"Don"t ask me, dear Mr. Ferguson," she said, wiping her eyes. "We are such good friends, and I"m so fond of you, don"t let"s spoil it all."
"I believe you are fond of me," he said, "and that is why it"s so unreasonable in you not to marry me. I don"t ask-- impossibilities. But you do like me; and I love you, you dear, good, foolish woman;--so good that you couldn"t see badness when it lived next door to you!"
"Don"t be so hard on people who do wrong," she pleaded; "you make me afraid of you when you are so hard."
"I"m not hard; Elizabeth is her mother"s daughter; that"s all."
"Oh!" she cried, with sudden pa.s.sion, "that poor mother! Can"t you forgive her?"
"No," he said; "I can"t."
"You ought to forgive Elizabeth, at any rate," she insisted, faintly; "and you ought to go and see her."
"Have you forgiven her?" he parried.
She hesitated. "I think I have. I"ve tried to; but I don"t understand her. I can understand doing something--wicked, for love; but not for hate."
He gave his meager laugh. "If forgiveness was a question of understanding, I"m afraid you"d be as hard on her mother as I am."
"On the contrary," she said, vehemently, "if I forgive Elizabeth, it is for her mother"s sake." Then she broke out, almost with tears: "Oh, how can you be so unkind as not to go and see the child? The time we need our friends most is when we have done wrong!"
He was silent.
"Sometimes," she said, "sometimes I wish you would do something wrong yourself, just to learn to be pitiful!"
"You wish I would do wrong? I"m _always_ doing wrong! I did wrong when I growled so. But--" he paused; "I believe I _have_ seen Elizabeth," he said sheepishly; "I believe we kissed and made up." At which even poor, sad Helena laughed.
But these two old friends discovered, just as Miss White and Blair"s mother had discovered, that life was not over for them, because the habit of friendship persisted. And by and by, nearly a year later, David--even David! began to find a reason for living, in his profession. The old, ardent interest which used to make his eyes dim with pity, or his heart leap with joy at giving help, was gone; he no longer cared to cuddle the babies he might help to bring into the world; and a death-bed was an irritating failure rather than any more human emotion. So far as other people"s hopes and fears went, he was bitter or else callous, but he began to forget his humiliation, and he lost his self- consciousness in the serious purpose of success. He did not talk to his mother of the catastrophe of his life; but he did talk of other things, and with the old friendly intimacy. She was his only intimate friend.
Thus, gradually, the little world that loved Elizabeth and Blair fell back, after the storm of pain and mortification, into the merciful commonplace of habit and of duty to be done.
But for Elizabeth and Blair there was no going back; they had indeed fired the Ephesian dome! The past now, to Elizabeth, meant David"s message,--to which, finally, she had been able to listen: "Tell her I understand; ask her to forgive me." In Blair"s past there was nothing real to which he could return; for him the reality of life had begun with Love; and notwithstanding the bite of shame, the battle with his sense of chivalry, that revolted (now and then) at the thought of holding an unwilling woman as his wife, and the constant dull ache of jealousy, he had madly happy moments that first year of his marriage. Elizabeth was his!
That was enough for him. His circ.u.mstances, which would have caused most men a good deal of anxiety, were, thanks to his irresponsibility, very little in his thought. There was still a balance at his bank which made it possible, without encroaching on Elizabeth"s capital--which he swore he would not do--to live at the old River House "fairly decently." He was, however, troubled because he could not propitiate Elizabeth with expensive gifts; and almost immediately after that interview with his mother, he began to think about an occupation, merely that he might have more money to spend on his wife. "If I could only buy her some jewels!" he used to say to himself, with a worried look.
"I want to get you everything you want, my darling," he told her once.
She made no answer; and he burst out in sudden angry pain: "You don"t care what I do!" Still she did not speak. "You--you are thinking of him still," he said between set teeth. This constant corroding thought did not often break through his studied purpose to win her by his pa.s.sionately considerate tenderness; when it did, it always ended in bitterness for him.
"Of course I am thinking of him," she would say, dully; "I never stop thinking of him."
"I believe you would go back to him now!" he flung at her
"Go back to him? I would go back to him on my hands and knees if he would take me."
Words like that left him speechless with misery; and yet he was happy--she was his wife!
When his bank account began to dwindle, he found it easy to borrow; the fact that he was the son of his mother (and consequently his bills had always been paid) was sufficient collateral. That he borrowed at a ruinous interest was a matter of indifference to a man who, having never earned a dollar, had not the slightest idea of the value of a dollar. At the end of the first year of his marriage, jewels for Elizabeth seemed less important to him than her bread and b.u.t.ter; and it was then that with real anxiety he tried to find something to do. Again "Sarah Maitland"s son" found doors open to him which the ordinary man, inexperienced and notoriously idle, would have found closed; but none of them offered what he thought a sufficient salary; and by and by he realized that very soon he would be obliged, as he expressed it, "to sponge on Elizabeth"; for, reckless as he was, he knew that his borrowing capacity must come to an end. When the "sponging" finally began, he was acutely uncomfortable, which was certainly to his credit. At any rate, it proved that he was enough of a man to be miserable under such conditions. When a husband who is young and vigorous lives idly on his wife"s money one of two things happens: he is miserable, or he degenerates into contentment. Blair was not degenerating--consequently he was honestly wretched.
His attempts to find something to do were not without humor to his mother, who kept herself informed, of course, of all his "business" ventures. "What! he wants the Dalzells to take him on?
What for? Errand-boy? That"s all he"s good for. But I"m afraid two dollars and a half a week won"t buy him many china beetles!"
When Blair essayed a broker"s office she even made an ancient joke to her superintendent: "If Blair could buy himself for what he is worth to Haines, and sell himself for what he thinks he"s worth, he might make a fair profit,--and pick up some more old masters."
But she was impatient for him to get through with all this nonsense of dilly-dallying at making a living by doing things he knew nothing about! How soon would he get down to hard-pan and knock at her door at the Works and ask for a job, man-fashion?
"That"s what I want to know!" she used to tell Mr. Ferguson, who was silent. He did not want to know anything about Blair; all he cared for was to help his girl bear the burden of her folly. He called it "folly" now, and Miss White used to nod her old head in melancholy agreement. It was only to Robert Ferguson that Mrs.
Maitland betrayed her constant anxiety about her son; and it was that anxiety which made her keenly sensitive to Elizabeth"s deepening depression. For as the excitement of sacrifice and punishment wore off, and the strain of every-day living began to tell, Elizabeth"s depression was very marked. She was never angry now--she had not the energy for anger; and she was never unkind to Blair; perhaps her own pain made her pitiful of his. But she was always, as Cherry-pie expressed it, "under a cloud." Mrs.
Maitland, watching her, wondered if she was moody because funds were getting low. How intensely she hoped that was the reason! "I reckon that money of hers is coming to an end," she used to think, triumphantly--for she had known, through Nannie, just when Blair had reached the point at which he had been obliged to use his wife"s capital. Whenever she saw Elizabeth--who for want of anything better to do came constantly to see Nannie: she would drop a word or two which she thought might go back to her son: "We need an extra hand in the office." Or: "How would Blair like to travel for the Works? We can always take on a traveling man."
She never had the chance to drop her hints to Blair himself. In vain Nannie urged upon her brother her old plea: "Be nice to Mamma. Do come and see her. Everything will be all right again if you will only come and see her!" Nothing moved him. If his mother could be firm, so could he; he was never more distinctly her son than in his obstinacy.
"If she alters her will," he said, briefly, "I will alter my behavior. She"s not my mother so long as she casts off her son."
Mrs. Maitland seemed to age very much that second year. Her business was still a furious interest; she stormed her way through every trade obstacle, occasionally bargaining with her conscience by increasing her donations to foreign missions; but there was this change of suddenly apparent age. Instead of the old, clear-eyed, ruthless joy in work, there was a look of furtive waiting; an anxiety of hope deferred, that grooved itself into her face. And somewhere in the spring of the third year, the hoped-for moment approached--necessity began to offer its beneficent opportunity to her son. In spite of experiments in prudence in borrowing and in earning, the end of Elizabeth"s money was in sight. When the end was reached, there would be nothing for Blair Maitland but surrender.
"Shall I cave in now?" he vacillated; he was wandering off alone across the bridge, fairly aching with indecision, and brooding miserably, not only over the situation, but over his helplessness to buy his way into Elizabeth"s affections. "She ought to have a carriage; it is preposterous for my wife to be going round in streetcars. If I could give her a carriage and a pair of horses!"
But of course it was ridiculous to think of things like that. He could not buy a carriage for Elizabeth out of her own money-- besides, her money was shrinking alarmingly. It was this pa.s.sionate desire to propitiate her, as well as the recognition of approaching necessities, that brought him to the point where he saw capitulation ahead of him. "I wish I could make up my mind," he thought, wearily. "Well, if I don"t get something to do pretty soon, it will be made up for me,--I"ll _have_ to eat crow! I"ll have to go to the Works and ask for a job. But I swear I won"t speak to--_her!_ It is d.a.m.nable to have to cave in; I"d starve before I"d do it, if it wasn"t for Elizabeth."
But before the time for eating crow arrived, something happened.
CHAPTER XXVIII
Mrs. Maitland and Nannie were having their supper at the big, cluttered office table in the shabby dining-room--shabbier now by twenty years than when Blair first expressed his opinion of it.
In the midst of the silent meal Sarah Maitland"s eye fell on her stepdaughter, and hardened into attention. Nannie looked pale, she thought; and frowned slightly. It occurred to her that the girl might be lonely in the long evenings over there in the parlor, with nothing to do but read foolish little stories, or draw foolish little pictures, or embroider foolish little tidies and things. "What a life!" she said to herself; it was a shame Blair did not come in and cheer his sister up. Yes; Nannie was certainly very solitary. What a pity David Richie had no sense!
"Now that he can"t get Elizabeth, nothing could be more sensible," she said to herself; then sighed. Young men were never very sensible in regard to matrimony. "I suppose I ought to do something myself to cheer her up," she thought--a little impatiently, for really it was rather absurd to expect a person of her quality to cheer Nannie! Still, she might talk to her. Of course they had only one topic in common:
"Seen your brother lately?"
"No, Mamma. He went East day before yesterday."
"Has he found anything to do?" This was the usual weary question; Nannie gave the usual scared answer:
"I _think_ not; not yet. He is going to look up something in New York, Elizabeth says."
"Tell Elizabeth I will take him on at the Works, whenever he is ready to come. His belly will bring him to it yet!" she ended, with the old, hopeful belief that has comforted parents ever since the fatted calf proved the correctness of the expectation.
Nannie sighed. Mrs. Maitland realized that she was not "cheering"
her very much. "You ought to amuse yourself," she said, severely; "how do you amuse yourself?"
"I--draw," Nannie managed to say; she really could not think of any other amus.e.m.e.nt.
Then her stepmother had an inspiration: "Would you like to come over to the furnace and see the night cast? It"s quite a sight, people say."
Nannie was dumfounded at the attention. Mamma offering to take her to the Works! To be sure, it was the last thing on earth she would choose to do, but if her stepmother asked her, of course she could not say no. She said "yes," reluctantly enough, but Mrs. Maitland did not detect the reluctance; she was too pleased with herself at having thought of some way of entertaining the girl.
"Get your bonnet on, get your bonnet on!" she commanded, in high good humor. And Nannie, quailing at the thought of the Works at night--"it"s dreadful enough in the daytime," she said to herself--put on her hat, in trembling obedience. "Yes," Mrs.
Maitland said, as she tramped down the cinder path toward the mills, Nannie almost running at her heels--"yes, the cast is a pretty sight, people say. Your brother once said that it ought to be painted. Well, I suppose there are people who care for pictures," she said, incredulously. "I know I"m $5,000 out of pocket on account of a picture," she ended, with a grim chuckle.
As they were crossing the Yards, the cavernous glooms of the Works, under the vast stretch of their sheet-iron roofs, were lighted for dazzling moments by the glow of molten metal and the sputtering roar of flames from the stacks; a network of narrow- gauge tracks spread about them, and the noises from the mills were deafening. Nannie clutched nervously at Mrs. Maitland"s arm, and her stepmother grunted with amus.e.m.e.nt. "Hold on to me," she shouted--she had to shout to make herself heard; "there"s nothing to hurt you. Why, I could walk around here with my eyes shut!"