When the girl cannot make up her mind, or will not express her readiness to marry, the man should obtain her in any one of the following ways:-- (1). On a fitting occasion, and under some excuse, he should by means of a female friend with whom he is well acquainted, and whom he can trust, and who also is well known to the girl"s family, get the girl brought unexpectedly to his house, and he should then bring fire from the house of a Brahman, and proceed as before described.
(2.) When the marriage of the girl with some other person draws near, the man should disparage the future husband to the utmost in the mind of the mother of the girl, and then having got the girl to come with her mother"s consent to a neighbouring house, he should bring fire from the house of a Brahman, and proceed as above.
(3.) The man should become a great friend of the brother of the girl, the said brother being of the same age as himself, and addicted to courtesans, and to intrigues with the wives of other people, and should give him a.s.sistance in such matters, and also give him occasional presents. He should then tell him about his great love for his sister, as young men will sacrifice even their lives for the sake of those who may be of the same age, habits, and dispositions as themselves. After this the man should get the girl brought by means of her brother to some secure place, and having brought fire from the house of a Brahman, should proceed as before.
(4.) The man should on the occasion of festivals get the daughter of the nurse to give the girl some intoxicating substance, and then cause her to be brought to some secure place under the pretence of some business, and there having enjoyed her before she recovers from her intoxication, should bring fire from the house of a Brahman, and proceed as before.
(5.) The man should, with the connivance of the daughter of the nurse, carry off the girl from her house while she is asleep, and then, having enjoyed her before she recovers from her sleep, should bring fire from the house of a Brahman, and proceed as before.
(6.) When the girl goes to a garden, or to some village in the neighbourhood, the man should, with his friends, fall on her guards, and having killed them, or frightened them away, forcibly carry her off, and proceed as before.
There are verses on the subject as follows:--In all the forms of marriage given in this chapter of this work, the one that precedes is better than the one that follows it, on account of its being more in accordance with the commands of religion, and therefore it is only when it is impossible to carry the former into practice that the latter should be resorted to. As the fruit of all good marriages is love, the Gandharva[52] form of marriage is respected, even though it is formed under unfavourable circ.u.mstances, because it fulfils the object sought for. Another cause of the respect accorded to the Gandharva form of marriage is, that it brings forth happiness, causes less trouble in its performance than any other forms of marriage, and is above all the result of previous love.
FOOTNOTE: [Footnote 50: These forms of marriage differ from the four kinds of marriage mentioned in Chapter I., and are only to be made use of when the girl is gained over in the way mentioned in Chapters III. and IV.]
[Footnote 51: About this, see a story on the fatal effects of love at page 114 of "Early Ideas; a Group of Hindoo Stories," collected and collated by Anaryan. W. H. Allen and Co., London, 1881.]
[Footnote 52: About the Gandharvavivaha form of marriage, see note to page 28 of Captain R. F. Burton"s "Vickram and the Vampire; or Tales of Hindu Devilry." Longman, Green & Co., London, 1870. This form of matrimony was recognised by the ancient Hindus, and is frequent in books. It is a kind of Scotch Wedding--ultra-Caledonian--taking place by mutual consent without any form or ceremony. The Gandharvas are heavenly minstrels of Indra"s court, who are supposed to be witnesses.]
=END OF PART III.= PART IV.
ABOUT A WIFE.
CHAPTER I.
ON THE MANNER OF LIVING OF A VIRTUOUS WOMAN, AND OF HER BEHAVIOUR DURING THE ABSENCE OF HER HUSBAND.
A virtuous woman, who has affection for her husband, should act in conformity with his wishes as if he were a divine being, and with his consent should take upon herself the whole care of his family. She should keep the whole house well cleaned, and arrange flowers of various kinds in different parts of it, and make the floor smooth and polished so as to give the whole a neat and becoming appearance. She should surround the house with a garden, and place ready in it all the materials required for the morning, noon and even sacrifices. Moreover she should herself revere the sanctuary of the Household G.o.ds, for says Gonardiya, "nothing so much attracts the heart of a householder to his wife as a careful observance of the things mentioned above."
Towards the parents, relations, friends, sisters, and servants of her husband she should behave as they deserve. In the garden she should plant beds of green vegetables, bunches of the sugar cane, and clumps of the fig tree, the mustard plant, the parsley plant, the fennel plant, and the xanthochymus pictorius. Cl.u.s.ters of various flowers, such as the trapa bispinosa, the jasmine, the gasminum grandiflorum, the yellow amaranth, the wild jasmine, the tabernamontana coronaria, the nadyaworta, the china rose and others, should likewise be planted, together with the fragrant gra.s.s andropogon schaenanthus, and the fragrant root of the plant andropogon miricatus. She should also have seats and arbours made in the garden, in the middle of which a well, tank, or pool should be dug.
The wife should always avoid the company of female beggars, female buddish mendicants, unchaste and roguish women, female fortune tellers and witches. As regards meals she should always consider what her husband likes and dislikes, and what things are good for him, and what are injurious to him. When she hears the sounds of his footsteps coming home she should at once get up, and be ready to do whatever he may command her, and either order her female servant to wash his feet, or wash them herself. When going anywhere with her husband, she should put on her ornaments, and without his consent she should not either give or accept invitations, or attend marriages and sacrifices, or sit in the company of female friends, or visit the temples of the G.o.ds. And if she wants to engage in any kind of games or sports, she should not do it against his will. In the same way she should always sit down after him, and get up before him, and should never awaken him when he is asleep. The kitchen should be situated in a quiet and retired place, so as not to be accessible to strangers, and should always look clean.
In the event of any misconduct on the part of her husband, she should not blame him excessively though she be a little displeased. She should not use abusive language towards him, but rebuke him with conciliatory words, whether he be in the company of friends or alone. Moreover, she should not be a scold, for says Gonardiya, "there is no cause of dislike on the part of a husband so great as this characteristic in a wife." Lastly she should avoid bad expressions, sulky looks, speaking aside, standing in the doorway, and looking at pa.s.sers-by, conversing in the pleasure groves, and remaining in a lonely place for a long time; and finally she should always keep her body, her teeth, her hair, and everything belonging to her tidy, sweet, and clean.
When the wife wants to approach her husband in private her dress should consist of many ornaments, various kinds of flowers, and a cloth decorated with different colours, and some sweet-smelling ointments or unguents. But her every-day dress should be composed of a thin, close-textured cloth, a few ornaments and flowers, and a little scent, not too much. She should also observe the fasts and vows of her husband, and when he tries to prevent her doing this, she should persuade him to let her do it.
At appropriate times of the year, and when they happen to be cheap, she should buy earth, bamboos, firewood, skins, and iron pots, as also salt and oil. Fragrant substances, vessels made of the fruit of the plant wrightea antidysenterica, or oval leaved wrightea, medicines, and other things which are always wanted, should be obtained when required and kept in a secret place of the house. The seeds of the radish, the potato, the common beet, the Indian wormwood, the mangoe, the cuc.u.mber, the egg plant, the kushmanda, the pumpkin gourd, the surana, the bignonia indica, the sandal wood, the premna spinosa, the garlic plant, the onion, and other vegetables, should be bought and sown at the proper seasons.
The wife, moreover, should not tell to strangers the amount of her wealth, nor the secrets which her husband has confided to her. She should surpa.s.s all the women of her own rank in life in her cleverness, her appearance, her knowledge of cookery, her pride, and her manner of serving her husband. The expenditure of the year should be regulated by the profits. The milk that remains after the meals should be turned into ghee or clarified b.u.t.ter. Oil and sugar should be prepared at home; spinning and weaving should also be done there; and a store of ropes and cords, and barks of trees for twisting into ropes should be kept. She should also attend to the pounding and cleaning of rice, using its small grain and chaff in some way or other. She should pay the salaries of the servants, look after the tilling of the fields, and keeping of the flocks and herds, superintend the making of vehicles, and take care of the rams, c.o.c.ks, quails, parrots, starlings, cuckoos, peac.o.c.ks, monkeys, and deer; and finally adjust the income and expenditure of the day. The worn-out clothes should be given to those servants who have done good work, in order to show them that their services have been appreciated, or they may be applied to some other use. The vessels in which wine is prepared, as well as those in which it is kept, should be carefully looked after, and put away at the proper time. All sales and purchases should also be well attended to. The friends of her husband she should welcome by presenting them with flowers, ointment, incense, betel leaves, and betel nut. Her father-in-law and mother-in law she should treat as they deserve, always remaining dependant on their will, never contradicting them, speaking to them in few and not harsh words, not laughing loudly in their presence, and acting with their friends and enemies as with her own. In addition to the above she should not be vain, or too much taken up with her enjoyments. She should be liberal towards her servants, and reward them on holidays and festivals; and not give away anything without first making it known to her husband.
Thus ends the manner of living of a virtuous woman.
During the absence of her husband on a journey the virtuous woman should wear only her auspicious ornaments, and observe the fasts in honour of the G.o.ds. While anxious to hear the news of her husband, she should still look after her household affairs. She should sleep near the elder women of the house, and make herself agreeable to them. She should look after and keep in repair the things that are liked by her husband, and continue the works that have been begun by him. To the abode of her relations she should not go except on occasions of joy and sorrow, and then she should go in her usual travelling dress, accompanied by her husband"s servants, and not remain there for a long time. The fasts and feasts should be observed with the consent of the elders of the house. The resources should be increased by making purchases and sales according to the practice of the merchants, and by means of honest servants, superintended by herself. The income should be increased, and the expenditure diminished as much as possible. And when her husband returns from his journey, she should receive him at first in her ordinary clothes, so that he may know in what way she has lived during his absence, and should bring to him some presents, as also materials for the worship of the Deity.
Thus ends the part relating to the behaviour of a wife during the absence of her husband on a journey.
There are also some verses on the subject as follows.
"The wife, whether she be a woman of n.o.ble family, or a virgin widow[53] re-married, or a concubine, should lead a chaste life, devoted to her husband, and doing every thing for his welfare. Women acting thus, acquire Dharma, Artha, and Kama, obtain a high position, and generally keep their husbands devoted to them."
FOOTNOTE: [Footnote 53: This probably refers to a girl married in her infancy, or when very young, and whose husband had died before she arrived at the age of p.u.b.erty. Infant marriages are still the common custom of the Hindoos.]
CHAPTER II.
ON THE CONDUCT OF THE ELDER WIFE TOWARDS THE OTHER WIVES OF HER HUSBAND, AND ON THAT OF A YOUNGER WIFE TOWARDS THE ELDER ONES. ALSO ON THE CONDUCT OF A VIRGIN WIDOW RE-MARRIED; OF A WIFE DISLIKED BY HER HUSBAND; OF THE WOMEN IN THE KING"S HAREM; AND LASTLY ON THE CONDUCT OF A HUSBAND TOWARDS MANY WIVES.
The causes of re-marrying during the lifetime of the wife are as follows: (1). The folly or ill temper of the wife.
(2). Her husband"s dislike to her.
(3). The want of offspring.
(4). The continual birth of daughters.
(5). The incontinence of the husband.
From the very beginning the wife should endeavour to attract the heart of her husband, by showing to him continually her devotion, her good temper, and her wisdom. If however she bears him no children, she should herself tell her husband to marry another woman. And when the second wife is married, and brought to the house, the first wife should give her a position superior to her own, and look upon her as a sister. In the morning the elder wife should forcibly make the younger one decorate herself in the presence of their husband, and should not mind all the husband"s favour being given to her. If the younger wife does anything to displease her husband the elder one should not neglect her, but should always be ready to give her most careful advice, and should teach her to do various things in the presence of her husband. Her children she should treat as her own, her attendants she should look upon with more regard, even than on her own servants, her friends she should cherish with love and kindness, and her relations with great honour.
When there are many other wives besides herself, the elder wife should a.s.sociate with the one who is immediately next to her in rank and age, and should instigate the wife who has recently enjoyed her husband"s favour to quarrel with the present favourite. After this she should sympathize with the former, and having collected all the other wives together, should get them to denounce the favourite as a scheming and wicked woman, without however committing herself in any way. If the favourite wife happens to quarrel with the husband, then the elder wife should take her part and give her false encouragement, and thus cause the quarrel to be increased. If there be only a little quarrel between the two, the elder wife should do all she can to work it up into a large quarrel. But if after all this she finds the husband still continues to love his favourite wife she should then change her tactics, and endeavour to bring about a conciliation between them, so as to avoid her husband"s displeasure.
Thus ends the conduct of the elder wife.
The younger wife should regard the elder wife of her husband as her mother, and should not give anything away, even to her own relations, without her knowledge. She should tell her everything about herself, and not approach her husband without her permission. Whatever is told to her by the elder wife she should not reveal to others, and she should take care of the children of the senior even more than of her own. When alone with her husband she should serve him well, but should not tell him of the pain she suffers from the existence of a rival wife. She may also obtain secretly from her husband some marks of his particular regard for her, and may tell him that she lives only for him, and for the regard that he has for her. She should never reveal her love for her husband, nor her husband"s love for her to any person, either in pride or in anger, for a wife that reveals the secrets of her husband is despised by him. As for seeking to obtain the regard of her husband, Gonardiya says, that it should always be done in private, for fear of the elder wife. If the elder wife be disliked by her husband, or be childless, she should sympathize with her, and should ask her husband to do the same, but should surpa.s.s her in leading the life of a chaste woman.
Thus ends the conduct of the younger wife towards the elder.
A widow in poor circ.u.mstances, or of a weak nature, and who allies herself again to a man, is called a widow re-married.
The followers of Babhravya say that a virgin widow should not marry a person whom she may be obliged to leave on account of his bad character, or of his being dest.i.tute of the excellent qualities of a man, she thus being obliged to have recourse to another person. Gonardya is of opinion that as the cause of a widow"s marrying again is her desire for happiness, and as happiness is secured by the possession of excellent qualities in her husband, joined to love of enjoyment, it is better therefore to secure a person endowed with such qualities in the first instance. Vatsyayana however thinks that a widow may marry any person that she likes, and that she thinks will suit her.
At the time of her marriage the widow should obtain from her husband the money to pay the cost of drinking parties, and picnics with her relations, and of giving them and her friends kindly gifts and presents; or she may do these things at her own cost if she likes. In the same way she may wear either her husband"s ornaments or her own. As to the presents of affection mutually exchanged between the husband and herself there is no fixed rule about them. If she leaves her husband after marriage of her own accord, she should restore to him whatever he may have given her, with the exception of the mutual presents. If however she is driven out of the house by her husband she should not return anything to him.
After her marriage she should live in the house of her husband like one of the chief members of the family, but should treat the other ladies of the family with kindness, the servants with generosity, and all the friends of the house with familiarity and good temper. She should show that she is better acquainted with the sixty-four arts than the other ladies of the house, and in any quarrels with her husband she should not rebuke him severely, but in private do everything that he wishes, and make use of the sixty-four ways of enjoyment. She should be obliging to the other wives of her husband, and to their children she should give presents, behave as their mistress, and make ornaments and play things for their use. In the friends and servants of her husband she should confide more than in his other wives, and finally she should have a liking for drinking parties, going to picnics, attending fairs and festivals, and for carrying out all kinds of games and amus.e.m.e.nts.
Thus ends the conduct of a virgin widow re-married.
A woman who is disliked by her husband, and annoyed and distressed by his other wives, should a.s.sociate with the wife who is liked most by her husband, and who serves him more than the others, and should teach her all the arts with which she is acquainted. She should act as the nurse of her husband"s children, and having gained over his friends to her side, should through them make him acquainted of her devotion to him. In religious ceremonies she should be a leader, as also in vows and fasts, and should not hold too good an opinion of herself. When her husband is lying on his bed she should only go near him when it is agreeable to him, and should never rebuke him, or show obstinacy in any way. If her husband happens to quarrel with any of his other wives, she should reconcile them to each other, and if he desires to see any woman secretly, she should manage to bring about the meeting between them. She should moreover make herself acquainted with the weak points of her husband"s character, but always keep them secret, and on the whole behave herself in such an way as may lead him to look upon her as a good and devoted wife.
Here ends the conduct of a wife disliked by her husband.
The above sections will show how all the women of the King"s seraglio are to behave, and therefore we shall now speak separately only about the king.
The female attendants in the harem (called severally Kanchukiyas,[54] Mahallarikas,[55] and Mahallikas,[56]) should bring flowers, ointments and clothes from the King"s wives to the King, and he having received these things should give them as presents to the servants, along with the things worn by him the previous day. In the afternoon the King, having dressed and put on his ornaments, should interview the women of the harem, who should also be dressed and decorated with jewels. Then having given to each of them such a place and such respect as may suit the occasion and as they may deserve, he should carry on with them a cheerful conversation. After that he should see such of his wives as may be virgin widows re-married, and after them the concubines and dancing girls. All of these should be visited in their own private rooms.
When the King rises from his noonday sleep, the woman whose duty it is to inform the King regarding the wife who is to spend the night with him should come to him accompanied by the female attendants of that wife whose turn may have arrived in the regular course, and of her who may have been accidentally pa.s.sed over as her turn arrived, and of her who may have been unwell at the time of her turn. These attendants should place before the King the ointments and unguents sent by each of these wives, marked with the seal of her ring, and their names and their reasons for sending the ointments should be told to the King. After this the King accepts the ointment of one of them, who then is informed that her ointment has been accepted, and that her day has been settled.[57]
At festivals, singing parties and exhibitions, all the wives of the King should be treated with respect and served with drinks.
But the women of the harem should not be allowed to go out alone, neither should any women outside the harem be allowed to enter it except those whose character is well known. And lastly the work which the King"s wives have to do should not be too fatiguing.
Thus ends the conduct of the King towards the women of the harem, and of their own conduct.
A man marrying many wives should act fairly towards them all. He should neither disregard nor pa.s.s over their faults, and should not reveal to one wife the love, pa.s.sion, bodily blemishes, and confidential reproaches of the other. No opportunity should be given to any one of them of speaking to him about their rivals, and if one of them should begin to speak ill of another, he should chide her and tell her that she has exactly the same blemishes in her character. One of them he should please by secret confidence, another by secret respect, and another by secret flattery, and he should please them all by going to gardens, by amus.e.m.e.nts, by presents, by honouring their relations, by telling them secrets, and lastly by loving unions. A young woman who is of a good temper, and who conducts herself according to the precepts of the Holy Writ, wins her husband"s attachment, and obtains a superiority over her rivals.
Thus ends the conduct of a husband towards many wives.
FOOTNOTES: [Footnote 54: A name given to the maid servants of the zenana of the Kings in ancient times, on account of their always keeping their b.r.e.a.s.t.s covered with a cloth called Kanchuki. It was customary in the olden time for the maid servants to cover their b.r.e.a.s.t.s with a cloth, while the Queens kept their b.r.e.a.s.t.s uncovered. This custom is distinctly to be seen in the Ajunta cave paintings.]
[Footnote 55: The meaning of this word is a superior woman, so it would seem that a Mahallarika must be a person in authority over the maid servants of the house.]
[Footnote 56: This was also appertaining to the rank of women employed in the harem. In latter times this place was given to eunuchs.]
[Footnote 57: As Kings generally had many wives, it was usual for them to enjoy their wives by turns. But as it happened sometimes that some of them lost their turns owing to the King"s absence, or to their being unwell, then in such cases the women whose turns had been pa.s.sed over, and those whose turns had come, used to have a sort of lottery, and the ointment of all the claimants were sent to the King, who accepted the ointment of one of them, and thus settled the question.]
=END OF PART IV.= PART V.
ABOUT THE WIVES OF OTHER MEN.
CHAPTER I.
OF THE CHARACTERISTICS OF MEN AND WOMEN.--THE REASONS WHY WOMEN REJECT THE ADDRESSES OF MEN.--ABOUT MEN WHO HAVE SUCCESS WITH WOMEN, AND ABOUT WOMEN WHO ARE EASILY GAINED OVER.
The wives of other people may be resorted to on the occasions already described in Part I., Chapter 5, of this work, but the possibility of their acquisition, their fitness for cohabitation, the danger to oneself in uniting with them, and the future effect of these unions, should first of all be examined. A man may resort to the wife of another, for the purpose of saving his own life, when he perceives that his love for her proceeds from one degree of intensity to another. These degrees are ten in number, and are distinguished by the following marks: 1. Love of the eye.
2. Attachment of the mind.
3. Constant reflection.
4. Destruction of sleep.
5. Emaciation of the body.
6. Turning away from objects of enjoyment.
7. Removal of shame.
8. Madness.
9. Fainting.
10. Death.
Ancient authors say that a man should know the disposition, truthfulness, purity, and will of a young woman, as also the intensity, or weakness of her pa.s.sions, from the form of her body, and from her characteristic marks and signs. But Vatsyayana is of opinion that the forms of bodies, and the characteristic marks or signs are but erring tests of character, and that women should be judged by their conduct, by the outward expression of their thoughts, and by the movements of their bodies.
Now as a general rule Gonikaputra says that a woman falls in love with every handsome man she sees, and so does every man at the sight of a beautiful woman, but frequently they do not take any further steps, owing to various considerations. In love the following circ.u.mstances are peculiar to the woman. She loves without regard to right or wrong,[58] and does not try to gain over a man simply for the attainment of some particular purpose. Moreover, when a man first makes up to her she naturally shrinks from him, even though she may be willing to unite herself with him. But when the attempts to gain her are repeated and renewed, she at last consents. But with a man, even though he may have begun to love, he conquers his feelings from a regard for morality and wisdom, and although his thoughts are often on the woman, he does not yield, even though an attempt be made to gain him over. He sometimes makes an attempt or effort to win the object of his affections, and having failed, he leaves her alone for the future. In the same way, when a woman is once gained, he often becomes indifferent about her. As for the saying that a man does not care for what is easily gained, and only desires a thing which cannot be obtained without difficulty, it is only a matter of talk.
The causes of a woman rejecting the addresses of a man are as follows: 1. Affection for her husband.
2. Desire of lawful progeny.
3. Want of opportunity.
4. Anger at being addressed by the man too familiarly.
5. Difference in rank of life.
6. Want of certainty on account of the man being devoted to travelling.
7. Thinking that the man may be attached to some other person.
8. Fear of the man"s not keeping his intentions secret.
9. Thinking that the man is too devoted to his friends, and has too great a regard for them.
10. The apprehension that he is not in earnest.
11. Bashfulness on account of his being an ill.u.s.trious man.
12. Fear on account of his being powerful, or possessed of too impetuous pa.s.sion, in the case of the deer woman.
13. Bashfulness on account of his being too clever.
14. The thought of having once lived with him on friendly terms only.
15. Contempt of his want of knowledge of the world.
16. Distrust of his low character.
17. Disgust at his want of perception of her love for him.
18. In the case of an elephant woman, the thought that he is a hare man, or a man of weak pa.s.sion.
19. Compa.s.sion lest any thing should befall him on account of his pa.s.sion.
20. Despair at her own imperfections.
21. Fear of discovery.
22. Disillusion at seeing his grey hair or shabby appearance.
23. Fear that he may be employed by her husband to test her chast.i.ty.