To right and left of us, scattered along the train, rode a dozen or fifteen men and youths on horses. Across their pommels were long-barrelled rifles. Whenever any of them drew near to our wagon I could see that their faces, under the dust, were drawn and anxious like my father"s. And my father, like them, had a long-barrelled rifle close to hand as he drove.
Also, to one side, limped a score or more of foot-sore, yoke-galled, skeleton oxen, that ever paused to nip at the occasional tufts of withered gra.s.s, and that ever were prodded on by the tired-faced youths who herded them. Sometimes one or another of these oxen would pause and low, and such lowing seemed as ominous as all else about me.
Far, far away I have a memory of having lived, a smaller lad, by the tree- lined banks of a stream. And as the wagon jolts along, and I sway on the seat with my father, I continually return and dwell upon that pleasant water flowing between the trees. I have a sense that for an interminable period I have lived in a wagon and travelled on, ever on, with this present company.
But strongest of all upon me is what is strong upon all the company, namely, a sense of drifting to doom. Our way was like a funeral march.
Never did a laugh arise. Never did I hear a happy tone of voice. Neither peace nor ease marched with us. The faces of the men and youths who outrode the train were grim, set, hopeless. And as we toiled through the lurid dust of sunset often I scanned my father"s face in vain quest of some message of cheer. I will not say that my father"s face, in all its dusty haggardness, was hopeless. It was dogged, and oh! so grim and anxious, most anxious.
A thrill seemed to run along the train. My father"s head went up. So did mine. And our horses raised their weary heads, scented the air with long-drawn snorts, and for the nonce pulled willingly. The horses of the outriders quickened their pace. And as for the herd of scarecrow oxen, it broke into a forthright gallop. It was almost ludicrous. The poor brutes were so clumsy in their weakness and haste. They were galloping skeletons draped in mangy hide, and they out-distanced the boys who herded them. But this was only for a time. Then they fell back to a walk, a quick, eager, shambling, sore-footed walk; and they no longer were lured aside by the dry bunch-gra.s.s.
"What is it?" my mother asked from within the wagon.
"Water," was my father"s reply. "It must be Nephi."
And my mother: "Thank G.o.d! And perhaps they will sell us food."
And into Nephi, through blood-red dust, with grind and grate and jolt and jar, our great wagons rolled. A dozen scattered dwellings or shanties composed the place. The landscape was much the same as that through which we had pa.s.sed. There were no trees, only scrub growths and sandy bareness. But here were signs of tilled fields, with here and there a fence. Also there was water. Down the stream ran no current. The bed, however, was damp, with now and again a water-hole into which the loose oxen and the saddle-horses stamped and plunged their muzzles to the eyes.
Here, too, grew an occasional small willow.
"That must be Bill Black"s mill they told us about," my father said, pointing out a building to my mother, whose anxiousness had drawn her to peer out over our shoulders.
An old man, with buckskin shirt and long, matted, sunburnt hair, rode back to our wagon and talked with father. The signal was given, and the head wagons of the train began to deploy in a circle. The ground favoured the evolution, and, from long practice, it was accomplished without a hitch, so that when the forty wagons were finally halted they formed a circle. All was bustle and orderly confusion. Many women, all tired-faced and dusty like my mother, emerged from the wagons. Also poured forth a very horde of children. There must have been at least fifty children, and it seemed I knew them all of long time; and there were at least two score of women. These went about the preparations for cooking supper.
While some of the men chopped sage-brush and we children carried it to the fires that were kindling, other men unyoked the oxen and let them stampede for water. Next the men, in big squads, moved the wagons snugly into place. The tongue of each wagon was on the inside of the circle, and, front and rear, each wagon was in solid contact with the next wagon before and behind. The great brakes were locked fast; but, not content with this, the wheels of all the wagons were connected with chains. This was nothing new to us children. It was the trouble sign of a camp in hostile country. One wagon only was left out of the circle, so as to form a gate to the corral. Later on, as we knew, ere the camp slept, the animals would be driven inside, and the gate-wagon would be chained like the others in place. In the meanwhile, and for hours, the animals would be herded by men and boys to what scant gra.s.s they could find.
While the camp-making went on my father, with several others of the men, including the old man with the long, sunburnt hair, went away on foot in the direction of the mill. I remember that all of us, men, women, and even the children, paused to watch them depart; and it seemed their errand was of grave import.
While they were away other men, strangers, inhabitants of desert Nephi, came into camp and stalked about. They were white men, like us, but they were hard-faced, stern-faced, sombre, and they seemed angry with all our company. Bad feeling was in the air, and they said things calculated to rouse the tempers of our men. But the warning went out from the women, and was pa.s.sed on everywhere to our men and youths, that there must be no words.
One of the strangers came to our fire, where my mother was alone, cooking. I had just come up with an armful of sage-brush, and I stopped to listen and to stare at the intruder, whom I hated, because it was in the air to hate, because I knew that every last person in our company hated these strangers who were white-skinned like us and because of whom we had been compelled to make our camp in a circle.
This stranger at our fire had blue eyes, hard and cold and piercing. His hair was sandy. His face was shaven to the chin, and from under the chin, covering the neck and extending to the ears, sprouted a sandy fringe of whiskers well-streaked with gray. Mother did not greet him, nor did he greet her. He stood and glowered at her for some time, he cleared his throat and said with a sneer:
"Wisht you was back in Missouri right now I bet."
I saw mother tighten her lips in self-control ere she answered:
"We are from Arkansas."
"I guess you got good reasons to deny where you come from," he next said, "you that drove the Lord"s people from Missouri."
Mother made no reply.
". . . Seein"," he went on, after the pause accorded her, "as you"re now comin" a-whinin" an" a-beggin" bread at our hands that you persecuted."
Whereupon, and instantly, child that I was, I knew anger, the old, red, intolerant wrath, ever unrestrainable and unsubduable.
"You lie!" I piped up. "We ain"t Missourians. We ain"t whinin". An" we ain"t beggars. We got the money to buy."
"Shut up, Jesse!" my mother cried, landing the back of her hand stingingly on my mouth. And then, to the stranger, "Go away and let the boy alone."
"I"ll shoot you full of lead, you d.a.m.ned Mormon!" I screamed and sobbed at him, too quick for my mother this time, and dancing away around the fire from the back-sweep of her hand.
As for the man himself, my conduct had not disturbed him in the slightest. I was prepared for I knew not what violent visitation from this terrible stranger, and I watched him warily while he considered me with the utmost gravity.
At last he spoke, and he spoke solemnly, with solemn shaking of the head, as if delivering a judgment.
"Like fathers like sons," he said. "The young generation is as bad as the elder. The whole breed is unregenerate and d.a.m.ned. There is no saving it, the young or the old. There is no atonement. Not even the blood of Christ can wipe out its iniquities."
"d.a.m.ned Mormon!" was all I could sob at him. "d.a.m.ned Mormon! d.a.m.ned Mormon! d.a.m.ned Mormon!"
And I continued to d.a.m.n him and to dance around the fire before my mother"s avenging hand, until he strode away.
When my father, and the men who had accompanied him, returned, camp-work ceased, while all crowded anxiously about him. He shook his head.
"They will not sell?" some woman demanded.
Again he shook his head.
A man spoke up, a blue-eyed, blond-whiskered giant of thirty, who abruptly pressed his way into the centre of the crowd.
"They say they have flour and provisions for three years, Captain," he said. "They have always sold to the immigration before. And now they won"t sell. And it ain"t our quarrel. Their quarrel"s with the government, an" they"re takin" it out on us. It ain"t right, Captain. It ain"t right, I say, us with our women an" children, an" California months away, winter comin" on, an" nothin" but desert in between. We ain"t got the grub to face the desert."
He broke off for a moment to address the whole crowd.
"Why, you-all don"t know what desert is. This around here ain"t desert.
I tell you it"s paradise, and heavenly pasture, an" flowin" with milk an"
honey alongside what we"re goin" to face."
"I tell you, Captain, we got to get flour first. If they won"t sell it, then we must just up an" take it."
Many of the men and women began crying out in approval, but my father hushed them by holding up his hand.
"I agree with everything you say, Hamilton," he began.
But the cries now drowned his voice, and he again held up his hand.
"Except one thing you forgot to take into account, Hamilton--a thing that you and all of us must take into account. Brigham Young has declared martial law, and Brigham Young has an army. We could wipe out Nephi in the shake of a lamb"s tail and take all the provisions we can carry. But we wouldn"t carry them very far. Brigham"s Saints would be down upon us and we would be wiped out in another shake of a lamb"s tail. You know it. I know it. We all know it."
His words carried conviction to listeners already convinced. What he had told them was old news. They had merely forgotten it in a flurry of excitement and desperate need.
"n.o.body will fight quicker for what is right than I will," father continued. "But it just happens we can"t afford to fight now. If ever a ruction starts we haven"t a chance. And we"ve all got our women and children to recollect. We"ve got to be peaceable at any price, and put up with whatever dirt is heaped on us."
"But what will we do with the desert coming?" cried a woman who nursed a babe at her breast.
"There"s several settlements before we come to the desert," father answered. "Fillmore"s sixty miles south. Then comes Corn Creek. And Beaver"s another fifty miles. Next is Parowan. Then it"s twenty miles to Cedar City. The farther we get away from Salt Lake the more likely they"ll sell us provisions."
"And if they won"t?" the same woman persisted.