I laugh at that one. His reasons started getting somewhat explicit at the end.
A throat clearing pulls my attention away from the gla.s.s jar and I look over to see Mac leaning against the closet doorway. His muscles are bulging from his t-shirt as he crosses his arms against his chest. He has a small smile playing on his lips as his green eyes watch me intently.
"I can"t believe you kept these," I tell him, looking back down at the small amount of papers sitting in my lap.
"I kept everything that had to do with you and me," he says softly.
The last day Mac was in school, I brought all the little slips of paper with me to Mac"s house. He put them in the gla.s.s jar and set it on his nightstand. Each day, when I came over after school, I would walk to the jar and there would be a new paper inside. Even though he wasn"t able to slip them through the slats in my locker, he never stopped writing down reasons why he loved me. It was one of the highlights of my day, curious with what he would come up with next.
"There"s a lot more in here than what there was the last time I saw it."
"That"s because I kept slipping papers in there. Once a week for two years I would write another reason."
My head jerks up with that, surprised and touched he kept up with the tradition that meant so much to me.
"But why would you do that? Why, when you knew I wouldn"t see them?"
He walks to me and squats down. Reaching forward he cups my cheeks, and I look into his eyes when he says, "Because, although we were no longer together, I never stopped loving you. Those reasons never went away, Pix. And I hoped that one day you would see them."
I close my eyes and breathe in deep. I wish so much that I had done things differently, that I had given him time to talk, to explain. So much precious time wasted.
I open my eyes and turn my head to kiss his palm. He leans forward to rest his forehead against my own.
"I"m so sorry that I never listened to you. I wish so much that I had, that I hadn"t turned my back on you."
His breath feathers across my lips when he says, "It doesn"t matter now, Mia. What matters is that you"re here now. That we"re here, together."
I pull back from him and put the precious papers back in the gla.s.s jar and screw the lid back on. Curious at what else is inside, I look in the box again and pull out several photos of Mac and me together. There"s also a bundle of letters tied together by a piece of twine. A little black box catches my attention, and I set the bundle of letters aside.
Looking up at Mac, I see him looking inside at the little black box as well. When his eyes flicker to mine, I see pain and heartache in them. I reach inside and pull the box out. Nervous fingers slowly open it, and I suck in a sharp breathe at what I see resting on bed of black velvet.
"Oh, Mac," I breathe.
It"s a wide silver ring with the word "Pixie" carved in calligraphy. There"s a single diamond embedded in the silver on either side of the word. I pull the ring from the box to get a closer look, and I see there are words on the inside as well. I bring it closer, and my heart jumps in my chest.
Mac + Mia = Per sempre e sempre is engraved on the inside of the band. I"ve never seen anything so beautiful.
I look up to Mac with tears in my eyes and whisper, "It"s beautiful."
"I was going to give it to you that night. It was my promise ring to you. I had planned on asking you to marry me after I left the academy and had a steady job."
A sob escapes my throat at the lost opportunity. At the lost dream.
Mac reaches forward and pulls me between his legs and into his arms. I lay my head against his chest and cry out the pain I feel building inside me. I hate that so much was taken from us. I hate that we never got the chance to have our happily ever after. I hate that I became so bitter and engrossed with my own hurt that I neglected the man that meant the world to me. But, what I hate most of all is that Mac had hurt just as much as me. Mac, one of the sweetest men that I"ve ever known. The man that worshipped me and treated me like I was the most beautiful thing in the world to him.
I lift my head from Mac"s chest and wipe my eyes. He grabs my chin to bring my face up to his. Leaning forward, he places a soft kiss against my lips and then murmurs, "I love you, Mia."
"I love you, too, Mac," I say against his.
He pulls my left hand towards his and unclenches my fingers that I didn"t realize were balled into fists. He takes the ring from my hand and slides it onto my ring finger. I look down at it and fresh tears make their way to the surface. I push them back and look up at Mac. He has a look of pure love in his eyes. The green in them so bright and vibrant as he looks down at the ring on my finger. A ring that was supposed to be there years ago. A ring that I will now always wear with pride.
"It fits perfectly. Thank you so much, Sheriff. I love it." I smile at him tenderly.
I lean forward, wrap my arms around him, and kiss him pa.s.sionately. The kiss is heated, but sweet. Our tongues slowly sweep against each other"s. We lick and nip and suck at the other"s mouth. If it wasn"t for the fact that Mac"s parents were in the living room and Trent was still up, I would push him to the floor and demand he make love to me right here in the closet.
Unfortunately, Mac"s parents are here and Trent is still up. We reluctantly break apart, our breathing heavy. The desire I see in Mac"s eyes is the same desire that I know he sees in mine.
"Come on. We better get back in there."
I nod, not really wanting to leave our safe haven on the floor of his closet. Mac helps me to stand and together, hand in hand, we walk back to the living room.
Chapter Twenty-Eight.
Mia Her tongue...
Later that evening, Mac and I are lying in his bed. Our breathing is still labored from our recent lovemaking. Mac is on his back, and I"m lying next to him with my head on his shoulder. He"s lazily trailing his fingers lightly up and down my back, lulling my body into relaxation mode. It always feels so d.a.m.n good when he does that. My hand is on his chest, playing with the light dusting of hairs there. Every time I see my ring twinkle from the dim lamp light, it brings a smile to my face. I can"t stop looking at it. The meaning behind this ring has my heart soaring.
Mac"s parents went to the small local bed and breakfast here in Jaded Hollow. Mac and I both tried to insist that they stay here, but they refused. They said they wanted to give us our privacy. Trent went with them. They are going to take him to town tomorrow and buy a new game that he"s been keeping his eye on.
After a few minutes of silence, Mac breaks it by asking the one question I really don"t want to answer. It"s a question that I know Mac is not going to like the answer. A question that I"m ashamed to answer, but a question that I know needs answering, especially because of recent events.
"A while back you said you gave your virginity away to someone the night of your birthday. You wouldn"t answer me then. I need to know, Pix."
My hand stops playing with his chest and immediately starts sweating. How in the f.u.c.k do I tell Mac that the man who I gave my virginity to is now the man that"s in cahoots with his ex-wife to hurt me? Not only that, but he"s the man that pretty much took my virginity when I wasn"t willing.
Yeah, I"m thinking that"s not going to go over to well with Mac. The outcome of this conversation is not going to be pretty, and I"m not looking forward to it. If I wasn"t worried that Mac would somehow find out on his own, I would still avoid it. But there"s no telling what will happen once Shady is found. Shady is the type of person that will use whatever to get his way or to beat someone.
"Mac..." I begin, but then stop. I have no clue how to tell him. "I don"t know if telling you is a good idea."
Mac pushes me back and gets up on his elbow. Looming over me, he looks at me with a hard jaw. From the little light that"s in the room, I can tell that his eyes are blazing.
"I already know that I"m not going to like the answer, Mia. It doesn"t matter who it is, but I need to know. I don"t know why, so don"t ask. It"s just something I can"t let go of."
"What are you going to do if I tell you?"
"Nothing. I would do nothing," he says, and looks so earnest.
I laugh bitterly, knowing d.a.m.n good and well that once he finds out he"s going to flip.
"Swear to me, Sheriff, that you won"t do something stupid," I say forcefully, needing him to give me this before I tell him.
He looks at me with his brows puckered, as if he"s confused with my reaction. He"ll understand all too soon of my worry and concern.
"Mia, I know that you didn"t stay a virgin, even before you told me you slept with someone that night. I know that you"ve been with other guys. I never expected you to..."
"It was Shady," I blurt out, getting it over with.
Mac"s body jerks above mine. His eyes narrow, and I feel the sheets at my side"s shift, as if he"s gathering the sheets as he b.a.l.l.s his hands into fists.
"What the f.u.c.k did you just say?" He growls.
I"ve never been scared of Mac, and I"m not now, but if I were the type of person to cower in the face of pure outrage, then I would be scared s.h.i.tless of him. Never have I seen such fury in one person"s face.
"Mac," I hesitantly raise my hand to his face, but he knocks it away, shocking me.
"You tell me right f.u.c.king now, Mia, that I heard you wrong," he snarls at me. "You tell me that you didn"t let that f.u.c.ker touch you. That you didn"t let that b.a.s.t.a.r.d put his hands on you."
I say nothing because I can"t tell him that. As much as I want to, I can"t tell him what he wants to hear. It hurts to see him like this. It hurts knowing that I put that tortured look on his face.
When I say nothing and just look at him with resolve in my eyes, he jackknifes off the bed with a curse.
"f.u.c.k!" He grabs his jeans off the floor and jerkily brings them up his legs, before stalking off to the bathroom, closing the door none too gently.
I roll to my side and curl into a ball, upset that he"s acting the way he is. I don"t really blame him, but it still bothers me that he threw off my touch. I"ll give him a few minutes to cool down before I go to him. Unfortunately, I haven"t told him the whole story yet. The part that he"s going to hate the most. Nevertheless, he needs to know the whole truth.
I get up off the bed and snag one of Mac"s t-shirts out of his dresser. Walking across the floor on bare feet, I stand in front of the door for a minute before knocking softly. When I don"t hear a reply, I slowly open the door and slip inside.
Mac has his back towards me. He"s leaning over with his hands on the basin of the sink, his shoulders hunched. I don"t know if he didn"t hear me enter because he"s so deep in thought, or if he"s ignoring me.
I walk up to him and lay my hand on the center of his back. His muscles tense, but he doesn"t move or try to push me away. I take that as a good sign and put my arms around his stomach. His muscles there ripple as I touch them. His head is downcast, but I hear him take in a deep breath when I rest my head on his back.
We stand like that for several moments before he takes my hands and pulls them from his stomach. At first, I think he"s pulling away from me again and my heart plummets, but then he turns around and leans back against the counter, pulling me in between his legs.
I look up to him and see him looking down at me. The anger is still there, but not as harsh. Now there"s also resolve and bitterness.
Oh, Mac. I"m so sorry for what I"m about to say.
"There"s more that I need to tell you," I tell him quietly.
His arms tighten around me when he says harshly, "f.u.c.k that, Mia. What more could there be? I don"t need to hear the dirty details."
His words hurt and p.i.s.s me off at the same time. I understand him not wanting the details. h.e.l.l, when he told me what happened between him and Tessa, it took everything I had not to go into a rant and destroy s.h.i.t. However, he doesn"t need to be an a.s.shole. I shut my mouth when he spoke. He can do the same for me. As with his determination for me to listen, my determination is just as strong.
"Mac, I understand where you"re coming from. What I need to tell you isn"t what you think. Do you really think I want to relive it? I feel nothing but shame for that night. You need to listen to what I have to say. It"s important."
"s.h.i.t!" He says loudly and tilts his head back, taking in a few deep breaths. Once he"s composed himself, he looks back down at me and says, "Okay."
Gathering every bit of courage I have, I start talking.
"After I saw you that night in bed with Tessa, I took off downstairs. I stopped just long enough to grab two cups off the counter in the kitchen. I didn"t know what was inside the cups. I just knew that I wanted something to numb the pain. The pain I felt was so suffocating that I thought I was going to drown. I literally couldn"t breathe. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I downed the two drinks and collapsed on the ground.
"The longer I sat on that ground gasping for breath, the pain started becoming overshadowed by another emotion: rage. The pain was still there, but the hatred I felt helped. I was so p.i.s.sed at you. I kept thinking to myself, "How in the h.e.l.l could you do that to me?" How could you give something to Tessa that was so precious and was supposed to be mine?"
I stop for a minute and look down at my hands that are on his chest. The pain I felt that night coming back full force. I push it down, making myself continue.
"I don"t know how long I sat there. I was feeling the effects of the alcohol so it could have been hours or just minutes. Either way, I came to a decision. I decided that if you didn"t care who you gave yourself to then why should I care about my own virginity? When I stood up to leave, my opportunity came sooner that what I thought. There was Shady, leaning against one of the light posts, smoking a cigarette and watching me."
Mac"s hands clench at my sides when I mention Shady"s name, but I ignore it, needing to get to the end.
"He came towards me and started talking to me. I could tell that he was drunk. He was being sweet and considerate. I knew what his game plan was, but as it turned out, I was going to use him as much as he wanted to use me.
"To skip useless information, Shady took me to his truck."
"Stop!" Mac demands and puts his forehead against mine, eye shut tightly.
"No, Mac. I need to finish. He"s a part of this. You need to know what happened that night, just like I needed the truth as well."
I pull my head back from him and take a step back, not wanting to touch him when I tell him the rest. He gives me my s.p.a.ce and puts his hands on the counter on either side of his hips.
"When we made it to Shady"s truck, doubt started plaguing me, but I ignored it. I was hoping that if I let Shady do whatever he wanted with me, it would help with the pain. My brain kept shouting at me to stop, that I was making a mistake. While we were in his truck, we started kissing. I hated every minute of it. It just didn"t feel right. Up to that point, I had never kissed another guy, except you.
"I had gotten as far as my pants and shirt off when I realized that I couldn"t go through with it. Shady had his d.i.c.k out and was rubbing it against my leg. His hand was in my panties when I told him to stop."
A lump forms in my throat and tears threaten to spill from my eyes. When I look over to Mac, I see his eyes blazing. The green in his eyes almost nonexistent, swallowed up by the black of the pupil. His knuckles are white from the grip he has on the counter.
"Finish it," he growls.
"Shady didn"t stop. Instead, he shoved his fingers in me. It hurt so much. I tried pushing and kicking him to get him off me, but he wouldn"t budge. He used his fingers and broke through my hymen. The pain of it was almost unbearable. I think the pain he knew he was putting me through excited him, because after a few minutes, he e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed against my leg. I watched him pull his b.l.o.o.d.y fingers out of me and put them in his mouth. After he licked them clean, he looked straight at me and said, "You can leave now. I got what I wanted.""
I can"t look at Mac when I finish. I"m ashamed of my actions that night. Yes, I know that I said no and Shady should have stopped when I did, but I can"t help but feel that I got what was coming to me. I knew what was going to happen when I went to Shady"s truck. I knew the type of man he was. I also knew that he was drunk, and a drunk Shady is not a nice Shady.
I snap my head up when I hear a loud crash and find the mirror above the sink shattered. I glance down to find Mac"s fist bloodied. I rush forward and gently grab his hand. I turn the faucet on and place his hand under the running water.
"He"s dead," Mac says in a low voice. When I look up at him, his eyes are on me. "When I find that b.a.s.t.a.r.d, Mia, I"ll f.u.c.king kill him."
I shake my head at him. "No, Mac." I plead with him. "You can"t do that. He"s not worth spending the rest of your life in prison for."
He ignores my plea and instead asks a question. "Why didn"t you go to the Sheriff, Pix? It hurts to know this, but I understand why you didn"t come to me."
I look back down at his hand and watch the blood wash down the drain. I see a chunk of gla.s.s still embedded in his skin, and I carefully pull it free.
"Because I was ashamed. I knew the type of guy Shady was, but I went with him anyway. I don"t know, I guess I kind of felt I deserved it."
Mac grips my chin with his good hand and brings my face up to his. "No one deserves that, Mia," he says forcefully. "No one. You say no, that means no. That s.h.i.t stops right then. It doesn"t matter what the circ.u.mstances are."
"Please, Mac. Promise me you won"t do anything stupid. I can"t lose you. Trent can"t lose you. Swear to me, Mac."
After looking at me for a while, Mac nods his head. He doesn"t actually say the words, but I"m sure that"s the only thing I"m going to get. I know that it"s hard for him. I just hope and pray he keeps his promise.
I wrap Mac"s hand in gauze and lift it to my lips, kissing the white material. We both put our arms around the other and squeeze each other tight. I feel Mac place a kiss on top of my head.