She"s right. As much of a shock as it was to find out Andrew has a daughter, there"s no way I would abandon him. Andrew is quickly becoming a vital part of my life. Imagining a life without him in it has my stomach cramping and a cold sweat breaking out. He has so forcefully woven his way into my heart that if I were to lose him it would destroy me. He doesn"t know it, but my heart belongs to him. Wherever he is, my heart is right there beside him, keeping him company.
Chris and I sit in silence, both deep in thought. I wonder if and how this will change my and Andrew"s relationship. It"s clear he"s part of Ally"s life. This is where he goes when he leaves town. Will he want me to be part of her life as well? Or will he continue to keep the two lives separate? I have to admit, I want to meet her. I want to meet all of his second family. And that"s what they are. The way he talked about them, especially Ally, shows he loves them and considers them his family.
My tumultuous thoughts are interrupted when Sandra comes back with coffee. She hands everyone a cup from the tray she"s carrying and takes a seat on the other side of me. The others sit close by as well.
"Does anyone know how long this process takes?" Mac asks.
It"s Sandra who answers. Of course she would know because they"ve prepared for it.
"The process itself takes about an hour," she says in a small voice. "There"s also prep and recovery time. It"ll probably be a few hours before we hear anything. He"ll probably stay overnight since it"s already so late in the day."
"What about Ally? When she gets the marrow, how long before we know if it works for her?" I ask.
When I turn to face her, there"s such anguish in her eyes. "It could take a few weeks before we know if her body took to it or rejects it. Her body will be weakened because of the extensive chemo and the transplant, not to mention the renal failure, so she"ll be susceptible to infection. It"ll be a waiting game."
I gather her in my arms when a tear trails down her face. The pain she"s going through must be horrible. First, she has to watch her grandchild suffer this terrible illness. Then she has to witness the grief of her son while he suffers with her.
I look over her shoulder at the others. Bailey and Chris both have tears in their eyes. Their men have them in their arms, comforting them. Mia is standing with Mac. The expression on her face is unreadable. She"s been quiet and in the background this whole time. I know she and Andrew have a close relationship, and I wonder what she"s thinking right now.
Several hours pa.s.s with us all sitting and waiting. There"s not much talking going on. My nerves are getting the better of me. I want to jump out of my skin, wondering how things are going. I know very little about donating bone marrow, but I do know it"s not a dangerous procedure. I"m not really worried about the procedure itself, I"m more concerned with Andrew"s state of mind. I have no idea how he"s kept this to himself for so long. How he"s coped with this by himself. Yes, he"s had his mom and I"m sure that"s helped, but when you"ve got friends as close as Andrew does, it has to be hard to keep a secret like this from them.
A sound off to my left startles me, and I glance up just as a nurse comes through the door. We all stand up quickly as she makes her way toward us.
"Mrs. Donovan?" the nurse calls.
"Yes, that"s me," Sandra says.
"Andrew"s in recovery. As expected, the procedure went fine. He"s still a little groggy from the anesthesia, but he should be up and running soon."
I hear Sandra take a deep breath from beside me before she asks, "What about Ally? How is she?"
The sympathy I see in the nurse"s eyes says a lot and it causes a sharp pain in my stomach.
"I"ll have to check to see if you"re on her privacy statement, but I can tell you she"s okay. Dr. Adams is in with her and her parents now."
My hands clench at my sides. I understand the policy on privacy, but f.u.c.k if it doesn"t p.i.s.s me off just the same. Sandra"s been worried sick out here for that little girl and she still can"t find out how she"s doing.
"Can we see Andrew?"
"Yes, if you"ll follow me, I"ll take you to him."
Sandra nods and takes a step to follow the nurse. I want to demand to go in with her, but it"s not up to me. Everyone behind me has known Andrew longer and deserves to see him first.
She"s only taken a few steps when she turns back to face me. "Are you coming?"
I look back at the others and watch as they nod. "You two go ahead. We"ll give you both a few minutes before we come up," Jaxon says.
Turning back to Sandra, I ask, "Are you sure?"
"Yes. He"ll want to see you."
Relief floods through me at her words, and I follow her and the nurse. The walk down the hallway takes forever. The smell of antiseptic and cleaner stings my nose. The white walls on either side of the hallway close in on me, and I have to shake my head to clear it. Nurses and doctors pa.s.s by us, talking quietly. The world continues on as usual, but it seems like mine just flipped on its axis.
When we make it to the door, I let Sandra enter first. She immediately rushes to his side because his dumb a.s.s is trying to climb out of the bed.
"Andrew Donovan, get your b.u.t.t back in that bed!" Sandra scolds him.
Andrew whips around at his mom"s sharp tone. He sways a bit before righting himself. If the situation wasn"t so serious I would have laughed at his expression. He looks like a child who just got caught sneaking a look at Christmas presents.
"Do you know how Ally is?" he asks in a scratchy voice. "I can"t get anyone to tell me a d.a.m.n thing. I was just getting up to find someone..."
He stops when he sees me standing in the doorway and we just stare at each other. He looks ridiculous in his white-and-green checked hospital gown. But even so, he"s still s.e.xy as f.u.c.k. I want to go to him, but don"t. I"m unsure of where we stand at the moment. Revealing that you have a child to your lover has the potential to alter a relationship.
"The only thing they"ve told me is she"s okay. The nurse said Dr. Adams is in with her, Becky, and Brent, speaking with them," Sandra says, breaking the spell between us. Andrew looks away from me and toward Sandra.
"f.u.c.k," Andrew hisses, and lies back down on the bed, frustration and fear evident in his tone.
I take a step toward him. My need to go to him is too strong to ignore. I hate knowing Andrew is in pain, whether emotionally or physically.
"If you don"t get your a.s.s over here, Jase, I"m coming after you, and you"ll be the one dealing with my mom b.i.t.c.hing at me," Andrew says, pinning me with his eyes.
That"s all the prompting I need. The next second I"m standing beside the bed and he has his hand on my neck, pulling my lips toward him. We meet in an easy kiss, nothing carnal or rushed about it.
After we pull apart, I rest my forehead against his.
"You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah. I"m sorry I kept Ally from you," he says softly.
I shake my head. "No, don"t apologize. We"ll talk more about it later."
He nods, and I pull my head back. Sandra"s standing on the other side of the bed watching us with a small smile. I can see the strain still around Andrew"s eyes. The worry is obviously still there, but his expression seems lighter.
A few minutes later, the door whooshes open and in walks a female doctor who looks to be in her forties. As soon as Andrew sees her he sits up in bed, wincing slightly without complaint.
"Hey, take it easy," I tell Andrew, and push him back down.
"He"s right. You"ll probably be a little tender the next couple of days," the doctor says, walking up to Andrew"s bed.
He ignores her concerns and instead asks, "How is she, Dr. Adams? How"s Ally?"
"Relax, Andrew, Ally"s fine," she says kindly. "She"s resting right now. Becky and Brent sent me down here to explain things because they knew you would be worried. Luckily, we caught the renal failure fairly quickly through random blood tests. Since it was at the beginning stages, she should only need one dialysis treatment. Once her kidneys are functioning properly and her body can handle it, we"ll do the BMT."
Andrew relaxes against the pillow and closes his eyes, Sandra mutters a "thank G.o.d," and I let out a sigh of relief. I may not know the little girl who means so much to these two, but I"m glad she"s okay. No child should be put through this.
"When are you starting the dialysis?" Sandra asks Dr. Adams.
"Normally we would take the time to create a blood vessel in her arm to connect a vessel to an artery, but since we"re on a tight time schedule, we"ll be placing a temporary access line in her neck. We"ll start dialysis in a couple of hours. The filtering phase will last for about four hours."
"How soon will we know if it worked?" Andrew asks.
"We"ll know within twenty-four hours if the treatment filtered the pollutants out of her system sufficiently."
Listening to Andrew, Sandra, and the doctor talk cements the fact that this is very serious. It"s also obvious they"ve prepared for any outcome and problem along the way. Through their questions it"s plain to see they"ve done research and know what questions to ask.
"And her heart? Can her heart handle all this?" Andrew asks.
"We"ve managed to get her heart rate down, so it shouldn"t be a problem. I"m more worried about getting her through dialysis so she can have the BMT. Her blood work shows the leukemia is dormant." She stops to let them take that in. Both Andrew and Sandra let out a sigh of relief. "Once dialysis and the BMT are complete, and if her body takes to the new marrow, she should be on the mend."
The atmosphere in the room lightens slightly. The news that the cancer is dormant is good. That"s one less fight to deal with at the moment. Now the battle is to overcome the rest.
"Thank you for letting us know, Dr. Adams. When can we see her?"
"Let"s give it until tomorrow morning, once she"s had the dialysis treatment. She needs to get as much rest as she can in order to be strong enough for the transplant. We"ll be sedating her to avoid any trauma due to the line we"ll be putting in her neck."
After a few more words, Dr. Adams leaves with the promise to let them know if there is any change with Ally. Sandra fusses with fixing Andrew"s pillow, and I can"t help but smile as he grumbles at her. His eyes turn to me and narrow.
"What are you smiling about?" he mutters. "She"s acting like I just had major surgery or some s.h.i.t. It"s ridiculous."
"You watch your language, Andrew. And let me be. I"m your mother. If I want to fuss over my baby while he"s in a hospital bed, then I"ll d.a.m.n well do it, no matter how serious the reasoning is." I laugh at her word choice, because she just got on to him for cussing. "Besides, if I don"t do this, then I"ll think about..."
She stops midsentence and lets out a sob. I feel like an a.s.shole for laughing. This is definitely not a time to laugh.
Andrew sits up and pulls his mom into his arms. As she cries against his white and green checkered hospital gown, I walk around and rub her back. Watching the emotions these two are going through is hard. I want to comfort them and make everything better.
Only a couple minutes pa.s.s before the door opens again and a rush of people file inside the small room. I step to the side as Bailey and Chris hurry over. Andrew releases Sandra and she discreetly wipes her eyes. Jaxon, Mia, Mac, and Trent stay back a few steps. I"m surprised Mia isn"t in the middle of the cry fest Bailey and Chris are having. Her expression is still closed off, and I wonder if she"s upset with Andrew for keeping Ally from her.
"Mia," Andrew calls, when he realizes she"s still across the room.
She stays put for a couple of moments before slowly walking over to him. Bailey and Chris move away so she can get close. As I get a better look at Mia"s face, I see tears glistening in her eyes and her lips trembling. When Andrew tries to grab her hand, she takes a step back.
"Why?" she whispers raggedly, barely loud enough for us to hear. "Why would you keep this from us? From me?"
"Oh, Mia, I"m so sorry," Andrew says, brows pulled down into a frown. "When Becky and Brent first came to me about donating sperm, they asked me to not say anything for a while. Becky"s parents were firmly against anything other than a natural child from both married parents. The plan was to ease them into it. For years, I watched them suffer multiple negative pregnancy tests. The devastation each test brought them was destroying them, and I hated seeing them like that. Brent found out later that he"s infertile."
Andrew again tries to reach out for Mia, but she just shakes her head.
"Why has it taken this long though? You said she"s six, which means it"s been about seven years. I get they wanted to wait, but for seven years?"
A tear streaks down Mia"s face, and I feel Mac stiffen beside me, wanting to go comfort his woman. Mia"s not the type to shed tears. She always seems so strong and stubborn. To see her upset like this must be tearing both him and Andrew up inside. The pain I see on Andrew"s face as he watches the tear trail down her cheek has my own emotions boiling to the surface. I understand her feeling of betrayal, but what Andrew"s been through hasn"t been a walk in the park either, I"m sure. I can"t imagine the internal struggle he"s faced on a daily basis.
"Come here, Mia, please," Andrew says, his voice tight.
After a few seconds, Mia reaches out and grasps Andrew"s hand and steps toward him. He brings her hand to his mouth and kisses the back. More tears fall silently down her face.
"In the beginning, they were only supposed to wait a few months after Ally was born to tell them. But things became strained between Becky and her mom. I don"t know all the details, but they"ve always had a close relationship and it was hard on her and the rest of the family when their relationship went downhill. They spoke with me first to make sure it was okay that they waited longer to tell them. I told them to do what they felt was best. I didn"t want to be the cause of an even bigger rift between her and her family. That would only hurt Ally.
"Once everything was settled between Becky and her family, I was the one that wasn"t ready. I don"t know why, but I wanted to keep Ally to myself a bit longer. I had gotten into a routine, and I wasn"t ready for it to change. Before I knew it, years had pa.s.sed by. I know that makes me selfish, and I"m sorry."
Andrew stops for a minute and looks at Bailey and Jaxon, his eyes softening. "Once I was ready to tell everyone, it got put on hold again. Everybody"s attention was focused on Bailey. And after what happened to Anna, everyone was grieving. It wasn"t the right time."
When Bailey starts to apologize, Andrew holds up his hand. "No, honey, I"m not blaming you. You were priority at the time. We needed to focus on you. I had already waited years, a few more months wouldn"t hurt. Don"t you dare take any blame for this."
Bailey comes to the bed and kisses Andrew on his cheek. She pulls back, wipes the tear that"s fallen, and nods.
Looking back at Mia, Andrew continues, "Everything settled down after Amari was born, but that"s when everything went down with you and Mac. Again, it wasn"t the right time." He looks from one person to the other, ending with his eyes back on Mia. "I"m so sorry I never told any of you. But there was never a good time."
"Does she know you"re her father?" Mia asks, and I hold my breath, waiting on his answer. Does Ally call him Dad?
"No, she knows me as Uncle Andrew."
Bringing Andrew"s hand up to her face, Mia places it on her cheek. "We"ve missed so much of her life," she says tearfully.
"I know," replies Andrew.
They both stare at each other for a few moments. Everyone"s quiet in the room, giving them their private time. It"s hard to watch these two people who obviously love each other be at odds. Andrew"s told me a little about his and Mia"s relationship. They"ve been best friends since grade school. I feel a pang of jealousy at the closeness they share, but push it away. It"s ridiculous to feel that way.
All of a sudden a beautiful smile comes across Mia"s face, causing her blue eyes to shine brightly.
"You have a daughter, Andrew!" she says excitedly. "I can"t believe it! I know we"re not able to right now, but when can we meet her? Can you tell us about her?"
Andrew laughs at her excitement and the dire atmosphere fades. Everyone relaxes. Although the seriousness of the situation is still there, it"s clear Andrew loves talking about Ally to his friends.
His eyes keep straying to mine and every time they do, I smile at him. We haven"t gotten a chance to talk alone, so I tell him through my smile I"m okay with this. It"ll be strange seeing him with her, but I"m looking forward to it. And I"m especially looking forward to meeting this precious girl who"s irrevocably captured my lover"s heart.
Andrew I"m sitting on the edge of the bed, back in my own clothes instead of the hospital gown from h.e.l.l. I grip the back of my neck and bounce my leg in irritation and impatience. I"m waiting on the nurse to come back with my release papers and information on whether or not I can see Ally. She left here with a muttered "I"ll be back soon." That was-I look down at my watch-thirty-two f.u.c.king minutes ago.
Jase is across the room sitting on the windowsill, watching me like a zookeeper watches a rabid animal. I get up from the bed and start pacing the room, feeling a little twinge on my hip, but I ignore it. Being stuck in this room waiting makes me feel like a caged animal. Don"t these f.u.c.kers know how important it is I see Ally?
"Andrew, baby, you need to relax and calm down," Jase says soothingly. I"m sure he"s worried I"ll bite his head off if he talks to me with anything other than a cautious tone. I know I"m on the edge right now and need to take his advice, but my head keeps screaming at me to get to Ally.
"The d.a.m.n nurse should be back by now. What the h.e.l.l is taking so long?" I growl.
It"s a rhetorical question. Jase doesn"t know why the nurse is taking her sweet-a.s.s time, but I"m hoping he"ll at least attempt to answer. If he"s talking it helps keep my mind settled. I love the sound of his deep voice.
"I don"t know, but I"m sure she"ll be back soon. And I"m sure Ally is fine as well. You heard the doctor last night. She"ll let you know if something changes."
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and let his voice soothe my frayed nerves. He"s right. I know if something changed with Ally, someone would let me know, but it"s still hard to just sit here.
When I open my eyes again, I look over at Jase. He"s still sitting there watching me. Of course, now my body picks the most inconvenient time to become needy. Seeing him sitting there with his sleeves pushed up to his elbows, showing off his tattooed muscles, and his hair in a s.e.xy messy ponytail has my body hardening. My body may have picked a bad time to react, but d.a.m.n if I won"t take a taste. After all, the last taste I had was last night, and that"s just too d.a.m.n long.
My strides quickly eat up the distance between us. The closer I get, the darker Jase"s eyes become, and the harder I become.
He hasn"t moved an inch. He"s sitting there on the edge of the windowsill with his hands on either side of his hips. When I make it to him, I rest my hands against the window on both sides of his head and lean in. He still doesn"t move or talk.
Greedy for a taste, I lean down and run my tongue along the seam of his lips, waiting for him to open up. He doesn"t disappoint, and I immediately slip inside. He tastes so f.u.c.king good.
I slant my head and deepen the kiss, tangling my tongue with his. My body vibrates with pleasure and it takes everything in me to not flip him around and sink my d.i.c.k in his tight hole. If we were anywhere else and if the situation was anything but what it is, I would.