Afanasey Lukitch began banging at the door of the summerhouse.
"You won"t?" shouted Va.s.sily.
Rogatchov shook his head.
"Well, d.a.m.n you, then!"
Poor Pavel Afanasievitch fell dead: Lutchinov"s sword stabbed him to the heart... The door gave way; old Rogatchov burst into the summerhouse, but Va.s.sily had already jumped out of window...
Two hours later he went into Olga Ivanovna"s room... She rushed in terror to meet him... He bowed to her in silence; took out his sword and pierced Pavel Afanasievitch"s portrait in the place of the heart. Olga shrieked and fell unconscious on the floor... Va.s.sily went in to Anna Pavlovna. He found her in the oratory. "Mother," said he, "we are avenged." The poor old woman shuddered and went on praying.
Within a week Va.s.sily had returned to Petersburg, and two years later he came back stricken with paralysis--tongue-tied. He found neither Anna Pavlovna nor Olga living, and soon after died himself in the arms of Yuditch, who fed him like a child, and was the only one who could understand his incoherent stuttering.
1846.
ENOUGH
A FRAGMENT FROM THE NOTE-BOOK OF A DEAD ARTIST
I
II
III
"Enough," I said to myself as I moved with lagging steps over the steep mountainside down to the quiet little brook. "Enough," I said again, as I drank in the resinous fragrance of the pinewood, strong and pungent in the freshness of falling evening. "Enough," I said once more, as I sat on the mossy mound above the little brook and gazed into its dark, lingering waters, over which the st.u.r.dy reeds thrust up their pale green blades.... "Enough."
No more struggle, no more strain, time to draw in, time to keep firm hold of the head and to bid the heart be silent. No more to brood over the voluptuous sweetness of vague, seductive ecstasy, no more to run after each fresh form of beauty, no more to hang over every tremour of her delicate, strong wings.
All has been felt, all has been gone through... I am weary. What to me now that at this moment, larger, fiercer than ever, the sunset floods the heavens as though aflame with some triumphant pa.s.sion? What to me that, amid the soft peace and glow of evening, suddenly, two paces hence, hidden in a thick bush"s dewy stillness, a nightingale has sung his heart out in notes magical as though no nightingale had been on earth before him, and he first sang the first song of first love? All this was, has been, has been again, and is a thousand times repeated--and to think that it will last on so to all eternity--as though decreed, ordained--it stirs one"s wrath! Yes... wrath!
IV
Ah, I am grown old! Such thoughts would never have come to me once--in those happy days of old, when I too was aflame like the sunset and my heart sang like the nightingale.
There is no hiding it--everything has faded about me, all life has paled. The light that gives life"s colours depth and meaning--the light that comes out of the heart of man--is dead within me.... No, not dead yet--it feebly smoulders on, giving no light, no warmth.
Once, late in the night in Moscow, I remember I went up to the grating window of an old church, and leaned against the faulty pane. It was dark under the low arched roof--a forgotten lamp shed a dull red light upon the ancient picture; dimly could be discerned the lips only of the sacred face--stern and sorrowful. The sullen darkness gathered about it, ready it seemed to crush under its dead weight the feeble ray of impotent light.... Such now in my heart is the light; and such the darkness.
V
And this I write to thee, to thee, my one never forgotten friend, to thee, my dear companion, whom I have left for ever, but shall not cease to love till my life"s end.... Alas! thou knowest what parted us. But that I have no wish to speak of now. I have left thee... but even here, in these wilds, in this far-off exile, I am all filled through and through with thee; as of old I am in thy power, as of old I feel the sweet burden of thy hand on my bent head!
For the last time I drag myself from out the grave of silence in which I am lying now. I turn a brief and softened gaze on all my past... our past.... No hope and no return; but no bitterness is in my heart and no regret, and clearer than the blue of heaven, purer than the first snow on mountain tops, fair memories rise up before me like the forms of departed G.o.ds.... They come, not thronging in crowds, in slow procession they follow one another like those draped Athenian figures we admired so much--dost thou remember?--in the ancient bas-reliefs in the Vatican.
VI
I have spoken of the light that comes from the heart of man, and sheds brightness on all around him... I long to talk with thee of the time when in my heart too that light burned bright with blessing... Listen...
and I will fancy thee sitting before me, gazing up at me with those eyes--so fond yet stern almost in their intentness. O eyes, never to be forgotten! On whom are they fastened now? Who folds in his heart thy glance--that glance that seems to flow from depths unknown even as mysterious springs--like ye, both clear and dark--that gush out into some narrow, deep ravine under the frowning cliffs.... Listen.
VII
It was at the end of March before Annunciation, soon after I had seen thee for the first time and--not yet dreaming of what thou wouldst be to me--already, silently, secretly, I bore thee in my heart. I chanced to cross one of the great rivers of Russia. The ice had not yet broken up, but looked swollen and dark; it was the fourth day of thaw. The snow was melting everywhere--steadily but slowly; there was the running of water on all sides; a noiseless wind strayed in the soft air. Earth and sky alike were steeped in one unvarying milky hue; there was not fog nor was there light; not one object stood out clear in the general whiteness, everything looked both close and indistinct. I left my cart far behind and walked swiftly over the ice of the river, and except the m.u.f.fled thud of my own steps heard not a sound. I went on enfolded on all sides by the first breath, the first thrill, of early spring... and gradually gaining force with every step, with every movement forwards, a glad tremour sprang up and grew, all uncomprehended within me... it drew me on, it hastened me, and so strong was the flood of gladness within me, that I stood still at last and with questioning eyes looked round me, as I would seek some outer cause of my mood of rapture.... All was soft, white, slumbering, but I lifted my eyes; high in the heavens floated a flock of birds flying back to us.... "Spring! welcome spring!" I shouted aloud: "welcome, life and love and happiness!" And at that instance, with sweetly troubling shock, suddenly like a cactus flower thy image blossomed aflame within me, blossomed and grew, bewilderingly fair and radiant, and I knew that I love thee, thee only--that I am all filled full of thee....
VIII
I think of thee... and many other memories, other pictures float before me with thee everywhere, at every turn of my life I meet thee. Now an old Russian garden rises up before me on the slope of a hillside, lighted up by the last rays of the summer sun. Behind the silver poplars peeps out the wooden roof of the manor-house with a thin curl of reddish smoke above the white chimney, and in the fence a little gate stands just ajar, as though some one had drawn it to with faltering hand; and I stand and wait and gaze at that gate and the sand of the garden path--wonder and rapture in my heart. All that I behold seems new and different; over all a breath of some glad, brooding mystery, and already I catch the swift rustle of steps, and I stand intent and alert as a bird with wings folded ready to take flight anew, and my heart burns and shudders in joyous dread before the approaching, the alighting rapture....
IX
Then I see an ancient cathedral in a beautiful, far-off land. In rows kneel the close packed people; a breath of prayerful chill, of something grave and melancholy is wafted from the high, bare roof, from the huge, branching columns. Thou standest at my side, mute, apart, as though knowing me not. Each fold of thy dark cloak hangs motionless as carved in stone. Motionless, too, lie the bright patches cast by the stained windows at thy feet on the worn flags. And lo, violently thrilling the incense-clouded air, thrilling us within, rolled out the mighty flood of the organ"s notes... and I saw thee paler, rigid--thy glance caressed me, glided higher and rose heavenwards--while to me it seemed none but an immortal soul could look so, with such eyes...
X
Another picture comes back to me.
No old-world temple subdues us with its stern magnificence; the low walls of a little snug room shut us off from the whole world. What am I saying? We are alone, alone in the whole world; except us two there is nothing living--outside these friendly walls darkness and death and emptiness... It is not the wind that howls without, not the rain streaming in floods; without, Chaos wails and moans, his sightless eyes are weeping. But with us all is peaceful and light and warm and welcoming; something droll, something of childish innocence, like a b.u.t.terfly--isn"t it so?--flutters about us. We nestle close to one another, we lean our heads together and both read a favourite book. I feel the delicate vein beating in thy soft forehead; I hear that thou livest, thou hearest that I am living, thy smile is born on my face before it is on thine, thou makest mute answer to my mute question, thy thoughts, my thoughts are like the two wings of one bird, lost in the infinite blue... the last barriers have fallen--and so soothed, so deepened is our love, so utterly has all apartness vanished that we have no need for word or look to pa.s.s between us.... Only to breathe, to breathe together is all we want, to be together and scarcely to be conscious that we are together....
XI
Or last of all, there comes before me that bright September when we walked through the deserted, still flowering garden of a forsaken palace on the bank of a great river--not Russian--under the soft brilliance of the cloudless sky. Oh, how put into words what we felt! The endlessly flowing river, the solitude and peace and bliss, and a kind of voluptuous melancholy, and the thrill of rapture, the unfamiliar monotonous town, the autumn cries of the jackdaws in the high sun-lit treetops, and the tender words and smiles and looks, long, soft, piercing to the very in-most soul, and the beauty, beauty in our lives, about us, on all sides--it is above words. Oh, the bench on which we sat in silence with heads bowed down under the weight of feeling--I cannot forget it till the hour I die! How delicious were those few strangers pa.s.sing us with brief greetings and kind faces, and the great quiet boats floating by (in one--dost thou remember?--stood a horse pensively gazing at the gliding water), the baby prattle of the tiny ripples by the bank, and the very bark of the distant dogs across the water, the very shouts of the fat officer drilling the red-faced recruits yonder, with outspread arms and knees crooked like gra.s.shoppers!... We both felt that better than those moments nothing in the world had been or would be for us, that all else... But why compare? Enough... enough... Alas! yes: enough.
XII