"David, _please_ don"t say such things."
David was not listening. "But I can say it of Elizabeth! Oh, what a lucky fellow I am! I always thought Blair would get her. He"s such a mighty good fellow,--and so darned good-looking, confound him!" David ruminated affectionately. "And he can talk; he"s not bottled up, like me. To think she would look at me, when she could have had him,--or anybody else! It seems kind of mean to cut Blair out, when he isn"t here. He hasn"t seen her, you know, for about two years."
"Perhaps you would like to call it off until he gets home, and give him a chance?"
David grinned. "No, thank you. Oh, Materna, she is, you know, really, so--so sort of wonderful! Some time I want to talk to you about her. I don"t believe anybody quite understands Elizabeth but me. But to think of her caring for me! To think of my having two such women to care for me." He took her hand gently and kissed it. "Mother," he said--he spoke with almost painful effort; "Mother, I want to tell you something. I want to tell you, because, being what you are, you can"t in the least understand what it means; but I do want you to know: I"ve never kissed any woman but you, Materna, until I kissed--_Her_."
"Oh," said Helena Richie, in a stifled voice, "don"t, David, don"t; I can"t bear it! And if she doesn"t make you happy--"
"Make me happy?" David said. He paused; that unasked kiss burned once more against his lips; he almost shivered at the pang of it.
"Materna," he said hoa.r.s.ely, "if she or I were to die to-night, I, at any rate, have had happiness enough in these few hours to have made it worth while to have lived."
"Love doesn"t mean just happiness," she said.
David was silent for a moment; then he said, very gently, "You are thinking of--of your little boy, who died?"
"Yes; and of my marriage; it was not happy, David."
He pressed his cheek against hers, without speaking. The grief of an unhappy marriage he had long ago guessed, and in this moment of his own happiness the remembrance of it was intolerable to him. As for the other grief: "when I think of the baby," he said, softly, "I feel as if that little beggar gave me my mother. I feel as if I had his job; and if I am not a good son--" he stopped, and looked at her, smiling; but something in her face-- perhaps the pitiful effort to smile back through the tears of an old, old sorrow, gave him a sudden, solemn thrill; the race pain stirred in him; he seemed to see his own child, dead, in Elizabeth"s arms.
"Mother!" he said, thickly, and caught her in his arms. She felt his heart pounding heavily in his side, but she smiled. "Yes,"
she said, "my little boy gave me another son, though I didn"t deserve him! No, no, I didn"t," she insisted, laying her soft mother-hand over his protesting lips; "I used to wonder sometimes, David, why G.o.d trusted you to me, instead of to a--a better woman--" again she checked his outburst that G.o.d had never made a better woman! "Hush, dear, hush. But I didn"t mean that love might mean sorrow. There are worse things in the world than sorrow," she ended, almost in a whisper.
"Yes, there are worse things," he said quietly; "of course I know that. But they are not possible things where Elizabeth is concerned. There is only one thing that can hurt us: Death."
"Oh, my dear, my dear! Life can hurt so much more than death! So _much_ more."
But David had nothing more to say of life and love. He retreated abruptly to the matter of fact; he had gone to his limit, not only of expression, but of that modesty of soul which forbids exposure of the emotions, and is as exquisite in a young man as physical modesty is in a girl. He was unwilling, indeed he was unable, to show even to his mother, even, perhaps, to Elizabeth, the speechless depths that had been stirred that afternoon by the first kiss of pa.s.sion, and stirred again that night by the sight of tears for a baby,--a baby dead for almost a quarter of a century! He got up, thrust his hands into his pockets, and whistled. "Heaven knows how long it will be before we can be married! How soon do you think I can count on getting patients enough to get married?"
Mrs. Richie laughed, though there was still a break of pain in her voice. "My dear boy, when you leave the medical school I mean to give you an allowance which,--"
"No, Maternal" he interrupted her; "I am going to stand on my own legs!" David"s feeling about self-support gave him a satisfaction out of all proportion to the pain it sometimes gave his mother.
She winced now, as if his words hurt her.
"David! All that I have is yours."
"No," he said again. "I couldn"t accept anything. I believe if a man can"t take care of his wife himself, he has no business to have a wife. It"s bad enough for you to be supporting a big, hungry medical student; but I swear you sha"n"t feed his wife, too. I can"t be indebted, even to you!" he ended, with the laughing c.o.c.k-sureness of high-minded youth.
"Indebted? Oh, David!" she said. For a moment his words wounded her; but when he had left her to go back to Elizabeth again, and she sat alone by her fireside, she forgot this surface wound in some deeper pain. David had said he had never kissed any woman but her, until he kissed _Her_. He had said that the things that were "worse than death" were not possible to Elizabeth. For a moment this soft mother felt a stab of something like jealousy; then her thought went back to that deeper pain. He had not supposed anybody could be as "perfect" as his mother. Helena Richie cowered, as if the sacred words were whips; she covered her face with her hands, and sat a long time without moving.
Perhaps she was thinking of a certain old letter, locked away in her desk, and in her heart,--for she knew every word of it: "My child, your secret belongs to your Heavenly Father. It is never to be taken from His hands, except for one reason: to save some other child of His. Never for any smaller reason of peace of mind to yourself."
When she lifted her bowed head from her hands the fire was out.
There were tears upon her face.
CHAPTER X
It was the very next afternoon that Mrs. Maitland found time to look after Nannie"s matrimonial interests. In the raw December twilight she tramped muddily into Mrs. Richie"s firelit parlor, which was fragrant with hyacinths blossoming on every window- sill. Mr. Ferguson had started them in August in his own cellar, for, as any landlord will tell you, it is the merest matter of business to do all you can for a good tenant. Mrs. Maitland found her superintendent and Mrs. Richie just shaking hands on David"s luck, Mrs. Richie a little tremulous, and Robert Ferguson a little grudging, of course.
"Well, I hope they"ll be happy," he said, sighing; "I suppose some marriages _are_ happy, but--"
"Oh, Mr. Ferguson, you are delightful!" Mrs. Richie said; and it was at that moment that Mrs. Maitland came tramping in. Instantly the large, vital presence made the charming room seem small and crowded. There were too many flowers, too many ornaments, too many photographs of David. Mrs. Maitland sat down heavily on a gilded chair, that creaked so ominously that she rose and looked at it impatiently.
"Foolish sort of furniture," she said; "give me something solid, please, to sit on. Well, Mrs. Richie! How do you do?"
"Nannie has told you our great news?" Mrs. Richie inquired.
"Oh, so it"s come to a head, has it?" Mrs. Maitland said, vastly pleased. "Of course I knew what was in the wind, but I didn"t know it was settled. Fact is, I haven"t seen her, except at breakfast, and then I was in too much of a hurry to think of it.
Well, well, nothing could be better! That"s what I came to see you about; I wanted to hurry things along. What do you say to it, Mr. Ferguson?"
Mrs. Maitland looked positively benign. She was sitting, a little gingerly, on the edge of the yellow damask sofa at one side of the fireplace, her feet wide apart, her skirt pulled back over her knees, so that her scorching petticoat was somewhat liberally displayed. Her big shoes began to steam in the comfortable heat of a soft-coal fire that was blazing and snapping between the bra.s.s jambs.
Mrs. Richie had drawn up a chair beside her, and Robert Ferguson stood with his elbow on the mantelpiece looking down at them.
Even to Mr. Ferguson Mrs. Maitland"s presence in the gently feminine room was incongruous. There was a little table at the side of the sofa, and Mrs. Maitland, thrusting out a large, gesticulating hand, swept a silver picture-frame to the floor; in the confusion of picking it up and putting it into a safer place the little emotional tension of the moment vanished. Mrs. Richie winked away a tear, and laughed, and said it was too absurd to think that their children were men and women, with their own.
lives and interests and hopes--and love-affairs!
"But love-making is in the air, apparently," she said; "young Knight is going to be married."
"What, Goose Molly"s stepson?" Mrs. Maitland said. "She used to make sheep"s-eyes at--at somebody I knew. But she didn"t get him!
Well, I must give the boy a present."
"And the next thing," Mrs. Richie went on, "will be Nannie"s engagement. Only it will be hard to find anybody good enough for Nannie!"
"_Nannie_?" said Mrs. Maitland blankly. "She is to be Elizabeth"s bridesmaid, of course,--unless she gets married before our wedding comes off. A young doctor has to have patients before he can have a wife, so I"m afraid the chances are Elizabeth will be Nannie"s bridesmaid."
She was so full of these maternal and womanly visions that the sudden slight rigidity of Mrs. Maitland"s face did not strike her.
"Nannie has been so interested," Mrs. Richie went on. "David will always be grateful to her for helping his cause. I don"t know what he would have done without Nannie to confide in!"
Mrs. Maitland"s face relaxed. So Nannie had not been slighted?
She herself, Nannie"s mother, had made a mistake; that was all.
Well, she was sorry; she wished it had been Nannie. Poor "thing, it was lonely for her, in that big, empty house! But these two people, patting themselves on the back with their personal satisfaction about their children, they must not guess her wish.
There was no resentment in her mind; it was one of the chances of business. David had chosen Elizabeth,--more fool David! "for Nannie"ll have--" Mrs. Maitland made some rapid calculations; "but it"s not my kettle of fish," she reflected; and hoisted herself up from the low, deeply cushioned sofa.
"I hope Elizabeth will put her mind on housekeeping," she said.
"A young doctor has to get all the pork he can for his shilling!
He needs a saving wife."
"She"ll have to be a saving wife, I"m afraid," Mrs. Richie said, with rueful pride, "for that foolish boy of mine declines, if you please, to be helped out by an allowance from me."
"Oh, he"ll have more sense when he"s more in love," Mrs. Maitland a.s.sured her easily. "I never knew a man yet who would refuse honest money when it was offered to him. Well, Mrs. Richie, with all this marrying going on, I suppose the next thing will be you and friend Ferguson." Even as she said it, she saw in a flash an inevitable meaning in the words, and she gave a great guffaw of laughter. "Bless you! I didn"t mean _that_! I meant you"d be picking up a wife somewhere, Mr. Ferguson, and Mrs. Richie, here, would be finding a husband. But the other way would be easier, and a very sensible arrangement."
The two victims of her peculiar sense of humor held themselves as well as they could. Mrs. Richie reddened slightly, but looked blank. Robert Ferguson"s jaw actually dropped, but he was able to say casually that of course it would be some time before the young people could be married.
"Well, give my love to Elizabeth," Mrs. Maitland said: "tell her not to jump into the river if she gets angry with David. Do you remember how she did that in one of her furies at Blair, Mr.
Ferguson?" She gave a grunt of a laugh, and took herself off, pausing at the front door to call back, "Don"t forget my good advice, you people!"