Charlotte. She seemed to solidify as she stood there. The woman"s umbrella thumped at her again: Shoo. Shoo.
They exchanged words I didn"t understand, their voices rising, turning into jagged antlers over their heads. I looked around frantically for Goodis.
A man wearing a City Guard uniform reined his horse in the middle of the street. "Step aside, Negress," he yelled. He climbed from his horse, handing the reins to a slave boy who"d wandered up pulling a dray.
Before the guard could reach the scene, Charlotte swung her basket. It moved in an arc, spilling what I realized were bonnets, then crashing against the woman"s arm, knocking her sideways. The mud in the street was like pudding, viscous and pale-brown as tapioca, and when the woman landed, perfectly seated, it made a little wave on either side of her.
I leapt from the carriage and ran toward them with no thought of what I might do. The guardsman had seized Charlotte by the arms, a.s.sisted by another man whom he"d enlisted. They dragged her down the street, while she spit and clawed.
I chased them all the way to Beaufain where the men commandeered a wagon and forced her into the back, pushing her flat onto her stomach. The guardsman sat atop her. The driver snapped the reins, the horses jerked, and I could only stand there spattered with the pudding from the street.
I swept back the veils on my hat and screamed her name. "Charlotte!"
Her eyes found me. She did not make a sound, but held my gaze as the wagon rolled away.