she used to say to Nannie; "and of course I never mean any of the horrid things I say. I"d like to be good, like you; but I can"t help being wicked." Between those dark moments of being "wicked"
she was a joyous, unself-conscious girl of generous loves, which she expressed as primitively as she did her angers; indeed, in the expression of affection Elizabeth had the exquisite and sometimes embarra.s.sing innocence of a child who has been brought up by a sad old bachelor and a timid old maid. As for her angers, they were followed by irrational efforts to "make up" with any one she felt she had wronged. She spent her little pocket-money in buying presents for her maleficiaries, she invented punishments for herself; and generally she confessed her sin with humiliating fullness. Once she confessed to her uncle, thereby greatly embarra.s.sing him:
"Uncle, I want you to know I am a great sinner; probably the chief of sinners," she said, breathing hard. She had come into his library after supper, and was standing with a hand on the back of his chair; her eyes were bright with unshed tears.
"Good gracious!" said Robert Ferguson, looking at her blankly over his gla.s.ses, "what on earth have you been doing now?"
"I got mad, and I chopped up the feather in Cherry-pie"s new bonnet, and I told her she was a hideous, monstrous old donkey- hag."
"Elizabeth!"
"I did."
"Have you apologized?"
"Yes," said Elizabeth; "but what"s the good of "pologizing? _I said it._ "Course I "pologized; and I kissed her muddy rubbers when she wasn"t looking; and I gave her all my money for a new feather"--she stopped, and sighed deeply; "and here is the money you gave me to go to the theater. So now I haven"t any money at all, in the world."
Poor Robert Ferguson, with a despairing jerk at the black ribbon of his gla.s.ses, leaned back in his chair, helpless with perplexity. Why on earth did she give him back his money? He could not follow her mental processes. He said as much to Mrs.
Richie the next time he went to see her. He went to see her quite often in those days. For the convenience of David and Elizabeth, a doorway had been cut in the brick wall between the two gardens, and Mr. Ferguson used it frequently. In their five or six years of living next door to each other the acquaintance of these two neighbors had deepened into a sort of tentative intimacy, which they never quite thought of as friendship, but which permitted many confidences about their two children.
And when they talked about their children, they spoke, of course, of the other two, for one could not think of David without remembering Blair, or talk of Elizabeth without contrasting her with Nannie. Nannie had none of that caroling vitality which made the younger girl an acute anxiety and a perpetual delight. She was like a little plant growing in the shade--a gently good child, who never gave anybody any trouble; she continued to be a "fraid-cat, and looked under the bed every night for a burglar.
With Blair at boarding-school her life was very solitary, for of course there was no intimacy between her and her stepmother. Mrs.
Maitland was invariably kind to her, and astonishingly patient with the rather dull little mind--one of those minds that are like softly tangled skeins of single zephyr; if you try to unwind the mild, elusive thoughts, they only knot tightly upon themselves, and the result is a half-frightened and very obstinate silence. But Mrs. Maitland never tried to unwind Nannie"s thoughts; she used to look at her sometimes in kindly amus.e.m.e.nt, as one might look at a kitten or a canary; and sometimes she said to Robert Ferguson that Nannie was like her own mother;--"but Blair has brains!" she would say, complacently.
School did not give the girl the usual intense friendships, and except for Elizabeth, she had no companions; her one interest was Blair, and her only occupation out of school hours was her drawing--which was nothing more than endless, meaningless copying. It was Nannie"s essential child-likeness that kept her elders, and indeed David and Blair too, from understanding that she and Elizabeth were no longer little girls. Perhaps the boys first realized Elizabeth"s age when they simultaneously discovered that she was pretty....
Elizabeth"s long braids had been always attractive to the masculine eye; they had suggested jokes about pigtails, and much of that peculiar humor so pleasing to the young male; but the summer that she "put up her hair," the puppies, so to speak, got their eyes open. When the boys saw those soft plaits, no longer hanging within easy reach of a rude and teasing hand, but folded around her head behind her little ears; when they saw the small curls breaking over and through the brown braids that were flecked with gilt, and the stray locks, like feathers of spun silk, cl.u.s.tering in the nape of her neck; when David and Blair saw these things--it was about the time their voices were showing amazing and ludicrous register--something below the artless brutalities of the boys" sense of humor was touched. They took abruptly their first perilous step out of boyhood. Of course they did not know it.... The significant moment came one afternoon when they all went out to the toll-house for ice-cream. There was a little delay at the gate, while the boys wrangled as to who should stand treat. "I"ll pull straws with you," said Blair; Blair"s pleasant, indolent mind found the appeal to chance the easiest way to settle things, but he was always good-natured when, as now, the verdict was against him. "Come on," he commanded, gayly, "I"ll sh.e.l.l out!" Mrs. Todd, who had begun to dispense pink and brown ice-cream, for them when they were very little children, winked and nodded as they all came in together, and made a jocose remark about "handsome couples"; then she trundled off to get the ice-cream, leaving them in the saloon.
This "saloon" was an ell of the toll-house; it opened on a little garden, from which a flight of rickety steps led down to a float where half a dozen skiffs were tied up, waiting to be hired. In warm weather, when the garden was blazing with fragrant color, Mrs. Todd would permit favored patrons to put their small tables out among the marigolds and zinnias and sit and eat and talk. The saloon itself had Nottingham-lace window-curtains, and crewel texts enjoining remembrance of the Creator, and calling upon Him to "bless our home." The tables, with marble tops translucent from years of spilled ice cream, had each a worsted mat, on which was a gla.s.s vase full of blue paper roses; on the ceiling there was a wonderful star of scalloped blue tissue-paper--ostensibly to allure flies, but hanging there winter and summer, year in and year out. Between the windows that looked out on the river stood a piano, draped with a festooning scarf of bandanna handkerchiefs. These things seemed to Blair, at this stage of his esthetic development, very satisfying, and part of his pleasure in "treating" came from his surroundings; he used to look about him enviously, thinking of the terrible dining-room at home; and on sunny days he used to look, with even keener pleasure, at the reflected ripple of light, striking up from the river below, and moving endlessly across the fly-specked ceiling. Watching the play of moving light, he would put his tin spoon into his tumbler of ice-cream and taste the snowy mixture with a slow prolongation of pleasure, while the two girls chattered like sparrows, and David listened, saying very little and always ready to let Elizabeth finish his ice-cream after she had devoured her own.
It was on one of these occasions that Blair, watching that long ripple on the ceiling, suddenly saw the sunshine sparkle on Elizabeth"s hair, and his spoon paused midway to his lips. "Oh, say, isn"t Elizabeth"s hair nice?" he said.
David turned and looked at it. "I"ve seen lots of girls with hair like that," he said; but he sighed, and scratched his left ankle with his right foot. Blair, smiling to himself, put out a hesitating finger and touched a shimmering curl; upon which Elizabeth ducked and laughed, and dancing over to the old tin pan of a piano pounded out "Shoo Fly" with one finger. Blair, watching the lovely color in her cheek, said in honest delight: "When your face gets red like that, you are awfully good-looking, Elizabeth."
"Good-looking"; that was a new idea to the four friends. Nannie gaped; Elizabeth giggled; David "got red" on his own account, and muttered under his breath, "Tell that to the marines!" But into Blair"s face had come, suddenly, a new expression; his eyes smiled vaguely; he came sidling over to Elizabeth and stood beside her, sighing deeply: "Elizabeth, you are an awful nice girl."
Elizabeth shrieked with laughter. "Listen to Blair--he"s spoony!"
Instantly Blair was angry; "spooniness" vanished in a flash; he did not speak for fully five minutes. Just as they started home, however, he came out of his glumness to remember Miss White. "I"m going to take Cherry-pie some ice-cream," he said; and all the way back he was so absorbed in trying--unsuccessfully--to keep the pallid pink contents of the mussy paper box from dripping on his clothes that he was able to forget Elizabeth"s rudeness. But childhood, for all four of them, ended that afternoon.
When vacation was over, and they were back in the harness again, both boys forgot that first tremulous clutch at the garments of life; in fact, like all wholesome boys of fifteen or sixteen, they thought "girls" a bore. It was not until the next long vacation that the old, happy, squabbling relationship began to be tinged with a new consciousness. It was the elemental instinct, the everlasting human impulse. The boys, hobbledehoys, both of them, grew shy and turned red at unexpected moments. The girls developed a certain condescension of manner, which was very confusing and irritating to the boys. Elizabeth, as unaware of herself as the bud that has not opened to the bee, sighed a good deal, and repeated poetry to any one who would listen to her. She said boys were awfully rough, and their boots had a disagreeable smell, "I shall never get married," said Elizabeth; "I hate boys." Nannie did not hate anybody, but she thought she would rather be a missionary than marry;--"though I"m afraid I"d be afraid of the savages," she confessed, timorously.
David and Blair were confidential to each other about girls in general, and Elizabeth in particular; they said she was terribly stand-offish. "Oh, well, she"s a girl," said David; "what can you expect?"
"She"s darned good-looking," Blair blurted out. And David said, with some annoyance, "What"s that amount to?" He said that, for his part, he didn"t mean to fool around after girls. "But I"m older than you, Blair; you"ll feel that way when you get to be my age; it"s only when a man is very young that he bothers with "em."
"That"s so," said Blair, gloomily. "Well, I never expect to marry." Blair was very gloomy just then; he had come home from school the embodiment of discontent. He was old enough now to suffer agonies of mortification because of his mother"s occupation. "The idea of a lady running an Iron Works!" he said to David, who tried rather half-heartedly to comfort him; David was complacently sure that _his_ mother wouldn"t run an Iron Works! "I hate the whole caboodle," Blair said, angrily. It was his old shrinking from "ugliness." And everything at home was ugly;--the great old house in the midst of Maitland"s Shantytown; the darkness and grime of it; the smell of soot in the halls; Harris"s slatternly ways; his mother"s big, beautiful, dirty fingers. "When she sneezes," Blair said, grinding his teeth, "I could--swear! She takes the roof off." He grew hot with shame when Mrs. Richie, whom he admired profoundly, came to take supper with his mother at the office table with its odds and ends of china. (As the old Canton dinner service had broken and fire- cracked, Harris had replenished the shelves of the china-closet according to his own taste limited by Mrs. Maitland"s economic orders.) Blair found everything hideous, or vulgar, or uncomfortable, and he said so to Nannie with a violence that betrayed real suffering. For it is suffering when the young creature finds itself ashamed of father or mother. Instinctively the child is proud of the parent, and if youth is wounded in its tenderest point, its sense of conventionality--for nothing is as conventional as adolescence--that natural instinct is headed off, and of course there is suffering. Mrs. Maitland, living in her mixture of squalor and dignity, had no time to consider such abstractions. As for there being anything unwomanly in her occupation, such an idea never entered her head. To Sarah Maitland, no work which it was a woman"s duty to do could be unwomanly; she was incapable of consciously aping masculinity, but to earn her living and heap up a fortune for her son, was, to her way of thinking, just the plain common sense of duty. But more than that, the heart in her bosom would have proved her s.e.x to her; how she loved to knit the pink socks for dimpled little feet! how she winced when her son seemed to shrink from her; how jealous she was still of that goose Molly,--who had been another man"s wife for as many years as Herbert Maitland had been in his grave. But Blair saw none of these things that might have told him that his mother was a very woman. Instead, his conventionality was insulted at every turn; his love of beauty was outraged. As a result a wall was slowly built between the mother and son, a wall whose foundations had been laid when the little boy had pointed his finger at her and said "uggy."
Mrs. Maitland was, of course, perfectly unconscious of her son"s hot misery; she was so happy at having him at home again that she could not see that he was unhappy at being at home. She was pathetically eager to please him. Her theory--if in her absorbed life she could be said to have a theory--was that Blair should have everything he wanted, so that he should the sooner be a man.
Money, she thought, would give him everything. She herself wanted nothing money could give, except food and shelter; the only use she had for money was to make more money; but she realized that other people, especially young men, like the things it would buy.
Twice during that particular vacation, for no cause except to gratify herself, she gave her son a wickedly large check; and once, when Nannie told her that he wanted to pay for some painting lessons, though she demurred just for a moment, she paid the bill so that his own spending-money should not be diminished.
"What on earth does a man who is going to run an Iron Works want with painting lessons?" she said to the entreating sister. But even while she made her grumbling protest, she wrote a check.
As for Blair, he took the money, as he took everything else that she gave him of opportunity and happiness, and said, "Thank you, mother; you are awfully good"; but he shut his eyes when he kissed her. He was blind to the love, the yearning, the outstretched hands of motherhood,--not because he was cruel, or hard, or mean; but because he was young, and delighted in beauty.
Of course his wretchedness lessened after a fortnight or so-- habit does much to reconcile us to unpleasantness; besides that, his painting was an interest, and his voice began to be a delight to him; he used to sing a good deal, making Nannie play his accompaniments, and sometimes his mother, working in the dining- room, would pause a moment, with lifted head, and listen and half smile--then fall to work again furiously.
But the real solace to his misery and irritation came to him--a boy still in years--in the sudden realization of _Elizabeth!_
CHAPTER IV
"I am going to have a party," Blair told Nannie; "I"ve invited David and Elizabeth, and four fellows; and you can ask four girls."
Nannie quaked. "Do you mean to have them come to supper?"
"You can call it "supper"; I call it dinner."
"I"m afraid Mamma won"t like it; it will disturb the table."
"I"m not going to have it in that hole of a dining-room; I"m going to have it in the parlor. Harris says he can manage perfectly well. We"ll hang a curtain across the arch and have the table in the back parlor."
"But Harris can"t wait on us in there, and on Mamma in the dining-room," Nannie objected.
"We shall have our dinner at seven, after Harris has given mother her supper on that beautiful table of hers."
"But--" said Nannie.
"You tell her about it," Blair coaxed; "she"ll take anything from you."
Nannie yielded. Instructed by Blair, she hinted his purpose to Mrs. Maitland, who to her surprise consented amiably enough.
"I"ve no objections. And the back parlor is a very sensible arrangement. It would be a nuisance to have you in here; I don"t like to have things moved. Now clear out! Clear out! I must go to work." A week later she issued her orders: "Mr. Ferguson, I"ll be obliged if you"ll come to supper to-morrow night. Blair has some kind of a bee in his bonnet about having a party. Of course it"s nonsense, but I suppose that"s to be expected at his age."
Robert Ferguson demurred. "The boy doesn"t want me; he has asked a dozen young people."
Mrs. Maitland lifted one eyebrow. "I didn"t hear about the dozen young people; I thought it was only two or three besides David and Elizabeth; however, I don"t mind. I"ll go the whole hog. He can have a dozen, if he wants to. As for his not wanting you, what has that got to do with it? I want you. It"s my house, and my table; and I"ll ask who I please. I"ve asked Mrs. Richie," she ended, and gave him a quick look.
"Well," her superintendent said, indifferently, "I"ll come; but it"s hard on Blair." When he went home that night, he summoned Miss White. "I hope you have arranged to have Elizabeth look properly for Blair"s party? Don"t let her be vain about it, but have her look right." And on the night of the great occasion, just before they started for Mrs. Maitland"s, he called his niece into his library, and knocking off his gla.s.ses, looked her over with grudging eyes: "Don"t get your head turned, Elizabeth.
Remember, it isn"t fine feathers that make fine birds," he said; and never knew that he was proud of her!
Elizabeth, bubbling with laughter, holding her skirt out in small, white-gloved hands, made three dancing steps, dipped him a great courtesy, then ran to him, and before he knew it, caught him round the neck and kissed him. "You dear, darling, _precious_ uncle!" she said.
Mr. Ferguson, breathless, put his hand up to his cheek, as if the unwonted touch had left some soft, fresh warmth behind it.
Elizabeth did not wait to see the pleased and startled gesture she gathered up her fluffy tarlatan skirt, dashed out into the garden, through the green gate in the wall, and bursting into the house next door, stood in the hall and called up-stairs: "David!
Come! Hurry! Quick!" She was stamping her foot with excitement.
David, who had had a perspiring and angry quarter of an hour with his first white tie, came out of his room and looked over the banisters, both hands at his throat. "h.e.l.lo! What on earth is the matter?"